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It’s that time again: Time for this week’s top comment:

Showing Mary Worth how to look things up on the computer is time wasted, though having Mary Worth supervise as you do something you’d be doing anyway is pretty much standard.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

The runners up? Also very funny!

“Big Daddy Keane uses the tree and its carvers’ fates to show how the outside world’s random coupling can lead to so much unhappiness. ‘Sure, you might be the nice family having dinner or celebrating an anniversary, but you could just as easily be the homeless couple or the fighting couple or the prison couple. Not worth the risk, right? Anyway, outside time is over.’” –Jenna

“Uh, yeah, Marie, we kinda figured you were no longer working here when you stopped working here several months ago. Hey, Marie, before you embark on your new life, you might want to swing by your old elementary school and tell them you’re no longer attending classes there.” –Joe Blevins

“I call shenanigans. Real pluggers drink themselves into a coma sitting in a chair.” –Zerowolf

Pluggers should read ‘A plugger’s psychological development is arrested at the infantile oral fixation.’ Getting lucky at month 3 means getting the breast. Getting lucky at age 50 means getting sweetened cow milk from the woman who supplanted your mother, while you cling to her flesh, ogle her chest, and flaunt your bliss to an extent never before seen in this strip. Don’t expect this guy to use the potty, is what I’m saying.” –Hopester

“Jessica and Cindy accidentally left a mike on while they were bantering good-naturedly about an old murder and they now have a top-ranked podcast.” –lorne

“‘Hey, Cindy, stop harshing my jive!’ ‘Too late! I’ve got the 411 on your shizzle!’” –Thomas Keith, on Facebook

“This is so Funky. All these big shots making documentaries and producing films and stuff, but they don’t have access to source material without travelling to Cancerville to peruse some yokel’s private collection.” –Ned Ryerson

“Leroy is holding his just-completed suicide note, and now has second thoughts about going through with it if Loretta is going to burn to death at the same time.” –nescio

“It almost looks like a these two are going to break out into song, perhaps a grifter/griftee version of the American Tail classic ‘Somewhere Out There.’” –pugfuggly

“The entire collection of movies from an early silent-era star is either something that is available entirely on YouTube or copyright-free or is a precious treasure that has escaped collectors and researchers for decades and could revolutionize our understanding of that period — there is nothing in between. This would be a golden opportunity to remake The Name of the Rose with the movie collection in place of Aristotle’s second book on poetics, so you know Batuik is going to squander it.” –Ettore

“‘I will always be in touch‘ means ‘I will never speak to any of you ever again, thank christ.’” –Rosstifer

“The name is a constant reminder of why they are no longer truly birds; why they cannot fly. They took up the humans’ ways. They adopted the humans’ language. They wear the humans’ clothes: shirts and coats and blouses that prevent their wings from spreading open to catch the wind that lofts them above the earth. Shoes that weight them to the ground. Glasses that limit their once penetrating vision to objects within arm’s reach. The only human things that don’t drag them down instantly are coffee and liquor, so they laboriously climb up—where once they could have flown down—climb, wearily climb to get to that tree-branch stool (the closest they’ll get to the heaven they once swam through effortlessly), where they can briefly feel the sensation of flying. Hangovers and mid-day energy crashes are a small price to pay for that.” –Old Man Muffaroo

“I don’t care about Arthur’s looks, Mary! I’m in love with his personality! His insecure, secretive, lying, financially-irresponsible personality!” –jroggs

“Look, I get that Mary Worth’s neighbors don’t seem like a bunch of rabid football fans, but they all live in southern California and you’d think at least one of them would recognize a picture of former USC coach Pete Carroll.” –Brad

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