“Amen, sister. Don’t we all wish we were Kristy? I have no idea what this is about, and I don’t care: being Kristy just seems right.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“I hope someday the quote at the beginning of a Sunday Mary Worth is just, ‘Fuck you! Stupid ass.’ –Old Man” –Brian Houska, on Bluesky

“I’m sure that ‘Ol’ Snort’ is part of deep Snuffy lore, but honestly, on first read I thought that Jughaid was asking his uncle if he feared bears more than cocaine addiction.” –pugfuggly

“Ah, Hootin’ Holler — it’s a town so backward that human beings are about 15th on the food chain.” –BigTed

“Musk’s latest self-driving car still can’t successfully home in on Wilbur.” –Hibbleton

“The real heroes are the garbagemen of Santa Royale! That huge SUV was completely destroyed just by crashing into a garbage can, which to be that heavy I must assume is made of uranium!” –Ettorre

“Nah, it’s too easy to suggest it’s their sex tape. Better to imagine it’s a video Chip found on the side of the road and brought home in hopes he gets the house to himself some night to investigate. After discovering it’s a bootleg of C.H.U.D., he’ll recognize the wanting is better than the having, a truism Hi could have laid on him anytime.” –Bobby Sneakers

“Trying and failing to maintain my sanity in the face of the non-Euclidean nightmare geometry of that car wreckage. Did it hit the wall so hard that it disintegrated into a vapour gently wafting away on the breeze?” –Schroduck

“For at least the last seventy years, only children and poetasters have believed that poetry has to rhyme. Menace level: Archaic!” –But What Do I Know?

“It would be the height of irony if Walt got electrocuted by banging his cane into a light socket. It would also be a quick, merciful death and the end of the strip, but you can’t ask for everything. Or can you?” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“You are the cavalry to the rescue. The 7th Cavalry, to be precise. In other words, you’re going to make everything worse and then die. We’d have been better off at Calvary, at least there we’d get to the crux of the issue.” –Voshkod

“With the dramatic emphasis on Leo being a vegan and his shock at the director saying beef, I presume that the writer thinks a vegan is some kind of sleeper agent who is activated by any mention of meat in their presence.” –ectojazzmage

“Little does she realize that the new bath towels will be free of mold and mildew (for a while), freeing up her breathing, making her feel physically better, and thus contributing to an improved emotional well-being. It’s a domino effect, but with cloth dominoes. Also, I’m sure Wilbur will turn things around, and this date will go fantastically. I’ll just ignore the heavy-handed telegraphing. Did I mention I got new bath towels a few days ago?” –taig

“Wilbur can save this date if he pivots the conversation to his apparent worldview of ephemeral essences where senses are an illusion and someone’s true appearance is revealed when you see not how they look, but who they are … Only Mary is truly immune to his astral appearance projection, having had to fend off the psychic waves of Aldo all those years ago. When Wilbur, like that omnipotent kid from the Twilight Zone, goes mad with power and rules Charterstone with an iron combover, they will clash, and their battle will be legendary.” –InvasionOfTheZIM

“Noone should be so hungry that they’re forced to have meal with this guy. Surely there’s got to be a soup kitchen in this town.” –Maltmash3r

“Meagan, while Wilbur’s distracted by talking about himself, c’mere a sec, I have a question for you: You don’t appear to have a right thumb, and kudos to you for holding your glass regardless, not all heroes etc., but do you, in fact, have legs? Because you can just … leave. You know that, right?” –els

“I can’t tell if Henry is trying to talk the other adults into swinging or investing in crypto, but Alice is having none of it and good for her.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Do it, Meagan. Drink whatever’s in that test tube.” –Lomo

“My mom pulls ALL the strings. She hypnotized our hostess into bringing her a steaming mug of hot chocolate on a dinner plate, when everyone else is drinking cocktails.” –Peanut Gallery

“‘So what do you want to do now?’ ‘Oh, wait a couple of strip days for more psychological and/or physical violence to occur.’ ‘Oh, okay!’” –Bob Tice

“‘This time???’ The worst thing Wilbur has done on this date is assuming there’ll be another one.” –astroboy

“It’s not enough that Zak is a gorilla. He is an ugly gorilla. Man, that Wilbur is a master of nuance.” –Bob Tice

“[choke] My one weakness, Wilburite! Growing … weak … (Wilburite is his word for a woman asking him to do literally anything for another person.)” –Dan

“My favorite part of this strip is the throwaway panel, where we see Jeff silently tapping away at his computer with a look of disgust. It just makes me happy to know that he’s living a miserable life between these strips, as he deserves.” –pugfuggly

“Unfortunately Cookie could only afford to get half of Claire’s name removed, but thanks to the supernatural center-alignment formatting baked into each tattoo, it’s still a pretty solid piece of body art celebrating Cookie’s terrible fury. Can’t blame the tattoo artist for getting upset, though, because it looks like some tradition or custom of shame required him to remove his own tattoos as well.” –jroggs

“Look here, Moy, you shouldn’t give us the setup of Zak and Iris getting boxing lessons along with Wilbur imagining her as a damsel in distress needing to be saved (by Wilbur) unless you’re planning to show us Wilbur getting his shit rocked.” –Corynaut

“If I were Young Smokey, I’d be more concerned about why I have to wear pants, while the rest of the class gets to luxuriate in the altogether.” –Pozzo

“I’ve never attended Bible class, but I’m pretty confident that each lesson doesn’t have to be carved into a big stone slab, for effect. Apparently it’s what separates us from the beasts.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Boo! Do 2 Kings 2:23-25!” –taig

“I don’t know about Iris. She has the opportunity to walk away and not talk to Wilbur and she is not taking it.” –matt w

“As an incipient (or current) (at least age-wise if not culturally) plugger myself, I can assure you I also forget where the Advil is in addition to everything else.” –Vulcan with a Mullet

“You’re a plugger if you are a drug addict but not one of the bad ones!” –Ettorre

“I know the good folks over at Marvin Inc. have their particular brand on lock, but must admit I never could have predicted this scene, an illustration of the Bristol Stool Chart depicted as the lunches on offer in a cafeteria for babies.” –Kevyn on Video

“Well, great. Half of Blondie’s demographic are already some of the few people still using Facebook and have been fully radicalized, and the other half are about to be after their grandkids show them how to find it and sign on.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Loving the posture of Morgan Kid 2.1 … 2.2 … anyway, the one with the black hair. Pray, little boy, pray! Pray to the black-haired goddess to save your dog ‘Candy!’ [Black-haired Goddess: ‘I wonder how much the taxidermist would give me for this kid’s skin?’]” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Doc, we don’t use the word ‘fix’ within earshot of the patients, it makes them nervous.” –Old Man Shadow

“In what world can the news be able to see Gearhead Gertie up close enough (on a blimp!) to know what color her earrings are, but not recognize the obsessive NASCAR granny who spends her entire life committing outrageous stunts to show her devotion to the sport? This guy probably has to report on her antics weekly!” –Schroduck

“Y’know what’s faster than running alongside a horse? Riding the horse! I mean, I know Mark always wants to put the animals’ preferences first, but I’m pretty sure Artemis here would rather carry a couple of dopes than be turned into prosciutto di cavallo.” –BigTed

“Alas for Wilbur; the guy he knocked down was also daydreaming. He’s the Doddering Dynamo, and once he manages to get up, it’s not going to be pretty.” –MKay

“If ‘in perpetuity’ means ‘forever and a day,’ then the town charter says the name ‘Gasoline Alley’ will last forever and two days. This is somehow apt for this benighted, pointless and never ending story.” –Lawyerbob

“Hey guys, an app that can load the dishwasher is called a robot. How soon we forget the tropes of yesteryear.” –Hibbleton

“Hey, if Wilbur had been walking just a little faster, the kid would have barreled into him and WILBUR would have exploded under the wheels of the mysterious army-green van. I think the kid was given a job by the syndicate, and he just fucked up.” –Charterstoned

“Pavel wants my death to be a private affair, I want it to be catered with at least twenty close friends in attendance. I already have my coffin pattern registered.” –Garrison Skunk

“The enemy must be nearby. Looks like a foot patrol. [‘Booooo!’] We always knew our adversaries were trying to get a toehold in the region. [‘Booooooo!’] Truly, these heels have become our arch-nemeses. Destroying us is their sole purpose. This is just the first step to- [*gets pelted with rotten fruit, expired eggs, and stray feet*]’ –jroggs

“Now we see why Kit Jr. suddenly, and without advance notice, returned to the Deep Woods from Himalayas Tech — he flunked out. It isn’t that he struggled with the advanced courses such as ‘Philosophical Defenses of Colonialism’ or ‘Tax Loopholes Regarding the Plundering and Hoarding of Antiquities’ or even the intermediate-level courses such as ‘Wearing Ridiculous Costumes’. No, this dunce couldn’t even manage the very basic courses such as ‘Skulking Silently’, ‘Situational Awareness 101’, and the lab course on ‘The Hazards of Chains’. Up in the big Skull Cave in the Sky, 20 previous generations of Phantoms are watching this sad spectacle, shaking their heads, and saying ‘No. Just no.’” –seismic-2

“Well, I learned something today: the characters in Crock don’t seem to have any kind of blood or bones, they’re made of a kind of homogenous pink matter, like a kind of living pâté. It doesn’t really increase my enjoyment of the strip, but it does remove the last bit of sympathy I had for the characters, as at least avatars of humanity.” –pugfuggly

“Kit Jr. is learning why you can’t do this job in regular clothes like a dumbass. The reason for wearing a garish skin-tight costume is that the confusion is audible in the bad guys, alerting you to their presence behind you.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“I love the Dumb Disheveled Dad podcast.” –Norbizness, on BlueSky

“No OMs either. He’s dead, Killer. That’s rigor mortis setting in.” –astroboy

“I love Brigman’s choice of having the panel’s frame cut off the bottom half of Wilbur’s face, leaving the expression his mouth is making to the sick imaginations of her readers. I personally am picturing him tongue lolling like a Snuffy Smith character.” –Drew Funk

“You know what, I think he did mean AI, because … he just said that? I’m not trying to be an asshole here, I just think that you might not be really paying attention.” –pugfuggly

“Man, now I have a new reason to fear death: I really don’t want a ghostly cloaca.” –Lionheart

“There is no pavement, no modern infrastructure around the computer store. I’ve seen enough cartoons to know a mirage when I see one. Both ladies are suffering from heat stroke and hallucinating a futuristic store selling futuristic goods. Is the joke that they will both die soon or that their last thoughts before their inconsequential lives are snuffed out by nature are how much they hate Maggot and would like to sell him into slavery, but there would be no buyers? Or is it a meta-textual joke on how I’ve spent five precious minutes thinking about this and will never get those back?” –Old Man Shadow

“Fortunately for us, and perhaps the beneficiary of Gertie’s will, that combustion engine doesn’t appear to be connected to a drivetrain, only an exhaust system, the better to make her specialty kale-banana-carbon-monoxide smoothies.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Say what you will about Wilbur, at least he invested some of his Ask Wendy Advice Column money in a shaving kit.” –A Worthy Foe

“Historically (or mythologically I guess) the Greek gods visit human women for sex. That’s what’s meant to be happening here, right? So Poseidon’s line about hydration is intended sexually, like ‘Time to hydrate, because you’re going to lose a lot of fluids during the ensuing hours of sweaty intercourse we’re about to have!’ You’d think a god could come up with a better pick-up line.” –Stuart F

“I’ve had worse. From a C-ration on day four in Bastogne. I ate it cold because a flame would have have drawn snipers. So, yes, dear, I’ve had worse — but with better company.” –Voshkod

“We are dangerously close to Wilbur deciding that women like ape-like men, Googling Ape-Man seeking some illegal steroid that promises results, but accidentally falling down the Furry rabbit-hole (no pun intended) and emerging as a terrifying ape persona! However, if this ends up being a King Kong storyline with Wilbur shot down from the tallest tower in Santa Royale, it will have been worth it.” –Philip