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Hello everybody! This is your monthly reminder that if you’re in LA, you should always come to my beloved comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, on the first Friday of every month month, which this coming month is on November 2nd! I’ve been granted an extra half hour in my theater time slot, which means I can now pack in more funny people serving up more World Wide Web-themed laffs!

You want a Facebook event? Here’s a darn Facebook event! See you there!

Meanwhile, here, you can see the week’s top comment!

“Roasted brussels sprouts have actually become a popular food item in hipster bars, so in addition to being bullied, that little sprout is likely to be chewed up by some guy with a fedora and a web series.” –Jenna

And the very hilarious runners up!

“Kingpin reads the throwaway panels.” –JJ48

“Look at that George Wilson, showing off with his fancy two-story house and his solid gold garbage cans! I’m glad he’s in a loveless marriage!” –Joe Blevins

“The expression on Jenny’s face tells me that she’s looking at this morning’s schedule and just realized how much coffee she’s had.” –pugfuggly

“Happy fish being scarfing worms from the dock … terrified fish carried off by a gull … fish skeleton resting in a puddle … Slylock Fox is a Renaissance allegorical painting, except for cartoon fish.” –matt w

“I feel that we need to ask just what that crab thinks it is doing pulling up Max’s tail with one claw and gesturing suggestively with the other. #MaxToo” –Dmsilev

“I choose to believe that is Miss Kandikane’s deformed tongue, and will not be dissuaded by any argument.” –RexDartEskimoPi, on Twitter

“Looks like Dick will finally learn where babies come from. If his health teacher were alive today instead of a bullet riddled corpse buried coincidentally when Dick was a student in middle school, he’d be proud.” –Foodar

“The silhouette of the bus driver in Crankshaft has horns, and he’s driving Bus 0013. This is Crankshaft’s ironic afterlife, a Sisyphean torture of trying to drive up Mockaman’s Hill. It’s right there in the name — Mock A Man Hill — the demons mock Crankshaft by letting him nearly crest the hill before the bus slides right back to the bottom. The children get hungrier and louder in the back because they just want to get home. Crankshaft’s hands grow tired on the wheel, his feet split from the effort of pushing the accelerator. The top of Mockaman’s Hill is in sight and the wheels start to scream like the children and the bus slides all the way back to the bottom and the children in the back get hungrier and louder because they just want to get home and he guns the engine again, the squeal of fraying belts sounds like the cacophonous laughter of demons.” –Voshkod

“You can just see the wheels spinning in Mary’s mind: ‘So maybe I can get Saul to be mentally broken and completely submissive, and then be ready to open up, just by confining him in a cage for a year? I’ll have Carlos Alora go buy some wire, today!’” –seismic-2

“These kids range in age from about 4 to 6. Should they really be the ones responsible for fighting bullying? Where are the adults? The cops? The PTA? The older retired guy who was probably in the military at some time? In any normal community, violence against kindergarteners would be considered a serious problem. But happy unity day, everyone!” –BigTed

“Oh, man, are we going to find out that the nonstop promises to ‘take care of those kids’ means these guys are running some kind of artifact-themed daycare operation?” –Uncle Lumpy

“I’m hung up on the fact whoever is talking (Snuffy or Loweezy) correctly makes the grammatical distinction between ‘yore’ and ‘yo’re.’” –Ignatz

“That’s what I always say during sex: ‘Maybe you can get out at the other end!‘ Confuses the hell out of my boyfriends, and what’s worse, not one of them has managed to do it.” –made of wince

“It’s butter. Handful-sized lumps of butter. A desperate attempt to shore up Vitamin D deposits before the dark season sets in. Yep, it’s butter three times a day ’til ol’ Bessie stops givin’.” –Hopester

“There’s no explanation for why the Wilsons have taken Dennis out to the countryside so I’ll assume the obvious. Since there’s aerial surveillance in that area, George and Martha should dig the unmarked grave underneath that tree.” –nescio

“Rusty won’t fall for it. He knows he has no dad.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“I’ve never seen a newspaper comic where the plucky kid heroes are saved by the villain’s strabismus, but I’m certainly open to new adventures.” –pastordan

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Banana Triangle: Poor Tom and Scotty and Rosemary, lost on an island somewhere in the sea. Frightened and desperate, hungry as could be, devoured each other; problem solved — one, two, three! A webcomic updated thrice weekly.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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This week’s top comment? YOU KNOW IT:

“Little Billy wanted to give Daddy the day off, so he took this sweet-natured family cartoon and turned it into a vehicle for his obsession with murder.” –BigTed

This week’s runners up? HELL YEAH BABY:

“What’s the meaning of this? Well, thank you to the Family Circus for asking a question that will haunt me the rest of my otherwise leisurely weekend.” –TimP

“I’m impressed at Spider-Man actually using some real spider biology to save the day. Less impressed he didn’t get to the bit in the Wikipedia article that reads ‘Mortality is high.’” –Schroduck

“That’s quite a steamer trunk Daddy’s packed there for ‘a business trip to New York.’ So long, suckers!” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“I know quite a few women who have complained about how women’s clothes are famously devoid of pockets. The fact that Patty Opossum is heading into that bathroom without her purse to commit petty toothpaste larceny suggests that she’s got someplace else to stash the goods. That skirt she’s wearing presumably has deep pockets which won’t reveal the contours of the tube. Basically, today’s Slylock Fox is a celebration of feminine agency.” –Larry McAwful

“Here we have an unintentionally clever allegory for the technological generation gap. Elder Vampire, who grew up in an era when both mirrors and photography used silver, warns her younger companion that the pure metal will have nothing to do with their unholy existence. Millennial Vampire, who knows such concerns are obsolete in the digital age, happily ignores her while tweeting to the #undeadlife hashtag.” –TheDiva

“For a change, Henry Mitchell actually listened to the words tumbling out of his idiot son’s mouth, and realized that there was a weird and deep truth buried in there. The dog’s collar protected him, but it also meant he was owned, registered, inoculated, neutered. What did his tie mean? All the same things, that he was just another cog in the production machine, one that didn’t get its hands dirty, one owned by the corporation, registered to the state, inoculated against whimsy and imagination, and neutered by this idiot child, and it didn’t offer him any protection at all. He tore off the tie and cast it to the ground. ‘You’re right, Dennis, by god.’ He picked up the phone and told his boss everything he’d wanted to tell him through all the long years of abuse, an ode of invective and profanity. ‘I’m going to do something that makes me happy!’ Henry Mitchell shouted, as Alice and Dennis looked on in shock. Two months later they were living in the car, but by God, Henry was happy. So happy.” –Voshkod

“Women can now make hacky comic strips about golf. Who says women’s lib hasn’t accomplished anything?” –Andrew

“So few officers opt for the chrome-plated hatchet as a sidearm. I’m glad we’re moving away from American gun culture.” –Dennis Jimenez

“My thinking has become so warped that my first guess upon seeing the ANIMAL SHELTER sign was that Mary had given up on trying to help Saul and was simply going to have him put to sleep. ‘Where well-intended advice has failed, a little Tributame will succeed.’” –Joe Blevins

“Shoe’s references are stuck in the past. The pick-up line ‘I’m a writer‘ dates back to when writing fiction for a living was exciting and remunerative, while journalists were lesser wordsmiths. Nowadays you could impress someone by saying ‘I am a journalist, by which I mean a mainstream publication pays me a regular salary for my work.’ ‘I’m a writer’ will usually be understood as ‘Will you please subscribe to my Patreon? I write fanfic erotica of 1980s cartoons.'” –Ettorre

“[Dick ejects the empty clips and reloads for the third time] Other guy: ‘He’s down, Tracy.‘ Dick: ‘Huh? Oh. Ok. Let’s find out what this creep knows.’” –Foodar

“You might be a plugger if you derive pleasure from flooding your local environment with noise and carbon pollution, after you spend your car-fixin’ money on snacks.” –Rusty

“‘A Classic thanks‘? Does this mean this is a reprint? Maybe with a different caption? I’d do the research, but my anti-depressants have kicked in and they only work if you don’t do Pluggers research. Given that Dog Man is quoting a Verizon ad campaign that started in 2002, and if Pluggers were to use that to make what they’d consider a timely reference for their joke, I’m guessing the original strip appeared sometime last year.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“[body decaying at a cellular level due to years of neglect] A plugger’s cellular network.” –Dan

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Banana Triangle: Poor Tom and Scotty and Rosemary, lost on an island somewhere in the sea. Frightened and desperate, hungry as could be, devoured each other; problem solved — one, two, three! A webcomic updated thrice weekly.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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We got yer top comment of the week — right here!

“Extraterrestrial life is not likely to be bipedal with familiar bilateral symmetry, and is highly unlikely to be able to survive in our atmosphere. No, this is clearly another one of Count Weirdly’s robots. But Slylock is so focused on showing off his high school chemistry knowledge that he overlooks this plain fact, and thus unwittingly participates in Weirdly’s devious plot to corner the lemonade market.” –Nekrotzar

And we also got your runners up — very funny!

“The saddest squirrel is the one with the little top hat. The other squirrels are just being squirrels, but the Ringmaster there is really committed to this being a circus. ‘BUT WE GAVE YOU A SHOW!’ he’ll scream, as the dogs rip him and his little hat to shreds.” –Lorne

“I enjoy Max Mouse in this panel, basically sitting there on the edge of the pier pondering how they got to the point of dealing with the mystery of the fucking toy ship. They used to be the best in the biz … the best.” –tb4000

“Only 4 hours between low and high tide, and then 20 hours until it’s low again? Clearly, this is some nefarious scheme of Count Weirdly. What he’s trying to accomplish with the deployment of his Achronal Tidal Engine is a mystery, but it’s probably something like making the water rise at just the right time for him to take his rowboat up to the bank teller’s drive-through window right at guard shift-change.” –Dmsilev

“Can Dennis read? If he can’t, the saddest line in this comic is: ‘And I feel pretty good about it!’” –Joe Blevins

“Lasagna may well be one of the easiest dishes to prepare — you just pile ingredients up in a pan, and you don’t even have to cook the noodles beforehand. Instead, Lou buys industrial-size food-service cans of soggy noodles with hard bits of beef in a little overly sweet tomato-flavored liquid, upon which he’ll sprinkle the packet of tasteless Parmesan he’s been saving since the last time he ordered delivery from Domino’s. The fact that Dagwood intends to choke down two of these suggests that having to work on a national holiday has sent his food mania into overdrive.” –BigTed

“Saul Wynter’s beloved canine companion is gone. It’s natural for him to mourn and retreat… Does that sound convincing? My programming tells me that to mourn one’s beloved companions is ‘natural’. And please thank the team for deploying the contractions algorithm. However, there seems to be a problem with my vocal stress circuits. Would you like another RAM chip muffin while I run a diagnostic?” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“Mary steps out of the blood-covered sedan. ‘Hey, Mister Wynter! I ran over a couple of dozen dogs by total accident, and I’m wondering if you can repair it and pull the scraps and shards that were once beloved pets out of the grille and undercarriage!’ –Panel from Mary the Menace” –Voshkod

“Remember how the helicopter was about to crunch Spidey and Fisty into a building right before they disabled the chopper by punching holes in the footwells? The writers don’t. That happened, like, yesterday. Live in the moment, man.” –jroggs

“[Man brings problem before Crock.] [Crock promises to deal with problem in ambiguous way.] [Man assumes that this time, Crock is genuinely concerned, despite all past evidence to the contrary.] [Crock reveals ‘solution’ that is underhanded/impractical/stupid.] I think I’ve cracked the formula! Now I just need to learn how to not draw, and I can have my own beloved newspaper comic!” –JJ48

“How will Spider-Man escape from the falling helicopter? He’d need some kind of foolproof method of reaching a tall, sturdy object from another lofty position! And to save Iron Fist as well, he’d have to have the proportional strength needed to carry another person with him! The horror! Unless Iron Fist can survive any length of fall by punching the ground, which, let’s be honest, probably.” –Navigator

“Funky waited for Wally to spend four years and several hundred thousand dollars in student loans before deciding to hand off a business to him that Funky could have trained him to run for free. Ladies and gentlemen … the strip’s protagonist!” –Where’s Rocky

“Since Wally only has two choices for employment in Westview, Montoni’s or the high school, this seems to be a good fit. I refuse to consider the Komix Korner as a viable business.” –Rusty

“Mary eerily stares at the fourth wall while talking to Spencer Tracy, presumably to make sure anyone’s still bothering with this.” –Applemask

“At this point, grumpy old man Wynter is probably so fed up with Mary’s meddling that he will agree to go to the dealer with her, then find the smarmiest service rep on the floor, and tag-team him in the gratuitous upselling: ‘Did you notice the wear pattern on the left rear tread, Bill? Looks like the universal is about to give out. And listen to the engine! I wonder if those piston valves are okay.’” –fausto

“Pluggers’ lives are so empty that the only pleasure they get anymore is the glee that comes from taking out their hearing aids and then subjecting their grandchildren to the sounds of Lawrence Welk playing the accordion at 110 db.” –seismic-2

“It’s true! Jordan had a microwave installed, ordered a dozen takeout containers, and … whatever that is on the upper shelf. Either a toy locomotive or a very large spider.” –Ukulele Ike

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!