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Hello all. I thought you would be interested in knowing that in just a few short hours, my lovely wife and I will be taking a trip for our anniversary (our tenth! can you believe it?). We’ll be driving a few short hours up the coast to Santa Barbara, which, as you may or may not know, is the setting for Mary Worth, thinly disguised as “Santa Royale.” Will our vacation be ruined by meddling? Will I need to fend off the sexual advances of suddenly single Toby? Should we stop by the university and follow the loud sobbing noises to Ian’s office? Should we avoid the crime-ridden boardwalk?

Anyway, it’s only a few days and comics will post here on schedule because I’m dedicated like that. How could I not be, considering how great you are? Here, this week’s top comment demonstrates the amazingness of my readership:

“I’d like to see a new comic focused on those two security guards in Rex Morgan. Bob Cut and Taco Boy are: Exposition Cops!” –Voshkod

The runners up are also extremely funny!

“Do you ever get the feeling at the start of school that we’re all just passing through? Because I sure don’t! I’ve been here forever, through at least four major shifts in hairstyle trends, and I’m starting to doubt whether even the sweet embrace of death will free me from this horrible prison.” –ratnerstar

“Whenever an ancillary character like the brunette security guard is so clearly drawn from life, I have to wonder: is the artist trying to work in some friend or relative, or did King Features Syndicate have a contest I didn’t know about? Maybe it’s a reward for long-time King employees. ‘As you know, Gladys, we’ve had to end our 401(k) matching program due to dwindling revenues, so instead we’re letting you be the one who says I gave him his security badge last week! in the Sunday Rex Morgan. Congrats!'” –Joe Blevins

“Meanwhile, we get to see the result of Charterstone’s new ‘Park anywhere you want!’ policy.” –seismic-2

“You’ll be like the Kardashians — but with IQ points. Look, they’re good at publicity, but they can’t stat up a character for shit. You need to dump Strength and Charisma and go all in on Intelligence, and think ahead: do you see yourself as more Conjuration or Illusion focused? How important would you say an extra first-level feat is for you?” –Carter

“It would be weird if political campaigning during work hours was what finally got Crankshaft fired. Kind of like how they nabbed Al Capone for tax evasion.” –TheDiva

“Ah, Mississippi Ken: Daisy Duke hair, Boss Hogg car.” –pugfuggly

“Milton’s not the man he used to be, but he can still get it up if he thinks he’s banging his secretary. And I need a legitimate heir if I’m going to prevail in this proxy battle over the long term. Senility does have its advantages. Guard the door, will you, Jordan?” –cheech wizard

“I believe that is supposed to be a 1970 Monte Carlo adorned with what I think is the skull of a juvenile Beelzebub.” –Steve Philip, on Facebook

“Nice portrait of Toby with Ian photo-bombing his own wife.” –Rusty

“Hagar may look comically inept, but his martial prowess is such that in between panels he’s switched his sword from his right hand to his left, discarding his shield in the process, AND still swung with enough force to produce that clonking effect. Also he, uh, has a sword stuck in his groin? These guys were TOUGH.” –Adam C

“Yeah, I’m getting pretty sick of being a skydiving instructor, actually. I only had one customer this week, and it was a mute cat. It paid me in dead birds. It’s almost as if I have no reason to exist. Yeah, that’s why I’m wearing this ‘MEH’ helmet—got that from the cat, too. SO glad you asked, Mom.” –made of wince

“[record scratch] What? Apartment 3-G turned into a lesbian humiliation porno so slowly … no, no NO! So quickly!” –Baka Gaijin

“By the way, Les, let me be the first to tell you that you died during the reunion! That’s right, Mister I-can’t-dream-of-saving-my-beloved, welcome to the afterlife! Now get into that classroom, shove your smirk up your ass, and teach those kids until they all earn a passing grade! You’re in English-teacher Hell, douchebag!” –Droopy Says

“Remember, job seekers: in today’s economy, no one wants to hear about where you see yourself in five years or what a team player you are. ‘I have lots of money in my bag, take as much as you need’ is the phrase that will set you apart from the competition — prospective employers find that ‘nice.'” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Holy shit, Namor’s not fucking around this time! Did you see that pile of severed heads?!!” –Doctor Handsome

“I have chosen to make this announcement here, on the lido deck of the Carnival cruise ship ‘Partius Maximus’, instead of the United Nations because I could not resist the bounteous all-day buffet.” –Aphthakid

“Yeah, people will be swarming to work making clothing, a traditionally low-paying job, in a bunch of precariously piled reconditioned shipping boxes. Any mention of air-conditioning? This might be the dictionary definition of ‘sweatshop.'” –maltmash3r

“Please tell me this is all building up to some sort of Comics Sweeps Week Crossover Event. On Monday, Mary Worth (now unemployed in her own strip) leads the charge of seniors seeking jobs at Neddy’s factory. Sally Forth is brought in as VP of Human Resources, at a salary that allows Ted to buy real light sabers. (Hillary’s boyfriend John is ultimately revealed to be the secret son of Abbey and a gangly stable hand, and thus the one true SpencerDriver heir.) With her garment industry experience, Margo is hired as floor manager; shipping containers randomly disappear, only to be replaced by church spires and Hoboken smokestacks. Meanwhile, in Ohio, cancer.” –boojum

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Hey all, a brief note on my upcoming Kickstarted novel, which many of you backed and which really is upcoming: one of the stretch goals that I set for the Kickstarter was having internal illustrations, and now I need internal illustrators! I have an artist for the cover who I’m VERY excited about but need three internal illustrations, which will be different enough from each other that they might merit three different artists. Details on what I’m looking for are here (very mild spoilers for book plot in that description). This is a paid gig; please feel free to spread that link to any and all interested parties!

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♫ Gotta love this week’s top funniest comment! ♫

“Billy is setting his sights too high in aspiring to grow up to be a dog.” –lumaca morente

♫ And the runners up are pretty funny TOOOOOO! ♫

“I’m wondering how long the human statue with the sword can hold that pose before he has to change it. If he’s really that good, though, he’d probably be working at The Venetian.” –Fritz Goebel, on Facebook

“Hat on… backwards?! Mind blown.” –Adam Clarke, on Twitter

“In case you missed my big triton, I’ve got a triton belt buckle and a triton tattooed on my left calf (next to Grateful Dead bears).” –norbizness, on Twitter

“Prediction: Spider-Man spends no less than 2 weeks trapped in a giant clam.” –TheGiantHead, on Twitter

“Don’t bother changing clothes, honey. The Beachcomber’s dress code requires male patrons to look like vaudeville comedians from the 1920’s.” –Doctor Handsome

“So Peter’s spider-sense, realizing that there is a water-based supervillain on the warpath, has decided to make him blurt out that he wants to go to a tropical island even though he actually does not. Good job trying to kill your master, spider-sense. Too bad it won’t work, again.” –Laura

“Man, today’s panel is layers deep. Dennis has abandoned colorful pj’s in favor of a black tee, looking more teen than tot. Our beloved scamp is thoughtfully placed halfway between an innocent children’s toy and a trendy fitted cap from the mall kiosk. Yes, there came a time in all of our lives when our acts of rebellion turned from precocious to premeditated. Dennis knows he has reached the age of accountability and offers up a sober minded plea to his Savior before donning his red cap, grabbing his baseball bat and hopping out the window on a crime spree.” –Tonya

“Later that day, Mark returns to the sunken seaplane to conduct tests. ‘Listen up, you inanimate rods! This is a pop quiz. Question one: Are any of you emitting neutrons? Question two: Are you undergoing beta decay? Question three: Are you emitting positively charged alpha particles? Come on, guys, answer me, or I’ll have to get rough! Bonus question: Are you now, or have you ever been, exposed to ionizing radiation? OK, that’s how you want to play it, eh? Meet my crushing right cross!'” –Voshkod

“That gives me an idea, Ken: let’s call the coast guard or the EPA! I bet they have lots of geiger counters, better diving equipment, and the expertise to actually contain and dispose of radioactive waste! Ha ha, no, just kidding, let’s try to lure it into a bear cave, or maybe toss it in a hippo’s mouth…” –pugfuggly

Judge Parker: “All of this confusion could have been avoided if Neddy and Rocky had developed a written business plan, a written contract vetted by attorneys for both sides, and opened a business account with a bank. Instead we get make-it-up-as-you-go construction and business partners disappearing on a whim. This entire enterprise reminds me of the old Mickey Rooney & Judy Garland ‘Hey, kids, let’s put on a show!’ trope. I don’t mean that in a good way, because I can’t stand Mickey Rooney.” –I speak Jive

“Wow, Ken, did you ever look at your finger? I mean, really look at it? Now, what was that idea you said you had?” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“If I had a nickel for every time one of my nightmares ended with Carrot Top blowing someone away, I would be a very, very rich man, my friends.” –Jack loves comics

“Believe me, Toby, a person who wears an Astroturf sport coat is a lot of things, but ‘pompous’ isn’t one of them.” –TheDiva

“It’s a little late in the game for Toby to realize Ian is a pompous boor. It was probably noted in their wedding vows.” –Rusty

“Marvin ‘prepares to drive off with a full load’ and wonders ‘where he can dump his cargo.’ No, I’m sorry. This is too easy. It must be a trap.” –AhClem

“Wait! Don’t just walk away from me! I have so many more fake ice cream names to belittle you with! Like ‘Failure Fudge’ and ‘Drain on Society Ripple’ and ‘Mint Chocolate I Hate You So Much I Could Just Scream and Scream and Never Stop Screaming.'” –Joe Blevins

“I’m just going to assume that Mark Trail helped Lesley’s car in delivering a breech-baby calf, and she’s still traumatized from having to help lick the placental tissue off an infant Dodge Neon.” –Chip Whittle

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.