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Are you emotionally prepared for your comment of the week?

“I see Quill and Luann as the Romeo and Juliet for the 2010s, in that I hope they’re each dead by their own hand through a pointless series of miscues abetted by the adults they trusted most.” –Ed Dravecky

And for your hilarious runners up>

“Daredevil lives a great bachelor life here in San Fran. But I’ve got MJ waiting for meat home — the house made out of premium cuts of beef I promised her! I’d better start building it before the meats spoil.” –CleverNameIsaac

JP: “I can’t wait for the inevitable cruise ship mechanical failure. Wait until Judge Pissyface has to poop in a bag!” — Ned Ryerson

“No half hearted pun. No tired half-smirk. Pam is just powering through this interaction, dead eyes focused on the middle distance. Best Crankshaft ever!” –Bunivasal

“We warned you. We warned you that if you let women into the military, the male soldiers would start dating combat drones. It’s your own damn fault.” –Voshkod

“The creepiest thing about Spider-Man today is that his mask is staring at his ass in panel two. His sweet, sweet spider-ass.” –Pozzo

“‘Wifely prayers.’ Or as some people refer to them, divorce papers.” –WeatherServo9

“Throws it away, or delivers a crushing KNEE to the FACE of the opposing team?! Happy Hunger Games, Milford.” –Science Giant

“The first rule of the Shoe universe is that no one must ever acknowledge that everyone is a bird. Frito has spoken the Terrible Truth! Heretic! Heretic! As a journalist, Shoe knows all too well the grisly fate that the Thought Police shall inflict upon poor Frito.” –Guts Dozier

“‘Jose! How goes the revolution?’ ‘Oh, it’s going great. The streets of the capital are running red with the blood of the oppressors. I think we’ll be in power by late July, August, somewhere in there.'” –Dono

“Sarah is just mesmerized by Business McBusinessman’s combover. Children should not be exposed to such things.” –Lawyerbob

“I guarantee you this is by a wide margin the most emotional anyone has ever gotten about Book Day.” –Doctor Handsome

“I suppose you would like to get paid for your book? Well, sorry, we don’t do that. But our publishing your book will help you build your brand! Are you active on social media?” –cheech wizard

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Your comment of the week is hopefully all you’d hoped and dreamed:

“I always assumed that ‘How are the otters today’ was one of those greetings men make to one another when women are not present.” –Lumaca Morente

Your runners up are also very hilarious:

“WHAT is going on with Lu Ann’s hair in panel 2? It looks like her wig is wearing a wig.” –Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny

“Notice the little twirl the ice-cream-truck guy gave that fudgcicle. I think this is less a knighting and more some sort of bizarre induction ritual into the International Fraternal Order of Faceless Monstrosities.” –Drewbear

“Charlemagne’s decision to have the Pope coronate him established the Vatican as a major political player for the next 700 years. Today’s Heathcliff is far more disturbing.” –Nekrotzar

“…I found where they printed his expiration date. I also found his bar code. They’re pricing him at $2.99 a pound! The Earth is just a farm, and we’re just livestock! So, anyway, I’m fattening him up for the kill. Maybe I can make a little money off this, ya’know?” –Voshkod

“The otters are doing fine. More than fine. As you’ll see, they are now each four feet tall and gazing around with their new, horrible skull faces at the corrupt world that once dared to hurt them. Someday they will descend on society, leaving bloody destruction in their wake, disemboweling anyone who has the gall to invite someone on a fishing trip knowing full well they are going to back out of it like a flaky, emotionally distant son of a … I’m sorry, what was the question again? Right. Otters. Doing great.” –Tophat

“Hello, Mr. McKay, thank you for coming to court today. Quick question though, is your suit actually a cylindrical robot torso painted to look like a suit? Its just always good to know if we’re dealing with a robo-lawyer in the courtroom.” –Chareth Cutestory

“Is ‘Professor Herb’ a recurring character in Gasoline Alley, or did he and his botany lab magically appear in answer to Slim’s parsley crisis? Maybe this is all a dream Slim is having, where all his neighbors are unsettlingly evocative of food items, and then Slim eats them.” –damanoid

“Sadly, grandpa plugger has to get his weathergirl jollies from his old 19-inch TV, which, ironically, is balanced on top of the high-def big screen in a magnificent wooden cabinet that his adult children bought him, but that he’s too proud to admit he can’t figure out how to turn on.” –BigTed

Funky Winkerbean: “He was going to take us all on; me, a nerd with sideburns, my lame-ass wife, and his pregnant-looking, afro-having girlfriend. I have no proof of this, plus I’m a million years old and Frank will undoubtedly deny the whole thing and still go on with that horrible reality show that no network will ever buy, anyway. Welp. Can I have those graham crackers you promised me, please?” –notmydesk

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Happy Friday, everybody! Your COTW in a moment, but first! A couple of plugs!

The first plug, which is unpaid: I’ve been meaning to tell y’all about Comic Chameleon, a mobile app that is a great way to read some of the best webcomics on your phone or tablet. The lineup includes:

• A Softer World
• Alien Loves Predator
• Amazing Super Powers
• Bad Machinëry
• Book of Biff
• Boxer Hockey
• Broodhollow
• Buttersafe
• Cat and Girl
• Chainsawsuit
• Dinosaur Comics
• Dumbing of Age
• Girls with Slingshots
• Hijinks Ensue
• Nedroid
• The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
• Overcompensating
• Questionable Content
• Sam and Fuzzy
• Scenes From a Multiverse
• Spacetrawler
• Surviving the World
• Three Panel Soul
• Wasted Talent
• Wondermark
• XKCD

The app is free and ad-supported, and in contrast with some of the webcomics aggregation apps out there that scrape comics sites without the artist’s permission, ad revenue is shared with the artists. Right now it’s iOS only, but an Android version is in the works, as is a possible paid ad-free version. Check it out!

Also, I must remind you that the [Citation Needed] book by Conor Lastowka and myself continues to be available for purchase, in both paperback and Kindle form. Here, enjoy this banner, won’t you?

And now, your comment of the week!

“I can’t believe such pagan rituals as tooth fairies are tolerated down on the Keane Kompound. No, when you put a tooth under your pillow, Satan brings a quarter, and carries off your soul.” –Bunivasal

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Pluggers have never even heard of events like Ravinia, but advertise something with ‘food’ in the title and you’ll have a reenactment of the 1968 Democratic convention.” –Nekrotzar

“It’s really not hard to read today’s Marvin as ‘Marvin’s dad’s attempted gay hookup, which was his wife’s idea, wasn’t fun.’ Look how happy she is in the first panel. JUST LOOK.” –Charles Solution

“You don’t understand anything, Lu Ann! You have a bad attitude, Margo! There are bows in your hair, Ruby! And … Tommie. Oh, Tommie. I didn’t see you there.” –Dan

“It actually makes a lot of sense that the pin-up painted on Slylock’s Fantasticar isn’t a buxom lady-fox, but a stylized portrait of Slylock himself, literally eating the Constitution.” –Doctor Handsome

“Jesus, that got unnecessarily dark. Couldn’t Slylock just have been questioning Sammy Shark about a petty theft to set up a simple geography question? Are they all going to be like this now? ‘After Count Weirdly’s doomsday device went off, most human and animal life has been wiped off the earth. As Slylock scavenges for food and safe drinking water, he comes to a vast pile of concrete and scattered human debris beside a dead ocean. As he cries bitter, lonely tears, he gives in to his aching hunger and begins gnawing on the charred remains of a brown pelican. Is Slylock sitting on the radioactive rubble of New York, or Los Angeles?'” –pugfuggly

“That would be the first and last time anything in Gil Thorp was described as ‘attractive.'” –Chyron HR

“I can accept the drug dealer with original Picassos hanging in his secret mine lair being easily convinced to convert his marijuana farm to a solar farm, or a retired CIA operative living in a cancer hospital in the jungle, or a college student with a multi-million dollar apartment in Paris who blows her $10,000 a month allowance on an investment in a water treatment system, but I draw the line at this. NOBODY ever gets any work done on an airplane flight.” –bobanero

“It’s equally absurd to suggest that Rusty could arise in nature. This implies that a supernatural force created him. I would suggest that LoFo exists in a Manichaean universe, where Satan shares the Divine power of creation. Here Satan chooses to mock the Christian deities by creating distorted versions of their work. Thus we have giant birds, villainous wolves, a forest fire that instantly spreads across a valley, Rusty, Mark Trail and wandering Jeep headlights. This does not answer the obvious question: is the mysterious ‘Doc’ a wizard who raised these forces, or is he in fact the King of Hell?” –Droopy Says

“Gotta love that hangdog expression on the face of Papa Curtis as he and the boys hear the news about Henderson from a talking coat sleeve. Hey, would those be some ‘off the cuff’ remarks?? Ha ha, ho ho ho … oh god help me.” –Oregonian

“Against the tan walls and yellow skies (seen through a first-class-sized window, I suppose) of this airliner, we see five coordinated shades of blue among the seat back, the plush, boy-do-we-have-a-ton-of-money upholstery, the computer itself perfectly matched to the color of Katherine’s stylish boat-neck blouse, Alan’s complimentary-hued shirt, and of course the tint of his glasses darkening to hasten his nap without the need for the gauche, uncomfortable, and no doubt badly colored eye shades that nappers have to wear in steerage. I bow in awe to the unheralded colorist(s) of Judge Parker. Bravo!” –sally

“Seriously, what comic strip story arc isn’t improved by a good furnace explosion?” –Dood

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And as always, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Angel City: An electrifying thriller! Loved The Watchers? Don’t miss Jon Steele’s high octane and mysterious new read. Watch the video here!

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