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Good morning, all! Just a programming note to let you know that I depart on vacation today, and your favorite Uncle Lumpy will be in the driver’s seat around here for a bit more than a week. I’ll be back with another set of comments of the week on Monday the 23rd. Till then, be good! This comment will have to last you till then:

“And nobody — not the characters in the strip who know him, not the 30 plus snarky commenters here so far — is the slightest curious about just why Sarge is in the hospital. All’s well that ends well, that’s what I always say.” –Dr. Mabuse

And the runners up! Very funny!

Judge Parker: “Only in this strip would a character be given a handful of diamonds and a sincere apology that she wasn’t given even more diamonds.” –Ratiocinator

“You know, most Canadian kids first learn about sex when they hear the snowmen they made in the front yard fucking in the night.” –pugfuggly

“Congratulations, Ari from A3G, you have successfully made me ashamed of the basic concept of the beard. Even Ian from Mary Worth couldn’t do that.” –C. Sandy Cyst

“Mark Trail, writer, outdoorsman, puncher of side burned ruffians and peeping tom. The peeping tom part would be disturbing, but given it’s Mark, it is assuredly not sexual in nature. ‘Ooo, yeah … No griddle for you guys, just a hot skillet … mmmm.'” –Kevin on Earth

“Dolly can’t even write a complete sentence without being overwhelmed by self-doubt.” –Guts Dozier

“According to grandpa-dressed-circa-1910, the number of ‘bro’ that should trigger a vicious Heathcliff attack is exactly 1.” –hognenmogen

“Sadly, sadly, the sun rose; it rose upon no sadder sight than the man of good abilities and good emotions, forced to endure his boss and his Iron Man-suited gallivanting, wishing nothing more than to be able to slip on the helmet himself and fly away, and resigning himself to the knowledge that his freakishly large hands wouldn’t fit in the rest of the suit.” –Chareth Cutestory

“I’m less interested in where Heathcliff got that rad ‘HEY’ helmet than in where he got a cat-sized martini glass.” –Doctor Handsome

“My guess, Dennis, is that he’d look something like that drawing on your wall. Pleasant dreams!” –Pozzo

Luann: “So this sets up the future of the strip perfectly! Rosa goes to Yale and becomes a highly paid, successful lawyer and Luann becomes her live in maid! Ha! Everyone gets confused because they always wrongly assume Rosa is the maid! What a hilarious and unlikely scenario! Hilarious because of the wacky confusion and unlikely because Luann is too fucking stupid and lazy to become a maid.” –Mikey

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And, just as an advertising program note, I’ve started using BuySellAds as a platform for you to buy ads directly on my site on a CPM basis. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Hey, remember when I did a Kickstarter to write a novel? Whatever happened with that? Well, if you’d like an update, I posted one. Short version: book by the end of November! I hope!

And now, your comment of the week:

“From somewhere deep in the infernal bowels of the Underframe, Tommie’s deer is filled with the satisfaction of a job well done. No more will this ‘Jim’ steal my thunder, it thinks. Now my thunder has stolen HIM.” –Guts Dozier

And the very funny runners up!

“Remember back when we all used to complain that Judge Parker himself never appeared in his own strip? How I miss those days.” –John C Fremont

“‘I don’t know really what an editor does, Daddy!’ Yes, your atrocious syntax bears that out, Sarah.” –Doctor Handsome

“I’m having a difficult time thinking of something less likely to aid digestion than a walk with Wilbur.” –nescio

“Think the front of Montoni’s stinks? Check out the alley.” –Écureuil Écumant

“Oh, Brawny Towel Guy, how are we ever going to clean up these spilled liquids!” –Chareth Cutestory

“Poor Rose. She not only has to break the news about Jim’s gruesome death to Tommie, which was totally Tommie’s fault, but Rose now has to explain the theory of flight, why planes crash and people die, why bad things happen to good people. The poor old thing is in for a long, long conversation and at the end of it, Tommie is just as likely to reply ‘But Jim and I are still getting married, right?'” –Gabacho

“I don’t normally praise the art in Family Circus (as it should go without saying), but the expression on the father’s face is perfect. That moment of realization that the kid’s not joking, she really doesn’t get that the book represents a static, unchanging story, that it’s not going to change every time. A mingled shock, sadness, and disappointment. This is my legacy, this is the rotten fruit of my seed.” –Voshkod

“Nope! I’m really inside this thi— oh, I see. My face is outside the helmet. Yeah, I have absolutely no idea how this suit works. Better not use a flash on that photo, just in case” –Dan

Judge Parker: “They’re all I have left in the world. Well, besides this giant compound, my large staff of assistants and mercenaries, the millions in drug money and my warehouse of looted art. But that’s all going to the tarantula, of course.” –pugfuggly

“I can imagine Mark [Trail]’s daily life. Mark: ‘Hey, Socket Wrench, can you fix my car today?’ SW: ‘Sorry, Mark, I’m booked up for weeks. You’ll have to make an appointment.’ Mark: ‘Sure seems odd that Socket Wrench is a mechanic but didn’t want to fix my car for me.’ SW: ‘I’m standing right here.'” –Cloudbuster

“Better get used to this, dear. Now that you’re going to be a Parker, people will constantly be giving you valuables.” –Digger

“‘How does it make you feel?’ ‘We’re proprietors of a fixed-cost-heavy operation in a low-income area. We need volume to turn a profit. We may be forced to buy a new truck to take on even more fixed cost. Our whole family works here. If we go broke, we have no second income to support us. Look at these bills. Look at the empty seats in front of you. If it weren’t for Token White Guy coming in for a punchline, we’d have gone under years ago. We need a joke setup with multiple customers fast. How does THAT make YOU feel??” –hogenmogen

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And, just as an advertising program note, I’ve started using BuySellAds as a platform for you to buy ads directly on my site on a CPM basis. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Are you ready for your final comment of the week of February 2014?

“Actually, now that I think about it, Reggie, why are we here in Jughead’s house, watching him while he sleeps? Why are we, two people who do not like each other, lovingly standing over our mutual acquaintance and talking about his faults? Could it be, Reggie, that we have gone through the other side of mutual disgust, clear through hate, and emerged into a new territory of fondness for this poor troll of a man? Or maybe have the police just not shown up yet? Either way, this is going to end with us making out, Reggie, just saying.” –Tophat

And your runners up! Very amusing!

“Here, Mr. Fox, take my money! Just please don’t eat me or my child! Oh, no, he’s throwing it back. We’re doomed!” –Digger

“If each of those pairs of dots/squiggles represents Francis’s eyes, then he’s currently displaying the entire range of acceptable reactions to one of his mother’s lacerating zingers: anguished wincing, total boredom, and blank indifference.” –Joe Blevins

“Who the hell builds a snowman mere feet from the edge of an icy precipice? Is it to attract curious children who will then inevitably slip down the slight incline and over the edge to a frigid death below?” –Joe Momma

Judge Parker: “I know it’s been weeks (months? years…?) since something exciting has happened in this strip, but I still don’t think that ‘April and her father continue talking’ deserves an exclamation point. What are you going to do when the Gardia brothers show up and the real action starts? Start bolding random words like you’re Mark Trail? It’s no way to live, guys…” –pugfuggly

“Crankshaft: where Death goes to die.” –Voshkod

“Wilbur knows what any successful tubby, washed-up hack columnist in Santa Royale’s best-kept-secret-free-advertising-circular knows: that the journey to self-improvement begins with wiping the drool off your chin.” –The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan

“I think this must all take place in an Icelandic Saga as she is required to give her lineage when she introduces herself. I guess since she’s doing remote she only has to list siblings. If she was the anchor she has to go back at least to her grandfather Thorgirn Ballew slayer of Ole Siggurdson.” –Maltmasher

“I’m glad to see Mark being a good citizen and ‘picking up’ after Andy does his business.” –Midtown

“In panel 1, Wilbur and Iris are clearly on opposite ends of table. In panel 2, Wilbur’s upper half begins sliding across the table, inching closer and closer to Iris. It’s a shame her expression is obscured.” –Inkwell

“Fortunately Wilbur knows exactly how to respond to an emotional outburst by a recovering drug addict: grimace and threaten them with a shiv.” –Christopher

“Less obvious source of humor than Tommy’s far-overblown, non-subtle panicked shriek is the hilarious suggestion that Wilbur has a ‘friend’ with connections.” –hogenmogen

“The big box store? No! I can’t! I mean… that won’t work for me! Look, old man, I did my time in the Big Box and I’m not going back! Not. The. Box. Don’t put me in the Box!” –Amos Snarkadder

“Occam’s Razor-O-Meter says: You’re a plugger if you have diabetic neuropathy.” –Baka Gaijin

Rex Morgan, M.D.: “What a … SHOCKING development! Huh? Huh? What, too soon?” –Kevin on Earth

“Pluggers remember lighting up the stage as No No LaPuta, Queen of off-strip Las Vegas revues. Your golf game may suffer, but your rendition of ‘Just Like Jesse James’ will sing in their ears forever. You’re a star, Pluggers. You’re a fucking star.” –Dan

Judge Parker: “It does occur to me that — assuming April doesn’t just intend to use Randy as a convenient cover for her espionage activities and in fact has some feelings for him — she has managed to find the man perhaps least like her father in the entire world. Say what you will about Judge Parker the Lesser — ensconced in the insulated bubble wrap of economic privilege and as ineffective, inept, oblivious, and genially low functioning as he may be, tarantulas and covert international arms deals are just not in him.” –Master Softheart

“This image of a twisted, jostling mangle of human office workers looks like something you might find if you splashed lemon juice and shined a UV light on a Hieronymus Bosch hellscape painting.” –Chareth Cutestory

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And, just as an advertising program note, I’ve started using BuySellAds as a platform for you to buy ads directly on my site on a CPM basis. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.