Archive: metaposts

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Hi all! Just FYI to those who gave in the spring fundraiser, I sent another wave of tote bags out earlier this week, so hopefully many of you will have received those by now! I am just waiting on some new magnets to finish up sending rewards. Thanks for your patience!

One thing you won’t have to wait for any longer: This week’s top comment!

“Archie looks panicked and distraught at the suggestion that his mother is easily amused. ‘Oh no! What little street cred I have is based on my mother’s legendary attitude of jaded detachment!'” –Peanut Gallery

The very funny runners up are also here for your amusement!

“The Hootin Hollerites laugh, knowing that being ‘off-grid’ will make it much easier for them to survive the inevitable collapse of society. They’re not backwards, they’re just early adopters for the post-apocalypse!” –TheDiva

“Unsurprisingly, Thel prepares for the annual disappointment of Mother’s Day with enough quaaludes to keep her off the ground for weeks. She’s been talking to that dial tone for hours now.” –pugfuggly

“TERRY FEELS *JOY* DAMMIT THIS IS A JOYFUL FACE DO YOU HEAR” –Paul Acciavatti, on Facebook

“I never noticed it before, but going on appearances alone, Ruff might be Dennis’ real father. Dennis is not only a menace but also the unholy dogboy spawn of beast and man, an abomination that consists mostly recessive genes.” –sporknpork

“Terry Bryson is a personal security genius. She’s been stuck with this obsessive stalker. Restraining orders mean nothing to him: with his training, he comes and goes in the wind. Physical violence just vindicates him, as we’ve seen him wear his crippling for the Senator as a badge of honor. No, the best way to shake him is to be the biggest asshole you can. Get him in as many situations as you can where you get to yell WHEE! in his ear. Ugh.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“I’m glad to see, though, that the prospect of the dishes doesn’t stop Mary from eating dinner during the geezer-approved dinner hour of 4 to 5 pm, just as though she were living in that waiting-to-die place up the street with Sean and whatshername.” –sally

“Ah, the most terrifying of coasters, the one that travels in a gentle arc that is all but indiscernible from a straight line. Maybe he was ughing out of sheer boredom.” –Matthew

RMMD: “Why the fuck is the mob moll’s lawyer suddenly on an anti-bullying crusade? Does he realize that the money he is paid by Mrs. Pierpont is raised almost exclusively through bullying?” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box

“Pluggers have the same understanding of adult terms and relationships as the Keane Kids. Did one species mutate from the other, or is this an example of convergent evolution?” –Droopy Says

“Occam’s Razor, Josh. It’s possible that Herb’s carpet is littered with corpses, but the more elegant explanation is that Herb’s wife will straight up murder him if he doesn’t put down his coffee and do some damn housework for a change.” –wonkeythemonkey

“Pluggers frequently reject federal safety net programs, despite workplace conditions that can shear a rhino’s finger clean off his hand.” –Dan

Mary Worth: “My new favorite character is Uncaring Carny in the first panel. How many times a day does he have to listen to some pathetic guy try to prove his manhood by ‘winning something’ for his lady friend? Yeah, buddy, she’s gonna want to have sex with you once you hand her that pink, badly stuffed, made-in-China, highly flammable tiger or lion or whatever the fuck it’s supposed to be. And she’ll act as though he’s gone out and slain that tiger himself instead of forking over a buck and scoring a lucky pitch. And after a day of that bullshit, Uncaring Carny will go back to his greasy trailer, pop open a cheap beer, and jack off to thoughts of that one chick with the tube top that kept slipping down, and he’ll drift off to sleep still sitting in that fourth-hand broken recliner, hoping someday to get promoted to running the Tilt-a-Whirl, where the guys have contests to see how many little kids they can make puke up their cotton candy.” –bourbonbabe, unbuckled

“I didn’t know Heathcliff could get angry. He’s normally only capable of but one emotion: ‘psychotically whimsical.'” –Jack loves comics

“Ma Keane watched Billy as he carefully chose from the identical bags of spinach, a wretched pun clearly forming in his melon head like a distant storm forms on the horizon. ‘I could do it here, just crush him with a sack of potatoes, nobody would ever know. Oh officer it was terrible, the shelves fell right on him. I’d be free. Finally free.'” –Escape Zeppelin

“No hard feelings? Not bloody likely. True Standish is so ashamed, he’s contemplating the priesthood. Look, he’s already wearing the top half of the outfit, and besides, is there a more mellifluous title than Reverend Standish? I think not!” –made of wince

“Grampy may have forgotten what year he and his wife were married, but as panel two demonstrates, he’ll never forget how to ‘walk like an Egyptian.’ Man, the ’80s were a crazy decade in Hootin’ Holler. So much coke. That’s why Grampy looks so haggard. He’s actually only in his mid-50s.” –Joe Blevins

“He knows, Lukey thought. He knows everything. About the little plot of ground behind the cabin where he kept his still. About the missing government revenuers. About the missing tourists who spoke fancy like a government revenuer. His sadness that his best friend would soon join them was overwhelming.” –Comrade Dread

“Ya know, the truth, Lukey. I am yer father!!’ ‘Nay!!!! That’s nary possible!’ ‘Look in yer innards. Ya know is dang true!'” –Little Blue Bicycle

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Many funny comments this week, but this one was my top pick!

“Dolly knows that even with her bundlers she’s going to need to rely on soft money if she has any hope of unseating the incumbent Thel, who has a hefty war chest and the support of the high-waisted slacks lobby. Pretty sure this conversation with Jeffy qualifies as illegal coordination of campaign activity, though.” –Shoe Substitute

And yet I mentioned the many other funny ones, didn’t I? Here they are!

“I can already see the headlines: BILLIONAIRE POWER-COUPLE FOUND DEAD AT RANCH OF APPARENT HEART ATTACKS! RANCH OWNER TO INHERIT ENTIRE FORTUNE! ‘NOTHING SUSPICIOUS ABOUT THAT AT ALL’, SAY POLICE!” –pugfuggly

“Don’t worry, Max will have his revenge. Judging from the strange angle and lack of diffusion or flickering, that’s not really Max’s shadow — it’s a hell-dimension ghost-demon that will make sure ‘every word’ of Max’s story comes true tonight.” –BigTed

“I love the last panel of today’s Mary Worth, to the point that I wouldn’t mind seeing it as part of every strip from now on. There’s something comforting about the thought that no matter where you are, no matter what’s happening, somewhere, someone’s taking a ride in a hot air balloon and thoroughly enjoying themself.” –Enlong

“I may not know much about art, but I know it isn’t drawing hydroencephalitic five year olds that look like Newt Gingrich.” –Mikey

“Whoa, there, Voiceover Box! BETTER SWITCH TO DECAF!” –boojum

“I still insist that Sarah is not a child at all but rather folksy NPR humorist Garrison Keillor in a very bad wig.” –Joe Blevins

“Speaking of leadership, when do I get to be the Phantom? Do I have to kill you?” –Liam

“I saw the Rex Morgan strip right after the Judge Parker one and was confused/outraged that there were two of the same stupid soap strips in one day. I’m pretty convinced that despite the two separate ‘storylines’ they’re really just the same bland rich white people who never actually have to do the jobs in their titles. I’ve only devoted enough space in my brain for unholy hybrid Rex Parker, JD, and I’m comfortable with that.” –Revenge of Chestnut

This whole thing is starting to make my HEAD hurt! But not as much as my arm right now. Dear God, how am I doing this?” –Jack loves comics

‘This whole thing is starting to make my head hurt!’ Well, tough luck, Spidey. That blanket is staying modestly clutched about MJ’s clavicle until you answer her riddles three.” –Tonya

There’s a fantastic place I want us to check out! It’s called a barn. Do you like eggs? Ever tried ’em raw? How about sucking milk straight from a cow’s udder? Since we’ve been apart I’ve totally gotten into the whole locavore thing.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“I’m pretty sure Sarah’s neck is getting narrower with each passing day. Apparently her oversized head is devouring the rest of her body.” –dmsilev

“As a three-year old I was chased by a homicidal flock of geese for no reason at all, so ‘aaah geese’ is the first line in Mark Trail I can truly relate to.” –C. Sandy Cyst

Evil? I’m coming, Gabby! But to be honest, you had me at ‘dangerous.'” –Hogenmogen

“That was so exciting my human skin mask almost came off!” –TheDiva

‘Monies’? Prithee, methinks Dolly hath been left in front of Shakespeare ’pon the television.” –Horace Boon

“Someone needs to splice the hot air balloon that’s carrying boring ex-cop #1 (female) and boring ex-cop #2 (male) from Monday’s Mary Worth into the last panel of today’s Mark Trail. We could all then imagine, with joy and satisfaction, the last words of the boring ex-cops as ‘Aahhh! Geese!’ as their anserine assaulters take down the hot air balloon in a welter of blood, feathers, and flame.” –Voshkod

“There’s some serious ‘Check these out!’/’Oh, I am’ action going in panel three, which Dashell is totally missing.” –Pozzo

“I’m not in the movie business, but isn’t it traditional for the actress and the stunt double to have the same colored hair?” –But What Do I Know

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Let’s get right to it with this week’s top comment!

“Mark seems so unnatural when he smiles that you just know it’s a task he’s broken down into smaller steps. ‘Okay, Trail, raise the eyebrows by 20 degrees. Now, use your facial muscles to bring up the corners of your mouth a little. That’s it. Don’t forget to flash those upper teeth just a little. Not too much.’ He hasn’t quite mastered what to do with his eyes, though, so he still looks like there’s a gun to his back the whole time.” –Joe Blevins

And the hilarious runners up!

“Pluggers are so old that they disdain this newfangled ‘literacy’ idea.” –Danel

“If you didn’t get the joke in Pluggers, it’s because you didn’t figure out where Grandpa is.” –vewatkin

“I thought that after Herb used the barefaced sexual euphemism ‘Complicated crossword puzzle’ he might stop there, but he just kept doubling down on it. ‘I must’ve shoved a few pieces in my pocket without realizing it’. ‘We were both so exhausted we decided to call it quits’. For shame, comic strip. Think of the children.” –Jack loves comics

The walk was … revealing. I may have to button my blouse next time.” –Pozzo

“The joke here, of course that it was Dennis that shit on his dad’s car, dressed as Grover.” –pugfuggly

“What was the Band Box’s criminal offense at trial? Was its music too upbeat?” –Dood

“And where we’re going is a place called Aldo’s Curve. It’s the only way I could think of to end this thing cleanly.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“A guy stumbles into a rundown fleabag hotel, sweating, with pie-plate dilated eyes, sputtering something about wanting to see a gorgeous redhead dressed like a superhero. Temporarily he’s distracted by his own shriveled desiccated hands. It’s nothing the clerk, himself a holdout from the time before the hotel decided to go seedy, hasn’t already seen twice since he came on duty this morning.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

Why is nothing never easy? Why is the head of a sneering man growing from my shoulder? Should I get that looked at by a doctor?” –Voshkod

“And when you do work, you can use it to move an object or bring it to a stop. And the path of least resistance is usually through a copper wire. If you need more advice, please order the Physics Platter.” –Enlong

“I don’t want my wife to think I’m some kind of creep! Now where did that tracker that I force her to wear at all times say she was?” –Brad

“It’s too bad he didn’t get a teaching position, because then he’d have pupils.” –A Concerned Reader

“But I would assume to presume to assume you didn’t assume I knew … wait, let me start over.” –TheDiva

“I’m gonna take a cue from Rex and try that out. ‘No, I don’t know how fast I was going, Officer. Sarah wasn’t involved.’ [let off with warning] ‘Sorry, I can’t make the rent payment at this time. Sarah wasn’t involved.’ [wins the lottery] ‘I have six months to a year, doctor? Oh, come on. Sarah wasn’t involved.’ [death itself no longer exists]” –made of wince

“Yes, it’s the car that has been attracting bad vibes all along. Not your creeptastic blackmailing pseudo-prodigy daughter, it’s the car.” –bad wolf

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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