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No fuss, no muss: it’s this week’s top comment:

“‘It’s been a while since any parents complained,’ says Gil, as he demonstrates the hernia exam that they complained about.” –seismic-2

Also: Your hilarious runners up!

“Rex has waited until reaching the airport before reading the papers from the other researchers at the conference? For the first time ever, I see realism in this strip.” –Ettore

“‘I’ll be at a dull old medical conference all day long’ is just the kind of thing you’d yell if you were worried your wife and kids were about to join the dots about you and your secret second family.” –Schroduck

“How can I treat Mary Worth as portraying an aspirational lifestyle after seeing how the apartments are absolute crap? Are these converted barracks from Camp Swampy?” –Rusty

“I can’t show weakness to Ian by letting him think I’m concerned, or invested in our relationship in any way!” –TheDiva

“‘I’ve always been proud of my independence,’ says the woman who has never paid for anything ever in her entire life.” –Joe Blevins

“I believe it’s pronounced ‘fapping.’” –John Salerno, on Facebook

“Come on, honey. Let’s go take our minds off our son’s obvious medical problem.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“Bonus brainteaser: Is that piece of furniture on the right a drafting table with no leg room, or just an ordinary out-of-perspective chest of drawers? Enjoy some Hams Chow while you think it over.” –Peanut Gallery

“‘I’m calling the website up right now!’ said the man who definitely has used the internet before.” –pugfuggly

“Good thing Billie Jean didn’t install some skeeball machines, her idiot customers would be using them as urinals! Oh wait, that’s too on-the-nose for a Crock punchline. They’d be using them as flip phones!” –jroggs

“Gil, you need to see this. You don’t want to — but you need to. Apparently, landlines are completely obsolete now, thanks to these … what do the kids call them? … ‘cellular telephones.’ On the plus side, some of the guys on the team showed me how to use it to get all the cute cat videos I could ever want. See? It’s a cat, but he’s riding around on top of the little floor-vacuum robot!” –JJ48

“Looks like the guy in panel two is going ‘Whooaa‘ in awe of Mark’s sick dance stylze.” –Pozzo

“‘…and place the mask carefully over your nose and mouth. If you are travelling with a child, place your own mask on before assisting your child.’ The flight attendant’s patter was lulling most of the passengers into boredom, but Rex and Brayden stared at each other with cold, cold eyes. A silent understanding. Maybe even a glimmering of respect. When this cabin loses pressure and the oxygen masks deploy from the overhead compartment, they both thought, you are on your own.” — Voshkod

“Oh crap. ‘Bobby’ has changed his name to ‘Robby’ to show the world he’s not taking its shit anymore. I’ll bet the confrontation between him and Gil will include this moment: Gil: ‘Bobby–‘ Robby: ‘YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS ROBBY.’” –Jenna

“For Mark Trail, the word ‘encounter’ means ‘to punch in the face with great force.’ He was utterly baffled by both Brief Encounter and Close Encounters of the Third Kind. And that time Cherry dragged him to an encounter group? Disaster!” –Joe Blevins

“‘MARY, comfortable and confident in her single life, eats alone and indulges in erotic fantasy. TOBY AND IAN, continuing their loveless sham of a marriage, eat in silence.’ It’s like the world’s most depressing Goofus and Gallant.” –Dan

“Early 2019 gives us a bald, bearded John Travolta and a — what do the youths call it? — a thicc Mark Trail. Could this be the rain of men that was foretold by the soothsayin’ Weather Girls?” –The Mighty Captain E

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Ghosts Are Assholes: James Kirst is a new author with a new novel entitled Ghosts Are Assholes, a different kind of ghost story, that he thinks you’ll love so why not read a free preview to see if you agree. Learn more about it on his site and while you’re there, why not check out one of his short stories too?

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Hello all! It’s the first Friday of 2019, which means it’s the first Friday of the month, which means the Internet Read Aloud, the live comedy show I host, is happening in Los Angeles, tonight! We have a stellar lineup, so you really should come!

Here’s the Facebook event! If your New Year’s resolution is to leave the house more, now’s your chance! It’s FREE!

And here’s your comment of the first, admittedly truncated, week of the year!

“Les Soldats: ‘SURPRISE!’ [Background music: La Marseillaise] Le Crock: ‘What? You guys. What is this?’ Les Soldats: ‘We planned a coup for you! You’re the President of the Sixth Republic now!’ [Les Soldats begin to sing: Do you hear, in the countryside, the roar of those ferocious soldiers? They’re coming right into your arms to cut the throats of your sons, your women!] Le Crock: ‘You guys are the best. Round up the usual suspects — communists and foreigners. The executions start in ten minutes.’” –Voshkod

And your hilarious runners up!

“For a minute, I thought Ian was relaxing by reading LAM! magazine, the go-to periodical for the aspiring convict-on-the-run. But then I realized that that would be a potentially interesting plot development, and therefore against the law in Santa Royale.” –Dmsilev

“I would have thought that Dick Tracy and not Gil Thorp would be the last man standing in the War on Christmas. Maybe they are trying to capture a different kind of readers. Gil Thorp offers underage, masculine beefcake for the traditional conservative reader, while Dick Tracy believes that now that Tumblr has a new censorship, it could become the most prominent platform for grotesque erotica.” –Ettore

“The eyelines in that Christmas strip are fascinating. We see Kelly staring at Kaz with mistletoe, begging for at least a little physical intimacy. But Kaz’s eyes are locked on Gil. Even when they’re not working out, he can’t keep his eyes off his spotting partner.” –Jenna

“I sincerely hope that everybody in this strip is a cop, and the story ends in a massive reciprocal arrest-o-thon.” –Uncle Lumpy

“With your calm demeanor and general lack of affect, you’d make an excellent hostage.” –Peanut Gallery

“If a student is late with homework and flunking tests, why would the teacher go to see Gil about it instead of talking with the student? Gil can’t be bothered even to do his own job, much less someone else’s!” –seismic-2

“Let’s all just be thankful that it’s the coffee request that confused the mayor, and not the also somewhat ambiguous ‘dumps yo trash.’” –pugfuggly

“For another, Otto’s like, fifteen pounds max, and you want to put him in a position where everyone will be trying to tackle him? Don’t you care about your dog at all, Sarge?” –JJ48

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Ghosts Are Assholes: James Kirst is a new author with a new novel entitled Ghosts Are Assholes, a different kind of ghost story, that he thinks you’ll love so why not read a free preview to see if you agree. Learn more about it on his site and while you’re there, why not check out one of his short stories too?

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Hello, all! As is my wont, I am departing tomorrow for my annual Christmastime journey and not updating the site till I get back. Look for new comics somewhere around the 2nd of January, or thereabouts? VERY excited to recap the developments in The Last Temptation of Ian Cameron!

ALSO, do not forget that January 4th is the first Friday of the month, and you know what that means … it means the Internet Read Aloud, the live comedy show I host, is happening in Los Angeles! We have a stellar lineup, so you really should come!

Here’s the Facebook event!

And now here is your comment of the weeks, which as ever shall be your comment of the next several weeks, until I come back and start recording comments again:

“You two need to spice things up. Have you considered getting a cat? It worked wonders for Jeff and me. He saw the cat and left, and then I got rid of the cat, and then he came back. The magic has returned!” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

And the hilarious runners up!

“I think we all know what Mark means by the Jacuzzi of Despair, as he walks away from it once again.” –Little Blue Bicycle

“The saddest part of this is that Beetle’s bed undoubtedly sucks. There’s no way that thing is comfortable.” –Joe Blevins

“Toby, most people throw their old socks out eventually.” –Rosstifer

“BECKY HAD SOME REALLY GREAT STUFF TODAY! [sniffs, wipes teeth] ALSO A MASK.” –pugfuggly

“‘And how’s Ian?’ ‘Ian who? Sorry, but like I said, I’ve just had all my thoughts cleared.’” –Peanut Gallery

“I, for one am glad the Gil Thorp creative team is finally going to address the #1 problem facing high school athletes today: Introversion.” –Wasabi Jane

“Pam? Ed? You guys already have a tree. It’s right there in the window. You already decorated it. You don’t need more trees.” –jroggs

“At the end of the day, we share our lives. I tell him how many anonymous sexual encounters I had, he tells me how many doctoral students he scared away from academia through sexual harassment. It is a relationship based on honesty.” –Ettorre

“He really should’ve ordered a fake tree from Shamazon. That would’ve fulfilled the strip’s holy trifecta: 1) Fake brands 2) Abysmal puns 3) Crankshaft being a dick” –Pozzo

“No, no guys. Ian and Toby’s love life needs REFRESHMENT. Literally. Muffin sex. Muffins and those indistinguishable beige blobs that Mary serves at dinner parties. You didn’t think anyone was eating them, did you? Ian’s probably fantasizing about salmon loaf as we speak.” –Drummergurl

“Oh NO! Now we’ll have to write a thank-you note. And our maid’s gotten married, so we’ll have to do it! ” –Bill Peschel

“At what level of tenure at this university do you get bookcases and maybe a 5th book?” –Foodar

“How about for Christmas George gets a shirt with a slightly wider neck. No reason. Just … maybe consider it.” –Dan

“Why can’t Ian just take the damn compliment? Does the ghost of William Shakespeare haunt this strip, the way Santa haunts Family Circus? Is Ian afraid that Shakespeare’s ghost will pop out while he’s banging this bright-eyed coed and shriek, ‘TIS I WHO HATH ALLOWED THEE TO MAKE THE BEAST WITH TWO BACKS! ME! NOT THOU! ME!’” –Jenna

“I love how Dustin’s dad’s already opening up his laptop. By god, whoever runs that airline’s Twitter feed is going to have to hear every sordid detail of the feces situation.” –Schroduck

“I’m sorry, but if a stranger sits down next to me on an airplane and starts talking about ‘unspoken covenants,’ I’m calling the sky marshal. I’ll get an empty seat next to me, and he’ll get to travel the rest of the way to Phoenix Sky Harbor in that disgusting bathroom. Win win!” –Voshkod

“Most students never provide feedback! They’re more concerned with studying the material and actually trying to learn something from the class. I’m glad you’ve figured out the real path to a good grade!” –JJ48

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Ghosts Are Assholes: James Kirst is a new author with a new novel entitled Ghosts Are Assholes, a different kind of ghost story, that he thinks you’ll love so why not read a free preview to see if you agree. Learn more about it on his site and while you’re there, why not check out one of his short stories too?

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!