Let’s get right to it with this week’s top comment!
“Mark seems so unnatural when he smiles that you just know it’s a task he’s broken down into smaller steps. ‘Okay, Trail, raise the eyebrows by 20 degrees. Now, use your facial muscles to bring up the corners of your mouth a little. That’s it. Don’t forget to flash those upper teeth just a little. Not too much.’ He hasn’t quite mastered what to do with his eyes, though, so he still looks like there’s a gun to his back the whole time.” –Joe Blevins
And the hilarious runners up!
“Pluggers are so old that they disdain this newfangled ‘literacy’ idea.” –Danel
“If you didn’t get the joke in Pluggers, it’s because you didn’t figure out where Grandpa is.” –vewatkin
“I thought that after Herb used the barefaced sexual euphemism ‘Complicated crossword puzzle’ he might stop there, but he just kept doubling down on it. ‘I must’ve shoved a few pieces in my pocket without realizing it’. ‘We were both so exhausted we decided to call it quits’. For shame, comic strip. Think of the children.” –Jack loves comics
“The walk was … revealing. I may have to button my blouse next time.” –Pozzo
“The joke here, of course that it was Dennis that shit on his dad’s car, dressed as Grover.” –pugfuggly
“What was the Band Box’s criminal offense at trial? Was its music too upbeat?” –Dood
“And where we’re going is a place called Aldo’s Curve. It’s the only way I could think of to end this thing cleanly.” –Artist formerly known as Ben
“A guy stumbles into a rundown fleabag hotel, sweating, with pie-plate dilated eyes, sputtering something about wanting to see a gorgeous redhead dressed like a superhero. Temporarily he’s distracted by his own shriveled desiccated hands. It’s nothing the clerk, himself a holdout from the time before the hotel decided to go seedy, hasn’t already seen twice since he came on duty this morning.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women
“Why is nothing never easy? Why is the head of a sneering man growing from my shoulder? Should I get that looked at by a doctor?” –Voshkod
“And when you do work, you can use it to move an object or bring it to a stop. And the path of least resistance is usually through a copper wire. If you need more advice, please order the Physics Platter.” –Enlong
“I don’t want my wife to think I’m some kind of creep! Now where did that tracker that I force her to wear at all times say she was?” –Brad
“It’s too bad he didn’t get a teaching position, because then he’d have pupils.” –A Concerned Reader
“But I would assume to presume to assume you didn’t assume I knew … wait, let me start over.” –TheDiva
“I’m gonna take a cue from Rex and try that out. ‘No, I don’t know how fast I was going, Officer. Sarah wasn’t involved.’ [let off with warning] ‘Sorry, I can’t make the rent payment at this time. Sarah wasn’t involved.’ [wins the lottery] ‘I have six months to a year, doctor? Oh, come on. Sarah wasn’t involved.’ [death itself no longer exists]” –made of wince
“Yes, it’s the car that has been attracting bad vibes all along. Not your creeptastic blackmailing pseudo-prodigy daughter, it’s the car.” –bad wolf
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