If you haven’t bought my novel yet and are planning on attending one of these events, I would ask that you hold out and buy it there, because that helps out the bookstores who have been nice enough to host me. (If you haven’t bought my novel yet and won’t be able to make it to any of these events, well, you know what to do.)
“Did you know that whales used to live on land? And that jet fuel can’t melt steel beams?” –Doctor Handsome
“I wasn’t expecting Family Circus to be cancelled after 56 years and replaced in mid-strip by The Great Gatsby Babies, but I’m willing to roll with it.” –Chyron HR
“I’d think lunch was pretty awesome too if I could fix my own martinis in the student cafeteria instead of the arts supply closet.” –Kevin On Earth
“Yes, I think lunch is pretty awesome, too. Hey, I’ve got an idea that might sound a bit pretentious… Since I went ahead and became a professor and we are at an institution of higher learning, do you want to try bumping up the level of conversation? No? Ok, well lunch is awesome and homework is poopy.” –Chareth Cutestory
“Dawn honors The Sandwich with the attendant silverware, just as she cups her hands in thankful prayer to the Most Righteous John Montagu, the Fourth Earl Of Sandwich. KNEEL, you ersatz art historian! You know nothing of art! This is art!” –Sgt Saunders
“I’ll have the tan sandwich, medium flat, extra rigid, please!” –Red Delicious
“So just apropos of nothing, Hagar decides to quiz his compatriot on religious doctrine? ‘What are the seven deadly sins? I’m trying to break them all, and I’m not sure. I straight up murdered the priest in our last raid, so I can’t ask him. Is killing one of the seven? How can it not be one of the seven deadly sins?'” –hogenmogen
“I’m impressed you even tried! What a novel concept- to make an effort to peruse your interests and accomplish your goals. You’ve really cracked the code of life, Harlan Jones.” –Here come the Judge
“Harlan knows that the ‘varying degrees of success’ clause is the best way to make ridiculous claims: ‘I water skied the length of the Nile and opened a jar of pickles, with varying degrees of success.’” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women
“Somehow the fact that a couple of Vikings are in a restaurant with a waitress bothers me less than the fact that the waitress is holding a pencil, which wasn’t invented until 1564. If they have in fact converted to Christianity, they should consider burning her as a witch.” –Esther Blodgett
“Writer’s notes to artist, Judge Parker, panel 1, April 20, 2016: Dialogue box: ‘How’s Rocky’s book deal coming along, Sam?’ Her brows deeply furrowed, her breasts struggling to break free from her skin-tight stretchy dress.” –jvwalt
“Hi, my head is shaped like a sex toy. Can I touch your dirty underwear?” –Kevin Keeney, on Facebook
“Today’s strip is a lot funnier if you imagine Jamaal’s comment in the final panel dripping with sarcasm. ‘No, Herb, I go there to flirt with women. You know how I just loooove the ladies. Ugh, how am I going to get those sailor outfits clean for the party on Friday now?'” –pugfuggly
“God, I hope this week of Funky Winkerbean ends before he gets to Io. ‘A heady mix of ipecac and Ex-Lax, to guarantee eruptions!'” –Voshkod
“Change dot org petition to prevent any Funky Winkerbean character from ever using the word ‘creamy’ again.” –Dan
“I remember the first time I got a taste of an “adults praise little Sarah” strip. It was magical, and overwhelming. Of course, I was hooked. And as time went by the praise became more effusive, more consistent. And now I realize that I’ve reached the point where a strip like today’s, where a near-adult praises Sarah in a ridiculous and over-the-top manner, just doesn’t do it for me any more. I mean, it’s there. It’s what I need to get through the morning. But that magic is gone. Next week, I’ve been promised a room full of wealthy arts patrons standing around an art museum praising Sarah, lavishing her with attention and wealth, hailing her as the world’s greatest artist. I’m hoping that this will be enough to bring back that thrill, but I’m worrying that maybe it won’t. I’m chasing something more. Maybe reading the strip off of a tattoo on a stripper’s crotch? Or maybe I need to set the strip on fire and inhale the smoke? Something, man. ’Cause today’s style with just one teenager doin the praisin just ain’t cuttin it for me any more.” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box
“What’s ironic is that the dog … bear thing so happy to have outlived his friends appears to be clutching his chest with his left paw. You can’t out-power walk Death forever, man bear dog, and she has finally caught up to you.” –Dread
“But look, the eldest is wearing jams. Are you sure you don’t want to upgrade from seventies kids to eighties?” –Artist formerly known as Ben
