Post Content

My friends, tonight, YOU can see my and other hilarious people do COMEDY JOKES on stage at 8 pm, if you’re in Los Angeles! What are you waiting for? Commit your body and soul by telling Facebook that you’re going!

Even if you don’t come to my show, you still deserve love, and joy, and so forth, and you can get that love and joy from your comment … of the week!

“Bold move for Dick Tracy to start implicating other legacy comic characters of grisly crimes. After this story arc, maybe he should pivot to Jon Arbuckle, and see if we can find out what REALLY happened to Lyman.” –SideshowJon

And your very hilarious runners up!

“Be sure to mention that sweet boombox in your updated Silverdaters profile, Estelle! Unless you think it’s a gold digger magnet, that is.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“That’s right, seniors, when you’re ready to get back into the game of love, come to SilverDaters.com, the only dating website that requires your scam payments to be made in easily accessible silver! Don’t be fooled by imitators, like GoldDaters.com, which is filled with gold diggers, or CryptoDaters.com, which makes you pay your love ransom in some weird e-currency! Remember what our spokesman, William Jennings Bryan, always says: ‘You shall not press down upon the brow of horny seniors this crown of crypto; you shall not crucify gullible spinsters upon a cross of gold!’ SilverDaters.com. Where ‘bi’ stands for bimetallism!” –Voshkod

“There’s definitely something afoot here. Birds don’t have sweat glands. Did this imposter kill the real candle shop owner and stuff her corpse into the AC unit? Will Slylock be able to mentally move past the factoids about the melting point of wax and principles of thermodynamics in time to bring this murderer to justice? Can’t wait to see how this one turns out!” –jroggs

“If only we’d made the walls pitch black to match the carpets!” –Rosstifer

“It’s not particularly rebellious if no one is trying to stop you from doing it.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“But really, the fact that I looked at the picture without reading the text and thought ‘shady shrew’ tells me that Slylock is going to be useless at anything that doesn’t involve fixing blame. Maybe she should have called someone with STEM skills, like Count Weirdly?” –Richardf8

“I have no idea what Pam & Jeff’s son’s name is, but I’m hoping that it’s ‘Bob,’ because having a couple in which both partners have palindromic names would be adorable (until they get cancer).” –Pozzo

“I realize that public-private partnerships are all the rage, but I still think it’s pathetic that the D.A. has to share his sumptuous office space with a chai bar and a banking branch of a Catholic militia group.” –Peanut Gallery

“You might not have guessed it would be better to have the main character named Underwear, but here we are.” –pachoo

“The crossover nobody dared to imagine. Wait, did I write ‘dared to?’ I meant ‘bothered to.’” –GeoGreg

“I wanna talk about that kid who’s got BOTH backpack straps over one shoulder. Absolute legend.” –@TheWillThe, on Twitter

“What’s sad is that Estelle confused an ad for an online travel service on the SilverDaters website as a profile. She calls them twice a day, and when they get sick of explaining her mistake to her, they put her on hold. She’s actually been singing along with Michael McDonald’s cover of ‘Walking in Memphis.’” –pugfuggly

“Six Chix is attempting to reboot the infamous ’60s sitcom My Mother, The Cabernet.” –Cotton Candy Beard

“Look, I’m sorry if we seemed a bit elitist, but having us read Animal Farm isn’t going to make us any more accepting of your Furry lifestyle!” –JJ48

“The little miracle here is that Marvin himself is prevented from saying, doing, or thinking anything for two whole panels. He doesn’t even give a knowing look to the audience. I’m gonna call this a win.” –Joe Blevins

“It’ll take more than one colonel to potty train Marvin. It will take a team of elite CIA officers employing a Clockwork Orange scenario. In the end, he’ll be a nearly-functional adult, but will break down and run to the nearest bathroom at the first note of a Beethoven symphony.” –Dread

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Sunday 2am: A weekly webcomic about life, love, happiness, creme-filled snacks (and only occasionally talking animals).

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

Post Content

My friends, one week from tonight YOU can see my and other hilarious people do COMEDY JOKES on stage at 8 pm, if you’re in Los Angeles! What are you waiting for? Commit your body and soul by telling Facebook that you’re going!

And you can commit your body and soul to joy right now by enjoying your comment of the week!

“All Lockhorns comics are funnier with the following caption: ‘Jesus, Loretta, they’re going to sue us.’” –a.

And your runners up! Very funny!

“If $40 and a tip jar won’t pay for two crappy toy guns and a fake mustache, these guys are clearly shopping at the wrong guns and disguises store.” –Julia Margarita

“Today’s Rex Morgan, M.D., realises the secret dream of nerds everywhere: turning nitpicking, ‘just asking questions‘ and ‘actually’ into weapons effective in the real world.” –Ettorre

“After the apocalypse, when the survivors have reluctantly banded together into fortified communities but are still riven by mutual distrust, ‘What are you cooking there, neighbor?’ / ‘Just enough food to feed my family’ will become the new standard greeting.” –Schroduck

“[ring, ring] ‘You’ve reached the voicemail of COUNT WEIRDLY. Please leave a message after the beep.’ [beep] ‘Sly, old buddy, it’s Count Weirdly. I know you’re sneaking around my castle right now because, well, you always are. I’m on a business trip in, uh… Bismarck, the state capital of South Dakota! Or am I? You tell me, super sleuth! Haha! Anyway, can you do me a solid and feed my pets while you’re there? Thanks, chief. Oh, and no making friends with the purple thing; I’m planning on teaching it to commit mail fraud once it’s housebroken. Catch you on the flip!’ [beep]” –jroggs

“‘What’s wrong with Otto?’ ‘He wanted to piss on the bedpost but doesn’t have the opposable thumbs necessary to remove his uniform, so he pissed his pants. How’s your Alpo?’” –nescio

“I was in there so long because I was on the phone with Glenwood’s finest! Also, I think I might have a minor bowel obstruction. What? Now that the ‘robbery’ is over we need another source of dramatic tension, right?” –pugfuggly

“TIRED: The Pajama Diaries couple is into BDSM. WIRED: At least one of the Pajama Diaries characters has teeth instead of a toothless little dot mouth.” –Jenna

“I think the phrase Rob is looking for is ‘a productive and respected author and philosopher with influential theories about camp.’” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“‘Dating used to be much simpler’ thought Mary as she ate the salad with her bare hands, stopping only to roughly douse each piece of iceberg lettuce with mustard.” –Escape Zeppelin

“You know, if someone told me they’d just almost been hit by a truck, I’d have a pretty good idea why they looked depressed.” –Rube

“Oh Lettuce, King of Vegetables, I come to you in the name of Estelle, who is a human vegetable in her way. Help her find her true dressing!” –Little Blue Bicycle

“Estelle thinks cats have it easy? Mary is still worried about how Estelle is adjusting? I know where this is going. Spoiler alert: Estelle is going to start living her life as a cat. She’ll make herself some kind of crude cat costume, and she’ll start prancing around her apartment on all fours. Eventually, the Santa Royale police will find her scrounging through garbage can in an alley. They’ll shine a flashlight on her, and she’ll hiss. This is going to be great.” –Joe Blevins

“What’s the one thing more dorky than a stamp collection or barbershop quartet? Your hippie English teacher’s favorite century-old novelist! It wouldn’t seem possible to make attractive, athletic high-school girls completely unpopular, but I guess you can always find a way if you try hard enough.” –BigTed

“If you want a vision of the future, imagine an athletic cleat stamping on a human face — forever.” –Dmsilev

“Aren’t these guys all old enough to have qualified for Medicare years ago? ‘Curse you, LBJ, for forcing me to invent a contorted hillbilly spelling of inshorance!’” –Peanut Gallery

“I jes’ got me one o’ them HSAs — a Hillbilly Scufflin’ Account!” –Pozzo

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Sunday 2am: A weekly webcomic about life, love, happiness, creme-filled snacks (and only occasionally talking animals).

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

Post Content

THIS WEEK’S TOP COMMENT IS HERE: RIGHT NOW!

“‘Exterminator,’ huh? That dog has the calm, cold eyes of a trained killer. Billy should be glad he’s a dullard — any Keane kids who get too much heathen book-learning will one day see those eyes, and then nothing more.” –stepped pyramids

And also? The runners up. Hilarious!

“Yes, there’s a fine line between ‘Food Taster’ and ‘Garbage Collector,’ a line that Sam dutifully erases.” –Pozzo

“This strip makes a lot more sense when you realize that Comrade Amoshya Haftrakov was actually an officer in the Soviet army who fought in the proxy wars of central Asia before being recruited by the KGB and sent to infiltrate an American military installation, and subsequently was forgotten when the USSR collapsed. It also explains in more ways than one why ‘General Amos Halftrack’ fills himself with a gallon of vodka every day. He’s a tragic hero, a warrior trapped in the terrible future he swore to prevent. Also, he’s Russian.” –jroggs

“Feeding people cancer causing nitrates is Les’s specialty. Not as instantly satisfying as Montoni’s explosive diarrhea causing pizza, but cancer sells books.” –ZeroWolf

“The deal with those two guys is that they’re overwhelmed by the level of sheer excitement in this strip. Watching The World’s Oldest Teenagers sit around talking about a vintage car show? Maybe even with bands!? STOP THIS INSANITY!” –Peanut Gallery

“I love the defeated, slouching posture of the mustachioed guy in panel two. He doesn’t know how it’s possible to fuck up hot dogs, but he’s pretty sure Les can find a way to do it. This teachers’ picnic is gonna suuuuuuuuuuuck, y’all.” –Joe Blevins

“What’s the deal with those two guys? They’re twitching and vibrating like there are hordes of bugs roaming under their skins, like they’ve been hollowed out by insects. Like they’re just skin-robots for insectoid overlords. [sip] Anyway, what was that about a car show?” –Voshkod

“Have you any idea the level of horniness required to lose $210 million in romance scams? 15,000 horny people, mostly old, mostly ugly, always desperate trekking the web in search of a target. The level of human misery reaches at least 3 MegaWilbur.” –Ettorre

“Dear Sam and/or Silo: Considering that we probably already have your tax money — it was withheld from your paycheck — good luck getting it back. And if by chance you do owe something, send it in or we’ll show you what else your tax dollars pay for. Have a nice day. –The IRS” –But What Do I Know?

“It starts with citizens trying to specify what their tax dollars will be used for, but it’ll quickly escalate into citizens deciding that the government can’t be trusted to look out for their best interests and seceding altogether. If Sam and Silo is any indication, the Second Civil War will be far less interesting and more poorly drawn than we could have possibly imagined.” –JJ48

“OPHTHALMOLOGIST is spelled wrong on the diploma. Yes, I found an error in a completely unfunny cartoon. It’s only 6:15 am, and I’ve already peaked.” –Weaselboy

“The implication is that Leroy is so turned on by the attractive nurse that his pupils are not just dilated, but FREAKISHLY dilated, reaching a level that usually requires special eye drops. I’d sorta assumed that Leroy was too miserable to feel any kind of arousal, so ‘Leroy has an all-consuming nurse fetish’ is a surprising if not entirely welcome revelation.” –Jenna

“Have we ever seen Bill’s eyes fully open before? Can we never again?” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“I’d now like to announce the results of this morning’s faculty water balloon fight, at which you were all present and thus already know the results. But first I’d like to announce this year’s winner of the always competitive ‘Flimsiest set-up for a pun’ award…” –pugfuggly

“In a court of bald people the one with hair is always found guilty.” –Roof Canal

“‘There’s nothing more irresistible than driving a sports car across deep sand dunes in an area where there isn’t a paved road for hundreds of miles,’ said no woman ever, including either of the two who exist in the Crock universe.” –BigTed

“Is the shading on the jester’s nose meant to indicate the ‘lovable drunk’ stereotype, or that years in a dank, unsanitary dungeon have induced necrosis?” –TheDiva

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Sunday 2am: A weekly webcomic about life, love, happiness, creme-filled snacks (and only occasionally talking animals).

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!