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Your week’s top comment is here, let its hilarious glow take you through the weekend!

“You’re a plugger if you plan both your day and night around abusing a diner’s ‘Free refills!’ coffee offer.” –Truckosaurus

And your runners up? Also very funny!

“The trick to Parent’s Day is to be the first parent to bail, leaving the other parent to parent.” –MKay

“It was developed by the US Army. They call it ‘Agent Citronella.’” –taig

“And Dot and Ditto are calling it ‘Parent’s Day’ even though it’s explicitly for two parents. Your parents may not be able to hear where that apostrophe is, but Sunbeam knows!” –matt w

“The fact that Lois wears an Aaron Rodgers jersey to bed says alarming things about their sex life.” –The Witch

“Looks like ‘rewilding’ the churchyard deconsecrated the soil, resulting in something that is clearly good for certain undead but maybe not ‘everyone.’ This proves what climate science opponents have been warning us for years: environmentalists are profane pagan simps who want to feed us to bloodsucking landed aristocrats. Who knew all you had to do to defeat Dracula was mow regularly?” –jroggs

“That is not an appropriate reaction to finding that your goldfish have died, so I hope this means they’ve somehow died gruesomely.” –Roto13

“Now, if you don’t mind my asking, Phantom, does your fabric breathe? Because, you know, it can get pretty hot in a jungle like this with a get-up like that! That’s why my friend and I here have sleeveless T-shirts, which serve the additional artistic function of identifying us permanently with the lower-class criminal element!” –Bob Tice

“Sure the school bus is sometimes unreliable, but do you know how hard it is to find one that can talk?” –But What Do I Know?

“Gil and Luke are saved by the bus, as not having any idea who their starting pitcher will be on the way to the game might be a new coaching low. [remembers just about any other Gil Thorp storyline] Not having any idea who their starting pitcher will be on the way to the game is standard operating procedure.” –Drew Funk

“The reference to A Streetcar Named Desire accidentally implies that Wilbur was an abusive husband to his goldfish, which is depressingly plausible.” –ectojazzmage

“‘And as the Great Net ascended and dragged her lover’s cadaver into the Dry Above, Willa was struck by the true horror of her situation. Stellan had at least found escape from their eldritch purgatory. She would forever remain the captive of The W’hlbah — and now, she would need to endure it alone.’ -From Spooky Fish Tales by H.P. Lovecarp.” –MasterMahan

“It’s not too late, Wilbur! You can still take Stellan to Dr. Ed for treatment, where I assume he will transplant Stellan’s name onto a younger, similar-looking goldfish.” –Anonymous

“The campaign has barely started and I’m not at all surprised that Gertie is already playing the race card.” –Peanut Gallery

Stellan is literally the smallest thing flushed down Wilbur’s toilet in forty years.” –Where’s Rocky?

“I shudder to think how a reader unfamiliar with this strip might react to seeing this, what with the giant pig, the biblical allusions, and the name ‘Gazali.’ How do you explain that for Gasoline Alley, a topical news reference is the Teapot Dome scandal.” –pugfuggly

This is what the Mitchell household is like when the father comes home: the mother is missing, likely passed out, leaving a pitcher of ‘margaritas’ made from tequila and lemonade on the kitchen table, and the kid has been there shouting for God knows how many hours but not brave enough to leave his chair. Just let the poor man have his James Bond attaché case cosplay, will you?” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Bad news, Henry! Dennis is getting the Erasmian idea that individual humans have free will and thus can choose salvation instead of believing in Luther’s ‘servo arbitrio’ and Calvin’s predestination. Who let Jesuits in your house?!” –Ettorre

Imeswine needs to be a terrible Goliath-like monster, so they made him an enormous pig demon. But he needs to be recognizable as the evil ‘Electric Acres’ city official, so they dressed him up in a button down shirt and polka-dot bow tie. But he also needs to fit in to the ‘vaguely Biblical times’ setting, so they gave him earrings and a scabbard. It’s a strawman designed by committee.” –TheDiva

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