“If he won’t get down on his knee for the proposal, he won’t be getting down there for the honeymoon either, Eve.” –Old School Allie Cat

“This is incredible. They found a way to make a strip about golf even more boring than just having the characters play golf: Having them sit and talk about when they played golf!” –Amelie Wikström

“No wonder nobody talks to Thirsty about his drinking problem. He’s absolutely insufferable sober.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Look at Max Mouse, he’s eating a stolen cookie and nobody says a thing. Don’t tell me he had any money in his goofy little mouse-pants. HE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE POCKETS!” –astroboy

“Of course Silas Stork still has Warren Weasel’s scent — that’s who carried baby Warren to his family on the day of his ‘birth.’ I mean, ‘the stork brought him’ is as believable as anything else in this strip, and is certainly less frightening than the concept of animal-human hybrids being conceived the normal way.” –BigTed

“Garbage wars usually start small. Right now, they’re probably just talking trash.” –Pozzo

“A Cancer, if you will. You know, a crabby personality, hates small talk, really drags a locker room down. Honestly, I wanted to trade him for a Virgo, but the boss was being a total Taurus about it.” –Philip

“I’m not gonna say that Blondie and Dagwood are definitely in trouble, but if my spouse became obsessed with a show that was all about divorce, I’d have more follow-up questions than Blondie seems to have here.” –T Campbell

“[barges into son’s room while he’s playing] [calls him a friendless loser] [refuses to elaborate] [leaves]” –ectojazzmage

“‘Joke’ aside, I’m fascinated by that tiny book that Cookie is holding, which not only presupposes a canine publishing industry, but also a wide variety of publishing formats specifically tailored to different breeds.” –pugfuggly

“Doug runs a motel that has branded itself as a holy site for roots country pilgrims, so it’s only natural that when a genre superstar offers to autograph an indefinite amount of memorabilia for him to sell or display that Doug responds with wariness and irritation. If it wasn’t clear, by the way, Doug is intended to be a sympathetic character.” –jroggs

“El Tigre here. Everything’s looking kosher for the kamikaze mission. If he didn’t get our RSVP, we’ll have schadenfreude. Capisce?” –Banana Jr. 6000

“Alice, you might want to back off a little? You are … way too close to your guest and her inadequate cup of coffee. If you’re trying to block her view of the matted-and-framed Oreo cookie you’ve got on the wall — I mean, I get it, that’s a pretty weird piece of art, but refusing to make eye contact with this woman while simultaneously getting close enough to her to let her motorboat you is an unorthodox way to hold a kaffeeklatsch, I’m just saying.” –els

“Well, if it were me I’d choose some enormous, delicious fish I’d never gotten the chance to eat in my entire short life up to then. Just really go out on an unbelievable high note. But we don’t sell miracle meals for trout here. I bet you’re real glad you asked.” –made of wince

“Four hours and one sledgehammering later, Coach Luke is being hauled off by the real cops. ‘They left me no choice! They labelled the Giganotosaurus carolinii as Tyrannosaurus rex despite the obvious differences in skull morphology! Paleontology is my true passion! Paleontology and coaching! My two true passions! Paleontology and coaching and raging! My three true passions! Paleontology and coaching and rage and unjustified revenge!’” –Voshkod

“I don’t normally want hear any of Dustin’s dad’s opinions, but I admit I do want to hear why he thinks you sit side-on to your computer facing it at a 90 degree angle.” –Schroduck

“‘That’s very interesting, sir. By the way, I got crop-dusted in Menards last night.’ ‘Uh, really?’ ‘Oh, sorry! I thought we were doing Elaborate Set-ups for Stories that Go Nowhere!’” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I’m intrigued by Gil’s ‘Did I forget to…’ What rituals does he usually perform to ensure those ‘OK to Burn’ days on Bonfire day? What or who gets sacrificed? What does the Milford annual bonfire REALLY cost?” –Pak-Man

“Not only did Mr. Dithers splurge on a 3D printer to create that figure, he also had to pay someone (or divert some underling’s time from ‘real work’) to paint it, and he had to pay for whatever sacrifice the local witch’s coven needed to put a human soul into the figure.” –taig

“Joke’s on you, chin man! All our family shits a lot.” –Ettorre

“I don’t think you can even set up an iPhone without a passcode or scanner ID. I guess after paying for Marvin-related cleaning supplies, all Jeff can afford is one of those ancient, barely functional Android phones you get when you buy 1,500 pay-as-you-go minutes on a home-shopping network. Luckily, purchasing multi-packs of toilet paper is one of the preset buttons!” –BigTed

“I was going to rant and rave about an alternate universe where baseball still commands the hearts of America’s children as it did in the 1950s — did Humphrey beat Nixon or did Ford beat Carter in this timeline? — but that colorful abomination in the second to last panel has eclipsed everything else. Is that a plane? A bird? A spaceship? I don’t know, but whatever it is is waiting for Hank — just like Dennis planned. Baseball is just a lure. Clearly Dennis has come up with an elaborate way of eradicating his father at 3 am.” –KMD

“‘Coo, what a mess!’ –me, trying to fit in at the pigeon orgy” –Brian Bergstrom, on Bluesky

“It’s been sixteen years since the iPhone launched, and still every Mary Worth character holds their phone like it’s the size and weight of a credit card and might explode if they aren’t careful.” –Schroduck

“So, the turtle finished last, presumably because he’s slow, and the bear finished first because he put a lot of effort into it. Somehow, this updated version of the Race of the Tortoise and the Hare is a lot less morally elucidating than when Aesop did it.” –Thelonious_Nick

“Pluggers need an entomologist to take care of their fleas.” –Schmeedle

“Today’s Beetle Bailey is funny because we get to see the exact moment the Chaplain stops believing in God’s existence.” –nescio

“Jenny finally got tired of being married to a man with a nose larger than both her breasts combined and has left the Miller family following brutal divorce proceedings. In the end, Jeff received custody of his son and the dog, but alas, Jenny got the power cable for the alarm clock.” –jroggs

“Foot fetishists, Daddy Warbucks fetishists, recap fetishists — we’ve really got something for everyone today.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“So this is the fabled ‘dog beach,’ huh? I’m underwhelmed. I count two (2) dogs, two (2) humans, and two (2) palm trees, and that’s it. This place should be lousy with dogs. I should be seeing Labs and Goldens, Corgis and Shepherds, Samoyeds and Bassets and Schipperkes and Pulik. (Look, I watched the Westminster Dog Show a lot when I was a kid, and if they felt the need to tell me, every year, that the plural of ‘Puli’ is ‘Pulik,’ then I’ve gotta be precious about it in a comment on a comics blog, I don’t make the rules.)” –els

“‘Wait, was that just one day?’ is the perfect tagline for Judge Parker.” –pugfuggly

“Gen-Zers today, who spend so much time on their phones they can hardly handle an in-person conversation, let alone the complexity of negotiating your way out of the international intrigue and murder plots that was all too common for those who grew up in the Cold War.” –Philip

“‘Truck? It’s Mud.’ Yep, that’s how I expect Rex Morgan characters to greet each other in person, all right. What, did you think we’d get out of listening to middle-aged phone conversation dialogue just because Truck and Mud are two feet away from each other?” –jroggs

“Doctors have easy access to pharmaceuticals, right? Liberal use is the only way Jeff could be that excited about this conversation.” –Hibbleton

“I’ve tried to imagine what the funniest possible reveal could be here. So far, I think a big glossy photo of Elton John is the front runner. Not present-day Elton, mind you, but 1970s ‘Crocodile Rock’ Elton.” –pugfuggly

“Is there any pronouncement more ominous than Mary’s ‘Even so, who knows what’s happening in this town sight unseen?’ I’d be less horrified if she stuck out a forked tongue, spit fire, and declared ‘I am Moloch, Destroyer of Worlds.’” –Lawyerbob

“I hope Pop turns out to be a crackpot local inventor who made that watch that Gil is speaking out of. Has he implanted a mind-reading chip into Gil’s head? Or is some dark sorcery at work?” –Philip

“I feel like we’re spending a lot of time dancing around this being Dagwood’s dispensary.” –Daniel Schultz, on BlueSky

“You’re just a few minutes away from a fiery crash off a cliff when your getaway driver is so crazed and nihilistic that his motto is ‘Why live?’ (oh, he’s probably pronouncing it ‘leyeve,’ isn’t he?)” —
Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“‘It looks like you’ve already found her, and trapped her in that tiny piece of paper!’ ‘That is a photograph, Mister Driver. You’ve never seen a … never mind … I’m beginning to reconsider my plan.’” –Voshkod

“It’s nice to see that Mary is finally coming to the realization that she tried to get Estelle and Wilbur to hook up.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“I don’t know who decided to give a pair of twin children a single Super Soaker™ to share, but whoever they are, they’re a master at trolling parents.” –Roto13

“Your kids sure know heat transfer and fluid flow science.” –Just John

“Usually business people accounts for earnings and losses of a company on a three-month period, and even then many consider that too short-term. Who knows what happened in July that affected sales. Production chain disruption, restocking, Dagwood accidentally ate a contract…” –Ettorre

“I want them to get into a fight, so the headlines will read ‘Truck-Mud Flap.’” –grsblvnyk