“I actually genuinely like the smile on Roy’s face in his one panel. My man’s gonna talk a half-hour off from his hell family, and he’s gonna spend it doing what he loves: straight poopin’. Happy Father’s Day, Roy.” –Dan

“An hour later they bust the door down to find Roy long dead. Tragic, of course, but at least there’s one less to compete for toilet time.” –WLP

“‘Uh-oh‘ is right, Snuffy! It looks like your family members have finally figured out that you’re a worthless sponge who contributes nothing of value to the family. If I were you’d, I’d grab your trusty squirrel gun and head for … well, not the hills because you’re already in the hills. But a less convenient part of the hills.” –Joe Blevins

“Of course, even steam will set off a smoke alarm, in my experience. Um, should I have my smoke alarm checked? You know, for all the sex I hope to have, someday.” –Duke of Earl Grey

“Killer is an ifriti, a spirit of smoke and fire. Excite his passions and look out! He may engulf you in the inferno of his love.” –Bunivasal

“Police helicopters circling over Los Angeles: ‘Once again, that name is spelled M-A-H-L-E-R. This is your last warning…’” –Lorne

“I don’t want to start a war here, but I am anti-excessive sauce and proud of it. Fast food dining should be between one sauce packet and one 10-piece nuggets. Polysaucy ruins families. Don’t dunk that chicken if one sauce cup ain’t fillin’. Eat ’em dry or don’t even try.” –jroggs

“Look Rusty, if Mark knew you were going to enjoy your vacation he never would have loaded you onto a jet-black food truck and driven deep into the jungles of Central America.” –Escape Zeppelin

“I understand the hipster chick wearing sunglasses at a Rocky Horror screening after midnight, but what’s the EMT’s excuse? ‘The victim appears to be DOA,’ he says, as he fumbles with his hands to pack a still-breathing person into a body bag.” –BigTed

“Haha the joke’s on Dr. Dog-man, who wasted 12+ years of his life on higher education in order to acquire the elite skills necessary to diagnose and advise his patients. Cat-man has absolutely no intention of changing his diet, lifestyle, or boxers, probably. He’s just fine, thank you very much, sitting there cross-eyedly waiting for a Vicodin prescription that he will spend Friday filling and then selling to his nephew alley-cat, hopefully in enough time to get rhino-man’s TV out of hock so they can watch the game on Saturday. (Note to self: submit caption: ‘Pluggers have long been known to take a knee during the national anthem’ for illustration: cat-man kneels in front of ancient fuzzy T.V. screen to fiddle with rabbit-ear antennas while rhino-man slumps to the floor from the sofa, hat in hand, patriotic but lightheaded due to repeated plasma donations.)” –Hopester

“I wonder how Thel manages to keep from wincing when her children monumentally stupid things. Maybe the key is distraction, like holding on to a piping hot cookie pan with your bare hands.” –pugfuggly

“Man, I wonder what Crock was asking about that he looks so smug after a drifter living in a cave read him the first hit from Google.” –Bunivasal

“‘You were able to answer all of Crock’s questions, wise sage. Is that from years of study with great scholars?‘ ‘Nah. The little twerp mostly asked about guerilla warfare and killing sycophantic underlings. I gave him a copy of the Small Wars Manual and the complete works of Agatha Christie. You’ll be burning villages to save them in no time. Well, someone will. Not you, exactly. Uh, you’re OK with the taste of bitter almonds, right?’” –Voshkod

“This is the first time I’ve ever seen any attempt by the General to eat solid food, unless a cocktail olive has been inadvertently consumed at some point.” –Rusty

“The second panel of Mark Trail looks like an old banner of the labour movement. What does it signify, the Popular Front of archaeologists and zoologists?” –Ettorre

“I think today’s Mark Trail is the clearest evidence yet that the recent emergence of ‘Suave Rusty’ has been an act of actual and deliberate transformation, and that it requires every ounce of Rusty’s concentration to maintain his handsome form. He really doesn’t want to scare off this potential lady-friend, but the prospect of exploring nearby ruins for skeletons or arrowheads or whatever is overwhelming him. The cracks in the facade are showing big time in panel three. You can actually see him trying and failing to maintain form. He’s about to be exposed for what he is, and heaven help the witnesses.” –livingonvideo

“Why not be picky? Iowans already suffer floods, blizzards, tornadoes, dust storms, and locusts. Why not give them something to restore their spirit and boost Iowa pride? Demand they show some Iowa grit, and go for having the world’s largest frying pan!! They’ll thank you for it.” –Paula Gehringer, on Facebook

“I was going to comment about how Peter crawling up the building and forcing open a window to ‘sneak a peek‘ made it sound like he was trying to peep on some woman, but then I realized it was far more likely that his TV simply broke, and that he was hoping a bedridden patient would be tuned into The Price Is Right.” –JJ48

“Look, if staring at metal strawberries is the price we pay for remaining in this strip without having to interact with any of the other characters, then prepare to be kitsched out of your mind!” –Le Chein D’Amour

“Have the Harwoods visited the Morgans’ house yet, to see the world’s longest wrap-around sofa?” –seismic-2

“We joke about Spidey doing stupid stuff, but he’s never done anything half as idiotic as a flying jump kick straight out of the 14th floor window of a hospital.” –Schroduck

“Freda’s, as we can tell from the monochromatic stock, only sells astronaut food purchased in bulk back in the ’70s when NASA scaled back its manned space program. I’m giddy with the prospect of Tommy’s new addiction to freeze-dried meatloaf and Tang.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

” Question: Your partner is dangling precariously over a dangerous ravine on the remains of a rope bridge — what do you do? Answer: Throw a rock at him! Question: You don’t like your partner very much, do you? Answer: Nope!” –BigTed

“Spider-Man again exercises his true superpower: mouthing off to people who are in a position to kill him.” –matt w

“This is why artwork matters in comics. I can’t tell if the dog is holding a normal pistol, a phone with an ‘app’ that turns it into a pistol, or a phone set to post all those closeted dogs’ Grindr interactions directly to Facebook and there’s just incidental shadowing behind the phone that looks like a pistol barrel.” –jroggs

“The whole premise of The Addams Family is that despite rejecting societal norms the Addams are a kind and supporting family bound together by love and mutual respect. I guess what I’m getting at is that Bird Senator has my vote in November.” –Escape Zeppelin

“Hey buddy, if parading around in a crimson-red crushed velvet jumpsuit doesn’t get you looked at, I don’t know if anything’s gonna work.” –Dennis Jimenez

“I see Thel’s human form is breaking down. Instead of maintaining a skin-like façade between nose and chin, her mouth flows freely in a soup of flesh-like gel that’s just beginning to ooze from her head. Sam is wise to look away.” –Voshkod

“Spider-Man 101 is apparently not a physics course, as, given the weight and momentum of Peter Parker, his angle and distance from the building, and length of the web he just shot onto the wall, Spider-Man is about to swing back and go crashing through that hospital window.” –Tristan Olson

“The fact that a mid-afterlife is possible suggests that the afterlife has a midpoint, and thus doesn’t go on forever. I can’t determine whether this brings on anxiety, since it means I’ll have to face another death at some point after my first one, or possibly blessed relief from the crushing, oppressive tedium of eternity. Maybe tomorrow’s Rhymes With Orange will address this. I hope it does. I don’t want to have to resort to prayer.” –Larry McAwful

“Tune in tomorrow, when Slim’s package is returned to sender for insufficient postage.” –Pozzo

“Oh gracious, how I used to masturbate over those comic books! Heh heh. Good times.” –Alter Ego

“Though Earl ribbed her for ‘slumming,’ Henrietta had made some good friends by venturing outside her privileged existence. Yet as she struggled with the heavy boxes, she wondered whether it had been wise to befriend so many of the ladies in the Tyson plant.” –Herr Ausländischer Vögel

“Gotta be tough when you have a three-panel strip, but your joke only really takes two, cuz then you’re stuck with an extra one and all you can do is take that zany premise back to reality by having a character say something like ‘No, actually that funny thing that you said is not feasible, so let’s just move on.’” –pugfuggly

“The Amazing Spider-Man Euphemisms, ranked: 5. The Hard Way 4. How Hard 3. Stan Lee/Larry Lieber 2. FWIP 1. Wasting Jimmy Woo” –pastordan

“As the humans babbled on behind the glass about their human needs and human concerns, the palm trees gathered, biding their time.” –Voshkod

“She seems a little too tense. A little too present perfect progressive tense, if you know what I mean.” –migellito, on Tumblr

“Roz is right to be angry. Who refers to a clown suit as a ‘uniform?’ In fact, the whole point of a clown suit is that it’s garish, ridiculous, and not what other people wear. It’s pretty much the opposite of a uniform.” –jroggs

“Speaking of uniforms, Roz apparently wears her diner apron everywhere.” –Tom T.

“Look, Mr. Plugger, if you have so much trouble with stairs, maybe you shouldn’t have locked so many people in your basement in the first place.” –BigTed

“Dennis’ helpful food advice is extremely non-menacing — until you read it as a memento mori. ‘Remember: eat healthy so you live long. Remember that, George? It was advice you scorned, as you do even now. Your mother whispered it to you in your cradle, and your father moaned it at you from his deathbed. Eat healthy so you live long! But now it is too late, and although you always believed you would be spared the indignity of infirmity, it comes visiting at last. Eat, George. Eat the cake. Eat the ice cream. It is too late to heed this advice.’ George Wilson would find himself up, late at night, digging through a refrigerator bereft of plant life. Looking for the scrap of carrot or spinach that would rescue him. There would be no relief.” –Bunivasal

“Hope I make a bigger hit at the hospital than I did with that cabbie! [forty minutes later] Oh, uh, sorry about that. I couldn’t find the restroom, and I saw that bedpan hadn’t been used, so I thought…” –Joe Blevins

“I’ve enjoyed the support of friends. So now they’re paying it forward to me, especially Wilbur! Are you enjoying your basin of chopped $100 bills? I like mine with silver dollars for a little extra crunch.” –Hogenmogen

“We all joke that Mary is duplicitous and Machiavellian, but only a true master of falsehood could utter such an outrageous phrase as ‘I like Wilbur.’” –Ettorre

“Look closer at the characters in Beetle Bailey. The human aspects have faded into nothingness. All that’s left are 4 stumpy fingers, a few black dots where eyes used to be, and some minimal symbols of their long forgotten status. Happy D-Day!” –Downpuppy

“Since electronic instruments were invented in the 1890s (i.e., as soon as electricity began to be widely available) and classical compositions for electronic instruments began in the 1920’s and 30’s, and Claude Barlow’s timeline has been variously in the Baroque period, contemporaneous with Tchaikovsky, and in the early twentieth century, I’d say this pun lacks a certain shock, wouldn’t you?” –pastordan

“The nurse’s expression says: ‘Unique ways of healing, huh? Great. Just be sure you get me the ICD-10 codes so we can bill and keep your platitude-spouting ass in white bread sandwiches.’” –James Dowd, on Facebook

“Mary, driving home that afternoon: ‘…where the good Lord split ya … ha ha, I get it.’” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“I’ll talk to you later, Mary! I’m late for the all-hands meeting on how we can reduce occurrences of hospital-acquired bolditis!” –Dragon of Life

“Well said, boy character! Girl character needs to check her height privilege! (I don’t read this comic very much.)” –A Concerned Reader

“The popcorn in Six Chix is a delightful touch. Who doesn’t heat up a bowl of snacks right before snuggling down with your significant other to catch up with the ongoing collapse of social and cultural norms?” –Schroduck

“ABC’s Scandal is one of those shows that I am vaguely aware of through the conversations of friends but have somehow managed to pick up zero details about, aside from the fact that I think it happens in Washington? Anyhow, today’s Six Chix is the perfect representation of how I imagine my friends watching it, with the exception of that flesh-colored couch.” –pugfuggly