“Hey, guy in the back, that’s no way to hold a sign! You have your right hand on one end of the sign and your left hand squarely in the middle, so it’s completely unbalanced. You’re really going to have to struggle to keep holding it, without some support on the other end. Do you know nothing about ‘the principle of moments’? Have you never heard of the concept of ‘torque’? And yet you have the audacity to claim that you’re a source of information???” –seismic-2

“Everyone is picturing varying levels of Having A Bad Time in ‘the real world’ (math is hard, job’s not that great, getting bullied, getting rabies, dying alone wandering through an endless wood) except Momma Keane, who is cleaning up everyone else’s shit at home but imagining an uneventful but probably pleasantly boring grocery trip. The domestic labor gap is real.” –Cornelius Disaster

“Today’s Blondie is dangerously specific about what Dagwood does for a living. Usually they keep it vague to avoid angry letter-writing campaigns from their readers who loathe auditoriums.” –matt w

“Time is money, Bumstead … but we still need to stall for at least two throwaway panels.” –TheDiva

“Katherine, I have to plunge out there into the outside world and show everyone my ridiculous hat!” –Bob Tice

“If it’s not banned by Congress, TikTokers will inevitably stumble upon old vaudeville acts and, like that short-lived sea-shanty craze in early 2021, make that a trend. Too bad the creators of Barney Google and Snuffy Smith won’t find out about it until six months after it dies off, and fail to create animated shorts from their archive of material to get renewed interest in this century old strip.” –Philip

“Alan is going to the movies every day, just in case Ann shows up there. Ann likes movies, right? ‘THE POPCORN COSTS ALONE ARE GOING TO BANKRUPT US, ALAN!’ ‘KUNG FU PANDA 4 IS OUT! ANN LOVES JACK BLACK AND SHE NEEDS HER FAMILY, KATHERINE!’” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Mary, I enjoy every day I spend with you. Which is what, two days a year? Three if we’re counting Christmas.” –Schroduck

“Okay, so that’s the villain in panel one. You can tell because he’s ugly, and he’s drinking, and he has poor trigger discipline. In the Deep Woods, only one man is allowed to violate the 4 Cardinal Rules of Firearm Safety, and he wears Lycra to do it!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Is it just me or has Jeff’s face suddenly become grotesquely swollen? I hope so because the possibility that he’s suddenly allergic to coffee or crackers or candles and his experiencing anaphylaxis without either him or Mary noticing is more plausible and interesting than this conversation they’re having.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Being in nature gives me such peace. Like the Botanic Garden. Everyone plant carefully in its place, trimmed and cut back when it grows too much, invasive plants and animals ruthlessly destroyed, everything planned and pruned and perfect, just like nature itself. It’s like the poet said, Mary: ‘Nature, led to root without flaw.’” –Voshkod

“‘So you’ve drawn a dog before, right?’ ‘Sure have. Look!’ [Incoherent Screaming]” –Old Man Shadow

“We’ve entered the perpetual death loop now. Mary and Jeff worked up an appetite on their earlier walk, so they went to eat at the Bum Boat, but now they want to walk off their meal with a leisurely stroll, which will result in them working up an appetite again, so they’ll return to the Bum Boat for a bite or stop by Mary’s kitchen for muffins, then they’ll need another digestive amble, and on and on it will go forever. They’re not even talking about Keith anymore, but on the bright side, they’re not talking about Keith anymore.” –jroggs

“I can’t remember Gil ever wearing a suit while coaching … anything. I can’t remember him coaching either, so I have to assume he’s scheming with this person to steal a car from the valet parking.” –Kevin on Earth

“While running at high speed, Gertie is sticking her head out of the car window and tailgates the car immediately in front of her. The only thing she learned from NASCAR is that car accidents are simply part of the game.” –Ettorre

“If you ever wondered what couples say to each other immediately before completing a suicide pact, now you know.” –Hibbleton

“Knowing that there would be a full moon that evening, did Mary and Jeff google quotes about light and darkness before their date, or are they old enough that they pulled out their respective copies Bartlett’s Quotations?” –Weaselboy

“Yesterday we learn today is World Sleep Day, and today Dagwood is celebrating by not only being conscious at work, but also actively good at his job? He’s not even putting people to sleep with his presentation! #NotMyDag” –Drew Funk

“I was going to complain about the ‘Elsewhere’ narration suggesting that the kidnappers immediately manifested at Warbucks’ place, but the business about it being 8 o’clock makes clear that they did immediately manifest at Warbucks’ place. Are Sirob and Warbucks working out of the same building? That’ll make for some awkward elevator conversation.” –matt w

“[crossing off ‘Hawaii’ and ‘Arizona excluding the Navajo Nation’ on my massive conspiracy board of where the Flagstons live]” –Schroduck

“The saddest day of my life was the time I didn’t realize it was the day I needed to adjust my clocks until I read Hi and Lois. I swear, if I ever learn anything from Dustin I’m walking into a forest never to interact with civilization again.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“The real crime mystery is who stole Slick Smitty’s nipples.” –Baja Gaijin

“God the look on that beaver’s face is bleak. And for good reason: even his pre-‘event’ ancestors were hydraulic engineers, and here he is sweeping out chimneys like a common squirrel. Looks like the revolution didn’t pan out for everyone.” –pugfuggly

“I also thought it was Jeffy speaking the first line, and that the woman had a great comeback. Adults should get a chance to say a darndest thing once in a while, too!” –Peanut Gallery

“How exactly do you know someone’s dead in Judge Parker? Because stiff, wooden and cold ain’t exactly a dividing line here.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“It’s either this or a gun obsession. Yay?” –taig

“The elevator inspector’s face looks like it’s tired of telling the gasoline lobbyists that, yes, while it’s technically possible to create a lift that is powered directly by fossil fuels, ventilation safety and the absolutely certaint carbon monoxide poisoning mean he cannot approve it and they must use electricity. That is the spark that broke the stranglehold of gasoline on this backward city.” –Philip

“Todays Mary Worth is giving me a definite ‘Recently-retired readers! Are you in a black depression because, absent your former work, your life lacks structure and purpose? Have you considered a hobby?’ feeling.” –Ken

“At last, the kind of wrestling I’m used to seeing on TV. If they start smashing each other with folding chairs, this will finally be an amateur sport worth watching. ‘Can you smell what the [public school student who probably took this up just to get out of running drills in gym class and now might be arrested for attempted manslaughter] is cooking?!!!’” –BigTed

“The word’s also out that the only sexually available female at Camp Swampy loves Rodgers and Hammerstein. Tomorrow: Killer, Plato, Rocky, and Zero perform ‘There is Nothing Like a Dame,’ and get court-martialed for being waaaay out of uniform.” –ValdVin

“Are we sure these three characters just like to sleep? We have a middle-aged man stuck in a dead-end job with an abusive boss, a soldier without career advancements with a physically abusive sergeant, and a cat trapped indoors without stimuli. Maybe they are all just clinically depressed.” –Ettorre

“Here’s the thing that bothers me. If the ‘slug’ in ‘slugfest’ refers to literal slugs, rather than slugging someone, there’s nothing in there that suggests it’s a fight at all. Would this be funnier if these bewildered boxing fans were instead watching a crowd of slugs partying it up at SlugFest of the Century, the centennial gastropod convention? Perhaps not, but it wouldn’t be any less funny either.” –Horace Broon

“You have to sympathize with Harry here. It’s pretty hard to get it up when your spouse cannot get through a simple act of procreation without rambling about cheap places to buy abandoned children.” –jroggs

“They’re in the business of old-timey presentation paperboards and pointing sticks. And business is … not good.” –Bill Loguidice

“I recognize that car — it’s a TP Cruiser.” –Dyna Moe

“It looks like they’re playing Grawlix Theft Auto.” –taig

“It’s a dull old town when the most exciting date you can have is watching a mouse dig a hole.” –MKay

“‘See the movie A Christmas Story’? I’m pretty sure one of the basic rules of live theater is that you don’t make recommendations to the audience about better things they could be watching right now in the comfort of their own homes.” –Peanut Gallery

“I just noticed that Dustin is slightly smiling in panel 2, and nowhere else. I wonder if he heard the car coming, smiled, and walked onto the street on purpose, finally hoping to end it all. Makes the last panel more poignant. ‘Uneventful, as usual. No one will ever free me from the hell that is my life.’” –JamesBont

“The cold temperature of the fridge slows down the multiplication of the lice. We’ve never seen an oxpecker in Pluggers, have we?” –lynn

“Of course Mary can read about increasing climate change-related disasters, multiple regional conflicts with global implications, and the rising specter of authoritarianism and go ‘Ha-ha, crazy world we live in, amirite?’ None of it will ever touch her; the worst that will happen is Wilbur making a fool of himself during the wildfire pre-evacuation.” –TheDiva

“Gizmo is cutting edge. In these days of network breaches and software hacks, a password manager would be vulnerable. But nobody’s going to get Gizmo’s big book o’ passwords without first gaining physical access to a military installation. Now, that military installation just happens to be Camp Swampy, so he probably might as well just store them in plain text on a Google Sheet.” –richard8

“Regardless of what’s happening in today’s Dennis the Menace, they seem to have gotten their money’s worth from whoever had to color in Alice’s floral pattern shirt.” –nescio

“In light of his eating habits, it’s scary to imagine what morsels get caught between Dagwood’s teeth. Herring bones, apple seeds, bits of aluminum foil. Flossing him would be like cleaning the slot in one’s kitchen between the refrigerator and the countertop.” –Tom T.

“I assumed there was an anagram hidden in Keith Hillend’s name, like Aldo Kelrast’s. Sadly, ‘Kill, Then Hide’ never became part of the story, as exciting as it sounds.” –astroboy

“Mark Trail apparently does not eat Jello. That’s OK; I never expected him to. After dinner he goes out and forages for berries and tree sap.” –seismic-2

“‘No, I’m serious. I recently watched an NHK documentary on how the cherry blossoms now regularly start about ten days to two weeks earlier than what used to be normal just 50 years ago, due to climate change.’ ‘I see, so even these flowers, which normally recall thoughts of springtime and new growth, are harbingers of a lurking menace that will destroy life as we know it in karmic retribution for humanity’s own folly and selfishness … much like my neighbor, Keith Hillend!’” –one other spoon

“The Mayor of Gasoline Alley, like most Americans, isn’t in the habit of checking in with any of the main characters of Gasoline Alley. In fact, that may be what qualifies her most to be a leader of these rubes.” –Philip

“Billy gets those comics with the black dotted lines that show his easily distracted journey through his home or neighborhood. We don’t get those for Jeffy because it would just be a couple of straight lines from the precarious chair to the floor to the hospital.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Tomorrow on The Family Circus: ‘Why do they call it lime disease, Mommy? Because it makes me feel sour?’” –Voshkod

“Imagine you’re kissing someone, they’re running their hand through your hair. Then you look up and see they’re wearing a bright purple glove on their left hand only, as Gil is in panel 2. Psycho behavior.” –Schroduck

“Once again, this strip doesn’t seem to deliver a punchline per se, just another disgusting scenario for us to consider. Hey, did you know that Marvin is dirty and stinks? Stinks of excrement and other filth, I’ll bet.” –pugfuggly