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Hey everybody! Just a quick note to let you know that I’m going to be on vacation from the blog from this coming Monday through the following Sunday and your favorite Uncle Lumpy will be here and be in charge. As ever, be nice to him! Also as ever, he’s too nice to try to pick a comment of the week, so this week’s top comment will have a two-week reign:

“These two obviously have no idea what sexytalk is supposed to sound like, so they’re just spouting lines from Waiting for Godot. ‘Is she coming tonight?’ ‘I would think so! Does it matter?’ ‘Yes it does … doesn’t it?’ ‘Of course it does! But things change!'” –BigTed

Your runners up are also worthy of extended approbation!

“In the Smith hills, time moves backwards. Marryin’ in panel 1, new beau in 3 — by panel 7 it’s sadly clear that he doesn’t even know her name.” –Downpuppy

“While JJJ was stuck in early 20th-century print media, Cousin Ruth had leaped ahead to mid-90s ’zine culture.” — Lacey Wooton, on Facebook

“So the sound system isn’t working and the crowd is still going wild? I think I’m with Sly and Max on this one: today’s bands just aren’t about the music anymore, man.” –pugfuggly

“Gil’s speech bubble may say, ‘Disappointing True. Truly,’ but his ass is saying, ‘Do these Dockers give my cheeks any goddamned shape?’” –Bill Peschel

“It’s basic math: If you double dose on a finite prescription, you’ll run out of those heavenly pills twice as fast. Don’t be a fool, stay in school!” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime. Pray to an absent and vengeful deity for fish, and one of those kids is going to cast a fishhook in your neck.” –Chareth Cutestory

“Pfft, Tommy’s faking it. If he were really sick, there’d be a lot more ellipses as he struggled to list his symptoms.” –Doctor Handsome

“The fish are agitated by the vague sexuality of the term ‘humpbacks.’ That sort of stuff is highly unusual in Mark Trail.” –nescio

“‘I require an equivalent quantity of images of Ant-Man!’ is what I’m going to yell from now on whenever go surfing for porn.” –Kibo

“Hey hey hey! Don’t you dare skip the third part of Eat, Shit and Die!” -Vulpius

“Joey, like most human-fly hybrids, must first drool enzymes onto his food in order to dissolve and digest it.” –Dood

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
• Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Without any ado whatsoever: your comment of the week!

“‘Self-help can be a slippery slope.’ Mary is talking about masturbation? It is masturbation, right?” –Nancy Russo

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Was it really necessary for that poor UPX driver to drag that stupid package up a flight of stairs? So much better to leave the life-sized Doctor Doom in the front window of Montoni’s, where it will serve as a reminder of what the pizza is doing to the customer’s colons.” –Joe Blevins

“Be sure to arrive early at that Mudhens game! Everyone who comes in late will get TWO Crankshaft bobbleheads.” –Peanut Gallery

“Clearly this Elihas Starr is up to no good. He refers to the Daily Bugle as ‘esteemed.’” –BigTed

“And in news from the tribal area of Pakistan, 42 people attending a wedding were badly overfed when a U.S. pizza drone mistakenly launched a pepperoni and onion barrage.” –Voshkod

“Let’s grab him and bring him to a meeting of Children of Alcoholics. Because this sorry little asshole needs a PROGRAM!” –word-doctor

“I can answer all of Josh’s questions in one answer: The purple thing is the Goldfishes’ robotic body.” –Pak-Man

“As if we need more evidence that Tommy is shiftless and irresponsible: he leaves the milk out on the table while he eats breakfast! His mother should have taught him better, but she was too busy with her book-learning.” –Arabella

“This one panel does a fine job of capturing the degradation of addiction, with details like his addle-brained eating of children’s cereal, losing the will to shave and sitting around in an undershirt while one’s mother — your own mother, you bum! — goes off to work hard. Somehow, though, all that wasn’t enough. Somebody said, ‘If people are really going to get that he’s a slave of prescription painkillers, we have to show Tommy caressing the bottle and reading take two tablets at mealtime as needed over and over, lovingly, for as long as this story arc goes on.'” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“I lost my watch here in this in-between realm where only my bed and a you, me, and Otto seem to exist. Hey Sarge, how long are they going to be doing those inter-dimensional experiments here at Camp Swampy? I lost my watch. I lost my watch. I lost my watch.” –Chareth Cutestory

“Why does Bitsy hate the squirrel? Is it the squirrel’s freedom? Some displaced thanatophobia? ‘How dare this squirrel continue to live, after I have died! The arrogance! The unmitigated gall!’ Why stop at the squirrel, Bitsy? Why stop at the squirrel.” –bunivasal

“Of course Ed is lucky. He’s offended countless people. He’s committed god knows how many felonies. He has yet to pay for any of his actions.” –Liam

“I’m a bit put off by Billy saying ‘father’ instead of ‘daddy’ like he’s suddenly the heir to old money.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“Yes, Billy: your dad does have a wallet but he also has a son without any bankable skills. Back to the bench, kid.” –pugfuggly

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
• Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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GUYS, don’t forget that The Internet Read Aloud, my biweekly live comedy show in Los Angeles, is happening this coming Thursday, in Los Angeles! Here’s the Facebook event, check it out!

OK, and now: your comment of the week!

“MJ is always careful to look her best when she wears that all-purple outfit. She knows that with grape power comes grape responsibility.” –Shrug

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Of the 537 British detective series available on Netflix, Herpes Carp is the 3rd most focused on angling.” –Downpuppy

“I got here as soon as I read about the Australian fish STDs! [puff, puff] Has anyone said ‘carp clap’ yet? [puff, puff]” –Ukulele Ike

“‘Your friend Stephen is very nice, Peter.’ ‘I doubt if Baron Mordo or the dread Dormmamu would agree with you, honey.’ ‘Goddammit, Peter! Can’t we just talk occasionally?'” –Joe Blevins

“Cool, real cool. I’m sitting here at my underpaying, unsatisfying dead end job while Glinda is running around helping out one individual chicken live a better life. Thanks a lot.” –Chareth Cutestory

“I can only guess that this sudden outpouring of largesse means that Billy thinks he’s dying.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“One of the main side effects of Vicodin use is constipation which apparently gets worse as it is abused. I am looking forward to Mary administering an enema to Tommy as she quotes Albert Camus.” –Mikey

“That’s the sound effect we get for that scene, really? Just … ‘Crunch?’” –Joe Btfsplk

“Great, now I need to learn an instrument write a bunch of songs and form a band so this can be our album cover.” –Gregory Adams, on Facebook

“You all are expecting drama to come. This is the happy conclusion to this story. (Mary Worth, brought to you by Pfizer Laboratories.)” –Johnnycakes

“Of all the creatures that call the briny blue their home, none is more feared by sailors than the Sea Mime.” –pugfuggly

“So, if I’m reading perspective correctly in Judge Parker, young Sophie’s legs barely go up to the top of a minivan wheel. Is she sitting in a state approved booster seat?” –Voshkod

“Thank you, Mary Worth, for raising awareness about the dangers of growing out your hair like some kind of hippie teenager.” –John Salerno, on Facebook

“So, are the two hot dogs orbiting around Honey’s ass or just levitating behind it reverently?” –Aphthakid

“I see Loretta has found a way to experience joy, or least a reasonable facsimile: getting really, really high.” –Alan

“My dream is to live in a town with only one bass player and no drummers.” –Tim Pendergast, on Facebook

“I can tell how emotionally invested I am in the Funky Winkerbean characters by noting that my first thought reading today’s strip was an irritated ‘Darin should have fallen into the ocean, not onto the deck.’” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“Darin! I knew we shouldn’t have worn the de rigueur head to toe black of smugglers against a pale blue sky! Oh, struck down by fashion again.” –Joe Momma

“Looks like the end of another Darin’ adventure! Ha ha, we’ve had fun here today, but you know what’s not fun? Cancer. No PSA coming, just thought I’d bring that up.” –Dan

“What do you think is the funniest part of today’s Mother Goose and Grimm? Is it the man in cage so small that he cannot move for so long that his beard is growing through the bars? Or the bones of dead rats scattered around the floor? For me, the hilarity is in the fact that the speaker’s manacles are twice as big as his hands: he could walk away from this nightmare at any time if he had an ounce of sanity left, but he doesn’t. Ha-ha-ha!!” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
• Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.