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The holiday season is almost upon us, with all its joys and chaos, so let’s enjoy the soothing comment of the week, shall we?

“It seemed like a good idea: give Marvin something to distract him while he sat on potty so he wouldn’t wander off and pee on the walls or floor. But $10,000 and one home theater system later, Jeff sat on the couch listening to the sounds of Spongebob Squarepants echoing from the bathroom and wondered if it would be better to cut his losses, wall up the bathroom, and start over.” –Dread

The runners up are also quite festive!

“Private Zero quietly ducks away before he can malign his motherland through association.” –David Willis, on Twitter

“At least the kids’ videogame, Fascist Zombies of Beast Island 2, takes a more nuanced and realistic approach to the violence of warfare.” –BigTed

“Normally Snuffy is pretty lazy, but on November 11 he gets up, puts on a uniform, and pretends to be a veteran in a march so that he can scam cash and meals out of parade watchers. It’s his most exhausting grift of the year!” –pugfuggly

“‘It’s because we’re interesting.’ [uproarious studio audience laughter]” –Noel

“Why’s Slylock assuming an old woman wouldn’t wear a leather biker jacket? Perhaps the real villain of today’s strip … is bigotry.” –Schroduck

“I’m just going to assume that Luke Cage has been employed in HR and is here with a little plastic cup for Mr. Jameson’s random drug screening. Workplace drug violations are a serious crime.” –Escape Zeppelin

“Hey, this isn’t such a bad birthday for Loretta. She gets to use the one chair at the dining room table. No silverware, though. I mean, they’re not royalty.” –Joe Blevins

“Marvin likes to borrow ideas, so let’s hope this is one of those ‘get adopted or be euthanized’ plots.” –Banana Jr. 6000

“Hey Dagwood, you wanna keep your eyes on the road? I know you live a bizarre charmed existence where nothing bad can ever happen to you, but if you wrap this car around a tree, the rest of us are going to die. What are you– NO, DAGWOOD! Stop thinking about delicious funeral catering!” –jroggs

“Why is the spotter sweating? Does Kaz routinely fail his bench presses? Are those 45-pound plates entirely for show? Sadly, we all know the answers.” –Uncle Lumpy

“Not saying that this current arc of Mark Trail has gone on a long time, but Rusty has lost his dentures.” –Marked Trail

“I’m going to go down to the community college’s ‘Cultural Cafe’ this very afternoon … Who knows? Maybe I’ve got kin! Perhaps children I’ve adopted and forgotten about. If I adopted them from the U.S., I’ll probably find them at McDonald’s, but anywhere else, the Cultural Cafe is surely the place to bump into them.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Rhino plugger is really trying to resist his cannibalistic urge to devour cow, pig, and other kind of pluggers. The fact that he is asking for medical help instead of just praying it away makes this a better help to addicts than Mary Worth.” –Ettore

“Image: Rhino plugger charging his horn into Dr. Dog’s stomach. Caption: ‘A plugger doesn’t let a college boy tell him what to do.’” –Jenna

“Why is Blondie, who’s been the same age since the Hoover administration, so scandalized by the idea of a big bowl of meat and starch on Thanksgiving? ‘Dagwood! We adhere to holistic veganism. Our Thanksgiving will consist of pouring V8 into a vaporizer and inhaling the steam or it won’t happen at all.’” –Irrischano

“So, this story arc began with an angry old recluse unwilling to make friends with his neighbors and whose sole companion was a dog with social anxiety … and it ENDS with an angry old recluse, whose sole companion is a dog with social anxiety. The only difference is now that he’s had a chance to interact with some of his neighbors and get to know them a little better, his contempt for them is completely justified.” –Tonya

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Folks, it’s Friday, so enjoy your comment of the week:

“From the look on Saul’s face and the way Greta snapped free of her leash, leaving the now-loose strand floating in the air, and is fleeing in unfocused, abject terror, I’d say Saul and Greta were greeted by Bella’s ghost image shimmering and electrically popping in the TV screen. ‘WHAT CUR DARES WEAR THE BOW TIE!?!’” –Deacon Blues

And enjoy your runners up!

“Consistency is the Amazing Spider-Man‘s greatest foe. I’ll grudgingly forgive the creators of this strip for forgetting Colleen had a sword strapped to her back last we saw her a few weeks ago, but I’m frankly troubled that we see Colleen walking forlornly away from the ruins of the Mammon Theater while Spider-Man looks despairingly in the exact opposite direction at the ruins of the Mammon Theater.” –jroggs

“Mrs Wilson is clearly not actually listening. ‘What’s so bad about that’ she asks as her husband tells her, with completely justified fury, that a 5-year old stole money from his wallet. It’s going to take her a month to notice when her husband dies from a Dennis-related heart attack.” –Rosstifer

“Big day for rejecting the idolatry of money: Mr. Wilson is learning that the power of capital is enforced only by collective arbitrary agreement that one piece of paper has worth and another doesn’t, and Peter is literally destroying a building called Mammon. Hoping tomorrow’s funnies bring us Marvin shitting on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange.” –Dan

“Danny! You’re all right! And still a giant dick! I’m so … glad?” –Brutus Jay

“‘They’re just meat! Just plain, old, ordinary, disgusting flesh and blood, like you and me! There’s nothing special about them! They’re not magic!’ —Isabella Bannerman, while being dragged away in handcuffs from outside Buckingham Palace” –Joe Blevins

“Curtis continues, ‘Local kid uses newscaster syntax. The dosage on his meds: Better check it.’ But his words only echo in an empty house.” –Peanut Gallery

“Who do you think you’re fooling, Greg? You’re going out to buy a pack of cigarettes and you know it. If ever there was a time for smoking, this is it.” –made of wince

“Everything is moving along as planned. If you failed to notice, don’t worry: the glacial pace of this storyline is not perceptible to the naked eye. But if you compare our position with the beginning of this comic strip in the 1930s, you’ll notice some distinct changes.” –Ettore

“Greta still looks nervous, as she should. Saul appears to be adding a little chicken for flavor to a bowl of food made out of good dogs. Soon, it will be her turn. At least she’ll have the honor of being eaten from a bowl with her own name on it.” –pastordan

“Here’s a fun fact: thanks to a privileged lifestyle that actively discourages empathy, the Parkers don’t really have a facial expression that corresponds to ‘sorry.’ The best they can do is a kind of mix of ‘angry’ and ‘concerned’ that just makes it look like they’re slightly constipated.” –pugfuggly

“For the last time, we’re not sketchy; we’re stupid.” –JJ48

“Understandable, since the room’s function is completely mysterious. ‘What am I in here for? Is this a living room? A foyer? A very sparsely populated conservatory? HELP!’” –TheDiva

“I’d like to believe that Peter has purchased a set of Spider-Man pajamas from some big-box store that isn’t giving him any royalties, and that upon returning to his apartment he unironically changes out of his spider-suit and into his Spider-Man pajamas to lounge around the house just because he imagines his plainclothes self as being a big Spider-Man fan.” –Glires

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Banana Triangle: Poor Tom and Scotty and Rosemary, lost on an island somewhere in the sea. Frightened and desperate, hungry as could be, devoured each other; problem solved — one, two, three! A webcomic updated thrice weekly.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Hello everybody! This is your monthly reminder that if you’re in LA, you should always come to my beloved comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, on the first Friday of every month, which is today! I’ve been granted an extra half hour in my theater time slot, which means I can now pack in more funny people serving up more World Wide Web-themed laffs!

You want a Facebook event? Here’s a darn Facebook event! See you there!

And now: your COTW!

“In a plugger’s mind, female schoolmates are linked with ‘drilling a hole,’ if you know what I mean! (I mean that pluggers did not receive sex-ed, so when they got their girlfriend pregnant at 16, they had to leave school and work as a handyman to support their new family.)” –Ettore

And your runners up! Very funny!

“So God doesn’t intend for you to play golf, but you’re golfing anyway? In blatant defiance of His will? On a Sunday yet? Bold. I like it.” –Joe Blevins

“The Bird-Bible of the Shoe world is an old paperback copy of Jonathan Livingston Seagull that somebody left lying on a park bench. But the hard-drinking, middle-aged main characters consider that book to be hippie liberal claptrap, so instead they pray to the images they found on the cover of a VHS tape of Dorf on Golf.” –BigTed

“Well, obviously, Crock takes place in a world where the Axis was victorious. Have a little faith in the cartoonist, man! In the Crockoverse, the Germans and the Japanese have divided America, and the Vichy government was given the Sonoran desert as a reward. Morocco or Mexico, Paris or Berlin, it’s all the same for the Legion. They’ll just follow orders. Welcome to the world of The Man in the Poorly-Drawn Castle.” –Voshkod

“Where is Eddie? Or more specifically, when? He’s in a restaurant with tablecloths and glasses in a universe where slinky black evening dresses exist, and yet he still insists on wearing that funnel on his head. He’s keeping a death grip on his date’s hand so he doesn’t fall backwards into the timestream.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“I think Spidey is just going to pull his mask halfway up to his nose to show Iron Fist how stupid that looks.” –Lorne

“You’d be terrified of your barber too, if he’d been giving you that haircut for decades.” –Where’s Rocky

“My deadtree paper runs Crankshaft in black and white, so for the last two days I’ve thought less Freddy Krueger and more ‘fat Hamburglar.’” –Dr. Larry Erhardt

“I really like how Iron Fist is desperate not to get himself involved in Spider-Man’s personal life, like at all.” –pugfuggly

“I’m sure glad Bella would be proud and grateful, Mary! The entirety of one’s life should be lived out based on what sort of human emotions one can imagine his actions provoking in the spirit of his dead dog! This feels completely healthy, both emotionally and mentally!” –JJ48

“What kid of Billy’s age would ever call them anything except ‘little swords’? Probably Thel didn’t want to explain, ‘Those aren’t stirrers, they’re inserted through the olives in those drinks that cause Daddy to pass out on the couch.’” –lumaca morente

“That’s just the tornado siren … they test it every now and then. Like, at random times, without warning anyone. We’ve all gotten used to ignoring it, as is the correct response to a siren. Say, you don’t have some psychological condition making that hard for you to do? Ha … I hope not. You’d have to move. This town is not a place for the weak, it’s a place where people get killed by tornadoes they didn’t prepare for.” –pachoo

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Banana Triangle: Poor Tom and Scotty and Rosemary, lost on an island somewhere in the sea. Frightened and desperate, hungry as could be, devoured each other; problem solved — one, two, three! A webcomic updated thrice weekly.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!