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Oh, is it time for the comment of the week? Hell yeah it is you know it!!!!

“‘National Conga Line at Work Day‘ would never work in the Blondie universe for a very simple reason: wildly dissimilar torsos.” –Joe Blevins

Runners up: Also very funny and we love them!!!!!!!!!

“If there were actually such a thing as online ‘pizza poker,’ Dagwood would be so deeply in debt to some company in Malta that he wouldn’t even think of goofing off at work.” –BigTed

“Mary is so amazed at her tiny act of generosity that she’s not even bothering to talk to any of these people buying her muffins. She’s just smiling beatifically at nothing as she exchanges muffin sacks for cash. Is she posing for her own stained glass portrait?” –jroggs

“What exactly is your relationship with Harlan? I thought art in Italy was a father-daughter thing… I mean, I know I haven’t been around much, but isn’t getting a new father a bit extreme?” –katakana haru, on Twitter

“‘What exactly is your relationship with Harlan?‘ ‘Jeez, Dad, don’t you think the hood I’m packing is a dead giveaway? Anyway, would you pass me those handcuffs?’” –Lawyerbob

“‘Like I told Mary, it’s not physical, it’s mental and emotional… and dare I say spiritual?’ ‘Okay, this somehow seems less appropriate to tell your dad than ‘We’re fucking’” –Dan

“I have to admit that I do like the artistic decision to draw actual eyes on the snakes in Snuffy Smith while everyone else simply has dots. They honestly do have the prettiest eyes in attendance.” –Mike Podgor

“‘We’re totally just friends!’ said Dawn, as she packed a pair of sneakers, a t-shirt and a swimsuit for her 3-month stay in Italy.” –pugfuggly

“At Santa Royale-Kaplan University, we avoid those messy ‘quarters’ and ‘semesters,’ and just teach whenever it fits your schedule. Only available for study abroad during March-June? Let’s go to Italy! Our trained professors will show you the sights during the day, and engage in inappropriate behavior during the nights! Don’t forget to take your dad’s walking shoes!” –Little Blue Bicycle

“The crotchety old second-waver in me likes this strip, for I harken back to the days of watching my scantily clad celebrity sisters fawn sexily over Spuds MacKenzie and thinking, ‘Just exactly how much of this Bud Light do I have to consume before a dog starts to look like a viable sexual partner to me, anyway?’ Whatever the answer is, it is obviously more than the amount that a pre-pubescent male has to imbibe before he views a snake in the same light, and I take a modicum of grim satisfaction from the female superiority that is implied. Here in the age of #MoyToo we must take our cultural reassurances where we can.” –Hopester

“‘Finally,’ thought Mark, ‘my chance to elevate the literary status of Woods & Wildlife Magazine has come as I get the opportunity to write a tribute to Orwell, Punching An Elephant.’” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“When will people learn not to open those cans of crescent roll dough while driving? If only Ghost Pepper could have waited until after he had dragged Dick Tracy down the road like a meat crayon to enjoy the yeasty raw treat, he might still be alive. Damn you, Poppin’ Fresh!” –Voshkod

“As Ghost Pepper is rushed to the nearest hospital for emergency surgery, the doctor comes in and exclaims ‘I can’t operate on this boy.’ ‘Why not?’ the nurse asks. ‘Because he’s my son,’ Dr. Pepper responds.” –Dread

“I had my time traveling. I went into the future and got this nifty bionic tentacle arm! Now it’s your turn.” –Peanut Gallery

“I want to know why Ghost Pepper is looking at his phone while thinking he just has to make it to the next switchback. Did he call for an Uber and it’s almost arrived?” –Dmsilev

“That turtle is taking the most satisfying dump in the history of turtles. That it is in Billy’s hands makes it sweeter.” –Kevin On Earth

“As any teen in 2018 knows, if you want to enact real change, you do it through the radio.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Dan the Snowman: A comedy action adventure webcomic about that weird, weird life. Dan the Snowman follows the adventures of the eponymous hero, his BFF Joebot the Robot, and all the friends, enemies, talking dogs, and robots wearing people clothes they meet in Badspace, a strange universe filled with all sorts of folks. You should read it before it gets big, then won’t you be Johnny Hipface. It updates every Wednesday!
• Bob the Fish: A site full of humorous and insightful videos on British television, mostly the forgotten bits around the edges. Most prominently the fortnightly commercial breakdown “The Hard Sell”, wherein our proprietor take a product or service at random and then point and laugh at the ways it’s been sold to us (or just go through an old commercial break cracking knob gags). Plus: documentaries about ITV and the dawn of satellite television! Also: There’s a Patreon!
• The Nameless Series: A trilogy of books about people falling in love while being chased by ghosts, attacked by monsters, and haunted by their own pasts. Read the story of how two crazy kids meet, feed blood to a ghost, fend off a slavering nightmare monster, and fall in love. And that’s only their first date
• Fiends of the Hub: Boston is under siege. Hungry, vicious, and wild, these vampires want only to feed. Can they be stopped before they destroy it all?
• Weapon Brown: Aftershock: Jason Yungbluth’s blockbusting Weapon Brown graphic novel busted so many blocks that it sold out! Help get it back into print by supporting the Weapon Brown: Aftershock Kickstarter! Weapon Brown is an epic, Mad Max-style tale of the apocalypse that has a twist guaranteed to appeal to fans of The Comics Curmudgeon: every character is based on a famous hero of the comics page! Charlie Brown, Popeye, Calvin and Hobbes, Orphan Annie and dozens more of the most famous faces in comic strip history all receive black eyes in this hard-hittin’ parody that never pulls its punches! And what’s more, if this drive succeeds it will pave the way for a new Weapon Brown comic book, Aftershock, a 48-page epilogue to the massive graphic novel that will tell three new tales of Chuck, the round headed son-of-a-bitch, and his faithful mutt Snoop! Learn more!

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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It’s Friday, y’all, and it’s time for your comment of the week, but first, a note for people who might want to put money in my tip jar but think PayPal is for olds and Venmo is the new hotness: I have a Venmo account! The address is @jfruhlinger and clicking on that link should take you there, I think!

OK, but enough of that. The COTW is what you crave, right?

“The skeptics told me, ‘I don’t see much chance of your evil plan going off without a hitch.’ Ever since then, I’ve made sure that all my evil plans include a hitch of some sort.” –Peanut Gallery

These runners up are also like sleeping on a bed of clouds:

“I can’t help but see Rex Morgan and Pluggers as prequels to Slylock Fox: it’s actually our ability (and desire) to eat off of plates and in a civilized manner that puts us atop the food chain, I guess, and as pluggers struggle to master that ability, humans heedlessly squander the only thing that sets us apart from the animals. In Justin’s choking face, I see not just a teen who can’t stomach a scone, but the grim future of humanity itself: A suddenly-fiftysomething-man, choking not just on a pastry, but on his own fate.” –Briane F Pagel

“I’m not sure whether the Grateful Dead theme on Justin’s shirt is meant to be foreshadowing of his death from choking, or whether he wears it just because he’s 60 years old.” –seismic-2

“I’ve seen enough dark corners of the internet to know that Dagwood’s food fetish novels have a big following on some very specific websites where readers anxiously await the next installment of Fifty Shades of Grey Poupon.” –Escape Zeppelin

“Sure, anyone can talk their way out of a cop coming to their house for questioning; it just takes a bit of cleverness. But it takes a real master criminal to talk their way out of flaunting the mangled, mutilated corpse of a policeman down the street. Let’s make this a bit interesting, shall we, Ghost Pepper? (I’m just disappointed there’s no one in the car with him, denying us the fun of him saying to the other person, when the flashing lights go on and they’re caught with whatever the asphalt has not ripped from a bloody human body, ‘Just be cool and let me do all the the talking.’)” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“The lesson is that Mary and Mary alone decides who has access to her muffin. (Part of me worries that we’re reaching the limits of muffin innuendo, but I have faith that ‘Mudgeon ingenuity will be able to sustain the gag for the remainder of this arc, however long it may be.)” –TheDiva

“It’s churlish to be disappointed with this consistently amazing Mark Trail storyline, but that’s not how I imagined The Great Wilhelm That Never Spoke He Just Screamed A Lot at all. I imagined a haggard pale Pierrot type clown, whose screams represented his essential alienation and estrangement from society. Instead, he’s just some kind of muscular Fred Flintstone cosplayer, whose screams presumably show sexual frustration from the cartoonishly huge erection he’s sporting here. Disappointing. I like his hat though. –Schroduck

“Poor Plato, he exited the cave of shadows and illusions only to end up in Camp Swampy. ‘So, this is the world of perfect forms and ideals? Great, great. I wonder if there is any hemlock around.’” –Joe Momma

“I like how Dennis is turned around, fully cognizant of the waiters’ wrath. ‘You think that’s all I’ve got? I’m just gettin’ warmed up, ya self-important, hopped-up busboys. I’m gonna shout RAT! and point under a random table. What ya gonna do, garçon? Hit my folks with the passive-aggressive early check trick? I shit on your check! Really, I’ll literally defecate on that thing!’” –Hogenmogen

“I missed the comma after ‘usual,’ so I mistakenly guessed that Senator Belfry was asking for ‘the usual Dooley,’ a ‘Dooley’ being a cocktail made from water and throat spray.” –Joe Blevins

“I’ll need some smoke and some mirrors. Remember, the mirrors have to be polished obsidian, and the smoke can only be from a smoldering mandrake root. Then some chicken blood — at least that’ll be easy to get — I scribe the Yellow Sign on the mirror, and bam! The voices from beyond the Veil of Thorns gives us a new economic policy!” –Voshkod

“Dennis is glad the waiters are bringing the check because he needs to get right from the dinner to his act in the Catskills. ‘Ring a ding, Chuckles! I gotta amscray, ya dig?’” –Aphthakid

“Blondie is experimenting with sponsored content in its strip. Would your body shop like to the be one discussed at dinner? The bidding starts now!” –pugfuggly

“Girls can grow up t’be ennythin’ they want t’be … if’n they grow up at all, o’course! Since you’ll be trapped fer all eternity at yer current age, Sue, you can’t be nuttin’ but a dreamer, wit’ asprations you’ll never be able ta achieve!” –JJ48

“I had to look closely to realize that the hulking thing behind Mark’s head is a tent and not an inexplicably green glacier. How many Boy Scouts does that thing sleep? 40?” –Mikey

“You would think that trees would be an acceptable substitute for skyscrapers, but Spiderman can’t use those without incurring the litigious wrath of the Edgar Rice Burroughs estate.” –cheech wizard

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Bob the Fish: A site full of humorous and insightful videos on British television, mostly the forgotten bits around the edges. Most prominently the fortnightly commercial breakdown “The Hard Sell”, wherein our proprietor take a product or service at random and then point and laugh at the ways it’s been sold to us (or just go through an old commercial break cracking knob gags). Plus: documentaries about ITV and the dawn of satellite television! Also: There’s a Patreon!
• The Nameless Series: A trilogy of books about people falling in love while being chased by ghosts, attacked by monsters, and haunted by their own pasts. Read the story of how two crazy kids meet, feed blood to a ghost, fend off a slavering nightmare monster, and fall in love. And that’s only their first date
• Fiends of the Hub: Boston is under siege. Hungry, vicious, and wild, these vampires want only to feed. Can they be stopped before they destroy it all?
• Weapon Brown: Aftershock: Jason Yungbluth’s blockbusting Weapon Brown graphic novel busted so many blocks that it sold out! Help get it back into print by supporting the Weapon Brown: Aftershock Kickstarter! Weapon Brown is an epic, Mad Max-style tale of the apocalypse that has a twist guaranteed to appeal to fans of The Comics Curmudgeon: every character is based on a famous hero of the comics page! Charlie Brown, Popeye, Calvin and Hobbes, Orphan Annie and dozens more of the most famous faces in comic strip history all receive black eyes in this hard-hittin’ parody that never pulls its punches! And what’s more, if this drive succeeds it will pave the way for a new Weapon Brown comic book, Aftershock, a 48-page epilogue to the massive graphic novel that will tell three new tales of Chuck, the round headed son-of-a-bitch, and his faithful mutt Snoop! Learn more!

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

Post Content

‘Tis the first Friday of March, and like all First Friday’s it’s that magical day known as Internet Read Aloud Eve! Please attend my delightful comedy show in Los Angeles, California, if you enjoy funny people making hilarious jokes about … the Internet.

Here is the Facebook event, please check in and then subsequently attend!

Also, it is just Friday in general, so that means it’s comment of the week time!

“What the hell is all that stuff Darin and Jessica are taking with them? Gas masks? Hazmat suits? Immunological bubble? A completely supply of drinkable water and canned goods to avoid exposure to Westview’s poisons? It won’t work of course; they’ll be dead within hours.” –Nekrotzar

Your runners up are also a delight!

“It’s nice that we have Sunday comics, where writers and artists can really go beyond the usual limitations of the form and really explore more creative space. If this were a weekday, we’d probably only get a panel or two of the aftermath of the vomiting of a ham sandwich, but today we can find out so much more: the journey that the masticated ham and cheese took, the fact that it was both ‘weird’ and ‘gross’, the wider impact that the vomiting had on individual students, as well as the student body as a whole. I’ve never thrown up a ham sandwich myself, or have even been witness to it, but somehow, now I feel that really I have.” –pugfuggly

“Ha, remember when people used to read the Sunday funnies while enjoying a nice breakfast? I bet everyone’s glad they don’t do that anymore.” –BigTed

“Beetle Bailey is surprisingly accurate today. ‘Any person subject to [military jurisdiction] who behaves with disrespect toward his superior commissioned officer shall be punished as a court-martial may direct.’ –Article 89 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice. Can be punished with up to a year in jail and a dishonorable discharge. I like this new direction of Beetle Bailey’s Adventures with the Judge Advocate General.” –Voshkod

“Thanks for the tip, Sly. After all, public schools are massively overfunded, so it’s no issue for me to throw all these pencils away and order a fresh batch. Speaking of getting rid of things, why are you here in my school and how soon are you leaving?” –jroggs

“Marty doesn’t understand ‘product placement’ means referring to a brand in his call of the game, not simply referring to the generic product they sell. ‘Los Morenos burritos’ is product placement, ‘burritos‘ is not. I didn’t expect this story to segue into a frank discussion about the long-term cognitive damage caused by excessive alcohol consumption, but that’s clearly where Gil Thorp is going with this.” –Truckosaurus

“Pluggers have to wait for their tubes to warm up in more ways than one, my lad.” –McManx

“‘Mark, did you say seriously?‘ asks the sheriff, as he squirts Mark in the face with water from the flower on his lapel.” –seismic-2

“When you have a mouth but you still can’t scream” –Anne Elisabeth Dillon, on Facebook

“Wilhelm almost died in the ER because as he lay there on the trauma table screaming all the doctors just kept telling him what a comic genius he was. Luckily, he eventually passed out from the pain and they went straight to work.” –Rob

“Otto is displaying human levels of self-deception and rationalization. I’m pretty sure he sticks around for the food.” –But What Do I Know?

“Some might say that if you start to feel run down all the time, you should be checked out by a doctor. Fortunately, Pluggers is here to set you straight!” –A Concerned Reader

“It says something about the triteness of Shoe that, instead of being amazed at reading a newspaper cartoon about group sex — a cartoon that wouldn’t necessarily be about fucking if its characters were any other kind of animal in existence — I keep focusing on the impracticality of bolting a desk chair independently of the desk to the wood floor, two feet from a chalk board but near nothing else.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Pluggers are hard working and industrious, except for the vast majority of time when they’re not.” –TheDiva

“The main reason not to have the conversation where M’Sieur Pepper can hear is because the chef knows how angry he gets when you don’t acknowledge his Ph. D.” –Andrew

“Yeah, the kids these days don’t really drink coffee anymore, they just like to get a nice tall cup and sniff it.” –Anonymous

“Nip this in the bud right now, Kelly. Years from now, when you’re married to Niki, you don’t want to spend valuable time mashing up food into a fine paste so that your husband’s idiot friend won’t choke to death during dinner.” –Joe Blevins

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Bob the Fish: A site full of humorous and insightful videos on British television, mostly the forgotten bits around the edges. Most prominently the fortnightly commercial breakdown “The Hard Sell”, wherein our proprietor take a product or service at random and then point and laugh at the ways it’s been sold to us (or just go through an old commercial break cracking knob gags). Plus: documentaries about ITV and the dawn of satellite television! Also: There’s a Patreon!
• The Nameless Series: A trilogy of books about people falling in love while being chased by ghosts, attacked by monsters, and haunted by their own pasts. Read the story of how two crazy kids meet, feed blood to a ghost, fend off a slavering nightmare monster, and fall in love. And that’s only their first date
• Fiends of the Hub: Boston is under siege. Hungry, vicious, and wild, these vampires want only to feed. Can they be stopped before they destroy it all?
• Weapon Brown: Aftershock: Jason Yungbluth’s blockbusting Weapon Brown graphic novel busted so many blocks that it sold out! Help get it back into print by supporting the Weapon Brown: Aftershock Kickstarter! Weapon Brown is an epic, Mad Max-style tale of the apocalypse that has a twist guaranteed to appeal to fans of The Comics Curmudgeon: every character is based on a famous hero of the comics page! Charlie Brown, Popeye, Calvin and Hobbes, Orphan Annie and dozens more of the most famous faces in comic strip history all receive black eyes in this hard-hittin’ parody that never pulls its punches! And what’s more, if this drive succeeds it will pave the way for a new Weapon Brown comic book, Aftershock, a 48-page epilogue to the massive graphic novel that will tell three new tales of Chuck, the round headed son-of-a-bitch, and his faithful mutt Snoop! Learn more!

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!