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Ahoy matey! It be your comment of the week!

“Though the cookie tasted like hot garbage, Olive couldn’t help but smile at the groveling wreck of a human being whose hopes were obliterated before her eyes. Mary had promised her entertainment, and Mary had delivered.” –Vincent Watkins

Abandoning that ill-conceived pirate voice, here are your hilarious runners up:

“I mean physically of course — emotionally we were done years ago.” –Tigernan Douglas Quinn, on Facebook

“Hmmm. The crossword puzzle. Silly me. I thought Shylock had figured it out by Max’s femur bones being located (a) in the ashtray and (b) next to the gaudy green phone that completely throws off the room’s ambiance.” –See Spot thrash

“Notice that it says Willy ‘nabbed’ Max Mouse, not kidnapped. I don’t believe this to be a ransom or sex slave situation. Rather, it’s a good old-fashioned citizen’s arrest of a tyrant’s lackey. The local press is anything but sympathetic, printing a front page spread akin to reports of third world dictators being assassinated.” –Irrischano

“‘I’m an English governess, June.’ [leans forward] ‘I have seen some shit.’” –Dan

“Neil deNnis Menace” –new york values haver, on Twitter

“Did you know that in 1982 Kenny Loggins married his colon therapist? There, that’s something more interesting that the comic presented, and fits within the theme of a cat being propelled upwards by an unknown force from his rear.” –pugfuggly

“Antipodes, Joey. Not ‘anty-poads.’ God. Pick up a fucking book sometime. I’m starting to think I am gonna marry Margaret when I grow up.” –Windier E. Megatons

“Gabe mansplained before Mark could even whip out his mansplainer! Fact-blocked!” –Baka Gaijin

“Pluggers never need more than the one book.” –rbmalpha

“Another thing to like about Mary Worth is how Olive is stuffing cookies into her mouth in practically every panel. It’s the only child-like thing she’s ever done in this strip. Maybe she was just hypoglycemic this whole time?” –Marcus Theory

“That is the laziest imaginary girlfriend story in history. Francis has only the vaguest understanding of what he’s even supposed to be lying about. ‘I know girlfriends kiss you, whatever that is, so I’ll just just say kiss, over and over! It’s a masterpiece of deception!'” –Doctor Handsome

“I’m sure that little cloud in panel two is supposed to indicate Dot’s breath in the winter air. I prefer to think that Mr. Wavering’s story so horrified Trixie that she inadvertently farted.” –Pozzo

“I know new technology is exciting, but patients will probably respond better to telehealth if their doctor doesn’t deliver a diagnosis while bragging to a child through a mouthful of patty melt.” –Dan

“Trixie’s long and incredibly squicky march to adulthood begins with her burgeoning suspicion that Mr. Sunbeam is married.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Man, is Namor jacked or what? We must be polluting the ocean with HGH.” –Rusty

“Here’s the how-to video. If these guys can give birth to basketballs, why should we have any trouble? I mean, they don’t even have wombs. NBA? More like NB-NO-WAY. As in, no way did he do that without an epidural.” –made of wince

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
• Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Would you like to read this week’s comment that I enjoyed the most? Here it is!

“John knows how to approach Mary Worth — slowly, palms open, arms at 3 and 9.” –Joe Blevins

Also here are your runners up, which you should also enjoy!

“I just want to know what misdeeds Mark Trail committed to cause him to be sentenced to community service, as an instructor for Continuing Education For Crustaceans.” –Irrischano

“Solely from fish? I guess if I ever thought about it, I would have imagined this is the sort of thing we might see if this comic strip ever attempted witty wordplay.” –Mustang

“From what I can tell, it would appear that Robbie has accidentally barged in on JJ watching some sort of Spider-man themed pornography involving a blue disco elf and a burly seaman and is properly horrified yet transfixed. The moment of truth is coming, and by ‘moment of truth,’ I mean JJ.” –Dread

“…they also have salt and pepper shakers covered in the grease of a thousand awful breakfasts and… I don’t know, napkins? That’s something a restaurant has, right?” –rbmalpha

“Mary and Olive’s relationship has officially become a hostage situation. I just can’t tell which way around it is.” –C. Sandy Cyst

“This was a missed opportunity for the ‘Spay/Neuter Your Pet’ people.” –Cosmo Jones, Crime Smasher

“I feel like Roz’s wine list is just a slip of paper with ‘BOONE’S’ in 96-point font.” –Doctor Handsome

“Today, Herb and Jamaal is changing format to become a dystopian science fiction satire about consumerism, where the drone-like populace shuffles back and forth, obsessing over and exchanging blank, meaningless white boxes only referred to as a ‘Product.’ They stand in long queues, sleeping overnight to purchase the new and improved Product. ‘Product 22 is obsolete. I must buy Product 23. The Product is good. The Product is life.'” –Ethan Shuster

“You spend your childhood in New York City and already you get kind of blasé about a lot of things. How many surprises does this world hold for you? Then you realize you’ve never seen two old people win a cake decorating contest.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“At least the Snow Angel has freakishly wide hips. All the better for … birthing … whatever mutant … baby … sorry, I have to go now.” –The Might Untrained FOOZLE

“Antimatter explosions release energy through ionizing radiation. Ionizing radiation is used to treat cancer. All in all, a fitting end to Westview.” –Zooty

“Oh, sure — standing around with no pants on while a seductive (?) angel gives you a come-hither look sounds good in theory, but in sub-freezing temperatures, his junk has no doubt shrunk like a turtle retreating into its shell.” –Pozzo

“Look at John Dill’s fist squeeze that piping bag as he dreams of his sweet sweet Mary slathered in cake flowers like American Beauty. Olive can see inside his mind and just look at her face.” –lorne

“John is an expert at creeping me out.” –Peanut Gallery

“Biology fact: Pregnant pugs don’t get larger, they just grow extra ripples which eventually distend, detach, and grow into new pugs. This is a biological process known as ‘pugging.'” –Dan

“That guy who apparently has a veritable swiss army knife of different species’ genitals sure is a playa, I tell you what! Ah, this one’s going up on the fridge.” –Jack loves comics

“The lady is talking to her TV remote because no one likes her, her pets are dead, and she’s just as terrible at taxidermy as she is at making friends or taking care of animals. TGIF everyone!” –Alex Blaze

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Hey guys, a quick question for those of you who (a) have read my novel and (b) enjoy writing reviews of books you read, on the Internet: would you like to write a review of my novel, on the Internet? You can do so over at Goodreads or Amazon! Already a number of kind people have written thoughtful reviews but more can only help. Of course, you’ll need to read before you review and to do that you can buy from the fine links on this here page!

Annnnd with that self-promotion out of the way, let’s enjoy this week’s Comment of the Week, guys!

“Did Dennis walk up a couple steps to make his snide remark? ‘Hang on, I got a good one today, I wanna make eye contact for this.'” –Dan

Let’s also enjoy these hilarious runners up!

“Took me a minute to realize Sarah was wearing a hair-clip. At first I thought it might be a scar from when they put her new head on over the original, normal-sized one.” –Steve S

“The window says ‘ROOK STVUE’. You’d think that combination is meaningless, but just to be sure, you’d step inside to look it up in a thesaurus, right? As one does. And then they have you!” –Shrug

“You could make so much more! Like that guy who invented Sriracha. I bet he’s crazy rich! And look at how many different kinds of Tabasco they have now! Like literally ten or eleven kinds!” –Adam Menendez

“I’m one of the top talents in the apparatus! It’s much better than it was before, in Biff Tannen’s gang!” –Doctor Handsome

“‘Today, you will dress like a Park Avenue doyenne! …At least, an 80-year-old’s idea of what a Park Avenue doyenne looks like … Do they even have Park Avenue anymore?’ [Olive, frightened, shakes her head no.]” –pastordan

“The fact that a: we don’t see below Spicy Condiment’s neck and b: someone with X-ray glasses is looking at her head, makes me appreciate the artists for not drawing what must be a grotesque multi-tentacled disaster below her neckline.” –Kevin on Earth

“Honey, please: don’t bring your problems and negative emotions here, in front of the script! She can sense unhappiness.” –pugfuggly

“I’m pretty sure Pam is referring to how she calls Jeff’s penis ‘Geoffrey’ during the kinky Fresh Prince of Bel Air roleplay.” –Alex Blaze

“The initials IWU on Lois’ sweater indicates an alma mater. Wikipedia offers Indiana and Illinois Wesleyan Universities as possibilities. If there’s anything worse than seeing your college being mentioned in Hi and Lois, it’s not knowing if it’s specifically YOUR college being mentioned in Hi and Lois.” –Irrischano

“Meanwhile, ex-Judge Parker smiles as the plot to his next best-selling book, The Belgrade Affair, is laid out before him like an offering to God. She’d better die, he thinks, tragedy makes a great story.” –Voshkod

“Any other kid would be asking me ‘What is socialization?’ But you didn’t! That’s the next test! Now you get to skip TWO grades!” –hogenmogen

“WHEN HELL IS FULL
THE DEMONS WILL WALK THE EARTH
BUT
THE JOKES WILL NOT GET BETTER” –markpopham, on Twitter

“‘Yes, this remote area should be ideal for an examination of–‘ Here, Trail removed the twist-tied plastic bag from his pocket and and dangled it between thumb and forefinger. ‘–White-nose syndrome.'” –vewatkin

“I, for one, am grateful for that chest-high wall. So deeply grateful.” –Joe Blevins

[The plugger gets home] “Say, this drawing only shows some kind of box with an electrical cord halfway up a dog’s ass! That’s not going to help me connect this thing at all!” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“We knew these strips have long lead times, and now we know exactly how long: Today’s Dennis the Menace and The Family Circus were clearly written on 4/20. The creators of Mary Worth, however, have not even heard of The Devil’s Weed.” –Kibo

“I can see two possibilities: 1), the Mary Worth team really wants to add a little real-world New-York flavor to this story, but has no idea what is in NYC and just took a trip to their local mall to sketch logos, or 2) they’re doing this as advertisement for their product-placement services, hoping to entice actual businesses to actually pay them for this in the future. ‘Look how smoothly we inserted Macy’s into the plot. Mary could just as easily take a trip to [South Bend Indiana] and go to [Rocco’s Pizza].'” –DigitalGonzo

“I’m not so sure, Dennis. What about those pictures of missing children where they do a computerized projection of what they’ll look like when they’re older? I’ve prepared one in advance for you, because I have a funny feeling you’re about to go missing.” –Peanut Gallery

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.