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Did somebody say … comment of the week? Here’s your comment of the week, everybody!

“I thought plugger Netflix was driving by the old, closed-down Blockbuster and sighing.” –JJ48

And here are your very funny runners up!

“The old ‘I suspect he’s an android so I’ll have to obsessively observe him using the toilet’ ploy.” –nescio

“I just don’t think this La La Land sequel has the magic of the original.” –Schroduck

“A kid who owns a toy drum and bugle would know perfectly well what Dixieland jazz sounds like — and Dennis would take this situation as a clear sign that he needs to step things up a notch. ‘You don’t play music that annoys me, old man,’ is what he’d say before beginning an atonal, experimental number by Ornette Coleman, ‘I play music that annoys you!’” –BigTed

“Hon, would you pass the syrup? By the way, are you scared shitless of snakes? I know this may not be the best of things to bring up over flapjacks, but I just got thru reading Riki Tiki Tavi by Rudyard Kipling, and there’s a scene in it where a cobra attacks a family at breakfast! Fascinating, huh? I mean, who names a kid Rudyard?” –willethompson

“Most depictions of Cleopatra VII omit the fact that she was married to her brothers and incest was the rule of the Ptolemaic family. This is probably less taboo after the Animalapocalypse, since inbreeding would be necessary to keep the pedigree pure and the distinctive features of the breed prominent. Haven’t you noticed how Slylock refuses the seduction of Cassandra Cat since she’s from another species, while the girlfriends of Slylock and Max look EXACTLY like them?” –Ettore

“This Funky Winkerbean looks like it takes place in a nightmarish alternate universe where everyone is the love child of Jack Webb and Harry Morgan from Dragnet 1967.” –Joe Blevins

“Kinda have to respect how Mark Trail commits to the pre-renaissance style of art depicting children as ugly, smaller forms of adults.” –Joe

“No, Mary, that’s not what it sounds like. It sounds like Iris is introducing a new series. ‘Brandy’s a good influence! Tommy’s determined to stay clean and sober! Together, they’re … The Uninteresting Duo!’” –Peanut Gallery

“Seat belt? I call bullshit.” –The Modesto Kid, on Twitter

“‘Driving up I-75‘ is the perfect euphemism for sex in Westview: it’s mind-numbingly tedious with a few rest stops. And the view never changes.” –But What Do I Know?

“The best thing about this cartoon is that Mr. Wilson has the time to rattle off a well-thought-out statement expressing how much he loathes Dennis instead of spending the amount of time you’d expect him to on processing questions about Dennis’s contraption. Most of us would start with, ‘How does he steer that thing?’ ‘What’s holding the chair legs in place?’ ‘How could he possible appear so relaxed while rolling down the sidewalk with no benefits of a steering mechanism?’ Even Mrs. Wilson views this as a minor curiosity, and nothing to panic about. I just wish we could see the follow-up panels where we see how badly Dennis crashes.” –Larry McAwful

“Since this is the Batuikverse I presume ‘fail‘ is a euphemism for massive coronary.” –Zerowolf

“Sometimes a kid gets on a roll! Around here we call that a kid hoagie, but down South it’s a po’ boy!” –Uncle Lumpy

“The New York Times: ‘All The News That’s Fit To Print’ The Chicago Tribune: ‘The World’s Greatest Newspaper’ Obits: ‘If You Can Read This, You’re Not Dead Yet’” –Red Greenback

“Oxpeckers, once thought to benefit their host animals by eating parasites, are now thought to open wounds on their back in order to attract ticks, which they only eat once the ticks have fed and eating them does the host no good. Which honestly seems like the sort of epiphany a hippo psychiatrist would be trying to elicit.” –matt w

“I’m pretty sure these TSA agents could all lose their jobs for detaining a child on the charge of ‘attempted terrorist-liking,’ but if that lady cop on the right discovers Hel’s 15 paragraph text on her phone, then at least they’ll be able to send her to Gitmo for flagrant violation of messaging etiquette.” –jroggs

“I haven’t been to Portland — is the Fathomless Blue Void worth the trip, or is it just another tourist trap?” –TheDiva

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Banana Triangle: Poor Tom and Scotty and Rosemary, lost on an island somewhere in the sea. Frightened and desperate, hungry as could be, devoured each other; problem solved — one, two, three! A webcomic updated thrice weekly.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Hey all! Your comment of the week in a moment, but first, a bit of housekeeping: some of you got in touch with me earlier this week about your browser attempting to download a file called DriverUpdate.exe when visiting my site. I believe the ads that were causing the problem have now been fixed. But, if you notice this behavior again, please (a) do not give the file permission to download, (b) don’t click on it if it does (it’s not going to hurt your computer, but it might try to trick you into buying things you don’t need), and (c) take a screenshot of the browser window with joshreads.com in it so I can diagnose the problem. Specifically I need to see the Taboola ads in the left sidebar, the ones that look like this:

In more fun news, I was recently a guest on the Obsessed podcast, hosted by the handsome and talented Joseph Scrimshaw, where I got to talk about my obsession that feeds all my other dorky obsessions: Wikipedia. Take a listen, won’t you?

And now … your comment of the week!

“A few strips ago Peter Parker was desperate not to be recognized as Spider-Man. Yet here he is, making annoying and puerile insults while hoping the villains will explain everything to him, which is Spider-Man’s signature move.” –pachoo

And your runners up! They’re very funny!

“I think it’s sad that Mindy has no friend to stand up with her other than her future sister-in-law. But perhaps it’s for the best — if she had friends we might have to start following their exciting life stories, too.” –Arabella

“You can duct tape Peter Parker’s mouth, but you can never duct tape his mind. And that is a shame.” –Joe Blevins

“How was that weird? Don’t your parents, friends and acquaintances pretend you don’t exist, even for days in a row?” –Ettorre

“It may look like the usual three-panel daily, but this is a single panel broken by pure, white, architectural columns. Rusty is experiencing a mild break with reality and is being counseled by twin, imaginary Maras (Marae?). ‘Becky couldn’t hear you, Rusty, but we can. Come play with us, Rusty.’” –The Mighty Captain E

“I’ll see you at the ’19th Hole’. You’ll both need to carry me down to the parking lot and one of you will need to drive my car. Think you can handle a 1996 Camry, playa?” –Foodar

“I really like how Peter’s inner monologue has to remind him who people are to keep him on task. Hey Peter! That Wilson Fisk guy is the Kingpin. You remember? The supervillain you fought last year? Hey, are you paying attention or thinking of old Columbo episodes? Damnit, FOCUS! I don’t want to end up with *another* concussion!” –pugfuggly

“Pretty mean of the plugger to point out that performers in Branson can’t get a booking anywhere else.” –nescio

“Until I had a revelation … don’t sample your own wares! You don’t have to be a meth-head to sell meth! So anyway, I’m gonna need to you to take these fake IDs and go around town buying Sudafed.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“My favorite part of today’s Mary Worth is that you could switch the panel order and have it make just as much sense. I imagine Tommy has been stuck in a loop for the last hour or so, and Brandy is calculating the quickest way to drown herself.” –Irrischano

“By ‘broke my computer,’ I assume she means that casino security goons smashed the tablet she was running her card-counting program on over her head. And by ‘two commandments,’ I assume she means stealing and killing, which is how she got out of there alive. This comic is far more exciting than we thought!” –BigTed

“I hope the strip devolves into an endless parade of poorly-disguised names. ‘I wish we could get Pedsi here, but of course McArnold’s sells only Coba-Cola products.’ ‘Mmm-hm. Mind if I steal a few of your Freng fries?’ I hope the strip gets itself canceled, is what I’m saying.” –Peanut Gallery

“So, I heard they were bringing back Murphy Brown, but I had no idea they’d hired David Cronenberg as a show runner.” –Where’s Rocky

“Max Axlerod is 100% gonna fuck that arugula.” –Dan

“Rusty watched in silence as the woman bowed and handed the ivory mask to the unknown man. ‘You have done well, my loyal servant,’ the man said in a rumbling deep voice that turned Rusty’s knees to water. The man placed the mask to his face and began to howl. The woman knelt prayerfully, chanting in a lost language, as the man clawed at the mask. Rusty gasped as blood began to run down from under the mask. ‘At last,’ the man finally said, his voice somehow deeper, shaking the entire ruin. ‘At last I return to the Fifth World from Mictlan. Blood and flesh is my treasure!’ ‘Hail Mictlantecuhtli,’ the woman screamed. ‘Huh,’ Rusty said to the girl. ‘Is that a toucan over there? Let’s go see the toucan!’” –Voshkod

“You and my father are different people, Tommy! By which I mean, you are literally not the same person. And I believe in us, specifically your likelihood to relapse and my ability to get a date with the hot dude just down the boardwalk who probably doesn’t have a triggering background and isn’t wearing jorts. Adieu!” –Drew Funk

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Banana Triangle: Poor Tom and Scotty and Rosemary, lost on an island somewhere in the sea. Frightened and desperate, hungry as could be, devoured each other; problem solved — one, two, three! A webcomic updated thrice weekly.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Hey kids, it’s Friday, and that means it’s time for your comment … of the week!

“And let’s wait a couple of days into the honeymoon before we visit the pinball hall of fame — it will make touring the pinball hall of fame seem like fun, by contrast.” –lumaca morente

And also time for your hi-larious runners up!

“Barberton, Ohio is the Magic City. That’s Crankshaft territory, beeyatch.” –Jim Collins, on Facebook

“Pluggers don’t need passports for their vacations. Anyway, few other countries reject The Hague tribunal.” –Ettore

“When you think about it, there really isn’t much difference between watching a movie and viewing the world’s natural wonders solely through the front window of your stultifying suburban home. Or, at least, that’s what Dolly will finally understand in another decade, when her college neo-Marxist film society screens The Truman Show.” –BigTed

“Spider-man, Spider-Man / Ugly American Spider-man / Can he speak / Your native tongue / No he can’t / Cuz he’s too dumb / Look out! He is the Spider-man.” –Bunivasal

“It took me a minute to realize that Eddie meant that he didn’t want ears that could hear people being mean to him. From his pained expression, I assumed he was haunted by the screams of those he had slaughtered. ‘Wait, I want to change my answer to jellyfish! They don’t have eyes to see spilled blood, or noses to smell the stench of death!’” –pugfuggly

“Rusty thinks that ‘Jose‘ rhymes with ‘toes,’ right?” –seismic-2

“Seriously … do you think you can … help me out here? I’ve lost my … balance and I seem to … be pitching slowly but inexorably … forward…” –Proteus454

“So Snuffy can’t pronounce ‘with’ or ‘your’ properly, but he can say ‘acquaintances’ flawlessly? Clearly, much as he tries to hide it, Snuffy is one o’ those book-lern’d types, and Lukey is keeping him awfully close, just waiting for the day the strip is allowed to get truly bloody.” –JJ48

“In addition to demonstrating mirth, the hand flapping and arm waving vigorously waft the body odor of Snuffy and his pal throughout their immediate surroundings so that they may trade pheromones in a ritual of male bonding. As a further bonus, it frightens off skeeters and looks really, really stupid.” –made of wince

“My favorite part of this Funky Winkerbean is how the counter has disappeared between panels one and three, leaving me to assume that Funky’s response to Cory’s assurance that he can, in fact, run a pizza parlor for three days or whatever while Funky attends to a sick loved one was to leap over the friggin’ counter, quivering, with hands raised and palms heading toward Cory’s scrawny neck, sputtering out sentence fragments. Meanwhile the girl with the wavy raven locks doesn’t even break her smirk during this outburst, and I can only assume will continue smirking as Funky throttles the life out of Cory over the next 2 days.” –Drew Funk

“Fun Fact! That cabbie started this trip with an uncreased brow and a mane of luminous, shoulder-length, jet-black hair. That was eight minutes ago.” –Joe Blevins

“Poor Tommy. You can try to ‘Do it for Brandy!‘ but every twelve step program will tell you that to succeed, first you need to do it for one person and one person only: Mary Worth.” –Mikey

“Imagine what a hell-hole Rocky’s hometown must be in order for her to decide to live in Westview with these smirking losers. Stay in school, kids, like Summer did, and never be seen in the strip again.” –Rusty

“Rocky never speaks, in an effort to maintain her as a sympathetic character. But the moment she says ‘I do’ it’s straight to Hollytown.” –Uncle Lumpy

“99% success rate? It doesn’t really even matter what’s being measured here, if it ain’t six sigma, it’s worthless. Hell, his success rate doesn’t even meet the purity-of-Ivory-soap standard!” –Richardf8

“Gasoline Alley’s heard about the unexpected success of The Shape of Water, but it hasn’t yet figured out that there’s more to winning awards than just graphic depictions of fish bestiality.” –Schroduck

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Banana Triangle: Poor Tom and Scotty and Rosemary, lost on an island somewhere in the sea. Frightened and desperate, hungry as could be, devoured each other; problem solved — one, two, three! A webcomic updated thrice weekly.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!