“Saul is over in panel one, pursuing his passion: narrating events to people in real-time, as they unfold.” –Victor Von

“If I hear ‘Electrothanasia Room,’ I’m imagining a mad science dungeon full of crackling spark generators and beds covered in chains and straps. Discovering it’s just an IKEA-furnished conference room with a complimentary buffet of coffee and cookies … well, it makes me regret modernity a little bit.” –Schroduck

“Never mind ‘Plano, Texas is a suburb where the median household income is six figures.’ That ship has sailed. Plano, Texas is so legendarily dedicated to high school football that I, an arrant Yankee, know about it. Why are you, Plano Plugger, falling asleep in front of a prime-time NFL game instead of falling asleep in the (googles) John Clark Stadium stands, like the good lord intended?” –matt w

“I don’t really know who Tess is, but this is obviously the highlight of her day. She was hoping Dick Tracy would barge in during the middle of the meeting. She would have been disappointed if he hadn’t. I’m 99% sure she even practiced a few quips that she might say under these exact circumstances.” –Joe Blevins

“Stanley isn’t quite ready to admit to himself that his plan for ‘suicide by hot air balloon’ isn’t working out. And this is his fifth attempt.” –Guts Dozier

“Editor: ‘You know, some people find your strip a little hard to follow. Maybe you could take an opportunity to reintroduce your characters. You know, who they are, where they’re from…’ Writer of Alice: ‘Sure thing! It’ll be completely clear after this!’” –pugfuggly

“Without the ‘tiny,’ it’s just ‘women sure are nags, right, fellahs?’ With the ‘tiny’ it’s just ‘Snow White, history’s greatest freeloader, never got over her height-ist mentality.’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Mary Worth is a lot more entertaining if you think of each day’s strip being an actual day later, with the rescue team going home each night begging them to please make up their minds on the rescue order by tomorrow.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“B.C. referencing OnlyFans is maybe the shortest turnaround time between something becoming culturally relevant and it being referenced in B.C. I don’t want to think through the implications of this.” –Alec Baker, on BlueSky

“I think she means ‘best in the business’ of rescuing people from atop pine/palm hybrids. Whether balloons are necessary is unclear.” –Hibbleton

“I swear, in all my years at the festival, a balloon crash has never happened! It’s almost as if we had been visited by some bad-luck magnet, who attracts doom wherever she goes! Of course, if there actually was someone like that, I suppose she would try to hide her terrible dark mysticism … for example, by pretending to be someone who predicts awful events, so it wouldn’t seem so strange that she’s present whenever they happen. Of course, such a person could never actually exist … Or could she???” –BigTed

“We’re going to be okay! I am a little concerned about the physics, though. Shouldn’t our combined masses create sufficient inertia to slide us off these pines’ rather thin outer branches? I’m not afraid of falling, in other words, I’m afraid of why we haven’t fallen.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“WORST person to trust with a pile of cash. He won’t WANT to, but his very Dagwoodness will take him straight to the nearest sandwich shop. And won’t his condiment-smeared face be red at pay-off time!” –MKay

“Anyway, turns out babies cry a lot when you take their medicine from them. The moms don’t like it much either.” –Voshkod

“Saul: ‘Mary! Thank goodness you’re okay!’ Mary: ‘Well, I’ll assume you meant to say Mary! Thank goddess! You’re great! and let this one slide!’” –Ettorre

“‘Drone Store’ is actually a judgment value on the customers. The fact that they sell drones is a coincidence.” –Dan

“Thanks for sending the DOGS? That’s no way to talk about our brave first-responders!” –Lord Flatulence

“…and so much outdoors. Do you know how easy it is for a child to wander off and get lost? Listen to me, Katherine — I’m offering solutions here.” –cheech wizard

“Ah yes, the old story of the charismatic front man* being tempted to leave behind his loyal friends** for a shot at fame and fourtune.***

* nondescript Rex Morgan secondary character
** some guys who have not been given backstories or even names as far as I can recall
*** being a cover act in a dive bar” –TheDiva

“Look, gang, maybe you should be asking multimillionaire jewelry-store owner Kendra Scott for help, instead of a couple of dogs. I mean, they’re nice dogs, but she’s a lot more likely to have a helicopter at her disposal. And she just offered to help — for all we know, taking time off to rescue hot-air balloon enthusiasts from the sides of cliffs is written into her Shark Tank contract.” –BigTed

“If Cody thought that hell was having a half-brother not want anything to do with him, wait until he finds himself playing ‘Drop Kick Me, Jesus’ to a crowd of twenty five drunk hipsters for the thousandth time.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Dot, it’s because, one day, the prince actually COULD be president! That metaphor got a bit tortured but you get me. I’ll be at Thirsty’s.” –A Grave Mind

“The caller could care less if the jury finds Crock guilty or not guilty of whatever crimes he may have committed. There is no credit card. There is no bank. The caller is making sure Crock is at his desk as the drone comes through the window.” –Hibbleton

“Ditto, you need to get on the phone to your agent. Didn’t they promise they were going to make you ‘the next Bart Simpson’ with your own catchphrase and everything? ‘The strip’s breakout star,’ isn’t that what they said? Well, look at the kind of material you’re actually getting. Not good, dude. Not good.” –Joe Blevins

“I like the tension of the two panel structure. You wish your mom what?!?! Never died? Never got knocked up by a dalmatian and broke up your family? Never bought that hideous taxidermied dog corpse?” –Schroduck

“One of Hagar’s men smiles to hear this witty retort. Another snaps to sudden, ravenous attention, and a third appears to have lost his mouth somewhere between panels one and two. But it’s the two whose expressions don’t change that really seal it for me. They could care less about class struggle, or about literally eating the rich. They’re just there, doing what needs to be done. It could be manning the oars of Hagar’s knarr, it could be some light axe work, whatever. It beats the plow, or getting tossed in the peat bog as a ritual sacrifice, kind of.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Every now and again, you see a hint of military reality in Beetle Bailey. Today, they’ve seized the high ground! Good job. The ghosts of Jomini and Clausewitz nod approvingly, while the shades of Patton and Kesselring curse them for not digging in on the reverse slope. High ground’s great, guys, but artillery remains the Queen of Battle, and the sons of Saint Barbara, from Mehmed the Conqueror to Freeman McGilvery to Marshal Zhukov, are slavering to turn your position into a churning sea of mud and flesh.” –Voshkod

“Buick has spent the last several years, and probably millions of dollars, trying to rebrand their cars for younger drivers and along comes Mary Worth to undo all that effort with a single panel. Sorry, Moy and Brigman, but when the GM legal team comes knocking, the ‘younger people will enjoy it ironically’ rationalization that you use on your editors probably won’t work.” –Where’s Rocky?

“I think I see the problem, Henry: it’s backwards.” –pugfuggly

“In Ivory Lana two thugs make a botch
Of their simple assignment to keep the night watch.
Having let their attentiveness slip by a notch
They’re brought down by the Phantom’s robust SHADOW CROTCH!

The Phantom has struck like a snake in the grass
And smacked each of the guards at his center of mass.
For Chuma to somehow escape this morass
He must first overpower his foe’s STRIPEY ASS!

Dai Lu Han’s motorcycle has slowed to a stroll
On the journey to Chuma’s atrocious hellhole
But since Phantom has got the mine under control
She might just as well head back to Jungle Patrol!” –Uncle Lumpy

“I don’t often compliment the Dennis the Menace art, but that is a great depiction of a woman blissfully thinking, ‘I’m going to leave you.’” –matt w

“It’s not that it’s gotten too late for Rex and June — it’s that it might get too late. Of course, it’s never too early to worry about it getting too late.” –Boomer

“Rex and June need to be well-rested and ready to heal when all of the injured rowdies from the reception start staggering/crawling/line-dancing into the clinic.” –MKay

“Do ‘critics’ really say the race cars need to go faster, Gertie? Is there a yearly quota for fiery fatalities that’s somehow not being met? Or, are you projecting your own lust for deadly incendiary mayhem onto these ‘critics?’” –astroboy

“The irony is that the King of Id thought that legalizing weed would mellow out the hordes of angry peasants. Instead, they’ve just added ‘excessive excise tax on cannabis’ to their list of grievances.” –Guts Dozier

“I don’t see Saul or Eve, but wait! Oh, there’s the top of Charterstone roof and the parking lot. I can see my car. To think, we were home all the time and didn’t realize it. My, oh my, now there’s a life lesson for you, Olive. Olive? Olive? Oh, you are already down and almost at the parking lot.” –Kirk Out

“Remember when comic books used to have ads with Spider-Man™ hawking Hostess snack cakes and fruit pies? Well, whichever ad agency has that account has decided the comics idea was good, but the approach needs to be WAY less exciting. You get a big delight mild pleasure in every bite!” –Peanut Gallery

“No. No. This is intolerable. Rhino-Man can be drawn in a way that makes him look like the only hairs he has are twelve on his head, but you just wanted to show naked Bear-Plugger. You will not be written in the Book of Life!” –matt w

“Love the sour look on the guy trying to convince Henry to work from home. ‘God, what’ll it take to get rid of this schmo!?’ he thinks.” –Hibbleton

“The Hotel Bingham is just not even trying with its logo. ‘Yeah, yeah, lower-case Arial. That’s good enough for the meatbags who stay here.’” –Joe Blevins

“I’m impressed by Dick Tracy’s technical prowess here. Unlike most people his age, he’s noticed that Google no longer returns useful results. If he searched for her there, he’d get a dubious AI summary above several ads offering to sell ‘New and Used LaKoyles.’ Instead, he goes straight to a reliable source: The Neo-Chicago Daily, whose business model is based on chronicling local crimes and the reasons why police would be justified against any particular citizen.” –Nevin, on Patreon

“There have been a confusing amount of ‘red lines’ mentioned in reporting on climate science that supposedly indicate when we’ve crossed the critical threshold. But I have to say ‘Mary Worth faces death by climatic instability in a hot air balloon while hosting a narcissistic child’ is certainly a sign we’ve lost the fight and must prepare for centuries of disruption.” –Philip

“That’s not the bathroom mirror. That’s Crankshaft’s Dorian Gray portrait, but his soul is so vile and repugnant that it’s only able to take on about half of the physical effects.” –TheDiva

“‘You be sure to have some cake now’ is going to be my new favorite phrase for patronizing dismissal.” –pugfuggly

“Gosh, I hope the poor, innocent trees don’t suffer any serious damage.” –Bob Tice

“The other balloonivators landed when the ground crews radioed the warning about the approaching front. Unfortunately, Stanley didn’t hear it, because he’d turned off his hearing aid after fifteen minutes of listening to Olive and Mary’s inane chatter.” –Ken

“Oh, come on! You can plainly see there’s no other headstones nearby, of course this gentleman got a big enough plot, that’s not the problem here. It’s the lack of plot holes, just the way any novelist would want it.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“The flag in Gearhead Gertie today was a great move; really clarified everything. That had, truly, been the great question on my mind all along, and now I know.” –A Grave Mind

“I’m almost as shocked by this strip’s implications as the wide-eyed kids it’s depicting are! They’ve never met their step-dad before today? They didn’t even attend the wedding? And Steppy McStep-Step there is apparently part of their EMPTY PINK VOID of a house?’ –Victor Von

“Which of the following is most representative of the current state of Beetle Bailey: (a) Only now discovering the 30 year old concept of ‘casual Friday,’ now that workplaces have commonly gone to ‘business casual’ as a default; or (b) thinking that the concept of ‘casual Friday’ could apply to on-duty members of the United States Army?” –Rube

“It’s casual Friday because Gen. Halftrack isn’t there, having been called to Quantico for the all-generals meeting, where he’ll be elevated to the Joint Chiefs. Or maybe executed. The real story is that somebody high up remembered that Camp Swampy still exists.” –Tom T.

“The Smifs hit a new low of hillbilly stereotype by being reduced to eating literal roadkill for dinner. They attempt to take their minds off this depressing horror with jokes. Unfortunately, their writer wouldn’t know a joke if it kicked him in the nuts, so their torment simply persists eternally. Sad!” –ectojazzmage