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Shoutout to –2+2=7’s long reign at the top, but after my vacation respite, it’s finally time to crown a new COTW:

“I just realized that I have no idea what Lt. Fuzz’s job is at Camp Swampy. I presumed that maybe he was Halftrack’s personal assistant, but then I thought his job is literally blocking Halftrack’s view of Buxley at all times (per the restraining order).” –The Rambling Otter

The runners up, as always, are very funny!

“‘Your fiance the veterinarian.’ Cousin Pam is not buying this ONE BIT. Ed is going to have to text some pictures of the disemboweled Mitzi on the table, so that Estelle can save face.” –MKay

“I don’t care for the ‘ha ha’ in Beetle Bailey. It changes the throwaway gag from ‘Zero does not know what infantry means’ to ‘Zero is injecting a bit of levity into the proceedings, ha ha, just a little wordplay from Camp Swampy’s resident wit.’” –Dan

“The Phantom shows Ed how to do emotional unavailability right. ‘Me and my animals are riding off to fake our deaths. If anyone cares about me, tell them tough shit.’” –matt w

“New Mark Trail knows that it is not enough to pander to male readers interested in manly nature adventures! You also need to cater to female interests, such as true crime and how to dispose of a body!” –Ettorre

“Difficult births are primarily caused (except for complications) with humans’ unusually large head sizes. So it’s understandable why Rufus was an easy slide out. Like pouring dog food out of a can.” –Buck Ripsnort

“Rufus could still be a fae or another mythical creature that simply implanted its young into a human host, with embryonic Rufus eating the original fetus for nutrition. Never underestimate the potential horror hiding underneath this strip that has lived longer than nature or culture should allow.” –Philip

“Hi and Lois get sued after Fitch loses an eye trying to get to their garbage. Yes, today I went to Wikipedia to look up the names of the Flagston’s garbage men, a new low for me.” –nescio

“Going outside without shoes or slippers, is this a blatant attempt to get Hi an entry on Wikifeet?” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Yeah, we’ve got chess in the break room. Why do you ask? Wait, aren’t you the kid who innocently repeats his parents’ insults? Does your dad think we’re dumb because we work at a lumber yard, or a Home Depot, or wherever this is? Let’s talk to him about that, shall we?” –Anonymous

“My wife had trigger finger. I bet she’ll be really excited when I tell her that Rex Morgan M.D. is featuring HER problem, only in the comic strip it’s being suffered by a secondary character, who’s this old guy who plays country music and usually spends a lot of time sitting in a diner I think harassing the waitress but he’s spent the last few weeks instead just sitting on a bench talking to random strangers and … you know what? I’ll keep it to myself.” –Briane Pagel

“I can’t fatally overdose on C-Span, you idiot!” –TheDiva

“I like the dense grey fog that seems to be surrounding home plate, as if they’re playing on the highland moors.” –pugfuggly

“I didn’t recognize the beautifully drawn umpire’s uniform, and just assumed Dennis was just haranguing the local mailman with demented conspiracy theories. Mr. Wilson used to be a USPS employee, and I’m sure he’s filled Dennis’s head with all kinds of dark murmurings about how he never got promoted because the Post Office is full of Commies and Freemasons.” –Schroduck

“So there’s this guy, see, who always wears the same clothes with one big button in the middle. No one ever sees him without it. Even his wife! He tells her, he tells people, you can never unfasten this button. And she wonders. She lies awake next to him at night, looking at the button, touching the button, obsessing about the button. One dark night, as he’s asleep in a sandwich coma — what? oh, he likes sandwiches, really big ones, and they put him to sleep, like a snake, look, that’s really not critical to the story and … well, I thought it added color … fine, she undoes the button and his clothes and skin slough off into a heap revealing a welter of undigested food around a black hungry maw that never stops chewing, happy? You ruined it. Fuck off.” –Voshkod

“Crap, crap, crap. I overslept this morning and don’t have time to make a proper joke. Fortunately, so did the writing team at Shoe, it seems.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

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FOLKS!!!! It is time for me, your faithful blogger, to take one of my occasional vacations from the comics and from this site, so you know what that means: your faithful guest blogger Uncle Lumpy will be guest blogging, starting tomorrow! And because only I have the authority to choose a best commenter from among you, I choose one today, whose COTW will stand the test of time until I return on September 22nd:

“I know people have been talking about how ‘disgusting’ and ‘disturbing’ the recent Six Chix is, but a bird with no pants on beaming at a possible cure for incontinence is what gives me the heebie-jeebies. (‘Roz won’t have to burn the seats I sit on anymore. Score!’)” –2+2=7

The runners up are also hilarious and worth your time!

“Wait a minute, narration box, you’re not supposed to use that about someone’s ex! ‘Ed is happily remembering the sex he had with Sheila, while lubriciously anticipating the sex he’s going to have with Estelle.’ That is … kind of a healthy attitude, maybe, but it’s not healthy to acknowledge it?” –matt w

“‘When do I get some rest?’ Mmm, I guess the other 16 hours Beetle is not sleeping on you! The bed is lazier than Beetle!” –Ettorre

“Estelle is a bit concerned. She’d been assuming Stylish Retired Schoolteacher was Ed’s type, but is he actually more into the Artsy Congresswoman aesthetic? Or has he put that behind him, one hopes?” –Violet

“Today’s Alice is very irresponsible. You can’t just ask newspaper readers to take the massive doses of psychoactive drugs needed to write Alice.” –Schroduck

“There’s a wonderful old hymn that I want played nice and loud at my funeral: ‘For all the saints, who from their labors rest…’ That ain’t a dream bubble and Alice ain’t organizing anyone, is what I’m getting at.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Sophie is smiling because she thinks the strip was cancelled and she can finally be free. But, like Sisyphus, her torment is repetitive and never-ending. Fall may have come to Judge Parker but the sweet winter of final release never will.” –Where’s Rocky?

“Only local and national news outlets? What’s the matter, AFP and Al Jazeera? Is high school football in some random American small town too real for your weak-hearted audience?” –jroggs

“She’s talking to me, isn’t she? Can she see me? I’m not dressed. Stop looking at me!” –Pozzo

“Everyone complained so much about Judge Parker plots being impossible to follow that they’ve resorted to explicitly stating when the current storyline is over. Now if they really want to be kind to their frazzled and confused readers, they’ll do like Gasoline Alley and let us have a nice little nap before the next story begins!” –Peanut Gallery

“Ha ha, imagine you had a roommate with dandruff so terrible that you were literally choking on it, and you couldn’t leave the small space you share together, and neither could he, and there was really nothing either of you could do about it and … guys, I don’t know if we should be keeping fish as pets.” –pugfuggly

“I do kinda appreciate Beetle Bailey stickin’ it to their demographic. Get with the times, gramps! I kid. They’re definitely on Facebook getting radicalized.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Now: ‘Look, please calm down, the police are on the scene and the FBI is on the way. We will find out what happened to this entire classroom of children but, if we had to bet, it’s Dennis’ fault.’

Before: ‘I don’t know, Dennis, but I know how we can find out! Let’s all get on the Magic School Bus and go to Lindisfarne in 793!’ Credit sequence, musical interlude, then screaming, burning, and finally silence broken only by the crash of the waves and the mournful call of the gull.” –Voshkod

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!