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Folks! Next week is the second Friday of the month, and that means … the Internet Read Aloud, my live comedy show, is BACK and better than ever in Los Angeles! It’s free, so please come (at 8:30 pm, I forgot to put that on the poster, whoopsie). Here’s the FB event!

Also, it’s a Friday, so you know what that means: it’s COMMENT! of the week time:

“The fact that Greta’s bow tie made it through her ordeal makes me think her dognapper couldn’t have been that bad. Unless he meant it to be part of her ring outfit, like Rowdy Roddy Piper’s kilt.” –Pozzo

And the runners up are also very funny!

“For a brief, brilliant moment, I thought that ‘Kate’ was supposed to be Kate Middleton, and this strip was all about how Mr. Wilson flew all the way to London just to rub our 247-year old independence in the first British Royal’s face he saw. A shitty and pointless move, to be sure, but aside from the effort involved, totally fits with his brand.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“Did … Sarah not know what a ‘graduation’ was? With the ‘smarts’ she’s displaying here, I don’t think she’ll have to worry about the ceremony or her presents anytime soon, if you catch my drift.” –2+2=7

“The into panel is a master class in half-assing a legacy strip. There’s enough detail to the stars, and enough of them, that it was probably supposed to be some design — then after 30 or so and realizing how many states there are in this country, just calling it a day. Let freedom ring!” –Quiggle

“The skies have opened and countless tentacled monstrosities from nightmarish dimensions beyond our universe have poured forth to devour the inhabitants of earth. It’s the grand finale for the human race, and the decapods are fully on board with this.” –Schroduck

“I’ve always thought Kangaroo Lady was too young and photogenic to be in the Pluggers cast. All the other characters are grandmas or late-50s men, and the art doesn’t downplay their flaws. Kangaroo Lady plays ‘put-upon mom’ or ‘annoyed wife’ roles, but there’s no ‘young husband’ equivalent to her. Scenes like today’s just make her look like she married an old guy. So stop bitching and make sure his will is current, Kangaroo Lady. You know what you signed up for.” –Banana Jr. 6000

“The barkeep is in his own personal hell, trapped with three guys who want nothing more than blast after blast of cheap bourbon while he’s thinking, ‘But I make a killer elderflower-and-lime martini!’” –jvwalt

“Okay, comics, I can suspend my disbelief on a lot of things, but if you expect me to think that Leroy Lockhorn is the type of guy who would step away to make a phone call so as not to bother other people, you expect too much!” –Old Man Shadow

“Loretta is trying to get Leroy interested in men in uniform, so that they can finally do one of her fantasy night suggestions. So far, results have been mixed.” –pugfuggly

“Zero is doing his patriotic duty of selling new lawnmowers, which many hardware store ads have assured me is part of 4th of July tradition.” –Philip

“Looks like Dagwood fell asleep as Elmo was talking. I imagine Elmo stood there for a few awkward minutes, as Dagwood’s snores began, wondering if the conversation was over. Eventually he wanders off, ruing once more his own inability to make friends his own age. 10 minutes later, Dagwood emerges from his slumber, unaware that any time has passed, and mutters his punchline before dozing off again. Perfect, 10/10, no notes.” –Truckosaurus

“Maybe Saul and Mary inferred a bit too much but wait and see what will happen when the news will report of all those people found dead in an abandoned warehouse allegedly housing dog-fighting. All of them killed by small but precise and merciless bites.” –Ronconi Riccardo, on Twitter

“RMMD knows its target audience doesn’t like being told what to do so it publishes its PSA warnings after the fact. Freedom!!” –Where’s Rocky?

“I don’t care about Trixie transitioning into wearing a bikini, as long as she doesn’t transform into a baby whose parents pay attention to her. I can’t take that much change.” –nescio

“So, Brigman has never seen a T-bone steak? That looks like a cube steak that somebody hammered a bare bone into. Saul likes to play tricks on his wiener dog. ‘Heh heh … she thinks I gave her a thirty dollar piece of beef, but I’m only five bucks out of pocket.’” –Ukulele Ike

“‘Hmmm … maybe I can make their job easier’ = the Meddler’s Creed.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Look, I can accept that this abomination of a Six chixen has weirdly spindly robot legs, that’s par for the course, but what I can’t accept is that I have to — in admittedly a backhanded way — compliment the artist on this one, as they managed to make me think that every single letter in this panel is written backwards, even though they are all facing the right way.” –els

“Dog-fighting is a barbaric and terrible amusement, of course. But if we’re dealing with animal cruelty in Mary Worth, let’s start with its most common and ongoing form. I’m talking about scaring the bejeezus out of the neighborhood doves.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“It’s a couple houses down. Working couple. Predictable schedule. Always out of their house from 8 to 6 during weekdays. No security system. Key under the flower pot at the end of the porch. Ugly interior decorating. Fireworks left all over kitchen counter where anyone could tamper with the fuses. Don’t really know them.” –jroggs

“The best part of this is that Rex gets to do his favorite doctor gag. ‘How many fingers am I holding up? More than you currently have.’” –Artist formerly known as Ben

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Last day of the month, last day of the week … and it’s time for your top comment!

“‘Seriously, brat is an obscenity, right? Like it’s really really dirty?’ wonders Marty Moon, the man who never got an A on his vocabulary quizzes. ‘I think it’s short for bratgina.’” –made of wince

And your very funny runners up!

“I hope someone’s phone is recording the vegetation behind the fence, which is moving upward at an alarming rate.” –Lee Sherman

“In Hootin’ Hollar, the big box store is actually a big cardboard packing crate that fell out of a pickup truck when it hit a pothole.” –Dennis Jimenez

“Since the sun is clearly flattening and about to go supernova outside the barracks window, today’s Beetle Bailey is surprisingly philosophical. Sarge is clearly of the mind that everybody should hurry up and get done whatever they need to in order to prepare for meeting their maker. Get going, for as Paul of Tarsus says, the time is short! On the other hand, Beetle takes the hedonistic view. It’s the last day on earth, just do what you want! Lounge about in bed all day masturbating, who cares? Too bad for Beetle that the end of the world isn’t happening on Miss Buxley Wednesday when he might have had a shot at losing his virginity, but eh, it’s too late to worry about that now.” –Thelonious_Nick

“Meanwhile, Marvin’s mother silently bemoans that she wasn’t facing an egg shortage somewhere between the last two and five years.” –Voshkod

“Enduring focus on cost controls and ability to adapt to inflationary market pressures be damned, Marvin remembers the record corporate profits for America’s egg wholesalers, and he’s warning everyone who reads the daily comics. The grandmothers will never forget, do you hear me? Never!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Beetle picking a bed that faces west so he won’t be woken by the rising sun rings true.” –nescio

“In panel three, Miz Prunelly is attempting to subtly reach the pencil in her hair, the better to stab Jughaid and then, possibly, herself.” –Pozzo

“Given the vast number of chicken-borne parasites that are certainly circulating through the population of Hootin’ Holler, what Jughaid is really discovering is more than love of germs. It’s biological symbiosis.” –Vice President John Adams

“Today’s Phantom made me think of a question I didn’t know I had until now: Why is the pelvic area of a superhero’s costume so often a different color than the rest of it? Either it’s sewn that way or it’s a separate piece of Spandex, and either way, I’m unsure as to its utility. Is it steel-reinforced, to provide some manner of protection? Is it to draw the eye right to the crotch, so as to give Our Hero the advantage in making the first move? ‘Behold and tremble at the sight of my area, villains! Prepare to be thwarted by he of the purple bod and stripèd rod!’” –els

“That’s not what organic means, but coincidentally, yes, it is made of hearts, livers and lungs. It’s a great big bowl of haggis. They don’t make a big deal of it, but Hi and Lois is actually set in Scotland. You can tell because their neighbour has the extremely Scottish name ‘Thurston’, and also because he’s a drunk.” –Schroduck

“The humans all scream ‘MAXIMUM EFFORT‘ as Max leads them onto the Interstate.” –UncleJeff

“I like the way Dennis is holding his hands. He’s thinking that if he had a large rock in each hand, he could finally hit TWO kids in the face at once. ‘No, no, the rocks are even bigger than that. Yeah, bigger.’” –BeckoningChasm

“Alice looks sad, as she didn’t even get to host this woman for afternoon tea before Dennis tanked yet another desperate attempt to have adult friends.” –Philip

“Dennis appears to be contemplating the possibility of dumping Joey and getting two matching henchmen in his place.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“I guess people sigh a lot! I tried to force a laugh at this cartoon, but all that came out was dust.” –Amelie Wikström

“Um … but these angels already have hair in those places! Why not just admit that they created the physical template for humankind by lying down on a Xerox machine?” –BigTed

“Look at that warm, motherly smile on Thel’s face as she imagines her idiot child attempting to fit two AAAs into a perished insect. Kids do the cutest desecrations of the dead.” –jroggs

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Hope you’re all enjoying your June as much as I know you’ll enjoy this week’s comment of the week!

“From inside the burlap sack, Jones listened carefully. It had taken a year of fasting and surgical alterations that his doctor called ‘highly unusual and disturbing’ for Jones to fit into the chicken costume, but the time was finally here. He’d show Smith a thing or two about chickens, he thought, caressing the sawed-off shotgun cunningly built into his beak. The costume’s beak. They were the same now. The man, the chicken, the gun, they sweated in the sack, waiting to hatch. Waiting to count.” –Voshkod

Your runners up are also quite enjoyable!

“As a criminal, isn’t claiming to own a time machine just begging the cops to pin every single crime they can think of on you? Weirdly now has no alibi for anything — not JFK, not the black plague, not the assassination of Julius Caesar. He is going DOWN.” –jerp+jump

“‘What’s got you smiling, Biz?’ ‘I’m extremely high on varnish fumes!’” –Lorelei

“You might think, ‘doesn’t the Catholic Church forbid divorce?’ However, Hagar takes place in the early Middle Ages, while marriage as a sacrament, like many other Christian dogmas that seem original, became part of Canon Law only in the late Middle Ages. For this feudal lord, divorce is just a regular part of life. Unfortunately, dying by an heathen’s axe to the head is also another regular part of life.” –Ettorre

“It’s nice to see some consequences for Slylock’s nonsense. He’s had so many cases thrown out allowing repeat offenders to commit so many minor crimes that he’s been bumped down to investigating mean e-mails, and even that’s not going to go well when word gets back to the captain. ‘He WHAT??! Printed them out and used a magnifying glass? FOX! My office, NOW!’” –Tabby Lavalamp

“LEVEL 5 CATEGORY OMEGA WARNING: FAMILY CIRCUS SUCCESSFULLY PULLED OFF POST-MODERN META-HUMOR. I REPEAT, FAMILY CIRCUS SUCCESSFULLY PULLED OFF POST-MODERN META-HUMOR. GO HOME, HUG YOUR FAMILIES FOR THE LAST TIME, AND PREPARE FOR THE END” –Schroduck

“The other really sad thing about Hi and Lois is that Chip is a teenager but he only comes up to his parents’ shoulders. I don’t care if he’s holding a sandwich with a bite out of it (like a saint holding the instrument of her martyrdom), feed that boy!” –matt w

“So wait, is Milford ‘juvie’ just a division of the high school athletics department? How many other municipal services do they run? It’s no wonder this town is obsessed with their high school sports: if they make it to regionals the town might be without police or firefighters for a week.” –pugfuggly

“Woah, Lois really wasn’t expecting her family to actually care about this information. Look, they’re smiling. They’re expressing interest! It’s blown her mind. She needs to put more sedatives in their food before things get nuts.” –made of wince

“If you’re going to tell a poo-related joke, maybe don’t give us a glimpse of the character’s rear at the same time? Especially when they have … tailfeathers? Honestly, I don’t know what the heck is going on back there, and I don’t want to.” –BigTed

“‘I didn’t see it, but I sensed it went vaguely that direction!’ ‘Good enough! We’ll just amble in that direction! We’re bound to run into the perp!’” –Buck Ripsnort

“I’m not worried. When they see Greta’s bow tie, the fighting dogs will assume she’s a referee, and follow her commands.” –Chazhouston

“How many food trucks will they have been lead to and ordered from before they realize Max cannot track Greta?” –Kevin On Earth

“You’re going to take well-paying work? When you could be getting the high quality education available at a college that’s so desperate that it accepts people who apply at the end of June?” –Rube

“We are supposed to believe that Dennis was such a hellion that he drove her to tears. However that’s not how these things work. What really happened is that her boyfriend broke up with her by text, and she cried herself to sleep. He is now reviewing the thread on her phone for tips and techniques for when he, inevitably, has to do the same with Margaret.” –richardf8

“We can take some comfort knowing Snuffy uses French about as incorrectly as anyone could ever use French. What are we thinking, folks? ‘Ow contryary?’ “Oh contreeree?’
‘Eau d’country?’ Either way he just lifted Uriah’s wallet.” –Blackdrazon

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!