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It’s the first Friday of the month, folks, and you know what that means: you should come see my live LA comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, TONIGHT!

Here’s the Facebook event! Click, learn more, attend, enjoy!

And, here: enjoy your comment of the week!

“Wait, is the worry that Nancy is going to get bullied by the jocks for liking nerd stuff, or by nerds for blogging about female superheroes? Is Gil going to have to learn the phrase ‘toxic fandom culture,’ or just mouth it quietly and in contempt before angrily throwing someone a football.” –Dan

Your runners up are also very funny!

“Since dogs communicate largely by urine, I don’t think what Josh assumes Otto means by ‘streaming‘ old TV stories is necessarily what Otto means.” –Shrug

“I never thought I’d be saying this, but you know who gives better advice than a cat? Mary Worth. Get advice from Mary Worth rather than your cat, folks! She may talk way too much, but at least she talks.” –BigTed

“Henry David Thoreau was a chump! Give me money any day! You think you can buy pond-front property in Massachusetts with truth? Think again, bitch!” –Joe Blevins

“I’ll give Batuik this: he’s perfectly depicted how awkwardly someone like Crazy Harry would try to change the subject if a woman came into his shop talking about the menopause.” –Schroduck

“Ok, one thing bugs me here: there is no way that Rex would come home and recount some of his story to his family. I think the minute June asks him how the trip was, he would recount every last detail in sequential order, like a cash register spitting out receipts at the end of the day.” –pugfuggly

“It breaks my heart to see Rex’s wife and blond son try to coax some kind of physical affection out of him while he sits like he’s posing for his Supreme Court portrait.” –Jenna

“If someone ever said to me, ‘I’m curious why Funky Winkerbean is considered to be almost as insufferable as a decade of famine, yet I’m unwilling to read more than one single strip to find out,’ I can just point them to 4/1/19. This is as Funky as it gets. We’ve got unlikable characters, terrible jokes flailing for some kind of wordplay just out of reach, worship of nerd culture, legally-questionable appropriation of copyrighted intellectual properties, unnecessarily disgusting references to aging, reminders of the grim march towards death, in-universe reference onanism, and of course self-impressed smirking. The only thing seemingly missing is the desperate award-bait pandering, but it’s just Monday so let’s give the plot a couple days to take shape.” –jroggs

“Back in the day, you could go to the local video store, go through the saloon-style half-doors in the back of the room, and pick up a cassette of ‘Looper’s Load Lovers VIII‘ to rent for three fun-filled days (and nights!).” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Check out how the part in Jeff’s comb-over switches to the right side of his head in the last panel. Is the tight framing in the first two panels meant to indicate that he was rehearsing this little speech in a mirror? Or, more likely, recording it with his phone for a web series where he stars as ‘Jeff,’ a super cool guy who is definitely liked and valued by his co-workers, respected by his son, and amazingly supported by his life-partner ‘Jenny?’” –JJ

“‘It’ll be hot out there!‘ Doc remarks prior to a trek into the desert. You can see why this family is known as the nature experts.” –TheDiva

“Jenny ignores Jeff and wordlessly continues to update her Match.com profile.” –Lionheart

“Man, it looks like someone hung Carmen Sandiego out to dry. Like, literally, she’s been in the sun too long, her colors have faded.” –Proteus454

“‘Fly up a rope?’ Lady, the only superpower Dick Tracy needs is his Super Lack of Judicial Oversight.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“Molly has some serious ‘leave me out of this‘ head action going on in panel 3.” –Pozzo

“Just noticed that whatsherface keeps turning to look out the window whenever the flight attendant arrives, pretending that she doesn’t know the old asshole sat next to her. I can’t stand a lot of Batuik’s trademark stuff — the terrible wordplay, his raging cancerection — but I love that he puts the work into letting you know that all his characters hate each other and themselves.” –Rosstifer

“Now, if Rex Morgan was really a soap opera strip, and had any storytelling chops, Rex would open that bag to find five kilos of Afghan black-tar heroin, two recently fired dueling pistols, and a human hand. Then a jump-cut to a grimy warehouse in an unspecified urban center. A grim-looking thug opens his bag to find golfing clothes and a business card for ‘Rex Morgan, M.D.’ And a new storyline begins.” –Voshkod

“[the next day] Mary, I think this guy‘s better than I expected. I’m going to need your help recovering twenty grand and the deed to my condo before Ian gets home tonight.” –JJ48

“Ever the epicure, Mary knows nothing pairs better with a lettuce bagel sandwich than a refreshing glass of abstract art.” –Irrischano

“Mark fixes the shop owner with a steely glare. His right fist tingles. Yes … soon, my pet, you will feel the stubble of this obvious miscreant on your mighty knuckles, he thinks.” –Dread

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

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It’s about to be the first Friday of the month, folks, and you know what that means: you should come see my live LA comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, one week from TONIGHT!

Here’s the Facebook event! I promise you will regret nothing!

You definitely won’t regret reading this comment of the week:

“Also coincidentally, The Troublemaker’s Twin was a series of books for older children about a polite, rules-following boy who was often mistaken for his mischievous look-alike brother, resulting in hilariously sticky situations. They were based on real-life brothers, one of whom, shockingly, grew up to be a serial killer who mostly struck on airplanes. Which one was it? That’s something for them to know and Rex to find out.” –BigTed

Nor will you regret enjoying these hilarious runners up!

“I find the use of an Edgar Allan Poe quote here ominous. Somebody’s not making it out of this story alive.” –Noel

“He seems nice. And the ripped upholstery shows that he really does like cats!” –seismic-2

“Dick Tracy’s police state dystopia may have brutally crushed the unions, but there’s always a loophole. The teachers can’t go on strike, but their pets can. Rise up, hamsters and gerbils of the classroom! You have nothing to lose but your leashes!” –Schroduck

“I can believe a lot of things, Dick Tracy, but there’s no way in hell I can suspend my disbelief far enough to believe that a sports columnist for a newspaper lives in an apartment that large in Chicago.” –Dread

“Also: Facebook? Is Michelle supposed to be Curtis’ aunt?” –Joe Blevins

“I would argue that the ‘worst part‘ is the murdering.” –A Concerned Reader

“In the last panel, Mohawk Guy is reflecting on that time someone asked him what he was doing this weekend and he said ‘Just family stuff.’ He is marveling at what a perfect response that was, how it satisfyingly answered the question. ‘That explains things,’ indeed!” –Jenna

“Snuffy looks down on other West Virginians wanting to keep their coal jobs, since coal is too modern and innovative! Fight to keep our charcoal jobs!” –Ettorre

“Even though basketball season just ended, I’m staying in condition. Watch me dribble this hamburger!” –seismic-2

“I assume everyone is smiling in this strip because no-one can hear Dennis. More cymbals! I can still make out the upper register of his voice!” –pugfuggly

“I like that JT is supposed to be the ‘good twin’ and all we know about his alleged moral superiority is that he talks endless amounts of shit about his brother with strangers. TJ was an abrasive lout, but he never once defamed his family.” –jroggs

“My two boys … my two boys … Could they be twins? I’m not sure. Let me think back on my medical training. Twins are … born at the same time, right? I think we only got the one when June went into labor. Did we get two? It was a while ago; I don’t remember. We could’ve gotten two and given one away, right? And maybe we wound up adopting him. That could happen. What a wild story that would make! But if you put one up for adoption, are they not twins anymore? Maybe that’s what makes them stop being identical twins, and turns them into fraternal twins? It’s all kind of hazy. I’ll check Gray’s Anatomy when I get home and see if that’s got any answers. I’m sure glad I have medical training. Twins! What a crazy thing, huh?” –Larry McAwful

“JT’s eyes are exactly the same colour as his moustache. No way is he the good twin.” –Mantha

“‘Picasso’s style isn’t Abstraction, it’s Cubism!’ Halftrack yells as he thrusts Beetle’s head through the canvas.” –Lee Sherman

“Is that Beetle’s beret? His hair? Do the two somehow combine to make an inside-the-helmet helmet? This is the real abstraction. Well played Browne-Walker, Inc.!” –Bobby Sneakers

“Ah, hell. Ditto’s got the rabies, he’s foamin’ at the mouth. Time to put Young Yeller down, Chip.” –Voshkod

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

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Folks, your COTW in a moment, but first, a note: I am making an appearance at a live comedy show not my own (whatttt????) tonight! It is the always fun and hilarious Game Night, hosted by Laser Malena-Webber of the Doubleclicks and Joseph Scrimshaw of Rifftrax! The show is at Geeky Teas & Games in Burbank, and I’m jazzed about it! See you there!

And now, your comment of the week:

“The Keane Kompound originally experimented with the Dervish’s method of spinning as prayer, but that proved way too high energy for their American physique. So now they just hang upside down until they black out, as god intended.” –Escape Zeppelin

And your runners up! Very funny!

“I didn’t know ‘Excelsior‘ meant one last gratuitous crotch shot.” –Zerowolf

“Peter Parker is one of those annoying tourists who will quote stereotypes at every local during his vacation. He will die after the 100th time he says, ‘That’s not a knife!’ and an Aussie snaps and stabs him.” –Dread

“I really like how the watercooler seems to have spigots like 6 inches off the floor. I guess everyone’s a dick in this universe, up to and including office supply companies.” –pugfuggly

“Okay, okay, so Rex’s hair is just … like that all the time. It comes out of the shower that way. All right. That negates, like, a good decade of fan theories I had been formulating, but I can recalibrate.” –Joe Blevins

“I was going to make a joke about tuning in in-room porn, but I guess to Rex news stories about his heroics are in-room porn.” –Pozzo

“The rock concert was probably something like ‘Municipal Symphony Plays Hits by Bob Dylan.’ Which would explain why Leroy, himself a connoisseur of dickishness, looks perplexed as this guy shouts so deeply from his sternum that he has to lock his back and dig his feet in.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Let me make myself clear, no hubub! I don’t want things all cattywompus, full of kerfuffle after boondoggle, and all hurly burly. Am I perfectly clear? Bob’s your uncle.” –Joe

“I was looking forward to Kadia moving into Skull Cave. ‘Oh, this is my friend’s house. He’s out of the country and ours is under renovation. Guran runs the school. You’ll enjoy learning differential equations — in the Bandar Tongue. Babudan teaches archery and tracking.’” –Downpuppy

“My girls will love it here! They’ve always wanted to be green-screened into an architectural software rendering.” –Peanut Gallery

“Sure, Leroy’s got the big-city office, the briefcase, the overpriced to-go coffee, the suit and striped tie, the extremely expensive degree that serves no purpose but to indicate his monetary and cultural power, but class anxiety never goes away.” –Schroduck

“The rude passengers, the news anchors, it’s all the same — Rex doesn’t care who he feels contempt for, just as long as he can feel contempt for someone.” –TheDiva

“Ha ha ha! Fuck the 8th Amendment! Over to you, Chip, for Sports!” –Little Guy

“If you think this sounds like a lot of bureaucratic red tape for a husband and wife organizing a pick-up softball game, you should see what Gil and Mimi have to go through to have sex. They can’t even get to third base without twenty pages of forms and a notary public.” –jroggs

“Billy’s expression disturbs me. He doesn’t have a smug smile that indicates ‘I just successfully hurt my sister,’ or a furrowed brow or frown that indicates ‘I’m going to get in trouble’ or (ha ha) ‘I hope my sister is OK.’ His perfectly neutral mouth and raised eyebrows of curiosity read as ‘So these humans are upset when pain is inflicted on them. I shall store this information away for later use.’” –matt w

“If Billy had farted, then the half-assed wordplay would have actually made sense, which would be very off-brand for Family Circus. What’s very on-brand is Thel not giving a shit that those melon-headed monsters are playing basketball inside the goddamn house.” –Rosstifer

“Three demerits to random Dick Tracy guest character for bumbling his line. It should be ‘Was she a math teacher?’ ‘Yes, it all adds up.’ The judges would have also accepted ‘Was she a grammar teacher?’ ‘Yes, it all parses out’ or ‘Was she a science teacher?’ ‘Yes, just as I hypothesized.’” –Dmsilev

“If you go gallivanting around with my father searching for hidden gold, don’t even bother coming back! Unless, of course, you find it.” –BigTed

“Mark Trail makes a lot more sense once you realize the characters are all reading pre-selected text off the inside of their eyeballs, Terminator-style.” –pastordan

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Tales of Magical Legalism: Litrachoor for the Irate: One reviewer says: “A fun read, but also a sly and vivid exploration of life in any office, legal or not. Some truths can only be told with fiction, and these stories use the fantastical to illuminate some of the darker corners of our seemingly mundane, work-a-day world. If HP Lovecraft and Jim Butcher had teamed up to write for The Office, they probably would have just come to fisticuffs, but these stories are better than anything they would managed to get down on paper.”
• SocMediaMarket: Meet the new way of becoming a famous! Buy Instagram followers, likes, and views.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!