“Ah, but Dennis is present in today’s strip: he’s replaced Zayn in One Direction.” –pugfuggly

“Cayla’s weary and disappointed ‘my husband is obsessed with his time-traveling ex’ look from last Sunday is exactly the same as her ‘my husband lost consciousness’ look from today. Cayla, have you considered that maybe you just don’t like your husband very much?” –Dan

“Les, I think I speak for everyone here when I say you didn’t ruin the class reunion by passing out. That’s ridiculous. You ruined it by waking up.” –I am Groot

“Toby’s hiding the take-out containers while Ian brags about the little woman’s great cooking! What will ensue? (a) hijinks (b) wackiness (c) a tearful scene in which Toby tries to get her clueless husband to understand the myriad ways he undervalues and diminishes her (d) absolutely nothing of interest because, you know, Mary Worth” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“Peep? I don’t know about you guys, but for me the most depressing part of today’s comics was finding out that ‘tweeting’ is apparently a protected trademark now.” –Vulpius

“Man those guys need to call up 1-800-ANACHRONISTIC-REPETITIVE-JOKES, the place one goes to remedy phone number-based joke problems.” –norbizness, on Twitter

“Say what you will, but I thought Horf on Bolf was pretty funny.” –The Homework Ogre, on Twitter

“I know he probably can’t afford a lot of them, but I hope to God Doc is going to wear a pair of disposable latex gloves while tickling Snuffy.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“Laughter is the best medicine, so readers of this strip are doomed to a slow, lingering death.” –Pozzo

“Oh, Mr Wilson, does this mean you’re going to scour the Earth for the forty least selling songs of the year? That’s a tremendous, heroic undertaking which will probably require several lifetimes and expose you to some amazing, unlikely, personal music. Godspeed you brave adventurer!” –Amake

“I mean, have you been on Soundcloud? Have you listened to the shit on Bandcamp? In my day we had a real underground. The Monks, Sun Ra, Great Society, Captain Beefheart, Rocket From the Tombs, The Residents. Now it’s just a drum machine, a laptop, and three out of work 20-somethings in a shit bar. Where’s the weed, Martha? I’m in the mood for the Troggs.” –Carter

“‘If I don’t get the $10,000 referral fee that Charterstone pays, I’m done for. I’ll have to declare bankrptcy. Or catch the first plane to Lima,’ thinks Ian as the sweat trickles down his back.” –Big Bad Dave

“Beats ‘the ol’ bumstead chumhead.'” –thisblogisfortherats, on Tumblr

“The best bit is Herb, focusing on the road, maintaining a neutral expression, and thinking ‘Oh, god, they’re talking about Dag Swag again. How long do I have to wait before that gets played out? And is anyone talking about my new tie? Of course not! I can’t wait until his boss crushes him.'” –Horace Boon

“‘This forward compartment is much larger — Wait … What’s that!?’ –Mark Trail, being exposed for the first time to the mechanics of heterosexual intercourse” –Doctor Handsome

“Mark has no need to be exposed to radioactivity to become a super-hero, since he already is one. His secret identity is Brylcreem Man, who by sheer force of will is able to keep his hair combed underwater.” –seismic-2

“Is the chicken over-cooked? Well, you are eating with a spoon, so…” –lumaca morente

“I first interpreted this Crankshaft strip as a kind of heartbreaking elegy to lives wasted, an ode to years of regret: ‘don’t say run, don’t tempt me, or I will run away, far and fast, away from this tragic existence, as far as my feet will take me, disappear into the fairgrounds forever, and live out the remainder of my life as a carny, remembering, remembering but never returning.’ But the harrowing expressions on Jeff and Ed’s faces as they prepare to take a massive dump in their pants are really almost as poignant.” –Jack loves comics

“When you find an old wreck/ And you think, ‘What the heck!/ That’s a moray!'” –POB14

“So no one else at the reunion can see the teens and the sinkhole, or there is no one else at the reunion? Cayla looks about ready to push Les in, for what it’s worth.” –Rusty

“This really glossed over Lisa learning that she’s going to die horribly and also end up with Les.” –SideshowJon

“I’m not a huge fan of Skeet Ulrich, but I would never actually want to shoot him. Maybe I’m misunderstanding the point of today’s Judge Parker.” –John C Fremont

“I feel bad for the poor schmoe who is about to lose his spot on the Olympic skeet team to Sam.” –FE

“Oh my god, cellphones really DO cause cancer!” –Mumblix Grumph

“Did he also bring back a modern computer with the correct interface software and cables? Because otherwise there’s no way to get the pictures off the thing. He’ll just have to hold the phone up to people until it finally runs out of battery, which will take about a day if he’s lucky. Then he’ll be stuck with a dead slab of glass and an unbelievable story. That’s — that’s pretty FW actually. Imagine the patronising sneers that will result as he tries to explain. The smugly raised eyebrows. Oh lord.” –Adam C

“This was it, the moment where Hi finally walked out for good. No more Lois, no more kids, the only thing he was certain of was that his new life would be sunny and warm. Someplace that smelled of ocean and salt and nobody knew his name. He briefly considered taking family photos or some of the kids’ drawings but he shook his head. Best to make a clean break, best to forget them. With a smile he grabbed a tube of sunscreen on his way out the door as he kissed his wife goodbye for the last time. Yes, thought Hi, the future was going to be bright. I’ll need to wear lots of sunscreen.” –Escape Zeppelin

“Confound it, woman! I have over my very head countless volumes of recipes. Surely at least one of them can provide a solution. I imagine there are simple dishes one can prepare in one’s microwave oven. In fact, I shall now roll my eyes upward for a quick peek… Alas! Vertigo! [CLUNK]” –made of wince

“No vacation is complete without the Appraisal of the Gifts.” –TheDiva

“Wha? Is that a cleaning glove on Abbey? Or did someone off screen give her a falconry glove and an exotic peregrine falcon worth $20,000?” –Hogenmogen

“‘I’ll keep my distance,’ Mark Trail says. Therefore, any future comic showing him any closer to that plane will just prove what a dirty damn liar he has always been.” –Brady

“I think Mark is just hallucinating a giant pink eel for the expected Freudian reasons.” –nescio

“I think there is a clear mistranslation from the old Norse epic. Instead of ‘clear,’ it was meant to be ‘arrange the heads of the fallen on pikes to honor the Allfather Odin.’ Also, ‘squeamish’ should be read as ‘makes me feel the rage and fury of my Berserking bloodline.’ Sorry for the inconvenience.” –maltmash3r

“Q: Given that Killer’s center of mass is under the rope, how much does his halo weigh? A: If there were a Panel 3, it would depict his gruesome decapitation.” –A Concerned Reader

“If last week someone had asked me, ‘Which comic strip is the most likely one next week to feature a weird rope-and-pulley sex-positioning apparatus?’, then yeah, I might have immediately started to say Pibgorn, but then I would have realized that Beetle Bailey was in actuality much more likely, based on more precedents than I can even count.” –seismic-2

“Boom box? Analog clock? A decorative lamp that probably still uses an incandescent light bulb? A box of friggin’ LPs? This is a collection of items no actual modern teenager would own, and Archie is getting rid of it to make sure his friends never realize he’s a time-traveler from 1983.” –BigTed

“My mamma was a woman who saw a man in fatigues and army boots descend from a tree on a thick hemp rope and, believing him an emissary of God, had sex with him, then never saw him again. My daddy was a man who put on a foil halo and made feathered wings to pull just such a stunt. No, I don’t know why Congress asked me here today to testify about the morning-after pill — shit, I ain’t no doctor, that’s for goddamn sure.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Ha ha, but seriously: slow it down? Aren’t you tired of migrating?” –pugfuggly

“Wow, do you really get a fancy award certificate when your house goes underwater? Sign me up!” –Legend of the Arctic

“‘Like a dog to its own vomit…’ Daisy knows what’s up, and she is terrified.” –pastordan

“The endless pleasant banality of suburban life was finally starting to break Trixie. At least Thirsty had his drinking to dull the torment of their existence but as an eternal baby she wasn’t even allowed that. ‘Disturb me! Terrify me! Make me feel something, make me feel anything!’ For her outburst, for trying to FEEL, a quiet timeout was her only reward. Even the punishments here were boring.” –Escape Zeppelin

“Future Les to Past Les: ‘Thirty bucks, kid. This ain’t a library.'” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“‘Keeping the shark on ice’ will be my new euphemism for sexual abstinence.” –Pozzo

“I love this completely senseless bit of non-plot where Lu Ann talks to an imaginary Margo, walks the street still talking, asks herself why Margo isn’t in the gallery when the gallery is closed (then how did Lu Ann get inside?), and decides to imagine a great little evening for her imaginary Margo. ‘I bet Greg takes her someplace nice, like the Charlie Bird in Soho. I bet they’re listening to jazz and eating their famous blue crab toast! Sigh. I wish Baldy McBaldbald would take me there.'” –Hogenmogen

“Can’t … stop … looking at … Ian’s beard! It’s like a giant pussy willow, or a baby weasel that fell asleep on his chin. I’m really weirded out by it, and yet, I want to pet it and take care of it.” –pugfuggly

“Much like an infant, Lu Ann still hasn’t grasped the concept of object permanence.” –TheDiva

“Y’all are barking up the wrong tree with this ‘Tobey/Ian/Director three-way’ stuff. Ian has clearly been sent out to seek a lover for his wife, and hopes he will be allowed to watch. Spoilers: he will not.” –Purple Prosecutor

“I hear she carved that horse from a larger horse.” –Trey James, on Facebook

“Is this the Glen Keane origin story? Thelma and Bil, having too many mouths to feed, abandoned ‘Billy’ in a Disney amusement park, and the Disney corporation raised him as an animator?” –DAS

“The truly ironic thing about the mass-production sculpting that Toby is doing is that we see in panel 1 that Ian really doesn’t even need another pair of bookends. Toby must therefore be selling them, as part of Santa Royale’s thriving tchotchke industry specializing in clay figurines filled with tequila. Order a bunch online now, from Toby’s Pinatas for Drunks! Our Ms. Bryson will be standing by, to steal your credit card number.” –seismic-2