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Hello everybody! Your COTW coming momentarily, but first I must put out a call to those of you who live in or near Los Angeles: On Wednesday, October 14, at 6:30 pm, my Sketch 301 class at Upright Citizens Brigade will be performing our class show at UCB Franklin at 5919 Franklin Avenue! All of the sketches in the show are extremely funny, including the ones I wrote, and the actors are awesome as well. As soon as publish this post I gotta run out and buy some wigs for one of my sketches, so you know HOLLYWOOD GLAMOUR IS IN FULL EFFECT. Please come! It’s like $5 so, like, literally you can’t afford NOT go go. Here is the Facebook event!

Anyway, almost as funny as any sketch show is this week’s top comment!

“‘I’m Eric Mills, and I’m afraid there’s more’ should be made the default opener for rap battles from now until the end of time.” –Wonkey the Monkey

The runners up are also hilarious!

“How tasteful not to include them eating John the Baptist’s head.” –lrubinko, on Tumblr

“Josh, you forget she is now officially a Parker-Spencer-Driver. Right now women all over the Balkans are queueing up to hand over their newborns to April.” –Zerowolf

“This conversation about ‘closets full of cute tops,’ addiction, and the need for even more tops plays out every night on Grindr.” –Gabacho

“Wikipedia describes Six Chix as ‘a collaborative comic strip … drawn by six female cartoonists.’ It debuted in 2000, only 15 years ago, which in comic strip terms makes it practically a zygote. Given these facts, plus the sassy alternate spelling of ‘chix’ (way to take back the word!), one might think that this feature would be of a sassy, progressive nature with a gentle yet unmistakable feminist tone. But no. The premise of this Sunday strip is that women do, in fact, be shopping. The prophecy of Reggie Warrington has come to pass.” –Joe Blevins

“Whoa, April plans to get pregnant and have child by the end of the year. This will no doubt be THE story on the comics page, in, oh, 2027? Assuming daily serial comics and womb-based fetus development are still a ‘thing’ then.” –pugfuggly

“While Slylock meddles with the right of owning a treasure taken from the sea, a bird is kidnapping a fish from the sea to devour it. Probably each class of animals had different interests during the initial uprising, but, like the French revolution, the first animal revolution has been turned into the affirmation of property rights. Our foxy Robespierre can be ruthless in the delivery of justice, but like his human predecessor he holds private property holy. Who will be animal Gracchus Babeuf?” –Ettore Costa, on Facebook

“Dear God, Slylock and Max’s expressions made my blood ran cold. I have no idea what it is they expect Earl Elephant to do to Shady Shrew, but it’s clearly going to transcend the bounds of regular Slylock-Fox-&-Comics-For-Kids tomfoolery. At least that adorable tiny sailor hat will take the edge off a bit when he starts pistol-whipping Shady in the face with a live crab.” –Jack loves comics

“The looks on everyone’s faces pretty much tell the whole story. Shady’s bad reputation stems from the fact that he compulsively humps any inanimate object that captures his fancy.” –made of wince

“I like that Tommie’s written the address on a dollar bill. Bus fare, right?” –lumaca morente

“Years from now when Cindy is no longer a desirable, objectifiable woman and has thereby exhausted her usefulness in Funky Winkerbean, Mason’s children will discover a long lost videotape: ‘Clearly you are someone who has grown to become attractive to Mason, and I hate you a little for that. But I also love you for realizing how special his abs are.'” –K.M.

“You know you’re a grandmother when you are a female whose offspring have had offspring of their own. Not only is it true, it’s funnier than anything Marvin will do with the concept.” –C. Sandy Cyst

“This man came to our house at three in the morning and held up a piece of paper — our name and address hand-written on the back of a receipt from the Dildo Emporium. He told us that our daughter had a thyroid condition. For the few minutes we were talking we were in the living room, on a street corner, in a restaurant and then back in the living room, but this time all the furniture was reversed. So, doctor: Ambien refill, please. I want to see how this comes out.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“A neat, simply designed panel, and yet it manages to incorporate at least two phallic symbols. Sigmund would be proud.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“I love that to get Sheezix’s rant out, an okayish punchline has been stuck in a tiny speech bubble in the first panel to die.” –Horace Broon

“As the blood clot lodged itself in a blood vessel near the occipitotemporal junction of Mr. Magee’s brain, the surrounding tissues were starved of oxygen. Within seconds, contours became indistinct, objects bled into one another, sounds merged, smells blended. All around him, the hurried cadence of Fifth Avenue faded into a cloud of agnosia. He felt his own face blur, and the face of the man in front of him blurred too. His face was Magee’s face. ‘That sounds familiar,” said Mr. Magee, smiling a thin, crooked smile. Everything was familiar.” –Viscount

“‘Uh … how is Kelly posing?’ ‘Awkwardly splayed, of course! What’s your hangup?'” –Doctor Handsome

“Pluggers are impressed by their ability to sleep in their underwear. Or to stand up and drink coffee at the same time. Or tie a knot so their drawstring pants don’t fall around their cankles. You’re a plugger if you know how to set the bar low and not trip over it.” –Droopy Says

“Here’s a fun game. Replace the word ‘polar’ in today’s strip with something that pairs nicely with the ‘bi’ in today’s strip. I’ll start us off with ‘planekin’. Mason Jarr is just a sentient biplane trapped in a human body.” –rbmalpha

“I’m talking to a friend of Margo. But he’s on the other side of you! And he looks just like me! SHAZAM! Anyway, thank you for attending our magic show, honey. The twin scam was kind of a long con, but it was worth … the prestige!” –Dan

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Let’s go into the weekend with your comment of the week!

“That Darwin kid has some spark. Right there, on his left sleeve. Let’s just keep an eye on him. Ever seen polyester go up in flames? Hilarious!” –pugfuggly

These runners up are also a nonstop party!

“It’s not even a DVD. Actual air time was bought because it was addressed to the whole town. And town deserved it.” –Trey James, on Facebook

“At first, I thought it was strange that Tommie was saying ‘Hush, Eric, while I listen to Margo’s heart,’ and pressing her ear against a pick-up truck. But then again, it would be equally strange if she was listening for a heart in Margo’s chest, really.” –Schroduck

“That’s about a 34″ cathode-ray TV there, so it probably weighs 30 pounds easy, but it’s balanced precariously on two rickety legs with wheels, and the weight of the curious vulture somehow doesn’t tip it over. Yes, THAT’S my problem with the logic of today’s Slylock Fox.” –Doctor Handsome

“One interesting thing I don’t believe you’ve commented on is the fact that there apparently exists an alliance of sorts between the few remaining humans and those more conservative animals who hold to traditional mores like ‘not wearing clothes’ and ‘living as nature intended.’ Is this a brewing revolution against the New Order? Spider, vulture, snake, bat — they may be sapient now, but they haven’t embraced the bastardized appropriation of human mores that most of their society has. How poignant, that some of these creatures recognise that humanity is not their enemy, but that things were better when men were men and vultures were vultures. A world where cloned humans reclaim their cities and restore the natural order is one that these sympathetic reactionaries dream of.” –G’Quan

“We all known that the only name Les calls out during sex is his own. That’s why Cayla is smirking.” –Joe Momma

“Seriously. I walked in on him masturbating once. I knew I should’ve turned back when I heard my name said over and over again, but morbid curiosity struck. Get it? Because I’m currently dead?” –rbmalpha

“One of the symptoms of hyperthyroidism is increased bowel movements, so there’s hope for this storyline yet.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“I find it almost touching that Momma cheerfully went into a Mother-to-Mother-Filial-Comparison-Competition (or ‘son-down,’ in common parlance) with Francis at her side, rather than Thomas, her married, employed son. Sure, she knows she’s going to lose Round 1 — ‘Where is your son’s art hanging?’ — but wait ’til they get to Round 17 — ‘Is your son currently in possession of a hat?'” –Joe Blevins

“Mary Jane knows her husband is as dumb as a bag of unwashed clothes, yet Peter manages to suprise her nonetheless. Well done Peter, keep the spark alive.” –Guðmundur Bjarki, on Facebook

“Toby doesn’t get the hint that Mary is some new kind of bored with Toby’s trifling problems. For God’s sakes, this is a woman who meddled dogs in the past and she can’t even be bothered with this crap.” –Gabacho

“Summer’s a pretty tough kid. She barely cried at all when I told her to stay out of Mommy’s room when I’m recording my important secret videos.” –Chyron HR

“You may not be aware of this, Cayla, but your husband doesn’t have any siblings. I don’t have any siblings either, in case Les forgot to tell you at Lisa Orientation. Just thought I’d let you know, in case you didn’t notice the pervasive stench of Only Child Syndrome that has enshrouded our lives like a thick fog.” –K.M.

“Don’t worry Spider-Man, it’s not as chilling as it seems. Closer examination reveals that Namor is planning to use Sendit, a dated way of sharing links to large files, to get the battleship to the ocean floor. Cue weeks of puzzled frowning as he tries to create an account. ‘WHY does it NEED my DATE of BIRTH?!'” –Adam

“Also in the depths of his DTs the general sees his radio as a vicious face with bone crushing ragged teeth. Every few weeks we have to replace it when he smashes the old one with a ball peen hammer in self defense.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Also, Pluggers buy athletic shoes even though none of them have exercised since the Johnson administration.” –Flonatin of Bologna

“I think Marvin is physically transforming, Lost Highway-style, into Garfield. Which is one of those rare cases where that would actually be an improvement.” –C. Sandy Cyst

“Only four garbage cans, and you call that being a ‘romantic’? Stick to hauling trash, pally.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Yeah, nothing says ‘romance’ to me like inky blackness slowly overtaking the sky while the all-seeing eye of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named hovers above, choosing whom of the walking meat below will be consumed first. Fortunately, High Priest Heathcliff and his chosen bride will be spared the carnage to follow.” –Pozzo

“Exposed to laptop radiation in its mother’s womb, and comforted only by the sound of clicking keys, the child of Rex and June Morgan would grow up to be … the Internet Troll! With all the powers of an Internet Troll, such as snark, the Internet Troll … no, wait, this hits a bit too close to home.” –Voshkod

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Behold, all: your delightful comment of the week!

“It’s like an ‘Easter egg’ in that it’s been sitting around forgotten for 15 years and it stinks.” –Chyron HR

And your extremely delightful runners up!

“For a strip obsessed with death, Funky Winkerbean really does have a problem accepting that certain characters ARE ACTUALLY DEAD AND CAN’T TALK ANYMORE MOVE THE HELL ON” –C. Sandy Cyst

Mary Worth: “Ian, Toby’s instructions were clearly stated: she did not want you to attempt to contact her. Yet here you are attempting to contact her. I find it scary that an obvious illiterate has a doctorate in English Literature.” –Zerowolf

“Dear Wilson and Beatty: I fear you have misinterpreted my request to return the focus of our story to a pregnant June Morgan and her new rack…” –boojum

“Mr. Plugger is intimidated new things, so he spends all his free time re-reading the same familiar book over and over again. But this time, something is different. On his 17th repetition, on page 113, the book has changed. Something unfamiliar has happened. You have entered a dimension of fear. A dimension of dog. Welcome … to the Plugger Zone.” –Nekrotzar

“Toby does not have lots of friends. Hell, she probably doesn’t even have Mary now.” –Gabacho

“Hey look! It’s another deadly situation that could have been avoided weeks ago by just picking up a phone and calling the authorities. Welp, anyhow, I hope Mark enjoys his cool underwater harpoon fight as his hair falls out and his organs start to fail.” –pugfuggly

“Wait, a pharmaceutical price-gouging joke? Oh man, Pluggers is accidentally timely. I don’t know how to react to that. It looks like chicken lady doesn’t either. This is really uncomfortable for everyone involved.” –Dan

“A classic! We have to choose between medicine and food! Haw haw! Well, looks like it was a bad choice for a chicken to marry a carnivore.” –hogenmogen

Although ‘Toby’s only friend is Mary and everyone knows it’ is pretty good, it would be fun if it turned out that Ian had cameras in every apartment at Charterstone, Sliver-style. ‘Mary, put Toby on! I can see she’s there! Uh, I mean, I can see her in my MIND’S EYE, in yet another boner-deflating lavender ensemble … you know what, maybe this is for the best.'” –Windier E. Megatons

“What Ian doesn’t realize in panel 1 is that Toby would love to talk to him, but Mary’s got her trapped inside an invisible box! What Mary doesn’t realize in panel 2 is that Toby’s radioing her security detail: ‘On my signal, launch Operation Storm Charterstone. Watch out for my invisible box.'” –Shoe Substitutes

“How’s this for irony? A bird bought a trampoline!” –Not Frazz

“If he does bite, lady, let me be the first to tell you that leash and harness ain’t gonna work. What you’re going to need is a muzzle. And I can say from experience, don’t cheap out and get some flimsy mesh thing from Petco. What you want is leather. Thicker the better. Mom’ll back me up on this. Won’t you, Mom?” –Joe Blevins

“In Lu Ann’s Wager, you believe in God not to avoid eternal damnation, but rather keep your face from melting like Tommie’s in panel two.” –But What Do I Know?

“It’s not like my Mom used to make. Of course, she learned at the feet of the great Heisenberg. I can taste the phenylacetone and … is that cumin?” –Voskhod

“If they do rename Herb and Jamaal, I hope they name it The Gourd People. Because then it’ll be a science fiction strip, and instead of thinking, Why do these people act like this? we can think, Ah, the Gourd People are practicing being human so they can ‘fit in!’ Ha ha, it’s funny how far off they are.” –BeckoningChasm

“Do you suppose that kid from yesterday bit Dennis and that’s what the bandage is for? The human mouth is filthy and his mother should have taken him to the hospital for all the required shots, but after that last comment I’m not sure she’s feeling anything, either.” –WLP

Also, let’s give a shoutout to Adam Clarke on Twitter for coming up with the first ever visual COTW candidate:

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.