Metapost: It’s all happening, COTW-wise
Post Content
This week’s top comment — ta da!
“It’s not enough that Zak is a gorilla. He is an ugly gorilla. Man, that Wilbur is a master of nuance.” –Bob Tice
And the runners up! They’re here, they’re very funny.
“[choke] My one weakness, Wilburite! Growing … weak … (Wilburite is his word for a woman asking him to do literally anything for another person.)” –Dan
“My favorite part of this strip is the throwaway panel, where we see Jeff silently tapping away at his computer with a look of disgust. It just makes me happy to know that he’s living a miserable life between these strips, as he deserves.” –pugfuggly
“Unfortunately Cookie could only afford to get half of Claire’s name removed, but thanks to the supernatural center-alignment formatting baked into each tattoo, it’s still a pretty solid piece of body art celebrating Cookie’s terrible fury. Can’t blame the tattoo artist for getting upset, though, because it looks like some tradition or custom of shame required him to remove his own tattoos as well.” –jroggs
“Look here, Moy, you shouldn’t give us the setup of Zak and Iris getting boxing lessons along with Wilbur imagining her as a damsel in distress needing to be saved (by Wilbur) unless you’re planning to show us Wilbur getting his shit rocked.” –Corynaut
“If I were Young Smokey, I’d be more concerned about why I have to wear pants, while the rest of the class gets to luxuriate in the altogether.” –Pozzo
“I’ve never attended Bible class, but I’m pretty confident that each lesson doesn’t have to be carved into a big stone slab, for effect. Apparently it’s what separates us from the beasts.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women
“Boo! Do 2 Kings 2:23-25!” –taig
“I don’t know about Iris. She has the opportunity to walk away and not talk to Wilbur and she is not taking it.” –matt w
“As an incipient (or current) (at least age-wise if not culturally) plugger myself, I can assure you I also forget where the Advil is in addition to everything else.” –Vulcan with a Mullet
“You’re a plugger if you are a drug addict but not one of the bad ones!” –Ettorre
“I know the good folks over at Marvin Inc. have their particular brand on lock, but must admit I never could have predicted this scene, an illustration of the Bristol Stool Chart depicted as the lunches on offer in a cafeteria for babies.” –Kevyn on Video
“Well, great. Half of Blondie’s demographic are already some of the few people still using Facebook and have been fully radicalized, and the other half are about to be after their grandkids show them how to find it and sign on.” –Tabby Lavalamp
“Loving the posture of Morgan Kid 2.1 … 2.2 … anyway, the one with the black hair. Pray, little boy, pray! Pray to the black-haired goddess to save your dog ‘Candy!’ [Black-haired Goddess: ‘I wonder how much the taxidermist would give me for this kid’s skin?’]” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
“Doc, we don’t use the word ‘fix’ within earshot of the patients, it makes them nervous.” –Old Man Shadow
“In what world can the news be able to see Gearhead Gertie up close enough (on a blimp!) to know what color her earrings are, but not recognize the obsessive NASCAR granny who spends her entire life committing outrageous stunts to show her devotion to the sport? This guy probably has to report on her antics weekly!” –Schroduck
“Y’know what’s faster than running alongside a horse? Riding the horse! I mean, I know Mark always wants to put the animals’ preferences first, but I’m pretty sure Artemis here would rather carry a couple of dopes than be turned into prosciutto di cavallo.” –BigTed
“Alas for Wilbur; the guy he knocked down was also daydreaming. He’s the Doddering Dynamo, and once he manages to get up, it’s not going to be pretty.” –MKay
“If ‘in perpetuity’ means ‘forever and a day,’ then the town charter says the name ‘Gasoline Alley’ will last forever and two days. This is somehow apt for this benighted, pointless and never ending story.” –Lawyerbob
Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!
41 replies to “Metapost: It’s all happening, COTW-wise”
Springboard Shadow CsOTW
The Quiet Man
April 20th, 2024 at 5:58 am Reply
@Anonymous: Mary Worth: Wilbur looks like the pudgy kid in The Incredibles who turns into a super villain. Remember: No capes!
——————————————————
So you’re saying we might get to see Wilbur sucked into a jet engine? I’ll take it!
.
.
.
Special Long-form Shadow CsOTW
Lauralot
April 20th, 2024 at 4:55 am Reply
Mary Worth: This is Wilbur’s own fantasy, where the only limits are his imagination, and his idealized version of himself is still balding with a double chin and needs corrective lenses. Not only that, but that cape can only reach his butt at the lowest, surely making him the laughingstock of the superhero community. The only question remains: Does Wilbur envision himself this way because he has the imagination of a tube worm or because he believes he’s beyond self-improvement? The latter would truly be his greatest delusion of all.
JamesBont
April 20th, 2024 at 8:21 am Reply
Mary Worth:
Faster than a speeding tortise!
More powerful than a shot of liquor!
Able to eat an entire jar of mayonnaise in a single sitting!
Look, on the couch! It’s WILBURMAN!
*cue an orchestra consisting of nothing but crying and farting*
Bob Tice
April 22nd, 2024 at 4:45 am Reply
Mary Worth: Here’s Mr. Van Dyke’s and Ms. Andrews’ take on Wilburman:
Super-callous, fragile dipstick; ex seems, well, atrocious
Even though the look of Zak is really quite ferocious
If he says things loud enough, he’ll sound quite braggadocious
Super-callous, fragile dipstick; ex seems, well, atrocious
els
April 26th, 2024 at 5:10 am Reply
Mary Worth:
[[to the tune of “Windy,” by The Association]]
Who’s walkin’ down the streets of the city
Shoving old men right onto the curb
Who’s fantasizing being a hero
Everyone knows it’s Wil-bur!
And Wilbur has boring eyes
That picture him in disguise
He’s hateful, we hope he dies
(Hashtag Free Dawn!)
.
.
.
Special Extra Extra Long-form Shadow COTW
Charterstoned
April 23rd, 2024 at 5:33 am Reply
Mary Worth:
Later that day, Iris settled herself on the sofa and heaved a deep sigh. The therapist watched her but said nothing, knowing his patient would reveal more if she initiated their conversation. The lengthening silence became uncomfortable, but still the therapist waited. Finally, Iris looked up, and with a wry smile and a shrug of her shoulders, began. “I did it again,” she said simply.
The therapist nodded encouragingly. “Go on,” he prompted. “What did you do?”
“I let him get away.”
“Who, Iris?”
“Wilbur.”
“Isn’t Wilbur the man you left for your husband…?” The therapist asked as he quickly looked over his previous notes.
“Yes, but I know now that was a mistake. And now that I’m married, there’s no going back.”
“What makes you think it was a mistake, Iris? I thought you were happy with…Zak.”
“I thought so, too. It was exciting at first, to be wanted by a handsome man so much younger than I am. I guess he made me feel…less OLD.”
“And now…?” The therapist leaned forward, anticipating an important revelation.
“I’m just…so TIRED!” Iris wailed. “Zak has so much energy, and I’m struggling to keep up! He wants to keep at it, over and over, every day!”
“You’re finding his sexual demands on you to be…excessive?”
“That’s just it! We don’t HAVE sex. We lift weights, we go jogging, we spend hours working out at the gym—but then he has to ‘recover’ and he has no more energy for doing…IT. We both look fantastic, but I’m wondering, what’s the point of it all?” The therapist watched Iris as she smoothed her firm thighs with her hands. She was becoming agitated, he thought, approving.
“And Wilbur? What do you find attractive about him?” The therapist frowned.
“Oh, well! Wilbur is just COMFORTABLE. He’s not really attractive, and he’s pretty clumsy in bed, and he smells like mayonnaise and fish food.” Iris smiled wistfully. “The thing is, Wilbur can sit STILL. He doesn’t remind me to work on MY posture because his own posture is so horrible. He doesn’t suggest a new hairstyle to make me look younger because HE has so little hair of his own. We can enjoy fatty foods, watching television, and going to karaoke night without ALWAYS working up some kind of sweat. And when I saw him today, I realized that Wilbur—WILBUR!—offers me the kind of life I actually want to LIVE. He’s not working for some athletic reward—he IS the reward, the best he’s going to be, with no expectations that either one of us will ever improve or should strive for more.”
The therapist noted Iris’s heightened color, her taut nipples, her slightly parted lips as she ran her fingers through her silky blond hair. She was magnificent in her distress!
“Our time is up, but I think we’re on the verge of a breakthrough. We should continue this tomorrow. Let’s say 11 am sharp, Iris.”
Iris nodded and took up her purse to leave, turning back as she reached the door. “What’s wrong with me, that I should want a fat, balding man who sings off-key and sits around eating mayo sandwiches all day, instead of a young, virile stud like Zak? Can you help me?”
“We’ll work on this together, Iris. I think some COGNITIVE THERAPY will do the trick. See you tomorrow. Don’t be late.” He bent his head as if to read his notes, but over his horn-rimmed glasses surreptitiously watched her swaying hips and perfectly molded buttocks as she moved gracefully to exit his office. The door clicked shut, and Dr. Wilmer Beston quickly removed a mirror from his desk drawer and carefully smoothed his combover. Then he punched his intercom.
“Yes, Dr. Beston?” came the prompt voice of his assistant.
“Add an appointment for the patient who just left for 11 tomorrow morning, and cancel my appointments for the rest of the day after that. She will need an intensive therapy session. While you’re at it, order lunch for tomorrow from that place with the picture of the pig on its take-out bags.”
“Yes, Doctor.”
“That will be all.” Beston stood, smiling as he hitched up his pants over his protruding stomach and smoothed his maroon golf shirt. He picked up a thick magic marker from his desk and held it like a mic, softly crooning into it. “Muskrat, muskrat, candlelight…!”
.
.
.
Special Ass Kissing Shadow COTW
taig
April 23rd, 2024 at 5:50 am Reply
Marvin: It looks like Mr. Armstrong reads this blog. Those look like late-night cuisine posts.
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 1
MKay
April 20th, 2024 at 5:16 am Reply
Mary Worth: Wow, “Wilburman.” Stan Lee wishes he could come back to life and think of that creative gem.
taig
April 20th, 2024 at 5:31 am Reply
Family Circus: “Also, a lot of ‘Jesus! Get that child out of here!’”
Hibbleton
April 20th, 2024 at 5:53 am Reply
Hi and Lois: Lois’ outfit from the Loretta Lockhorn collection isn’t doing her hips any favors.
Charterstoned
April 20th, 2024 at 6:19 am Reply
Mary Worth: In observance of National Prescribed Pharmaceuticals Month, Karen and June illustrate what can happen when you go off your meds.
jroggs
April 20th, 2024 at 6:35 am Reply
Hi and Lois: Well, Lois, they say real estate is about location, location, and location, and for most homebuyers that location is as far away from unsettling human-chimpanzee hybrid women as possible.
Anonymous
April 20th, 2024 at 6:39 am Reply
Mary Worth: The name of his hero persona includes his entire first name, and his mask covers ten percent of his face. But for some reason, no one will admit to knowing his secret identity.
TheDiva
April 20th, 2024 at 7:28 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Rex can barely stir up empathy for his human patients, you think he’s going to care about the dog?
I speak Jive
April 20th, 2024 at 9:56 am Reply
Mary Worth: What? I’m amazed that Wilbur didn’t go with “Captain Mayo.”
Anonymous
April 20th, 2024 at 10:22 am Reply
Mary Worth: He has the proportionate strength of himself.
Needless Exposition
April 20th, 2024 at 10:32 am Reply
Mary Worth: Wilburman’s power is only valid with the help of his sidekick Meddling Madam who constantly reminds everyone of his “endearing quirks” while inserting herself and Wilburman into situations where they don’t belong.
brendancalling
April 20th, 2024 at 10:48 am Reply
Mary Worth: What is going on with Wilburman’s eyes? He looks 100% aroused, like he’s about the fuck a tub of mayonnaise.
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 20th, 2024 at 12:25 pm Reply
Judge Parker: You’d think, though, that April would at least hand her mother over in person, instead of dropping her off on the way to Trader Joe’s. This setup isn’t making any alarm bells go off? You sure? Oh well.
pugfuggly
April 21st, 2024 at 4:42 am Reply
Mary Worth: I think what that throwaway panel quote is trying to say is that you have to keep practising daydreaming, otherwise you might end up with poorly thought out, pathetic fantasies like Wilbur’s.
Uncle Lumpy
April 21st, 2024 at 4:49 am Reply
Mary Worth: I’m gonna read this as Iris’s fantasy, sweetened by Wilbur’s histrionic and utterly ineffective attack on the brute Zak. Up your game, Tennessee Williams—Karen Moy has come to town.
But What Do I Know?
April 21st, 2024 at 4:58 am Reply
Mary Worth: Does Wilburman have an origin story? Did he eat a sandwich slathered with radioactive mayonnaise?
cheech wizard
April 21st, 2024 at 5:33 am Reply
Mary Worth: If Zak is a gorilla here, it seems Wilbur ought to be a three-toed sloth.
RogerBW
April 21st, 2024 at 5:55 am Reply
Mary Worth: The character of Wilburman was originally written as Mayonnaiseman, but the artist inverted the letter on his costume and the rest of the staff said “eh, why fix it, it’s not like anyone is going to read this”. All-Action Wilburman holds the distinction of having been cancelled while the first issue was still being printed.
Hibbleton
April 21st, 2024 at 6:54 am Reply
Mary Worth: Later at Mary’s place; “So Wilbur, how’d your fantasy persona work out?”
“Not good. People kept mistaking me for the Hamburglar.”
TheDiva
April 21st, 2024 at 7:23 am Reply
Judge Parker: God Helen, you suck at bartering! You don’t just take Pavel’s first counter-offer, you tell him April and Charlotte are off-limits but he can kill Randy and the Drivers, and then he proposes killing April but letting Randy live so Charlotte won’t be an orphan, and you say no, Randy’s death is non-negotiable, but you’ll be willing to throw in Alan Parker and a hit to be named later, and he says “deal!” and you both walk away happy.
Garrison Skunk
April 21st, 2024 at 8:55 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Join us today on MUTUAL OF OMG’s WILD BLINGDOM as Jim encounters the rare Californa Weston, which stalks, eats mayo, and leaves.
Ed
April 21st, 2024 at 9:13 am Reply
Mary Worth: A better Wilburman disguise than the ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ mask would be a decent toupee. Does he have any super power besides lunging and flexing his double chin?
Charterstoned
April 21st, 2024 at 9:55 am Reply
Mary Worth: To think that we’re only at the beginning of what is already proving to be a monumentally ridiculous storyline. Still to come: Mary the Meddler, in her own superhero costume that will be revealed when she swoops in with platitudes, advice, and more of the acid-laced muffins from the same batch that Wilbur consumed.
Hibbleton
April 22nd, 2024 at 4:43 am Reply
Judge Parker: At least April’s mom can say she died with her boobs on.
Charterstoned
April 22nd, 2024 at 5:01 am Reply
Mary Worth: Wilbur smiles and thinks, SIZE MATTERS. Wilbur knows his own opposable thumbs are bigger than Zak’s.
taig
April 22nd, 2024 at 5:19 am Reply
Rhymes With Orange: “Boo! Do 2 Kings 2:23-25!”
Philip
April 22nd, 2024 at 5:43 am Reply
Pluggers: The difference between John Mellencamp and the average Plugger is that at age 72 he is still touring and putting out new music, while Pluggers haven’t had any noteworthy personal stories worthy of an anecdote since the Clinton Administration.
TheDiva
April 22nd, 2024 at 7:20 am Reply
Judge Parker: All right, which of you hired goons has been in my snack drawer? I had a whole bag of Reese’s cups in here!”
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 2
Old Man Shadow
April 22nd, 2024 at 10:18 am Reply
Rhymes With Orange: The great war between the Pres-bear-tarians and the Pawtestant Reformed Churches would go on to decimate the forests and turn many forest creatures into militant atheists.
jroggs
April 23rd, 2024 at 4:37 am Reply
Mary Worth: We thought Wilburman was a lazy superhero name, but that was before we learned the name of Zak’s gorilla villain persona – Gorilla. Karen Moy gets paid for this.
MKay
April 23rd, 2024 at 4:49 am Reply
Mary Worth: Wilbur would feel even worse if he knew that “Kong and the Cougar” actually IS Iris and Zak’s favorite bedroom game.
Ettorre
April 23rd, 2024 at 4:52 am Reply
You’re a Plugger if you are a drug addict but not one of the bad ones!
Kevyn on Video
April 23rd, 2024 at 4:56 am Reply
Marvin: I know the good folks over at Marvin Inc. have their particular brand on lock, but must admit I never could have predicted this scene, an illustration of the Bristol Stool Chart depicted as the lunches on offer in a cafeteria for babies.
Mikey
April 23rd, 2024 at 6:06 am Reply
Pluggers: If she looks harried its probably because the Internet is rife with posts saying Advil is either totally fine or poison for chickens.
TheDiva
April 23rd, 2024 at 7:12 am Reply
Luann: Oh, all three of them are full of something, all right, but it ain’t potential.
Peanut Gallery
April 23rd, 2024 at 11:06 am Reply
Zippy the Pinhead: As Andy Warhol once said, “In the 1930s, everybody will be in a Dorothea Lange photo at least once.”
Chance
April 24th, 2024 at 4:27 am Reply
Intelligent Life: I hope when the courier gets here with the Intelligent Life punchline, the package also includes the real art that is going to be run in place of this childlike, presumably placeholder, doodling?
William Burns
April 24th, 2024 at 4:31 am Reply
Intelligent Life: Doordash–the alternative to the agonizing labor of getting something out of the freezer and putting it in the microwave.
Scratchy Scrotum LXIX
April 24th, 2024 at 4:56 amReply
G. &#$%#! Thorp – Wow, it’s like my former theater teacher Ms. Goetz has taken over for The Hammer with “What role do you play?” Next it will be “What time is rehearsal?”
Malaclypse
April 24th, 2024 at 5:06 amReply
Intelligent Life: I’m trying very hard not to think about the kind of person for whom “open a can of beefaroni for dinner” is too much work, and now I hate this strip I never knew about before today.
Downpuppy
April 24th, 2024 at 5:19 amReply
Rex Morgan: The mystery of Rex Morgan is: Why does the vet look exactly like Sarah? Is there a Morganatic marriage going on that we haven’t been shown?
MKay
April 24th, 2024 at 5:32 amReply
Rex Morgan: Too bad this competent and cheerful vet wasn’t around when Mud locked himself in the bathroom. She could’ve lured him out with a treat.
Weaselboy
April 24th, 2024 at 5:56 amReply
Intelligent Life: When I was a kid, I wished that I could draw and write funny jokes so I could do a daily comic strip. Turns out neither of those things is necessary.
Guillermo el chiclero
April 24th, 2024 at 7:19 amReply
Mary Worth: The final panel is just begging for Satan to pop in with a ping and offer to give Wilbur superpowers for his soul.
TheDiva
April 24th, 2024 at 7:32 amReply
Mary Worth: You know what they say: wish in one hand and crap in another, then mix them together, add glasses and a bad combover and you have Wilbur.
Peanut Gallery
April 24th, 2024 at 9:53 am Reply
Intelligent Life: “I’ve got a better idea. Instead of ordering dinner, let’s just take it from the Tinkersons. I mean, they’ve got basically the same ugly art as us, so the food should be compatible.”
astroboy
April 25th, 2024 at 4:29 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Endearing quirks” now include abusing the elderly while calling them names. Got it.
seismic-2
April 25th, 2024 at 4:54 am Reply
Mary Worth: Hey, Wilbur pushes a little kid away from oncoming traffic, and then he pushes an old man into it. A hero’s work in maintaining a youthful demographic is never done!
Little Guy
April 25th, 2024 at 5:15 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Oh, great, Beatty. NOW you warn us? Where was this during the “Mud Mountain Makes Mud” storyline?
Hibbleton
April 25th, 2024 at 5:45 am Reply
Mary Worth: Sitting alone at home, Mary has no idea that her “Jekyll and Hyde” muffin recipe actually worked.
Philip
April 25th, 2024 at 6:25 amReply
Gearhead Gertie: Are those black shapes behinds the blimp supposed to be bird, or the bodies of the crew and authorized passengers Gertie has thrown out of the blimp?
Ukulele Ike
April 25th, 2024 at 7:38 am Reply
Dick Tracy: How do I even KNOW this is Blowtop without even one “Woo Gosh!”?
Cleve Barrister
April 25th, 2024 at 8:41 amReply
Mary Worth: Choose: (1) You know you’re a plugger when other pluggers can shove you aside without giving it a second thought, or (2) You know you’re a plugger when you enjoy shoving other pluggers and calling them ugly gorillas
RogerBW
April 25th, 2024 at 9:00 amReply
Mary Worth: missing panels:
[JURRRZ!] (which as everyone knows is the sound of a time machine)
“Die, you fiend… what? He’s already been pushed into traffic? Praise be, the dicatorship of Cherryjacket has been prevented! But who is the hero who has saved mankind?”
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 25th, 2024 at 1:11 pm Reply
Gearhead Gertie: Everybody’s favorite comic strip NASCAR granny—and you can imagine how fierce the competition is!—also happens to be a Led Zeppelin fan who wants to recreate the cover of their first album.
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 3
Bob Tice
April 26th, 2024 at 4:35 am Reply
Mary Worth: “@!#$%^& you!“
“Sir, I realize that you’re in front of a waste receptacle, but enough of that ‘trash‘ talk!”
Hibbleton
April 26th, 2024 at 4:44 am Reply
Mary Worth: Moy thinks; “Keep pushing it, Fruhlinger. I can do a whole six panel Sunday strip consisting entirely of Wilbur and Iris making out.”
Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women
April 26th, 2024 at 5:07 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Look, up in the sky, it’s a bird, it’s a plane” and “Avengers Assemble” are okay, but “@!#$%^€” You, Wilburman!” is pretty good too.
Anonymous
April 26th, 2024 at 6:18 am Reply
Mary Worth: While you’re down there, could you retrieve that kid’s ball, please?
Philip
April 26th, 2024 at 6:28 am Reply
Mary Worth: I look forward to Wilbur being the first man who ever got the shit kicked out of him by Mr. Rogers
Lauralot
April 26th, 2024 at 7:34 am Reply
Mary Worth: Also why does Wilburman have muppet eyes?
TheDiva
April 26th, 2024 at 7:40 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “Yes….yes I do see gross stuff all the time,” Rex thinks, looking straight at his chidren.
I speak Jive
April 26th, 2024 at 8:00 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Does anyone remember the Ben Casey TV series? The opening was very dramatic, with a gurney smashing through swinging doors. The attendants pushing it run to get the patient to treatment. That opening was pure adrenaline.
Then we have Rex Morgan, where the characters spend a week talking about making a dog barf.
Lizuka
April 26th, 2024 at 8:00 am Reply
Mary Worth: Given Wilbur has managed to both save the life of and assault a person in the same during in the midst of his sadsack delusions, I want this to continue until the entire city is engaged in a bloody war between Pro-Wilbur and Anti-Wilbur sides, all impacted by his actions, while he simply stands in the middle blissfully unaware, fantasizing about being a pirate or whatever.
Daily Shadow CsOTW
Saturday
————
Peanut Gallery
April 20th, 2024 at 6:34 am Reply
Hi and Lois: Lois, no one wants to visit a house with kale growing in front of it. Try planting Doritos.
lark l
April 20th, 2024 at 7:23 am Reply
Hi and Lois: She scheduled an open house for 4:20 on 4/20 and no one came? Confirmed: Lois’ customers are stoners. She needs to start putting Hi’s name front and center on her ads.
Sunday
———-
Dan
April 21st, 2024 at 4:42 am Reply
Mary Worth: (choke) My one weakness, Wilburite! Growing… weak… (Wilburite is his word for a woman asking him to do literally anything for another person.)
Garrison Skunk
April 21st, 2024 at 11:18 am Reply
Mary Worth: Willberman, I knew Newspaper Spider-Man, Newspaper Spider-Man was in my regular comic reading cue, and Willberman, you’re no….actually now that I think of it…you ARE Newspaper Spider-Man.
Monday
———–
seismic-2
April 22nd, 2024 at 5:15 am Reply
Rhymes With Orange: “And later on in Exodus, what’s this bit about ‘Thou shalt not, bear, false witness against thy neighbor’? Why do the humans get to false witness against their neighbors and we bears don’t?”
jroggs
April 22nd, 2024 at 6:24 am Reply
Beetle Bailey: Don’t you hate it when you try to trick someone into digging their own grave and they make a cairn instead?
Tuesday
———–
Needless Exposition
April 23rd, 2024 at 4:37 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Rex’s indignation at having to go to the vet has him consider sending his dumbass children to a farm upstate and getting a new puppy.
TheDiva
April 23rd, 2024 at 7:12 am Reply
Mary Worth: You have to hand it to Iris. It takes a lot of skill to say “It was nice seeing you again, Wilbur,” without your pants spontaneously combusting from the magnitude of the falsehood.
Wednesday
—————
Little Guy
April 24th, 2024 at 5:41 amReply
Rex Morgan: So, the dog ate a bunch of cocoa, but we’re not pumping his stomach immediately, like NOW. The Morgans took the dog to the “Not THAT Urgent Care” Vets.
wj
April 24th, 2024 at 6:36 am Reply
Family Circus: In Rhode Island it would be the Bubblah of Youth.
Thursday
————
jroggs
April 25th, 2024 at 4:35 am Reply
Mary Worth: It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in the neighborhood… until Wilbur Weston shows up and shoves Mr. Rogers into oncoming traffic
Drew Funk
April 25th, 2024 at 6:13 amReply
Shoe: “…and God help me, if you don’t leave a tip, I will feed you to my Doja Cat.”
Friday
——–
MKay
April 26th, 2024 at 4:44 am Reply
Mary Worth: Alas for Wilbur; the guy he knocked down was also daydreaming. He’s the Doddering Dynamo, and once he manages to get up, it’s not going to be pretty.
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
April 26th, 2024 at 5:04 am Reply
Suburban Fairy Tales: You, a normal comics-reading person: Why does the pig have no visible genitalia? Me, a big-brained comics-reading sophisticate: Does this mean the pig can’t go wee-wee all the way home?
.
.
.
Shadow COTW
——————
Liam
April 20th, 2024 at 7:31 am Reply
Mary Worth: It’s pretty bad when the characters start tuning out the story they are in.
Congratulations on the CotW, Bob Tice! Congrats on the SCotW, Liam!
Thanks for the mentions, Josh and Baja!
Congrats to Bob Tice and to all the other funny CotWers! It’s rare that I feel I have a take worthy of clicking post on, so it’s very gratifying when they get do get recognized, so thanks!
Thanks, Baja.
Congratulations to Big Bob, the Floaters, and the Shadowers (and thanks, Baja).
This might be a Short Balls Week – I actually had to do real work the last few days – so undersnark apologies to anyone I missed. I’ll try to make up for it next week. Here are the Scroters:
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Grandfather Nutmeg of Western Finster
April 20th, 2024 at 4:59 am Reply
Because of Beetle Bailey’s art style, Beetle also looks like he is wearing mouth tape, and it’s bugging me that I can’t figure out if that’s part of the joke. This will continue to linger in the background of my thoughts as I go through my day, and it’s diabolical tricks like this that keep a comic strip running 50 years after its expiration date.
pugfuggly
April 20th, 2024 at 5:05 am Reply
BB: I don’t know what’s weirder: that Camp Swampy’s barracks have doors with nice wooden trim, or that they put cots right in the middle of them.
taig
April 20th, 2024 at 5:01 am Reply
BB: Woof. The art is so unclear, I thought that was Sarge’s open mouth, and he had inhaled the tape in his sleep.
HnL: The joke is people would rather be out doing fun things in the sun than walking around the interior of a house? That’s all I’ve got.
nescio
April 20th, 2024 at 5:01 am Reply
Q: If Lois is holding an Open House, who is looking after Trixie?
A: No one, as usual.
johnny lt
April 20th, 2024 at 5:05 am Reply
Lois isn’t aware that interest rates have been hovering around 7% for the past two years after being historically low, meaning that many people who want to buy are priced out of the market and many people who might otherwise sell are holding on to their houses because they’d take a big hit buying a new house with a much higher rate. In other words, she’s bad at her job.
Nahtmmm
April 20th, 2024 at 6:09 am Reply
Well, Hi & Lois already has a long history of jokeless Sundays, may as well see if they can get away with humorless strips the rest of the week too.
Peanut Gallery
April 20th, 2024 at 6:34 am Reply
Hi and Lois – Lois, no one wants to visit a house with kale growing in front of it. Try planting Doritos.
JamesBont
April 20th, 2024 at 6:38 am Reply
H&L: Lois fails to grasp the fact that maybe younger people aren’t buying homes anymore because they can’t afford them.
lark l
April 20th, 2024 at 7:23 am Reply
She scheduled an open house for 4:20 on 4/20 and no one came? Confirmed: Lois’ customers are stoners. She needs to start putting Hi’s name front and center on her ads.
Babe Vigoda
April 20th, 2024 at 6:15 am Reply
Gil Thorp: Dorth?? Dottie, Dot, Do (pronounced like dough, was the nickname my grandmother Dorothy’s siblings called her), okay, but not Dorth…sounds like a barfing noise. Please Henry, if you call anybody Dorth in real life, please stop.
Weaselboy
April 20th, 2024 at 6:57 am Reply
GT – My mother’s name is Dorothy and I have never heard anyone call her “Dorth.” It’s possible that on the Milford girls’ softball team, “Dorth” is a pejorative term for a player who screws up. “Nice going, DORTH!”
Ukulele Ike
April 20th, 2024 at 6:42 am Reply
GT: See, this is why girls shouldn’t play sports. They are simply too emotional and cry like little babies when they inevitably fail. “Dorth” should have stayed on the cheerleading squad where she belongs, jumping up and down and spurring the alpha males on to greater….
(Simone Biles launches a power head-butt into Uke’s crotch and Caitlin Clark makes him eat an entire basketball)
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Anonymous
April 20th, 2024 at 6:39 am Reply
MW: The name of his hero persona includes his entire first name, and his mask covers ten percent of his face. But for some reason, no one will admit to knowing his secret identity.
Needless Exposition
April 20th, 2024 at 7:16 am Reply
H&L: A lot of media back around the 1980s seemed to have their “housewives” working part time in real estate so they could still be able to take care of their children. Where’s that market now?
MW: One would think that Wilbur’s unimaginative imagination is the byproduct of a stroke. He’s always been that way but he probably is having a stroke.
brendancalling
April 20th, 2024 at 10:48 am Reply
MW: What is going on with Wilburman’s eyes? He looks 100% aroused, like he’s about the fuck a tub of mayonnaise.
MKay
April 20th, 2024 at 5:16 am Reply
MW: Wow, “Wilburman.” Stan Lee wishes he could come back to life and think of that creative gem.
Between Friends: I don’t speak from experience, but I’m going to guess that the Hallmark Channel’s already done it.
taig
April 20th, 2024 at 5:31 am Reply
FC: “Also, a lot of ‘Jesus! Get that child out of here!’”
Liam
April 20th, 2024 at 7:31 am Reply
FC-Uh oh! Billy’s got the Plague. Time to put him down.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
ld
April 20th, 2024 at 6:47 am Reply
If you wanted to brand Luann (if you do, seek some professional help) I would go with DeGroot. You can’t get much degrootier than Luann.
TheDiva
April 20th, 2024 at 7:28 am Reply
Luann: Yeah, how DO you keep doing that, Bets? I mean, “caterpillar” was right there yet you went for a word almost designed to insult your prospective customer. What, was “maggot” too on the nose?
pugfuggly
April 21st, 2024 at 4:42 am Reply
MW: I think what that throwaway panel quote is trying to say is that you have to keep practising daydreaming, otherwise you might end up with poorly thought out, pathetic fantasies like Wilbur’s.
Liam
April 21st, 2024 at 4:48 am Reply
MW-This story can only end with Wilbur forcing some poor woman to marry him and then he’ll die licking cheap wedding invitation envelopes.
Uncle Lumpy
April 21st, 2024 at 4:49 am Reply
I’m gonna read this as Iris’s fantasy, sweetened by Wilbur’s histrionic and utterly ineffective attack on the brute Zak. Up your game, Tennessee Williams—Karen Moy has come to town.
Ken
April 21st, 2024 at 4:40 am Reply
MW: Will we finally see Wilbur’s complete psychotic breakdown? Or are Brigman and Moy just teasing us again? Or — dear lord, you don’t suppose they have hopes of starting a spinoff Wilburman strip?
But What Do I Know?
April 21st, 2024 at 4:58 am Reply
MW — Does Wilburman have an origin story? Did he eat a sandwich slathered with radioactive mayonnaise?
RogerBW
April 21st, 2024 at 5:55 am Reply
The character of Wilburman was originally written as Mayonnaiseman, but the artist inverted the letter on his costume and the rest of the staff said “eh, why fix it, it’s not like anyone is going to read this”. All-Action Wilburman holds the distinction of having been cancelled while the first issue was still being printed.
BigTed
April 21st, 2024 at 4:51 am Reply
Mary Worth: Get my name out of your freakin’ comic strip!” said Neil Gaiman after seeing today’s graphical assault on his beloved pop and fantasy culture.
Beetle Bailey: Cookie could’ve saved himself a lot of trouble by just adding an “E” for “Eclaire,” duh! Of course, then the troops would’ve expected him to learn how to make desserts more complicated than Jell-o squares with cubes of expired fruit.
astroboy
April 21st, 2024 at 5:04 am Reply
BB – Claire isn’t even a blips, let alone a buxley. Her name must be Claire Flatasabord.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Hibbleton
April 21st, 2024 at 6:39 am Reply
Marvin: The absence of potty jokes has me feeling uneasy.
“Okay, I’ll put the shit-stained stroller in the garage and the shit-stained kid in the laundry room.”
There, I had to get that out of my system.
Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women
April 22nd, 2024 at 4:34 am Reply
Rhymes With Orange: I’ve never attended Bible class, but I’m pretty confident that each lesson doesn’t have to be carved into a big stone slab, for effect. Apparently it’s what separates us from the beasts.
Pozzo
April 22nd, 2024 at 4:28 am Reply
If I were Young Smokey, I’d be more concerned about why I have to wear pants, while the rest of the class gets to luxuriate in the altogether.
Twinkles the Elf
April 22nd, 2024 at 4:33 am Reply
There’s nothing like wearing pants to call attention to how everyone else here is naked. It’s not quite pasties and a G-string, but it has a similar effect. (I can’t believe I checked for visible bear genitalia.)
Churchill LaFemme
April 22nd, 2024 at 4:34 am Reply
Who am I, that I alone have been chosen to wear pants?
Hibbleton
April 22nd, 2024 at 4:43 am Reply
JP: At least April’s mom can say she died with her boobs on.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Bob Tice
April 22nd, 2024 at 4:45 am Reply
MW:
Here’s Mr. Van Dyke’s and Ms. Andrews’ take on Wilburman:
Super-callous, fragile dipstick; ex seems, well, atrocious
Even though the look of Zak is really quite ferocious
If he says things loud enough, he’ll sound quite braggadocious
Super-callous, fragile dipstick; ex seems, well, atrocious
cheech wizard
April 22nd, 2024 at 5:31 am Reply
MW – “HEY!!! My tits are over here!”
Pluggers -“Then there was this one time? At Obedience School? I stuck a rawhide bone up my ass.”
Hibbleton
April 22nd, 2024 at 5:22 am Reply
Pluggers use a write in comic strip to tell their associates they”re bored to tears.
—And a Tip o’ the Hat to Don “STFU” Paul of Placer County, CA.
Needless Exposition
April 23rd, 2024 at 4:37 am Reply
Marvin: Evidently shit jokes were deemed too “lowbrow” for the early week audience.
Kevyn on Video
April 23rd, 2024 at 4:56 am Reply
I know the good folks over at Marvin Inc. have their particular brand on lock, but must admit I never could have predicted this scene, an illustration of the Bristol Stool Chart depicted as the lunches on offer in a cafeteria for babies.
Pozzo
April 23rd, 2024 at 4:37 am Reply
Marvin: I realize Marvin’s age is flexible, depending on the day’s gag, but if your child is still young enough to be drinking from a bottle, a hot dog is not an ideal food to be feeding him. It’s a choking hazard and…oh, I see! Well played, Marvin’s parents — well played.
nescio
April 23rd, 2024 at 4:54 am Reply
Marvin: There’s a better joke using a baby saying “I want what he’s having!” but I guess you can’t depict breastfeeding in a newspaper comic.
pugfuggly
April 23rd, 2024 at 5:21 am Reply
Marvin: Do you think that Marvin is impressed by the volume (or character?) of the belch, or the odor emitted? As a stench-based strip, I fear the latter.
ectojazzmage
April 23rd, 2024 at 7:10 am Reply
Marvin: At this point, this strip is the equivalent of a lame comedian having a panic attack on-stage as he desperately tries to come up with something that isn’t toilet humor, failing to do so, and eating his cue cards in a terrified breakdown.
Keep scrolling
April 23rd, 2024 at 7:55 am Reply
Middle kid eats what Marvin makes.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
MKay
April 23rd, 2024 at 4:49 am Reply
MW: Wilbur would feel even worse if he knew that “Kong and the Cougar” actually IS Iris and Zak’s favorite bedroom game.
jroggs
April 23rd, 2024 at 4:37 am Reply
MW: We thought Wilburman was a lazy superhero name, but that was before we learned the name of Zak’s gorilla villain persona – Gorilla. Karen Moy gets paid for this.
jnoble
April 23rd, 2024 at 5:17 am Reply
MW: Miserable Wilbur is the BEST Wilbur!
Calvin’s Cardboard Box
April 23rd, 2024 at 6:22 am Reply
BLONDIE – Pibgorn. They should hire Pibgorn as the pastry chef. She can befriend Dag by massaging his prostate, as she is doing in the current PIB installment. Then she can screw his kid and get pregnant with some kind of demonic hybrid child that feeds endlessly on the souls of the children.
Voshkod
April 23rd, 2024 at 7:01 am Reply
OK, so given that Blondie is a veritable font of unoriginality, we can assume that, given the stereotype, the new pastry chef will be French, and that he will therefore be named Pierre Pastré.
cheech wizard
April 23rd, 2024 at 7:06 am Reply
Pastry chef wanted. Must have slim waist, tiny ass and big boobs. Also, name must end in “-ie,” though will consider “-sy” for highly qualified candidate. Inquire within.
Pat443
April 23rd, 2024 at 8:26 am Reply
If Blondie needs a pastry chef, instead of a new character, why not hire her daughter Cookie?
Dennis Jimenez
April 23rd, 2024 at 7:34 am Reply
Blondie – Paris Breast….
Dennis Jimenez
April 23rd, 2024 at 11:53 am Reply
Blondie – Everyone is assuming a woman will fill the slot. I’m for a male German pastry chef – Herr Pie….
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!
April 23rd, 2024 at 10:54 am Reply
RMMD: Oh jeeze – Candy’s still an afterthought in the panels today! And livin’ in LaLa Land after they dosed her with Benadryl. Man, they have really screwed up her Big Chance to demonstrate her dramatic chops here… wait! Is she… sniffing Rex’s crotch? GoodGodAmighty!
See, folks! This is what happens when you try to work without an agent who’ll protect your reputation!
Barnaby Scones
April 23rd, 2024 at 11:50 am Reply
I don’t know about anyone else, but days when a comic strip serves as a public service announcement rather than a lame attempt at humor makes me feel those six seconds were well spent.
Thank you, Beetle Bailey.
pugfuggly
April 24th, 2024 at 4:43 am Reply
IL There’s a lot going on here, what with the crazy eyes, that Fred Flintstone cheek, and the weird brand name dropping, but what I need to know is are these two in the same room? It feels like they’re doing a weird split screen, or that he’s contacting her through an enchanted mirror?
Malaclypse
April 24th, 2024 at 5:06 am Reply
I’m trying very hard not to think about the kind of person for whom “open a can of beefaroni for dinner” is too much work, and now I hate this strip I never knew about before today.
SideshowJon
April 24th, 2024 at 7:37 am Reply
Is DoorDash really that much easier than putting a Stouffer’s ™ lasagna in the oven, or opening up a can of Chef Boyardee ™?
Dennis Jimenez
April 24th, 2024 at 9:05 am Reply
@SideshowJon: I thought Chef Boyardee was busy sodomizing Prince Albert in the can. Well, that’s what I heard….
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
MKay
April 24th, 2024 at 5:32 am Reply
RMMD: Too bad this competent and cheerful vet wasn’t around when Mud locked himself in the bathroom. She could’ve lured him out with a treat.
Old Man Shadow
April 24th, 2024 at 7:02 am Reply
Doc, we don’t use the word “fix” within earshot of the patients, it makes them nervous.
Little Guy
April 24th, 2024 at 5:41 am Reply
RxMD: So, the dog ate a bunch of cocoa, but we’re not pumping his stomach immediately, like NOW. The Morgans took the dog to the “Not THAT Urgent Care” Vets.
Luann: That cheerleader grew up and is a successful influencer involved with an emphasis on rebranding, didn’t she, Greg?
Lauralot
April 24th, 2024 at 5:52 am Reply
MW: Up next, Wilbur goes to ALL BEEF. Seeing a hero sandwich on the menu, he breaks down into tears, curled up on the filthy restaurant floor. Everyone just steps around him to order.
Weaselboy
April 24th, 2024 at 6:31 am Reply
MW – Be careful in Fradon Park, Wilbur. It could be fradioactive due to the gas produced by the decay of ufranium.
erdmann
April 24th, 2024 at 8:43 am Reply
MW: I’m guessing “Fradon Park” is named in honor of comics legend Ramona Fradon, who died in February at 97. Nice little tribute, Team Worth.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Ukulele Ike
April 24th, 2024 at 6:32 am Reply
BF: Slut Friend is currently having mind-blowing Paris sex. Meanwhile, it’s now 11:30 in the morning EDT, and decrepit Blonde Friend is still standing in that Toronto bakery staring at the box of stale doughnuts.
taig
April 24th, 2024 at 6:18 am Reply
FC: I probably don’t want to know what the 1950s caption was.
Guillermo el chiclero
April 24th, 2024 at 7:08 am Reply
FC: Considering how old some of these rehashed strips are the original probably had Dolly saying. “This one’s for white people only.”
Dirty Uncle ErnieSequiturApril 24th, 2024 at 8:06 am Reply
Mutts Spanish to English.
“Rain, rain, go away. Come again some other day.”
[looks at rain]
“Ya know, we really are a couple of dumb shits standing out in the rain like this.”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Little Guy
April 25th, 2024 at 5:15 am Reply
RxMD: Oh, great, Beatty. NOW you warn us? Where was this during the “Mud Mountain Makes Mud” storyline?
jroggs
April 25th, 2024 at 4:35 am Reply
RMMD: “Some of you might not want to see this torrential spewing of dog puke. But you, blonde child – I recognize that look in your eyes. Yes… you’re one of Us. Come, join me in the observation chamber. And take this rain poncho, first-timer; trust me, you’ll want it.”
MW: It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in the neighborhood… until Wilbur Weston shows up and shoves Mr. Rogers into oncoming traffic.
Ettorre
April 25th, 2024 at 4:43 am Reply
I get it that it’s hard to sympathise with incels, but maybe giving them representation in the form of Wilbur is a step too far!
Anonymous
April 25th, 2024 at 4:49 am Reply
Mary Worth : I’m less disturbed from Wilbur being lost in his violent fantasies and terrorising those around him (something I’m assuming he’ll suffer no serious consequences for), and much more disturbed by the fact that Wilburman’s costume is a leotard with NO PANTS.
It’s almost as bad as when he was in a speedo!Bob Tice
April 25th, 2024 at 4:52 am Reply
MW:
It’s not enough that Zak is a gorilla. He is an ugly gorilla. Man, that Wilbur is a master of nuance.
seismic-2
April 25th, 2024 at 4:54 am Reply
MW: Hey, Wilbur pushes a little kid away from oncoming traffic, and then he pushes an old man into it. A hero’s work in maintaining a youthful demographic is never done!
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
April 25th, 2024 at 5:15 am Reply
Mary Worth: I would like to be the first to congratulate Wilbur Weston on becoming the lowest form of life known to daily comics readers. No, not a puppy strangler, what are you thinking? An elder abuser. The coupon clippers of America will not stand for this behavior, Wilbur! Be warned!
Charterstoned
April 25th, 2024 at 5:17 am Reply
MW: Karen and June are trying a new strain of SOMETHING…!
els
April 25th, 2024 at 5:18 am Reply
So, okay, Wilbur walks down the sidewalk near a pink parked car and ends up in a park somewhere, where he encounters Iris and Zak and starts having a total break with reality. Fine. Great. I can accept this. But then, during this reality break, he somehow… ends up on the same sidewalk going the same way next to the same pink parked car? Is this is Mary Worth-iverse version of “I walked to school in the snow uphill! both ways!”? .
Hibbleton
April 25th, 2024 at 5:45 am Reply
MW: Sitting alone at home, Mary has no idea that her Jekyll and Hyde muffin recipe actually worked.
Where’s Rocky?
April 25th, 2024 at 4:37 am Reply
MT. They could have just ridden the horse out of the fire, but the last time Mark went bareback with a woman the result was that freak Rusty.
nescio
April 25th, 2024 at 5:00 am Reply
Tomorrow’s Mark Trail: “Maybe we can treat our burns with ivermectin!”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Pozzo
April 25th, 2024 at 4:59 am Reply
Shoe: “And hurry up with it — I’ve got to get to my tailor, swift!”
Hibbleton
April 26th, 2024 at 4:39 am Reply
SFT: Watching as much TV as I did as a kid, I thought quicksand would be a daily peril in my adult life.
Where’s Rocky?
April 26th, 2024 at 4:39 am Reply
SFT. As someone who grew up watching TV in the 70s, I can tell you for a fact that not only is quicksand real, but it’s one of the top three leading causes of death for children, along with roadside blasting caps and Bigfoot attacks.
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
April 26th, 2024 at 5:04 am Reply
Suburban Fairy Tales: You, a normal comics-reading person: Why does the pig have no visible genitalia? Me, a big-brained comics-reading sophisticate: Does this mean the pig can’t go wee-wee all the way home?
Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women
April 26th, 2024 at 6:32 am Reply
@taig: Why would the pig describe his shorts as “sweaty?” He wants the wolf to die, doesn’t he?
Exactly my first thought. “If you want to live, grab on to my sweaty, skid marked, jizz stained shorts” is a real power move.
pugfuggly
April 26th, 2024 at 5:03 am Reply
SFT: The fact that the pig is offering his sweaty shorts instead of his shirt, the mere fact that he specifies that they are his sweaty shorts, suggests that there’s a whole other level to this interaction. Add on top of that the whole predator-prey dynamic, and I get the feeling that we’re watching someone’s very elaborate fantasy scenario.
MW: God, I hope this continues for another week, just an oblivious Wilbur slowly walking through town like the world’s slowest runaway traint, knocking people over, trudging through park ponds, wandering into changing rooms while ladies scream comically, all while wearing that dumb grin. Please Make Me This Comic.
Also, I love how the name “Wilburman” presupposes that Wilbur is not, in fact, a man. Maybe some kind of humanoid animal, maybe just a mound of ambulatory pudding, but not a man.
MKay
April 26th, 2024 at 4:44 am Reply
SFT: Pig 3 could have pulled his slightly less gross shirt off. Pig 3 knew that the wolf wouldn’t touch his pants. Now he can say he “did everything he could,” while watching the wolf sink to his doom. Pig 3 is diabolical.
MW: Alas for Wilbur; the guy he knocked down was also daydreaming. He’s the Doddering Dynamo, and once he manages to get up, it’s not going to be pretty.
Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women
April 26th, 2024 at 5:07 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Look, up in the sky, it’s a bird, it’s a plane” and “Avengers Assemble” are okay, but “@!#$%^€” You, Wilburman!” is pretty good too.
Pozzo
April 26th, 2024 at 5:11 am Reply
MW: That old-man is using a seven-grawlix epithet to curse out Wilbur, so it’s too long for “fuck.” “Asshole you” doesn’t make sense, but the old guy could be suffering from a concussion. Maybe “assrape?”
Needless Exposition
April 26th, 2024 at 5:12 am Reply
If we don’t get Wilbur making an ass of himself and racking up more felony convictions while his delusions get the better of him, I will be sorely disappointed but not at all surprised. Reading Mary Worth is the definition of expecting nothing but still being let down.
taig
April 26th, 2024 at 5:18 am Reply
MW: There are seven symbols, so I guess the old man is saying, “Fucking you!” This is not something Wilbur is used to hearing, but he’s oblivious anyway.
Tabby Lavalamp
April 26th, 2024 at 5:35 am Reply
So say we all, Wilbur’s victim. So say we all.
Schroduck
April 26th, 2024 at 5:38 am Reply
MW: Seeing the old strip made me realise that it’s not just Mary who got aged down – every female character has lost at least a decade. Iris in 2004 looked like the villain in a campy picket-fence John Waters movie. Wilbur on the other hand… I don’t know if he looks younger, but he no longer looks like he was traced from photos of George Costanza.
KMD
April 26th, 2024 at 5:42 am Reply
MW: I’m with Iris. Inappropriate thoughts about the married woman you lost, thanks to your lust, selfishness, and stupidity? Daydreams of yourself as a 1950s-style superhero? Knocking an old man over and ignoring him while he shakes his fist and curses you? Truly, you’re my hero Wilburman.
Baja Gaijin
April 26th, 2024 at 4:26 am Reply
Mary Worth: “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”
2+2=7
April 26th, 2024 at 5:47 am Reply
@Baja Gaijin: Wilbur will be shouting the same thing in his sex fantasy as well
EJ
April 26th, 2024 at 5:56 am Reply
I don’t recall ever seeing the actual ultimate curse out “#*#*#k you” used in a comic strip before. That it’s directed at Wilbur, the most annoyingly hapless, clueless, self-centered navel-gazing character in comics makes sense though.
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. I speak Jive
April 21st, 2024 at 7:43 am Reply
FC – This reminds me of my son when he was small, except his toys were from the 1980s instead of the 1950s.
I always find it amazing that Jef Keane takes the time to white out the console TV and replace it with a flat screen but can’t be bothered to draw a stand for it. I guess a half assed job is okay if a tee time is looming.
6Chix – I know I’m old, but I have no idea what this is supposed to mean. I also can’t figure out if it’s supposed to be funny or if it’s one of her wallowing in depression strips.
Frazz – I wonder how many landfills are filled with Frazz’s and the lady teacher’s old running shoes.
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. Old School Allie Cat
April 23rd, 2024 at 6:25 am Reply
The people at Blondie: “Why are so many people submitting the name Josh Fruhlinger???“
169. Artist formerly known as Ben
April 25th, 2024 at 1:27 pm Reply
DtM: Dennis’s little funny today is “You can’t fool me! This isn’t a dog, it’s a fence!” He needs to change his name to something like “Cecil the Imbecile.”
GT: Keri Thorp is surprised at…Well, she’s just surprised in general, and chooses her t-shirts to make that clear.
Congrats to Bob Tice, and everyone on the float, the shadowfloat and the scratchies! Broon Croons to TheDiva and Garrison Skunk!
Congrats to Bob Tice for this week’s COTW!
And a big thanks to P
olyBallsScratchy for the mention!It seems the biggest winner this week in all categories is Wilbur. What a guy.
@Poteet:
It all comes with being a big time Super Hero.
Thanks for the mentions, Mr. Scratchy!
Thank you, Josh, Baja and Scratchy! Congrats to everyone mentioned, and to all a happy weekend.
Thanks, Scratchy.
Congrats, Bob Tice! Thanks for the mentions, Baja and Scratchy!
Congrats to Bob Tice and the floaters and thanks, Baja and Scratchy!
Thanks Josh, Baja and Scratchy!
Congratulations to Bob Tice and the rest of the folks on the float. Also to fellow shadow-ies and scratchies, with thanks to Baja Gaijin and Scratchy Scrotum LXIX. Tips of the beret to taig and MKay.
Thanks for the mentions,Scrotes,Croons, and Dead Clown In the Middle of the Road awards!
Woo-hoo — back on the float! Hope the burning bush doesn’t set it on fire.
Six Chex And A Cat Named Fastrack Inc In Search Of A Punchline: “This comic needs more humor!” “Tell Sales to hire Garrison Skunk!”
Thank you, Baja & Scratchy.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: I don’t know, your balls seemed quite full and balanced to me this week. And your comment picks are A-OK, too!
Thanks, Baja and Scratchy!
Ah, the joy of luxuriating at home on a rainy Friday evening, a
glassplate ofscotchbeersparkling waterdried-up chocolate cookies that I fished out of the kitchen trash within reach, reading the jest, japes and [bothered for a j-word] jokes of my fellow curmudgeons. Congrats to the floaters, thanks for the mentions, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do this weekend!Congrats to the floaters and thanks to Baja and Scratchy for the mentions. Funny stuff!
My very first COTW! Thank you, Josh! And thank you as always, Baja and Scratchy!