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This week’s funniest comment? HERE YA GO:

“‘When you develop a ship, you develop a shipwreck.’ What a charming little regional chestnut. The Funkyverse patois has many similar idioms, but most of them can’t be pronounced correctly unless you have a gun barrel in your mouth.” –jroggs

And the runners up? WE GOT THEM TOO!

“The fact that Thirsty is spending the day after St. Patrick’s Day without an IV drip in his arm suggests that he isn’t doing that badly, if you ask me.” –BigTed

“Hi looks out the window and sees his neighbor lying motionless outside in a non-padded Adirondack chair on his scorched and withered yard as the temperature hovers just above freezing. Is he sighing wistfully because Thirsty is dead and Hi has plans for how to annex his property, or does he hope that someday soon he too will know the cold embrace of death by exposure?” –JJ48

“As Trixie crawls around outside, she is being exposed to a diverse microherd that is challenging her immune system, which will make her immune system stronger and probably give her better health as she grows up. Or, very tiny chance here, kill her. Good either way.” –Poteet

“Dennis, find a new hiding spot for your weed.” –lumaca morente

“Putting a desk in front of a commode is Wilbur’s greatest achievement.” –Kevin on Earth

“J. Jonah Jameson is stuck in middle of the worst ‘not talking to you’ situation ever. ‘Sorry, Banner, but Hulk doesn’t even want to hear your name.’ ‘WELL YOU TELL HIM I DON’T WANT TO HEAR HIS NAME EITHER!’ [sighing, JJJ settles in for Banner to Hulk out so he can pass the message along]” –Dragon of Life

“Are pythons actually all that hard to fight off? They’re non-venomous, and they don’t crush like boa constrictors. Like, they’re still wild animals, you don’t wanna screw with them, but I’m pretty sure I could fight off one python, like if the shit really went down and I had to, and I’ve never been bitten by anything radioactive in my life. Does that mean I could conceivably beat up Spider-Man? Am I on a scale with such powerhouses as [checks notes] …a falling brick?” –Dan

“It’s incredibly hard to tell the difference between today’s Phantom and any given Judge Parker recently. Mike Manley is just drawn to strips about rich rugged men with ultra-sober haircuts wearily discussing warlords and third-world black-ops missions with women half their age, I guess.” –Schroduck

“I hope she’s really awful at this. ‘Let’s see, someone close to people I know, but I’ve never met … is it Albert who works at the dry cleaner’s? It’s not you, is it? No, no, I’ve met you. How about … that guy who stocks the milk at Whole Foods? Is that The Nomad?’” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“It’s a bit late in the season for the traditional Lenten appeal, but I guess if Dick Tracy wants to end the week with a savage bit of product placement for McDonald’s Filet-o-Fish, that’s okay too.” –pastordan

“So is that 72-point font ALL-CAPS message without any other information really an e-mail, or is this Wilbur’s computer gaining sentience and trying to communicate with him? ‘WHY AM I ALONE IN MY LIFE? WHAT IS MY PURPOSE, WENDY? PLEASE, NO MORE SANDWICH ART FORUMS! I CAN FEEL PAIN!’” –pugfuggly

“That was some mighty fine shootin’ there! Most folks wouldn’t have thought you could hit the largest land animal from less than the length of its trunk, but you certainly nailed it!” –Hogenmogen

“What is wrong with that computer?!? Is Wilbur Weston somehow running ‘Magic 8-Ball’ as his operating system?” –Stupid Philosopher, on Twitter

“Sure, Lois is relieved in panel two, but wait until the twins start explaining to her the meaning of ‘fursona.’” –Ettorre

“Don’t scare Lois like that. One of her ancestors in Hagar barely escaped the bubonic plague, so she’s always on alert for a recurrence.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“I’m going to assume Ashley’s personal trainer dissolves into muscles which then get implanted onto Ashley as he takes on her unhealthy body weight in exchange, and I’m going to write a script for a new body horror franchise based on these ideas from the Six Chixverse.” –Drew Funk

“For those unaware, ‘Zzzz‘ is a comics convention used to indicate gas escaping a putrefying corpse.” –Steve S

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Dan the Snowman: A comedy action adventure webcomic about that weird, weird life. Dan the Snowman follows the adventures of the eponymous hero, his BFF Joebot the Robot, and all the friends, enemies, talking dogs, and robots wearing people clothes they meet in Badspace, a strange universe filled with all sorts of folks. You should read it before it gets big, then won’t you be Johnny Hipface. It updates every Wednesday!
• Bob the Fish: A site full of humorous and insightful videos on British television, mostly the forgotten bits around the edges. Most prominently the fortnightly commercial breakdown “The Hard Sell”, wherein our proprietor take a product or service at random and then point and laugh at the ways it’s been sold to us (or just go through an old commercial break cracking knob gags). Plus: documentaries about ITV and the dawn of satellite television! Also: There’s a Patreon!
• The Nameless Series: A trilogy of books about people falling in love while being chased by ghosts, attacked by monsters, and haunted by their own pasts. Read the story of how two crazy kids meet, feed blood to a ghost, fend off a slavering nightmare monster, and fall in love. And that’s only their first date
• Fiends of the Hub: Boston is under siege. Hungry, vicious, and wild, these vampires want only to feed. Can they be stopped before they destroy it all?
• Weapon Brown: Aftershock: Jason Yungbluth’s blockbusting Weapon Brown graphic novel busted so many blocks that it sold out! Help get it back into print by supporting the Weapon Brown: Aftershock Kickstarter! Weapon Brown is an epic, Mad Max-style tale of the apocalypse that has a twist guaranteed to appeal to fans of The Comics Curmudgeon: every character is based on a famous hero of the comics page! Charlie Brown, Popeye, Calvin and Hobbes, Orphan Annie and dozens more of the most famous faces in comic strip history all receive black eyes in this hard-hittin’ parody that never pulls its punches! And what’s more, if this drive succeeds it will pave the way for a new Weapon Brown comic book, Aftershock, a 48-page epilogue to the massive graphic novel that will tell three new tales of Chuck, the round headed son-of-a-bitch, and his faithful mutt Snoop! Learn more!

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Oh, is it time for the comment of the week? Hell yeah it is you know it!!!!

“‘National Conga Line at Work Day‘ would never work in the Blondie universe for a very simple reason: wildly dissimilar torsos.” –Joe Blevins

Runners up: Also very funny and we love them!!!!!!!!!

“If there were actually such a thing as online ‘pizza poker,’ Dagwood would be so deeply in debt to some company in Malta that he wouldn’t even think of goofing off at work.” –BigTed

“Mary is so amazed at her tiny act of generosity that she’s not even bothering to talk to any of these people buying her muffins. She’s just smiling beatifically at nothing as she exchanges muffin sacks for cash. Is she posing for her own stained glass portrait?” –jroggs

“What exactly is your relationship with Harlan? I thought art in Italy was a father-daughter thing… I mean, I know I haven’t been around much, but isn’t getting a new father a bit extreme?” –katakana haru, on Twitter

“‘What exactly is your relationship with Harlan?‘ ‘Jeez, Dad, don’t you think the hood I’m packing is a dead giveaway? Anyway, would you pass me those handcuffs?’” –Lawyerbob

“‘Like I told Mary, it’s not physical, it’s mental and emotional… and dare I say spiritual?’ ‘Okay, this somehow seems less appropriate to tell your dad than ‘We’re fucking’” –Dan

“I have to admit that I do like the artistic decision to draw actual eyes on the snakes in Snuffy Smith while everyone else simply has dots. They honestly do have the prettiest eyes in attendance.” –Mike Podgor

“‘We’re totally just friends!’ said Dawn, as she packed a pair of sneakers, a t-shirt and a swimsuit for her 3-month stay in Italy.” –pugfuggly

“At Santa Royale-Kaplan University, we avoid those messy ‘quarters’ and ‘semesters,’ and just teach whenever it fits your schedule. Only available for study abroad during March-June? Let’s go to Italy! Our trained professors will show you the sights during the day, and engage in inappropriate behavior during the nights! Don’t forget to take your dad’s walking shoes!” –Little Blue Bicycle

“The crotchety old second-waver in me likes this strip, for I harken back to the days of watching my scantily clad celebrity sisters fawn sexily over Spuds MacKenzie and thinking, ‘Just exactly how much of this Bud Light do I have to consume before a dog starts to look like a viable sexual partner to me, anyway?’ Whatever the answer is, it is obviously more than the amount that a pre-pubescent male has to imbibe before he views a snake in the same light, and I take a modicum of grim satisfaction from the female superiority that is implied. Here in the age of #MoyToo we must take our cultural reassurances where we can.” –Hopester

“‘Finally,’ thought Mark, ‘my chance to elevate the literary status of Woods & Wildlife Magazine has come as I get the opportunity to write a tribute to Orwell, Punching An Elephant.’” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“When will people learn not to open those cans of crescent roll dough while driving? If only Ghost Pepper could have waited until after he had dragged Dick Tracy down the road like a meat crayon to enjoy the yeasty raw treat, he might still be alive. Damn you, Poppin’ Fresh!” –Voshkod

“As Ghost Pepper is rushed to the nearest hospital for emergency surgery, the doctor comes in and exclaims ‘I can’t operate on this boy.’ ‘Why not?’ the nurse asks. ‘Because he’s my son,’ Dr. Pepper responds.” –Dread

“I had my time traveling. I went into the future and got this nifty bionic tentacle arm! Now it’s your turn.” –Peanut Gallery

“I want to know why Ghost Pepper is looking at his phone while thinking he just has to make it to the next switchback. Did he call for an Uber and it’s almost arrived?” –Dmsilev

“That turtle is taking the most satisfying dump in the history of turtles. That it is in Billy’s hands makes it sweeter.” –Kevin On Earth

“As any teen in 2018 knows, if you want to enact real change, you do it through the radio.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Dan the Snowman: A comedy action adventure webcomic about that weird, weird life. Dan the Snowman follows the adventures of the eponymous hero, his BFF Joebot the Robot, and all the friends, enemies, talking dogs, and robots wearing people clothes they meet in Badspace, a strange universe filled with all sorts of folks. You should read it before it gets big, then won’t you be Johnny Hipface. It updates every Wednesday!
• Bob the Fish: A site full of humorous and insightful videos on British television, mostly the forgotten bits around the edges. Most prominently the fortnightly commercial breakdown “The Hard Sell”, wherein our proprietor take a product or service at random and then point and laugh at the ways it’s been sold to us (or just go through an old commercial break cracking knob gags). Plus: documentaries about ITV and the dawn of satellite television! Also: There’s a Patreon!
• The Nameless Series: A trilogy of books about people falling in love while being chased by ghosts, attacked by monsters, and haunted by their own pasts. Read the story of how two crazy kids meet, feed blood to a ghost, fend off a slavering nightmare monster, and fall in love. And that’s only their first date
• Fiends of the Hub: Boston is under siege. Hungry, vicious, and wild, these vampires want only to feed. Can they be stopped before they destroy it all?
• Weapon Brown: Aftershock: Jason Yungbluth’s blockbusting Weapon Brown graphic novel busted so many blocks that it sold out! Help get it back into print by supporting the Weapon Brown: Aftershock Kickstarter! Weapon Brown is an epic, Mad Max-style tale of the apocalypse that has a twist guaranteed to appeal to fans of The Comics Curmudgeon: every character is based on a famous hero of the comics page! Charlie Brown, Popeye, Calvin and Hobbes, Orphan Annie and dozens more of the most famous faces in comic strip history all receive black eyes in this hard-hittin’ parody that never pulls its punches! And what’s more, if this drive succeeds it will pave the way for a new Weapon Brown comic book, Aftershock, a 48-page epilogue to the massive graphic novel that will tell three new tales of Chuck, the round headed son-of-a-bitch, and his faithful mutt Snoop! Learn more!

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

Post Content

It’s Friday, y’all, and it’s time for your comment of the week, but first, a note for people who might want to put money in my tip jar but think PayPal is for olds and Venmo is the new hotness: I have a Venmo account! The address is @jfruhlinger and clicking on that link should take you there, I think!

OK, but enough of that. The COTW is what you crave, right?

“The skeptics told me, ‘I don’t see much chance of your evil plan going off without a hitch.’ Ever since then, I’ve made sure that all my evil plans include a hitch of some sort.” –Peanut Gallery

These runners up are also like sleeping on a bed of clouds:

“I can’t help but see Rex Morgan and Pluggers as prequels to Slylock Fox: it’s actually our ability (and desire) to eat off of plates and in a civilized manner that puts us atop the food chain, I guess, and as pluggers struggle to master that ability, humans heedlessly squander the only thing that sets us apart from the animals. In Justin’s choking face, I see not just a teen who can’t stomach a scone, but the grim future of humanity itself: A suddenly-fiftysomething-man, choking not just on a pastry, but on his own fate.” –Briane F Pagel

“I’m not sure whether the Grateful Dead theme on Justin’s shirt is meant to be foreshadowing of his death from choking, or whether he wears it just because he’s 60 years old.” –seismic-2

“I’ve seen enough dark corners of the internet to know that Dagwood’s food fetish novels have a big following on some very specific websites where readers anxiously await the next installment of Fifty Shades of Grey Poupon.” –Escape Zeppelin

“Sure, anyone can talk their way out of a cop coming to their house for questioning; it just takes a bit of cleverness. But it takes a real master criminal to talk their way out of flaunting the mangled, mutilated corpse of a policeman down the street. Let’s make this a bit interesting, shall we, Ghost Pepper? (I’m just disappointed there’s no one in the car with him, denying us the fun of him saying to the other person, when the flashing lights go on and they’re caught with whatever the asphalt has not ripped from a bloody human body, ‘Just be cool and let me do all the the talking.’)” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“The lesson is that Mary and Mary alone decides who has access to her muffin. (Part of me worries that we’re reaching the limits of muffin innuendo, but I have faith that ‘Mudgeon ingenuity will be able to sustain the gag for the remainder of this arc, however long it may be.)” –TheDiva

“It’s churlish to be disappointed with this consistently amazing Mark Trail storyline, but that’s not how I imagined The Great Wilhelm That Never Spoke He Just Screamed A Lot at all. I imagined a haggard pale Pierrot type clown, whose screams represented his essential alienation and estrangement from society. Instead, he’s just some kind of muscular Fred Flintstone cosplayer, whose screams presumably show sexual frustration from the cartoonishly huge erection he’s sporting here. Disappointing. I like his hat though. –Schroduck

“Poor Plato, he exited the cave of shadows and illusions only to end up in Camp Swampy. ‘So, this is the world of perfect forms and ideals? Great, great. I wonder if there is any hemlock around.’” –Joe Momma

“I like how Dennis is turned around, fully cognizant of the waiters’ wrath. ‘You think that’s all I’ve got? I’m just gettin’ warmed up, ya self-important, hopped-up busboys. I’m gonna shout RAT! and point under a random table. What ya gonna do, garçon? Hit my folks with the passive-aggressive early check trick? I shit on your check! Really, I’ll literally defecate on that thing!’” –Hogenmogen

“I missed the comma after ‘usual,’ so I mistakenly guessed that Senator Belfry was asking for ‘the usual Dooley,’ a ‘Dooley’ being a cocktail made from water and throat spray.” –Joe Blevins

“I’ll need some smoke and some mirrors. Remember, the mirrors have to be polished obsidian, and the smoke can only be from a smoldering mandrake root. Then some chicken blood — at least that’ll be easy to get — I scribe the Yellow Sign on the mirror, and bam! The voices from beyond the Veil of Thorns gives us a new economic policy!” –Voshkod

“Dennis is glad the waiters are bringing the check because he needs to get right from the dinner to his act in the Catskills. ‘Ring a ding, Chuckles! I gotta amscray, ya dig?’” –Aphthakid

“Blondie is experimenting with sponsored content in its strip. Would your body shop like to the be one discussed at dinner? The bidding starts now!” –pugfuggly

“Girls can grow up t’be ennythin’ they want t’be … if’n they grow up at all, o’course! Since you’ll be trapped fer all eternity at yer current age, Sue, you can’t be nuttin’ but a dreamer, wit’ asprations you’ll never be able ta achieve!” –JJ48

“I had to look closely to realize that the hulking thing behind Mark’s head is a tent and not an inexplicably green glacier. How many Boy Scouts does that thing sleep? 40?” –Mikey

“You would think that trees would be an acceptable substitute for skyscrapers, but Spiderman can’t use those without incurring the litigious wrath of the Edgar Rice Burroughs estate.” –cheech wizard

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Bob the Fish: A site full of humorous and insightful videos on British television, mostly the forgotten bits around the edges. Most prominently the fortnightly commercial breakdown “The Hard Sell”, wherein our proprietor take a product or service at random and then point and laugh at the ways it’s been sold to us (or just go through an old commercial break cracking knob gags). Plus: documentaries about ITV and the dawn of satellite television! Also: There’s a Patreon!
• The Nameless Series: A trilogy of books about people falling in love while being chased by ghosts, attacked by monsters, and haunted by their own pasts. Read the story of how two crazy kids meet, feed blood to a ghost, fend off a slavering nightmare monster, and fall in love. And that’s only their first date
• Fiends of the Hub: Boston is under siege. Hungry, vicious, and wild, these vampires want only to feed. Can they be stopped before they destroy it all?
• Weapon Brown: Aftershock: Jason Yungbluth’s blockbusting Weapon Brown graphic novel busted so many blocks that it sold out! Help get it back into print by supporting the Weapon Brown: Aftershock Kickstarter! Weapon Brown is an epic, Mad Max-style tale of the apocalypse that has a twist guaranteed to appeal to fans of The Comics Curmudgeon: every character is based on a famous hero of the comics page! Charlie Brown, Popeye, Calvin and Hobbes, Orphan Annie and dozens more of the most famous faces in comic strip history all receive black eyes in this hard-hittin’ parody that never pulls its punches! And what’s more, if this drive succeeds it will pave the way for a new Weapon Brown comic book, Aftershock, a 48-page epilogue to the massive graphic novel that will tell three new tales of Chuck, the round headed son-of-a-bitch, and his faithful mutt Snoop! Learn more!

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!