Post Content

Click the banner to contribute by PayPal, or here for other options.

It’s the 2023 Comics Curmudgeon Summer Fundraiser!

When Josh launched The Comics Curmudgeon almost 20 years ago, blogs were new and Google hadn’t yet figured out how to hoover up most of the ad revenue: a kinder, simpler age. Since that time, he and others have developed an assortment of ways to support the quality daily comics mockery we all know and love. Surely one of them fits your requirements and preferences exactly!

• Commenters can enjoy an ad-free online experience, a WYSIWYG comment editor, plus ten full minutes to fix that banned word, life-destroying revelation, or traceable personal information. Comes in handy, let me tell you! Become a Website Subscriber to The Comics Curmudgeon at the link.
• Busy professionals don’t always have time to browse the website, but live in fear of missing even a single day of professional-grade newspaper comics mockery. Get The Comics Curmudgeon delivered ad-free to your inbox every day, beneath the radar of corporate web filters and other such killjoys, under the pretense of checking your email. Sign on as a Newsletter Subscriber, and lighten up your workday.
• Patrons of the arts will enjoy the opportunity to support all of Josh’s comedic efforts— The Comics Curmudgeon, The Internet Read Aloud, and more, with support through Josh’s Patreon page. It’s like you’re Lorenzo de’ Medici (Il Magnifico!) or something, without all the murders!
• Traditionalists give the old-fashioned way—PayPal! Click the banner upstairs to make a one-time contribution from your PayPal or credit-card account.
Now with AI, like everything else!
• Pluggers don’t much cotton to all this seamless, virtual, new-fangled nonsense. They send cash money in the mail, and we better by-gum like it! We do! Just request Josh’s address, where you can send cash, checks, gemstones, banned pharmaceuticals, live ruminants, and more. Short on funds? Hock your TV!
• Kids today embrace incomprehensible instant-payment applications like Venmo, which turn photos of speckled squares into financial support for cultural icon Josh Fruhlinger. Sound sketchy? Try it and see!
• Drive-by readers can help boost advertising revenues by turning off their ad-blockers selectively for this site, and occasionally clicking an ad that looks interesting. Every little bit helps!

Contributions in any form are always completely confidential and deeply appreciated.

A short note on the banners: in fundraiser posts before last year’s, banners were selected randomly with every page refresh. For a variety of technical and security reasons, WordPress no longer accepts the script that made this possible, so now it’s one banner per post. But click here for an index of links to an absurd number of legacy Comics Curmudgeon fundraising banners stretching all the way back to 2008. And thank you, generous reader!

–Uncle Lumpy

Post Content

Hello, friends! Your COTW in a moment, but just a note that it’ll be your last COTW for a little bit because I’m heading out on a li’l vacation tomorrow and your favorite Uncle Lumpy will be here filling in for me until 8/14! He loves you all too much to choose from amongst you, so there’s no point in kissing up, but be nice to him anyway and I’ll see you soon!

Meanwhile, here’s this week’s top comment:

“Why would Dagwood and his fellow carpoolers need to talk about either politics or their bosses when they could be talking about his bizarre compact station wagon that appears to be molded from a single piece of plastic? Where’d he get that thing and how fuel efficient is it? That’s just the start of questions I’d like answered.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

And your very funny runners up!

“I’d like to see the rest of the tablet, just to see what he’s the ‘Boy With.’ ‘Muddy Boots?’ ‘Marketing Contract?’ ‘Serious Intestinal Issues?’” –Pozzo

“I kinda love the idea that Hägar, the viking raider, is really into medieval Europe’s budding banking system. Do you think he annoys the other chieftains with his chatter about Lombard credit schemes like a middle ages crypto dude?” –pugfuggly

“Mary smiles in smug satisfaction as she confirms the ingredients are long past their ‘best by’ dates. From years of experimentation, she knows that the combination of overripe bananas, rancid peanut butter, and stale oats will produce a chemical reaction that closely mimics sodium pentothal. She hums as she begins to mix the batter, and considers each of the Charterstone residents in turn. ‘Now, I wonder who could use some fresh muffins…?’” –Charterstoned

“Sir Houndstooth pawned the set a month ago to pay for diesel. Now he’s got his flunky to pin a crime on Shrew to collect the insurance. ‘But your honor, my broken fuel gauge always reads full.’” –Hibbleton

“Sir Hound? Sir Hound? You’re telling me that the animals rose up and overthrew the humans, but then created from scratch not only the British monarchy but the entire system of honours and knighthoods it underpins? I can believe the talking animals and Weirdly robots and time machines, but this is too far.” –Schroduck

“Mary contemplates the creation of a Banana Golem, into which she will breathe life through the intervention of the demon Astaroth.” –Ukulele Ike

“On the one hand, Sheriff Tait would really like to stop Lukey from perpetuating the cycle of violence of his generational blood feud. On the other hand, money talks, and those flatlander tourists don’t bring the green if the ponds don’t stay stocked.” –jroggs

“Don’t sweat it, coach. I’m sweating enough for six of us.” –Peanut Gallery

“‘I had no idea they were profiting off you!’ declares Gil, establishing his alibi. He’s lying with the truth, of course. He thought this forcing juvenile delinquents to play bloodspor– er, I mean, football for the amusement of himself and the rest of the school system was a private, for-fun affair. He had no idea that dude who looks like an a cattle baron from an old western was stupid enough to broadcast their crimes and try to profit from it.” –ectojazzmage

“I like that the dog’s growl ends with ‘- – -‘, as if there’s more to come. Tune in tomorrow, when the dog continues growling!” –Voshkod

“If Luke goes by ‘Lukey,’ and Louise goes by ‘Loweezy,’ and Elvina goes by ‘Elviney,’ does that mean Snuffy’s given name is … Snuff?” –astroboy

“Silas needs to let others know that if unrepentant thief and general ne’er-do-well Snuffy Smith is still allowed at the store, they are also welcome to shop. Silas easily forgives past sins of shoplifting, as the markup on his wares is also robbery, so who is he to judge?” –Philip

“Damn, so Snuffy is too principled to accept a reduction of his debt in exchange for promotional considerations. Perhaps he’d feel differently if he ever intended to pay it, but he’s standing firm on delegating the distasteful obligation to his scarecrow, for whom he has also apparently obtained free clothing in the process of mitigating his almost entirely hypothetical debt. My hat is off, Snuffy. Please give it back.” –Violet

“Ah, the ‘Good Ol’ Days,’ namely the 1990s when it was acceptable to wear baseball caps the wrong way. While Dennis might think he can time travel with a wagon and a 2×4, he should look down a moment. If Joey isn’t intelligent enough to tie his shoe, I don’t think he will be able to help Dennis shatter the barriers of time and travel back to the past.” –KMD

“Poor Brazil. Out of the Women’s World Cup in the group stage and now this.” –But What Do I Know?

“The sandwich is insufficient for *DAGWOOD*. It cannot fill the void within. More is required. Perhaps you should invite your client’s husbands over to *WATCH THE GAME*.” –Old Man Shadow

“Forcing underage prisoners to practice in brutal conditions and play a televised game for viewer gratification was something I was all for, but finding out that SOMEONE ELSE would profit off of it? Unthinkable.” –ALK

“If I wanted to read an incredibly boring comic strip about about dogs, I’d read Mutts.” –Rube

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

Post Content

Hello all! Your COTW in a moment, but first … your boy Josh has somehow become banned from Twitter? And was given no specific reason why or told anything about any specific bad tweets I did? I just got a note saying that “your account broke the Twitter Rules,” even though I am in fact a very good boy? As you may have heard things are somewhat in, uh, disarray over there, but if you happen to know one of the people who still works there (or maybe are one of those people), I would appreciate it if you’d put in a good work for my appeal! If it doesn’t work out and I never return to Twitter or “X dot com” or whatever it ends up becoming, ah well, life is a rich tapestry, and also I am now on Bluesky if that’s a site you use.

Meanwhile! Here is your comment … of the week!

“SHOOTER AT LARGE PRINT FACTORY! PLEASE HELP US” –Lark L

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Think this one through, Saul. Do you really want to be friends with some kind of weirdo who doesn’t wear the same accessory as her dog?” –jroggs

“Apparently it hurts Billy to think, which seems perfectly on-brand.” –Francisco Arrowroot

“The most traumatic part of Rex’s day has to be right at the beginning, when he wakes up knowing that two of his hairs are slightly out of place. He immediately glues them into obedience before even brushing his teeth. It’s priority one with him.” –Joe Blevins

“This is what happens when kids are in and out of the judicial system. They pick up courtroom slang. Oyez!” –Little Blue Bicycle

“Didn’t mean to make a joke — your eye injury is still serious. Now … about my eye-popping fee…” –Kevin On Earth

“I’m not sure Rex Morgan, M.D., should lean so hard into the contrast between the main character, who we have to read about every day, and the guy who is amusing and does things that people enjoy watching.” –matt w

“Hey, listen, Billy — unless you’ve have some major grinding time, that spoon‘s not going to make it as a shiv. Go for the fork, Billy. Do it. DO IT.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I see Dennis and his mother are dining at the English Eatery, home of the famous Bloomin’ Hedgehog, an entire hedgehog deep fried and served up with ketchup! Dennis is about to enjoy one with his burger (guaranteed* to be BSE-free), while his mother has opted for the blood pudding soup. [* Guarantee not valid in former colonies.]” –Voshkod

“At least with a slider, you’re assured of a smooth delivery. If it were a Big Mac™, it might require a c-section. I don’t want to think about the complications involved in the delivery of a McDLT.” –taig

“How come the Juvenile Detention Center gets to have a state-of-the-art indoor sports arena, but the high school doesn’t even have its own ferris wheel?” –made of wince

“‘Anyway, I came to realize that there’s more dramatic tension in a medical emergency than, say, a story about a grown man trying to take credit for a child’s writing. Sure, the latter is funnier but I’d like to take center stage in my own strip again and rely less on giant men faking gastrointestinal distress, Muddy Boots, or Buck.’ ‘Aren’t you worried this will mean spending less time with your children, Dr. Morgan?’ ‘My what?’” –Tabby Lavalamp

“‘I’m aware’ = ‘I have spent the past several days trying to clear up the legal and logistical mess created when you barged in to our ER and commandeered an operating room, and I’m nowhere near to being done.’” –TheDiva

“Jesus, how would you even begin to answer a question like that? Like, I can’t even tell where their torsos end and their heads begin, how would you even define what constitutes a ‘bottom’ for these lumpy creatures?” –pugfuggly

“You’d think Dennis would be more excited by a second chance to kill Lincoln. Menace factor: 0.” –Hibbleton

“Based on the round mark on top of his hat, Mr. Wilson is part of the I Corps, which had a circle as its corps badge. The I Corps had a noble heritage despite being taken away from the Army of the Potomac during the Peninsula Campaign. Certainly the I Corps — renamed the III Corps — served as the foundation of John Pope’s Army of Virginia, the antislavery alternative to George McClellan and the Army of the Potomac. The corps returned to being the I Corps in 1863 and served with honor on July 1, 1863 to the northwest of a Pennsylvania town called Gettysburg despite its commander being killed on the battlefield. I hope Mr. Wilson shares this noble legacy with his lawyer after he finally guts Dennis like a pig with his bayonet!” –KMD

“Chip needs the adrenaline of ever-increasing danger just to function, so he sleeps in front of the lawnmower with the throttle taped down. The cord is stretched to its limit — will it break free and plunge over him, blades whirring. He doesn’t know, and the suspense is the only thing that will quiet his brain long enough to sleep.” –Schroduck

“Jeffy is less interested in simple Christian truths (all mortal lives end in death) and more in the complex hierarchy and functions of angels. This could lead to Gnosticism, except that would imply knowing.” –Ettorre

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!