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That’s right! Enjoy your COTW, right here, right now!

“No, I don’t mean your face is familiar from the radio, you nitwit. I recognize you as the man who threw up on my dog the other day.” –Guts Dozier

And your runners up! Very funny!

“This obviously isn’t going to work, since the major bone of contention is who gets the ‘masterpiece.’ Fortunately, this is Max’s turn to shine as, in a Solomonic turn, he takes that sword from the box and simply hacks the thing in half.” –cheech wizard

“‘Police? There’s a car parked on the street here.’ ‘In your suburban neighborhood? We’ll be right there.’ ‘I think there’s a dead guy in it.’ ‘So, no rush then. By the way, how do you know he’s dead?’ ‘I’ve seen a lot of still life paintings at the art museum.’” –But What Do I Know?

“What I take from today’s Slylock Fox is that investing in an original panel from Bob Weber Jr.’s Moose and Molly will set my descents up for generations, as this fine art becomes recognized as a masterpiece. It’s just a shame they didn’t include an address or QR where I could order me one!” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“I’m assuming the man in the last panel is all of us, just waiting to see the dead body. Should I be putting on a three-piece suit to read Dick Tracy? Suddenly it feels like I have to.” –pugfuggly

“They’ve found the one thing that brings them both mutual joy: getting absolutely blasted and fucking with an insurance agent. Good for them.” –Remy

“But enough about disconnection syndrome. Let’s talk about macrocephaly, which seems to be a slightly more pressing concern for you.” –Voshkod

“Take a good look at Snuffy Smith. Imagine smelling him. What do you think ‘embarrassment’ could mean to such a person?” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“So, ‘Whom do I have to kill to get a day off around here’ is narrowed down to just the boss.” –Peanut Gallery

“Look, Phantom Daughter … I know you’re really trying hard to get your brother laid … which is a sentence I never thought I’d type and never want to again, but what you’re describing is a psychotic break or severe depression with suicidal thoughts or possibly generic comic strip mental disorder that ends with Kadia putting on a weird costume, doing themed robberies, and periodically trying to kill your family. Maybe just make a profile for the guy on a dating site.” –Old Man Shadow

“My Thai may have a delightful array of splatter worthy liquids as a major selling point, but one of these days, they’re going lose out to Pho Saigon where condiments include fish sauce and table chilies and you can just stick your SuperSoaker’s intake into your bowl and have at the entire dining room.” –richardf8

“The creative team went with Wimbledon because they couldn’t think of any major tennis tournaments in the U.S. But they’re Open to suggestions.” –Dr. Larry Erhardt

“Ordinarily you wouldn’t plant a tree just three feet away from your house but Crankshaft knows he’ll be dead soon, long before it becomes somebody else’s problem.” –Rex Thrillho, on BlueSky

“Lady, I know the Westons have all the warmth and appeal of slugs, but that doesn’t mean you can kill Dawn by spilling sodium on her. Wilbur may have survived multiple cruise ship disasters, but Dawn survived one herself. Their DNA is unfortunately made of stronger stuff.” –Lauralot

“I kind of admire Belle’s hustle. Sure, she wants to kill her, but why stop there? Let’s inconvenience her in a million small ways first!” –Jobrill

“Billy, when the expression on Jeffy’s face says ‘What a dumbass,’ ya dun goofed.” –matt w

“Sarge tries to protect his historical legacy by making sure his name doesn’t come up during questioning of the most incompetent POWs in history.” –Hibbleton

“Hi reads golf magazines to fall asleep because he finds golf just as boring as the rest of us do.” –Lawyerbob

“Ah, I’ve finally figured out what’s going on. Gil’s dead and what we’re seeing is a slide show being presented by Marty Moon, who’s delivering his eulogy. Coach Gerads has been warned against heckling.” –Cleveland Mocks

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! You can get each day’s post ad-free via Patreon if that’s your style! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Your comment of the week in a moment, but first! A couple of you have inquired about the whereabouts and health of longtime faithful reader and poster of Shadow COTWs Baja Gaijin, who hasn’t posted the Shadow COTWs in a while. Just wanted to pass on that I emailed with him and he’s OK! He just hasn’t been keeping up with the strips and didn’t feel up to doing the SCOTWs lately, is all. So have no fear!

But do have amusement, as you roll into this week’s top comment!

“In a normal family, that’s the sort of puzzle that parents would watch their young kid try to solve, helping from time to time as needed. In the weird hellscape of Marvinville, shit-machine babies are highly verbal and grammatical, and the (presumably) potty-trained parents are losing their grip on what shreds of rationality remain to them, to the point where even a child’s puzzle is a challenge for them. Marvin appears to be sucking their intelligence away from them and taking it for himself (though not the toilet-training parts of it). This is The Portrait of Dorian Gray, as reimagined by H.P. Lovecraft.” –Dmsilev

And your very funny runners up!

“Ten years ago, Wilbur was getting scammed by a fake girlfriend from Colombia. But now that job went to a white American from the free enterprise state of Florida! Tariffs work!” –Ettore Costa, on BlueSky

“Sunbeam really needs to give some love to the adults in Hi and Lois. He visits Trixie nearly every day, but this is the first time Lois and her friend have seen him in months.” –Anonymous

“It’s pretty harsh for Wilbur to thought-balloon that Dawn is like him, but I guess they did both get brutally rejected by her mom off-panel.” –matt w

“When I was young, my mother would take leftovers and feed them into a portable grinder that clamped to the edge of a table, and sometimes we kids would get to turn the handle to produce that delicious, delicious ham salad. Anyway, where were we? Ah, yes, let’s talk about how modern comic strips are created.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I haven’t been able to sleep a wink. Every time I close my eyes I have a vision of being cast into am infinite black void with this guy who looks like … Um, maybe I will take that pill…” –But What Do I Know?

“Fifty years from now at the bar, Young Tommy will still be called Young Tommy when he finally keels over from the strain of the many years of drinking and dies at 75. Younger Tommy will feel a moment of hope until he realizes his fate.” –Voshkod

“So I threw a massive tantrum and smashed the machine. Relatedly, I’m banned from that restaurant now. And also going viral on YouTube as ‘Male Karen gets owned in McDonalds’. This is a pretty shit day to be honest.” –ectojazzmage

“I guess the good thing about being Andy Capp’s bartender is that you can insult him constantly, without ever losing his business. What’s he going to do, not come into the pub every evening and drink pint after pint of dark ale until he can barely walk home? Nope, just pour him another one and throw up more zingers, and you’ll be fine.” –BigTed

“For me the real highlight is panel 1, where Belle is seductively twirling a strand of Wilbur’s lank combover between her fingers. Just imagine how greasy her fingertips must be once she’s finished.” –Schroduck

“I guess now that Gil has found someone to spout the trite, cliched pablum for him, he has even more time to ditch work.” –2+2=7

“The following day, Gertie was bit by a raccoon and contracted a rare combination of rabies and flesh-eating bacteria. She was mourned by no-one.” –pugfuggly

“The thing is, Thirsty isn’t GOING to the first ballgame. He traditionally spends opening day sitting in the living room recliner and drinking heavily.” –Ukulele Ike

“I will give Gertie this: unlike Gen Z, she has no fear of picking up the phone and voicing her complaints to the subject of her ire, rather than @ing them on social media in an attempt to get them canceled. Gen Z couldn’t order a pizza over the phone, while Gertie will threaten a goddess with arrest.” –Philip

“I’m gonna get a chair with my name on the side. I’ve had it with anthropomorphized concepts getting all the cool swag, why shouldn’t I have a sweet ‘Dan’ barcalounger? I work hard.” –Dan

“[Sigh] Another fan service strip for its target audience: tapeworms.” –Hibbleton

“‘Why are there so many reality shows about housewives, a sexist term that was considered insulting and outdated as far back as the 1970s?’ ‘Quit yappin’ and rustle up my dinner, Blondie!’” –Peanut Gallery

“‘YOU CANNOT … *GAZE* … UPON ME AND REMAIN … *SANE*’ the Dagwood had told her once. So she had turned her chair away from him. Sometimes, a ‘tendril’ would reach out and take her hand … It wasn’t love … the Dagwood was not capable of emotions like we are. Perhaps a promise that when the rest of the universe had been devoured, he would finally put her out of her misery and eat her last.” –Old Man Shadow

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! You can get each day’s post ad-free via Patreon if that’s your style! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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YEAH BOY IT’S TIME FOR THE COMMENT OF THE WEEK! WHEEEEEE

“When you walk around on a video call, how often do you keep the phone camera carefully framed to show your entire head and chest? How often do you make sure to keep your chest in the picture while you walk around the beach in a bikini? What about when the person on the other side of the call is your mother? And your mother happens to be staring at your enlarged picture on a several-foot-high screen, with an appraising look on her face? We already knew that each generation of The Phantom Family manages the sex life of the next one, but this storyline shows us there are aspects we haven’t seen before.” –Nevin, on Patreon

AND THE FUNNY RUNNERS UP TOO! YEEEHAW

“Hey, honey, how would you feel about cooking a lamb inside a lion for dinner tonight? Sort of a turducken thing I just thought of. No idea what we should stuff the lamb with yet. I think watching Animal Planet might help me with that one.” –Retraux_Rocket, on Twitter

“It’s the middle of the night, and there’s an entire blueberry pie in the refrigerator that Dagwood hasn’t even tasted yet? This actually does sound like a nightmare scenario for him! I guess it would be pointless to suggest he should get out a plate and fork before gobbling down a slice — heck, we should be happy that he didn’t just stick his entire face into the center of the pie and eat his way out.” –BigTed

“Personally, I appreciate the effort Dagwood puts into his alibis. He could just as easily have said, ‘Hey, honey, I’m gonna go eat an entire pie, alone, in the middle of the night, so … yeah.’” –Joe Blevins

“The FUSE: Fornication Under Sanction of Evans. It’s all coming together.” –Hibbleton

“‘LuannFan.com’ is really stretching things. ‘LuannTolerater.angelfire.com’ I could believe.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“To be a plugger is to have everything you ever loved fade away. Even fried food becomes a distant Fantasy. All that’s left is to sit 2 feet away from the TV set and wonder how the room got so small.” –Guts Dozier

“Crock is supposed to be a satire of Beau Geste, a novel no one now alive has probably ever read. But canonically the ‘heroes’ are English orphans raised in an upper class household and presumably exposed to the sexual deviancy common in upper class British households of the time. Good old Cecil may have taught him to ‘tie his shoe’ but I think we can all assume that the expression has nothing to do with footwear.” –Vanya

“But Peter received no answer for BC was stone dead, the cartilage of his shattered nose having been driven into his brain.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“With timeline drift, Dennis and Margaret are among the youngest members of Generation Alpha and as such, have no comprehension of Mr. Wilson’s crude 1950s gender stereotypes. Sorry, ‘homemaker’? We’re going to be living in a genderfluid polycule commune where all tasks are shared equitably! The future is now, old man!” –Dan

“Martha is surreptitiously filming this exchange for her YouTube channel, ‘Obnoxious shit my husband says to six-year-olds.’” –Lawyerbob

“‘Oh nuh, muh tonguh got stuk to tha clipbhord!’ ‘Mine tuh! Help uth, Thiffany!’” –Voshkod

“All Hi ever got from a sex drive was four kids who refuse to grow up and get out, so no big loss as far as he’s concerned.” –MKay

“I know the Hi and Lois team does not share my vision of the strip as character-driven (Lois is neurotically compulsive, Hi is crushingly aware of his inadequacies, neither can feel joy), and that’s why they never develop or even name Chip’s girlfriends. BUT THEY COULD AT LEAST REMEMBER THAT CHIP HAS BLOND HAIR.” –matt w

“Wilbur enters a typo for driving directions and they end up at Muay Thai. He is then forced into a battle royale. Prepare yourself for the art of the eight limbs, sandwich boy!” –Gil Bates

“[steps into blank beige space] Ah, spring, probably.” –pugfuggly

“Honestly, the most distasteful bit about this is the rhythm. A spondee followed by three thudding iambic pentameters? At least have the decency to create a complete decasyllabic verse, you hacks!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“We finally know who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp. I wouldn’t have guessed it was a mule, but now that I know, it makes a lot of sense.” –Peanut Gallery

[clears throat, much more serious voice] Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! You can get each day’s post ad-free via Patreon if that’s your style! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar! Thanks to all for your support and readership!