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Oh, look, if it’s that banner image, then yes, I’m plugging the opportunity to see me live and in person!

• I’ll be reading from my novel-in-progress at Shattered Wig Night, this Friday, March 29! I’m opening for Michael Kimball reading from his postcard life stories project, and there will also be music! At the legendary 14 Karat Cabaret at 218 W. Saratoga St. in downtown Baltimore. Cover is $5 (cash only please); doors open at 9 p.m. (Here’s more about the novel, which I Kickstarted into embryonic existence last summer, if this is the first you’re hearing about it.)
• You perhaps remember my earlier threat to appear as a monologist for an improv performance? Well, that got cancelled because of a snowstorm (a snowstorm that ended up not happening, don’t even get me STARTED), and now it’s been rescheduled. I’ll be appearing at Magoobys with the Baltimore Improv Group, along with a group from Pennsylvania called the Oxymorons. Magooby’s is at 9603 Deereco Rd. in Timonium. Cover is $5 and there is a two-item minimum (“item” here meaning food, drinks, etc.); doors open at 7 p.m. and the show starts at 8 p.m.

It always warms my heart when Comics Curmudgeon readers come talk to me at live events. I’d love to see you there!

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Ladies aaaaaand gentlemen: your COMMENT! OF! THE! WEEK!

“Oh god, the horror! Curtis is clearly two almost totally unrelated jokes, hamfistedly sewn together by some demented serial killer. Look, you can see the seam between the punchline and the premise! Truly a grisly, grisly spectacle.” –bunivasal

And the very amusing runners up!

“I can’t wait to see what convoluted plan Mark will come up with; I’m pretty sure it won’t be anything like, ‘Say, when we see Rod Bassy’s van, let’s go take Rusty out of it.'” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“I can even print up a diploma for job interviews! It’s 1995, after all, and home word processing technology has finally really arrived.” –Noah

“Sergeant Captain Major Francis Gary Powers, US Army Air Force Central Intelligence Agency, shot down over the Ural Mountains during the Vietnam War in 2008. We must update Wikipedia.” –seismic-2

“‘Young lady, are you OK?’ is quite possibly the dumbest line of dialogue I’ve ever seen. SHE’S CRYING IN FRONT OF A GRAVE, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK?” –Inkwell

“Roy Lichtenstein disgusted the Pop Art world today with Suddenly, Tears Come (Sob Sob Sob . . . Young Lady Are You Okay). ‘It’s neither a remake nor a parody. It says nothing rather than being a statement about saying nothing. There’s none of the play with perspective that made him famous. It has no humor, no disciplined brushstrokes or comic-strip dots,’ said Ben Day of the Journal of Interior Semiotics outside the Stack’s Bowers auction on Friday.” –Daniel

“May I just say that I adore the sheer enthusiasm in that trout’s face in panel two? ‘OMG IT’S A FLY AND I’M GOING TO EAT IT AND THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!'” –Drewbear

“‘Is he your husband?’ ‘Well, no. Not since he died!'” –Chip

“I could tell that your heart’s rhythms are the same as Spider-Man’s … really, really slow. Dangerously slow, in fact. You spend a lot of time on the couch, don’t you? And it wouldn’t hurt to cut down on the junk food either. You smell like a giant Cheeto.” –damanoid

“I can hear the beating of your heart, your juicy delicious heart. What? Oh nothing, forget I said anything. Now let’s get into the cramped cameraless elevator together.” –Holly Folly

“Visibly uncomfortable, Tom tries to break the tension by turning to Mary and conversationally inquiring ‘So, Mary, what the fuck are we eating, anyway?'” –Violet

“Please honey, stop undressing so sexily, it’s distracting. I’m up to 5 habits already and I want to be highly effective by tomorrow.” –pugfuggly

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Haha, when the city water department guys standing in a hole on your street tell that your water will be back “in a while” but it “won’t be days,” that … that’s a good thing, right? Anyway, just be glad that you can’t smell me as I select your comment of the week! (I promise I will be clean before performing in the Fluid Movement Glitteracy variety show Saturday, which you should totally go to if you’re in Baltimore. Two shows, so you have no excuse not to come!)

“I put the memory card from Rusty’s camera into my laptop! That’s totally a thing I know all about. Technology is … probably not a gateway to the devil’s asshole. Oh look, fishing pictures. Goddammit Rusty you made me break Amish code for this.” –Tophat

And the very funny runners up!

“Mary, you just spent weeks practicing solely to lift a heavyweight cake over what appeared to me several miles to a display table. Yeah, you just play the weak old woman card and get Carlos.” –Bluerosebud

“‘All-bran’ is the closest Herb & Jamaal has ever come to referencing a brand name. The joke still failed tragically, of course.” –Doctor Handsome

“I think if you take his sentence at grammatical face-value, Jamal is saying that he prefers defecating on women than ejaculating in them.” –pugfuggly

“If past close-ups are any indication, Rusty’s horrifying selfies must violate some kind of TOS agreement.” –Dan

“It’s going to be highly embarrassing for Rod Bassy when he has to admit to Mark that the wet seat cushion is actually proof of his incontinence.” –Rocky Stoneaxe

“…And there’s water everywhere! Ugh! That’s got to leave a musty mildew throughout the van. I’d feel bad for anyone tied up and being held against their will in such a place!” –Chareth Cutestory

“I like that Mario Gaddafi thought to bring a visual aid for his punctual daily Dick-baiting video. This guy’s really got his goofball-villain shit squared away.” –Doctor Handsome

“Pat the pig, marry the donkey.” –Dood

“I like really how Elinor is putting on her lavender smock with the grim intensity of a costumed vigilante suiting up for a final showdown. That her entire outfit is lavender reinforces this impression. Bruce Wayne’s motif was inspired by a bat crashing through a window, Peter Parker by the spider that gave him powers, and Elinor Kinley by the Jenny Joseph poem ‘Warning.'” –Herr Kommissar Denny

“What the heck happened to the timeline to allow him to finish a law degree in the, what, three weeks since the French shoe design story? Sure it will all be worthwhile if it marks a transition to the heart-pounding courtroom action that is the hallmark and narrative heart of Judge Parker — there is nothing more exciting than negotiating a Lloyds insurance settlement months after a Liberian-flagged container ship damages an intermodal crane in Galveston — but I remain confused.” –Master Softheart

“It makes people obald your every command! I mean, obey your every baldman.” –Chyron HR

“We are not certain why anyone would worry about Miss Spencer’s finances. It’s quite clear that she is merely dabbling in mid-scale Paris fashion — something that ought to be expected from a 21-year-old ‘art’ student with a $4 million flat in the Sixteenth and a trust fund. We are intrigued that the stripes on her sweater tilt precisely to the degree that said garment falls off her left shoulder, right down to the horizontal bottom stripe, producing a mild trompe l’oeil spiral that makes one wonder if the wearer is similarly out of plumb. Sheer genius!” –Fashion Police

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And as always, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Free Will, the Orphan Temp: The comic that puts the laughs back in child labor — almost as good as Mary Worth! When the orphanage is privatized by the No Orphan Left Behind Act, a group of hard-luck orphans is forced by Mr. Parasite, the cruel CEO of Klepto Incorporated, to work an endless series of horrible temp jobs.
• Risk Taking Is Free: Hey Curmudgeons! LUJBEM FEJF (aka Jeff Knurek) has a new album! Risk taking is what Jeff does in his life and music. The diverse collection of songs takes you on his highway of reflection, celebration, and inspiration.

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.