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Hello everybody! This is your monthly reminder that if you’re in LA, you should always come to my beloved comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, on the first Friday of every month, which is today! I’ve been granted an extra half hour in my theater time slot, which means I can now pack in more funny people serving up more World Wide Web-themed laffs!

You want a Facebook event? Here’s a darn Facebook event! See you there!

And now: your COTW!

“In a plugger’s mind, female schoolmates are linked with ‘drilling a hole,’ if you know what I mean! (I mean that pluggers did not receive sex-ed, so when they got their girlfriend pregnant at 16, they had to leave school and work as a handyman to support their new family.)” –Ettore

And your runners up! Very funny!

“So God doesn’t intend for you to play golf, but you’re golfing anyway? In blatant defiance of His will? On a Sunday yet? Bold. I like it.” –Joe Blevins

“The Bird-Bible of the Shoe world is an old paperback copy of Jonathan Livingston Seagull that somebody left lying on a park bench. But the hard-drinking, middle-aged main characters consider that book to be hippie liberal claptrap, so instead they pray to the images they found on the cover of a VHS tape of Dorf on Golf.” –BigTed

“Well, obviously, Crock takes place in a world where the Axis was victorious. Have a little faith in the cartoonist, man! In the Crockoverse, the Germans and the Japanese have divided America, and the Vichy government was given the Sonoran desert as a reward. Morocco or Mexico, Paris or Berlin, it’s all the same for the Legion. They’ll just follow orders. Welcome to the world of The Man in the Poorly-Drawn Castle.” –Voshkod

“Where is Eddie? Or more specifically, when? He’s in a restaurant with tablecloths and glasses in a universe where slinky black evening dresses exist, and yet he still insists on wearing that funnel on his head. He’s keeping a death grip on his date’s hand so he doesn’t fall backwards into the timestream.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“I think Spidey is just going to pull his mask halfway up to his nose to show Iron Fist how stupid that looks.” –Lorne

“You’d be terrified of your barber too, if he’d been giving you that haircut for decades.” –Where’s Rocky

“My deadtree paper runs Crankshaft in black and white, so for the last two days I’ve thought less Freddy Krueger and more ‘fat Hamburglar.’” –Dr. Larry Erhardt

“I really like how Iron Fist is desperate not to get himself involved in Spider-Man’s personal life, like at all.” –pugfuggly

“I’m sure glad Bella would be proud and grateful, Mary! The entirety of one’s life should be lived out based on what sort of human emotions one can imagine his actions provoking in the spirit of his dead dog! This feels completely healthy, both emotionally and mentally!” –JJ48

“What kid of Billy’s age would ever call them anything except ‘little swords’? Probably Thel didn’t want to explain, ‘Those aren’t stirrers, they’re inserted through the olives in those drinks that cause Daddy to pass out on the couch.’” –lumaca morente

“That’s just the tornado siren … they test it every now and then. Like, at random times, without warning anyone. We’ve all gotten used to ignoring it, as is the correct response to a siren. Say, you don’t have some psychological condition making that hard for you to do? Ha … I hope not. You’d have to move. This town is not a place for the weak, it’s a place where people get killed by tornadoes they didn’t prepare for.” –pachoo

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Banana Triangle: Poor Tom and Scotty and Rosemary, lost on an island somewhere in the sea. Frightened and desperate, hungry as could be, devoured each other; problem solved — one, two, three! A webcomic updated thrice weekly.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Hello everybody! This is your monthly reminder that if you’re in LA, you should always come to my beloved comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, on the first Friday of every month month, which this coming month is on November 2nd! I’ve been granted an extra half hour in my theater time slot, which means I can now pack in more funny people serving up more World Wide Web-themed laffs!

You want a Facebook event? Here’s a darn Facebook event! See you there!

Meanwhile, here, you can see the week’s top comment!

“Roasted brussels sprouts have actually become a popular food item in hipster bars, so in addition to being bullied, that little sprout is likely to be chewed up by some guy with a fedora and a web series.” –Jenna

And the very hilarious runners up!

“Kingpin reads the throwaway panels.” –JJ48

“Look at that George Wilson, showing off with his fancy two-story house and his solid gold garbage cans! I’m glad he’s in a loveless marriage!” –Joe Blevins

“The expression on Jenny’s face tells me that she’s looking at this morning’s schedule and just realized how much coffee she’s had.” –pugfuggly

“Happy fish being scarfing worms from the dock … terrified fish carried off by a gull … fish skeleton resting in a puddle … Slylock Fox is a Renaissance allegorical painting, except for cartoon fish.” –matt w

“I feel that we need to ask just what that crab thinks it is doing pulling up Max’s tail with one claw and gesturing suggestively with the other. #MaxToo” –Dmsilev

“I choose to believe that is Miss Kandikane’s deformed tongue, and will not be dissuaded by any argument.” –RexDartEskimoPi, on Twitter

“Looks like Dick will finally learn where babies come from. If his health teacher were alive today instead of a bullet riddled corpse buried coincidentally when Dick was a student in middle school, he’d be proud.” –Foodar

“The silhouette of the bus driver in Crankshaft has horns, and he’s driving Bus 0013. This is Crankshaft’s ironic afterlife, a Sisyphean torture of trying to drive up Mockaman’s Hill. It’s right there in the name — Mock A Man Hill — the demons mock Crankshaft by letting him nearly crest the hill before the bus slides right back to the bottom. The children get hungrier and louder in the back because they just want to get home. Crankshaft’s hands grow tired on the wheel, his feet split from the effort of pushing the accelerator. The top of Mockaman’s Hill is in sight and the wheels start to scream like the children and the bus slides all the way back to the bottom and the children in the back get hungrier and louder because they just want to get home and he guns the engine again, the squeal of fraying belts sounds like the cacophonous laughter of demons.” –Voshkod

“You can just see the wheels spinning in Mary’s mind: ‘So maybe I can get Saul to be mentally broken and completely submissive, and then be ready to open up, just by confining him in a cage for a year? I’ll have Carlos Alora go buy some wire, today!’” –seismic-2

“These kids range in age from about 4 to 6. Should they really be the ones responsible for fighting bullying? Where are the adults? The cops? The PTA? The older retired guy who was probably in the military at some time? In any normal community, violence against kindergarteners would be considered a serious problem. But happy unity day, everyone!” –BigTed

“Oh, man, are we going to find out that the nonstop promises to ‘take care of those kids’ means these guys are running some kind of artifact-themed daycare operation?” –Uncle Lumpy

“I’m hung up on the fact whoever is talking (Snuffy or Loweezy) correctly makes the grammatical distinction between ‘yore’ and ‘yo’re.’” –Ignatz

“That’s what I always say during sex: ‘Maybe you can get out at the other end!‘ Confuses the hell out of my boyfriends, and what’s worse, not one of them has managed to do it.” –made of wince

“It’s butter. Handful-sized lumps of butter. A desperate attempt to shore up Vitamin D deposits before the dark season sets in. Yep, it’s butter three times a day ’til ol’ Bessie stops givin’.” –Hopester

“There’s no explanation for why the Wilsons have taken Dennis out to the countryside so I’ll assume the obvious. Since there’s aerial surveillance in that area, George and Martha should dig the unmarked grave underneath that tree.” –nescio

“Rusty won’t fall for it. He knows he has no dad.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“I’ve never seen a newspaper comic where the plucky kid heroes are saved by the villain’s strabismus, but I’m certainly open to new adventures.” –pastordan

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Banana Triangle: Poor Tom and Scotty and Rosemary, lost on an island somewhere in the sea. Frightened and desperate, hungry as could be, devoured each other; problem solved — one, two, three! A webcomic updated thrice weekly.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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This week’s top comment? YOU KNOW IT:

“Little Billy wanted to give Daddy the day off, so he took this sweet-natured family cartoon and turned it into a vehicle for his obsession with murder.” –BigTed

This week’s runners up? HELL YEAH BABY:

“What’s the meaning of this? Well, thank you to the Family Circus for asking a question that will haunt me the rest of my otherwise leisurely weekend.” –TimP

“I’m impressed at Spider-Man actually using some real spider biology to save the day. Less impressed he didn’t get to the bit in the Wikipedia article that reads ‘Mortality is high.’” –Schroduck

“That’s quite a steamer trunk Daddy’s packed there for ‘a business trip to New York.’ So long, suckers!” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“I know quite a few women who have complained about how women’s clothes are famously devoid of pockets. The fact that Patty Opossum is heading into that bathroom without her purse to commit petty toothpaste larceny suggests that she’s got someplace else to stash the goods. That skirt she’s wearing presumably has deep pockets which won’t reveal the contours of the tube. Basically, today’s Slylock Fox is a celebration of feminine agency.” –Larry McAwful

“Here we have an unintentionally clever allegory for the technological generation gap. Elder Vampire, who grew up in an era when both mirrors and photography used silver, warns her younger companion that the pure metal will have nothing to do with their unholy existence. Millennial Vampire, who knows such concerns are obsolete in the digital age, happily ignores her while tweeting to the #undeadlife hashtag.” –TheDiva

“For a change, Henry Mitchell actually listened to the words tumbling out of his idiot son’s mouth, and realized that there was a weird and deep truth buried in there. The dog’s collar protected him, but it also meant he was owned, registered, inoculated, neutered. What did his tie mean? All the same things, that he was just another cog in the production machine, one that didn’t get its hands dirty, one owned by the corporation, registered to the state, inoculated against whimsy and imagination, and neutered by this idiot child, and it didn’t offer him any protection at all. He tore off the tie and cast it to the ground. ‘You’re right, Dennis, by god.’ He picked up the phone and told his boss everything he’d wanted to tell him through all the long years of abuse, an ode of invective and profanity. ‘I’m going to do something that makes me happy!’ Henry Mitchell shouted, as Alice and Dennis looked on in shock. Two months later they were living in the car, but by God, Henry was happy. So happy.” –Voshkod

“Women can now make hacky comic strips about golf. Who says women’s lib hasn’t accomplished anything?” –Andrew

“So few officers opt for the chrome-plated hatchet as a sidearm. I’m glad we’re moving away from American gun culture.” –Dennis Jimenez

“My thinking has become so warped that my first guess upon seeing the ANIMAL SHELTER sign was that Mary had given up on trying to help Saul and was simply going to have him put to sleep. ‘Where well-intended advice has failed, a little Tributame will succeed.’” –Joe Blevins

“Shoe’s references are stuck in the past. The pick-up line ‘I’m a writer‘ dates back to when writing fiction for a living was exciting and remunerative, while journalists were lesser wordsmiths. Nowadays you could impress someone by saying ‘I am a journalist, by which I mean a mainstream publication pays me a regular salary for my work.’ ‘I’m a writer’ will usually be understood as ‘Will you please subscribe to my Patreon? I write fanfic erotica of 1980s cartoons.'” –Ettorre

“[Dick ejects the empty clips and reloads for the third time] Other guy: ‘He’s down, Tracy.‘ Dick: ‘Huh? Oh. Ok. Let’s find out what this creep knows.’” –Foodar

“You might be a plugger if you derive pleasure from flooding your local environment with noise and carbon pollution, after you spend your car-fixin’ money on snacks.” –Rusty

“‘A Classic thanks‘? Does this mean this is a reprint? Maybe with a different caption? I’d do the research, but my anti-depressants have kicked in and they only work if you don’t do Pluggers research. Given that Dog Man is quoting a Verizon ad campaign that started in 2002, and if Pluggers were to use that to make what they’d consider a timely reference for their joke, I’m guessing the original strip appeared sometime last year.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“[body decaying at a cellular level due to years of neglect] A plugger’s cellular network.” –Dan

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Banana Triangle: Poor Tom and Scotty and Rosemary, lost on an island somewhere in the sea. Frightened and desperate, hungry as could be, devoured each other; problem solved — one, two, three! A webcomic updated thrice weekly.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!