“When you find an old wreck/ And you think, ‘What the heck!/ That’s a moray!'” –POB14

“So no one else at the reunion can see the teens and the sinkhole, or there is no one else at the reunion? Cayla looks about ready to push Les in, for what it’s worth.” –Rusty

“This really glossed over Lisa learning that she’s going to die horribly and also end up with Les.” –SideshowJon

“I’m not a huge fan of Skeet Ulrich, but I would never actually want to shoot him. Maybe I’m misunderstanding the point of today’s Judge Parker.” –John C Fremont

“I feel bad for the poor schmoe who is about to lose his spot on the Olympic skeet team to Sam.” –FE

“Oh my god, cellphones really DO cause cancer!” –Mumblix Grumph

“Did he also bring back a modern computer with the correct interface software and cables? Because otherwise there’s no way to get the pictures off the thing. He’ll just have to hold the phone up to people until it finally runs out of battery, which will take about a day if he’s lucky. Then he’ll be stuck with a dead slab of glass and an unbelievable story. That’s — that’s pretty FW actually. Imagine the patronising sneers that will result as he tries to explain. The smugly raised eyebrows. Oh lord.” –Adam C

“This was it, the moment where Hi finally walked out for good. No more Lois, no more kids, the only thing he was certain of was that his new life would be sunny and warm. Someplace that smelled of ocean and salt and nobody knew his name. He briefly considered taking family photos or some of the kids’ drawings but he shook his head. Best to make a clean break, best to forget them. With a smile he grabbed a tube of sunscreen on his way out the door as he kissed his wife goodbye for the last time. Yes, thought Hi, the future was going to be bright. I’ll need to wear lots of sunscreen.” –Escape Zeppelin

“Confound it, woman! I have over my very head countless volumes of recipes. Surely at least one of them can provide a solution. I imagine there are simple dishes one can prepare in one’s microwave oven. In fact, I shall now roll my eyes upward for a quick peek… Alas! Vertigo! [CLUNK]” –made of wince

“No vacation is complete without the Appraisal of the Gifts.” –TheDiva

“Wha? Is that a cleaning glove on Abbey? Or did someone off screen give her a falconry glove and an exotic peregrine falcon worth $20,000?” –Hogenmogen

“‘I’ll keep my distance,’ Mark Trail says. Therefore, any future comic showing him any closer to that plane will just prove what a dirty damn liar he has always been.” –Brady

“I think Mark is just hallucinating a giant pink eel for the expected Freudian reasons.” –nescio

“I think there is a clear mistranslation from the old Norse epic. Instead of ‘clear,’ it was meant to be ‘arrange the heads of the fallen on pikes to honor the Allfather Odin.’ Also, ‘squeamish’ should be read as ‘makes me feel the rage and fury of my Berserking bloodline.’ Sorry for the inconvenience.” –maltmash3r

“Q: Given that Killer’s center of mass is under the rope, how much does his halo weigh? A: If there were a Panel 3, it would depict his gruesome decapitation.” –A Concerned Reader

“If last week someone had asked me, ‘Which comic strip is the most likely one next week to feature a weird rope-and-pulley sex-positioning apparatus?’, then yeah, I might have immediately started to say Pibgorn, but then I would have realized that Beetle Bailey was in actuality much more likely, based on more precedents than I can even count.” –seismic-2

“Boom box? Analog clock? A decorative lamp that probably still uses an incandescent light bulb? A box of friggin’ LPs? This is a collection of items no actual modern teenager would own, and Archie is getting rid of it to make sure his friends never realize he’s a time-traveler from 1983.” –BigTed

“My mamma was a woman who saw a man in fatigues and army boots descend from a tree on a thick hemp rope and, believing him an emissary of God, had sex with him, then never saw him again. My daddy was a man who put on a foil halo and made feathered wings to pull just such a stunt. No, I don’t know why Congress asked me here today to testify about the morning-after pill — shit, I ain’t no doctor, that’s for goddamn sure.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Ha ha, but seriously: slow it down? Aren’t you tired of migrating?” –pugfuggly

“Wow, do you really get a fancy award certificate when your house goes underwater? Sign me up!” –Legend of the Arctic

“‘Like a dog to its own vomit…’ Daisy knows what’s up, and she is terrified.” –pastordan

“The endless pleasant banality of suburban life was finally starting to break Trixie. At least Thirsty had his drinking to dull the torment of their existence but as an eternal baby she wasn’t even allowed that. ‘Disturb me! Terrify me! Make me feel something, make me feel anything!’ For her outburst, for trying to FEEL, a quiet timeout was her only reward. Even the punishments here were boring.” –Escape Zeppelin

“Future Les to Past Les: ‘Thirty bucks, kid. This ain’t a library.'” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“‘Keeping the shark on ice’ will be my new euphemism for sexual abstinence.” –Pozzo

“I love this completely senseless bit of non-plot where Lu Ann talks to an imaginary Margo, walks the street still talking, asks herself why Margo isn’t in the gallery when the gallery is closed (then how did Lu Ann get inside?), and decides to imagine a great little evening for her imaginary Margo. ‘I bet Greg takes her someplace nice, like the Charlie Bird in Soho. I bet they’re listening to jazz and eating their famous blue crab toast! Sigh. I wish Baldy McBaldbald would take me there.'” –Hogenmogen

“Can’t … stop … looking at … Ian’s beard! It’s like a giant pussy willow, or a baby weasel that fell asleep on his chin. I’m really weirded out by it, and yet, I want to pet it and take care of it.” –pugfuggly

“Much like an infant, Lu Ann still hasn’t grasped the concept of object permanence.” –TheDiva

“Y’all are barking up the wrong tree with this ‘Tobey/Ian/Director three-way’ stuff. Ian has clearly been sent out to seek a lover for his wife, and hopes he will be allowed to watch. Spoilers: he will not.” –Purple Prosecutor

“I hear she carved that horse from a larger horse.” –Trey James, on Facebook

“Is this the Glen Keane origin story? Thelma and Bil, having too many mouths to feed, abandoned ‘Billy’ in a Disney amusement park, and the Disney corporation raised him as an animator?” –DAS

“The truly ironic thing about the mass-production sculpting that Toby is doing is that we see in panel 1 that Ian really doesn’t even need another pair of bookends. Toby must therefore be selling them, as part of Santa Royale’s thriving tchotchke industry specializing in clay figurines filled with tequila. Order a bunch online now, from Toby’s Pinatas for Drunks! Our Ms. Bryson will be standing by, to steal your credit card number.” –seismic-2

“Say what you will about total isolation from mainstream society and the fundamentalist indoctrination that goes on on the Keane Kompound, but that family has raised their kids Original Trilogy. The Prequels are no more welcome in that home than the filthy sinners on MSNBC. I, for one, applaud this commitment to traditional values in the face of our degraded modern ‘culture.'” –Carter Adams

“I’m pretty sure ‘you were impressive with your cane tonight’ is some sort of euphemism. And, by euphemism, I mean ‘penis joke.'” –T.H. Steady

“Remember when retirement-age Secret Service agent Clint Eastwood unraveled a conspiracy and saved the president in In the Line of Fire? Or when Channing Tatum, a mere applicant to the Secret Service, saved the president in White House Down? Well, it’s nice to know that a pair of well-trained former agents can also prevent a mugger from possibly stealing their Costco cards before they retire to their beach-adjacent condo to drink tea and discuss wedding plans. They don’t make Secret Service agent plot lines like they used to, is what I’m saying.” –BigTed

“Why are St. Peter’s eyes underneath his nose? Or does he have no eyes, but enormous nostrils? Did Momma go to cubist heaven?” –ratnerstar

“That picture of the Sun Bear tongue and the honey is one of the most perverted things I’ve seen outside of the absolute sickest fetishistic pornography, and, of course, the torrid, and shamefully explicit, final panel of today’s Mary Worth.” –Jack loves comics

“Look, Lockhorn female, if you keep playing a 45 record of Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Here over and over again, you shouldn’t be surprised if you start seeing visions. Do you think you can tell Heaven from Hell?” –Voshkod

“Nice to see Bill Keane understands that the incest subtext is important to Star Wars fans, and doubled down by having BOTH of ‘Leia’s’ romantic interests be her brother. Of course, this is to be expected in cults, anyway. Big Daddy Keane’s frown is simply because Dolly, while getting the perversion right, is overlaying it with the obviously fake religious themes of ‘Star Wars,’ rather than the more carefully crafted but still obviously fake religious themes of the Keane Kompound.” –Briane Pagel

“I have a feeling I’m going to need some high-tech equipment! Get the lab boys working on a non-exploding boat.” –Dan

“Mark Trail, two weeks later: Hi, Mark. Hi, Cherry. Blueberry pancakes? Don’t mind if I do. Say, Mark, I got around to looking at that fish you had cryo-shipped up from Florida. Now, I haven’t had much experience with sharks or dolphins or whatever in Lost Forest, but it seems to me that what killed it was that license plate lodged in its esophagus. Mind if I keep the high tech equipment, though? Seems like it could be fun.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“For me, the best — the very best — part of this whole set up is that it looks like Spider-Man is furiously humping Peter Parker aboard that ‘bomb-rigged bat glider.’ So, if after reading years of this always-stultifying comic, you’ve ever wanted to tell Ol’ Webhead to go fuck himself … well, here you are.” –Joe Blevins

“I like how Sarge seems to be looking straight at the reader in that last panel. ‘That’s right, folks, nudity exists in this comic universe. If my dog has skin and flesh beneath his uniform, then by logical extension, so do I. Why don’t you take a long, hard think about that.’” –pugfuggly

“I’ve always said, the best part of any time travel story is where everyone stands around like a bunch of idiots idly discussing things.” –TheDiva

“I’m looking forward to the spin-off strip where Adam and Terry, former Secret Service agents, solve all their office problems the old fashioned way: with violence!” –Cloudbuster

“‘On the bright side, we’re not living in a zombie apocalypse’ appears not to be a word balloon, but a sampler hanging on the wall. This says more about The Lockhorns than I possibly could.” –Pozzo

“You know what would be a good way to determine whether Adam and Terry should work together? A trial period.” –A Concerned Reader

“Au contraire: Lisa does have a future self. And it’s a rotting, lifeless corpse. Just like the future self of literally everyone who ever has or ever will exist. Hence the comic’s actual punchline: people sure do get older as time goes by! And they inch closer to death.” –C. Sandy Cyst

“I don’t follow this strip much, does Sarah erupt out of the side of a dog like Kuato in Total Recall?” –nescio