Hey all! As noted Friday, comments weren’t working for people using the mobile version of the site for a while last week, but the indefatigable Adam Norwood has now gotten that fixed! If this was a problem for, you please check them out to see if it remains a problem (it shouldn’t, but you might need to clear your cache to get the fix to take hold). Apologies again.
Hey all! First off: I’ve know there’s trouble seeing and posting comments on the mobile version of the site. I’m not really sure what’s going on, and Adam my web design guru is at a conference this week, but hopefully it will be resolved soon! Huge apologies.
IN MORE FUN NEWS: You are probably aware of my monthly live comedy show in Los Angeles, The Internet Read Aloud, because I keep telling you about it! BUT DID YOU KNOW: it’s on a NEW NIGHT at a NEW TIME — the first Friday of the month at 8 pm, to be exact? So no more complaints about “Oh, it’s on a school night” or “Oh, I can’t get there after work in Los Angeles’s notorious traffic!” Now you can drive there in a leisurely fashion and park in The Clubhouse’s huge free parking lot, or perhaps take the Metro Rail Red Line to Vermont and Sunset, and enjoy a weekend evening of Internet-based comedy fun!
There’s also a FUN NEW POSTER, created by the great Matt Lubchansky. And our next show is ONE WEEK FROM TONIGHT, and has many extremely great acts!
Here’s the Facebook event, if you like those!
OK! And now, here’s our comment … of the week!
“When an object shows up in Charterstone, it’s a clear signal that the object is no longer edgy. Farewell to the hipness of square plates.” –Poteet
And your hilarious runners up!
“And now we continue our lengthy story of two powerful superheroes trying, and nearly failing, to get places. Oops, Elihas Starr already took over the world, aided by his newfound control of the press and a reliable Toyota Camry.” –BigTed
“I thought ‘Whoops!’ was something you say when a cashier is giving you change and you drop some of it. But if you’re sufficiently chill, I guess it’s also something you say when you fall off a cliff.” –A Concerned Reader
“Look, just because you put it on a coffee mug does not mean Dick Tracy is part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.” –Dragon of Life
“I’ve always pictured Hagar the Horrible as a strip that’s mostly a (spoiler alert!) Jacob’s Ladder-style hallucination. The occasional strip with see with Hagar and Eddie on a tiny desert isle — that’s the reality, with both of them the survivors of some horrible cruise ship disaster, after which they were able to save themselves by latching onto a trunk filled with a few Viking-themed props set aside for kjøttboller night. Everything else is just a hallucination from one of the two dying men, which explains not only the strip’s anachronisms but also why their world seems less rooted in a deep knowledge of Viking history and more like what someone would come up with after riding Maelstrom at Epcot once.” –Mike
“Moving on now, Congresswoman Bellowthon. What do you say to the accusations made by some that with your powdered wig, pearls everywhere, and ruffled shirt cuffs that you are, in fact, a spy dispatched by King Louis XIV’s court?” –Chareth Cutestory
“I’m having trouble sleeping too. If you can explain how Plato fits his oversized body into that grotesquely undersized baby bed, maybe I’ll stop having nightmares.” –Steve S
“I’m positive Zero is masturbating in panel two and that’s horrifying and everything, but we can pretend he just has a thing for female bears, a fetish that ranks more towards the ‘normal’ spectrum at Camp Swampy.” –Irrischano
“There’s something that makes me laugh about the image of Ant-Man and Spiderman stealthily keeping their heads down even as they awkwardly hoof it across this spacious lawn up to the house, in full costume, whispering loudly to each other about their secret identities, seemingly planning to just knock on the front door and shrewdly proclaim ‘Candygram’ like SNL’s Land Shark. At least there will be a fine, fine picture on page six of tomorrow’s Bugle showing Elihas Starr blowing off Spider-man’s head with a sawed-off shotgun through the peephole.” –Jack loves comics
“Two bedrooms for the kids, two bedrooms for home offices, a bedroom for June, and a lab for Rex where he works late into the night trying desperately, against hope, to reproduce human-like emotions.” –pastordan
“In a mounting state of cultural panic, Crankshaft’s wordplay grows ever more desperate. ‘Do they offer Ballet Parking? If this were in outer space, would they be Dancing with the Stars!? You Make Me Feel Ted Danson!?!’” –Peanut Gallery
“Weird that June should feel the need to emphasize the word ‘play’ when she mentioned ‘a loft for the kids to play in.’ Maybe Rex was thinking, ‘A loft, eh? That might be a good place to set up a sweatshop for the children. I wonder how many iWatches a baby could make in an hour?’” –Joe Blevins
“At last! I, Egghead, have captured Ant-Man! By shrinking him! Which is kind of what he does all the time, so he already knows how to use it to his advantage! Plus he was probably going to do it some time after entering my house, anyway … But, hey, at least I shrunk Spider-Man, too! Because everyone knows that the only thing better than a spider you can see is knowing there’s a little one hiding in your house somewhere and you have no idea where it is… I’m– I’m really bad at this, aren’t I?” –WLP
“I’m a 20 something ex con with a debilitating addiction living in a bland condominium complex with his mother, dumped by his girlfriend and fired from his menial labor job. So almost entirely irrelevant to our culture’s economic, political and cultural interests, yes. Surely. But not technically dead, in biological terms.” –James Dowd, on Facebook
“I’m glad these two newspaper birds are cracking wise instead of investigating that mass grave right behind them.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip
“It takes a special kind of dad to see his child and dog enjoying a carefree existence, and decide to put a stop to it by putting that child to work.” –Red Delicious
Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:
If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.
Hey guys! A while back I threatened to use the COTW metapost to also plug my own writing, and I had not one but three pieces published this week!
Also, a reminder: I’m cooking up a redesign of the site, to be unveiled at the start of 2017! If you haven’t already done so, please take this survey to help guide our decision-making process, won’t you?
And now, at long last, your comment of the week!
“‘VAMPIRE CAR DESTROYED’. Subtitle: ‘Headline Raises More Questions Than It Answers.’” –Dan
And your runners up! Very funny!
“Cleveland State will be sanctioned by the NCAA (National Collegiate Artists Association) for violating strict rules of amateurism.” –Philip Moon, on Twitter
“If only this story would end with Tommy on top of a Vicodin factory in a shoot out with the DEA yelling ‘I’ll do my best, Ma!’” –Zeroworld
“And all this because Tommy tried to lift a single, modest-sized cardboard box for his mother. This whole story has been a cautionary tale about the dangers of moving, even from one apartment to another. The status quo: Embrace it or else.” –Joe Blevis
“‘I worry that someday I may lose my moral compass,’ says the baby left unattended in a park.” –Chareth Cutestory
“I didn’t have a beard back then and you’ve grown three feet! Whoa, havin’ an acid flashback here. Keep on truckin’!” –Spunky The Wonder Squid
“Unfortunately, there is no ‘coffee.’ Someday, far in the future, we may find some magic herb that will grant us the ability to stay up late into the night without being tired. But who knows what kind of unintended consequences that will bring to our simple society?! Will the demons of our dreams find a way to escape from our heads if we stay up too late? Will we yawn so wide that we will swallow the seas? Maybe ‘coffee’ will be the end of the earth as we know it… Anyhow, here’s a dagger: stab yourself in the leg if you get too tired.” –pugfuggly
“Hey, Slylock. You want a mystery to solve? Why don’t you explain to us how Harry Ape got out of the car without room to open any of the doors.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women
“The bonfire wasn’t cancelled. They’ve chopped down all the trees within a hundred miles of Milford and moved on to more creative fuel sources. Just look at all those bodies piled up and ready to ignite.” –Steve S
“A typical family night at the Keane Kompund: PJ is pretending his family is driving over a cliff, Dolly is looking in a catalog for a new Mommy, Jeffy is practicing for his future career as a 3-card monte hustler, and Billy is wiping his ass on the couch.” –seismic-2
“Not only is Billy wearing his shoes while he’s standing on the couch, those shoes are untied. I am going to assume he went for the trifecta and also has them on the wrong feet.” –Francis
“Was there any flatulence, Tommy? Go on. You can tell me – I’m a doctor. Describe it in detail. ‘De tail,’ heh heh. Get it? Doctor humor. Anyway, go on” –Christine Lehman, on Facebook
“Alternate caption rejected by the syndicate: To senior pluggers, intimate relations consist of a good back rub and a kiss on the cheek, because they understand that dogs and chickens are not really meant to have sexual intercourse with each other.” –Joshua K.
“The Plugger Community Playhouse’s take on Dracula leaves much to be desired. While we must acknowledge the daring choice of reversing the traditional genders of the titular vampire and his victim, now styled as Mister Dino Harker, the play was generally as flaccid as the lead actor. Also – and we cannot be the first to note this – casting a chicken as Bram Stoker’s horrific Count Dracula strains credulity, as it must be noted that chicken, and birds in general, do not have teeth, and thus cannot drain the life-blood from their victims. Thus, while the lead actress attempted to appear menacing with a forceful pecking, the audience was left, not with terror, but with the impression of witnessing a barnyard scuffle for grain. 1 and 1/2 stars.” –Voshkod
“It’s a good thing they spent the time and trouble to take on the additional weight (and therefore fuel costs) on their yacht to make sure they had firewood they couldn’t use until the end of a several-thousand-mile journey from New Zealand to Hawaii. Wood doesn’t grow on trees, you know.” –Dutch Dollar
“It’s possible Leroy is a demon. Some sort of foul, immortal hellspawn in a hastily thrown-together human suit. It would explain a lot.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE
“‘His Arch-nemesis, Junior.’ For those that thought ‘The Riddler’ was too unnerving.” –Pozzo
“That headline could just as easily been: ‘Police Chief Holds Newspaper.’” –Kevin on Earth
Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:
If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.