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Would you like this week’s top comment? I imagine you would!

“Sorry, folks, but when Mary Worth says ‘cocoa’ she doesn’t mean sex. She of course means a drab, tepid, beige beverage which tastes nothing like cocoa.” –Digger

And the runners up! Very funny!

“I hope the rest of the week consists of the Parker clan sitting around the table marveling at the size of the check. On Saturday, the Revolution starts and the Parkers are the first ones guillotined.” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box

“Even with a rifle pointed at him, Mark remained calm. The monkey was close, in the trees. He spread his consciousness out to the nearby animals. There was a salt-water crocodile nearby; Mark touched its primitive reptile brain and brought it closer, just in case the monkey failed. But that wouldn’t happen. He saw Juan through faceted eyes of a hundred mosquitos. Distraction, if he needed it. And he saw Juan out of the monkey’s eyes, smelled the fear on the man with the monkey’s nose. Nature, red in tooth and claw, took a deep breath. And pounced.” –Voshkod

“The rack zoom on Jeff’s dissociative episode in panel 2 really highlights the non-Euclidean geometry of the car. I’m looking forward to tomorrow’s strip, in which Jeff slams on the brakes, garroting Mary with the seatbelt that’s apparently stretched over her jugular, and the Eschermobile tumbles out of the two-dimensional confines of the comic and into Marmaduke.” –Nate

“Mark Trail: There is nothing quite like wrapping up and recapping a bizarre and idiotic series of events, while making empty promises of ‘stories,’ over a great lunch of mustard straight from the jar.” –Marc

“Awww snap! This is the moment all of us Anne Eiffell/TJ ’shippers have been waiting for! No, it’s not, there’s no such thing.” –OMEGA SUPREME

“In fact, Evans, why don’t you stop drawing your female characters in cat-fights and dedicate you spare time to depictions of an unhappy TJ. You know, TJ dropping his ice-cream cone, TJ missing the bus in a rainstorm, TJ in the waiting room at the VD clinic. I WILL PAY YOU GOOD MONEY TO SEE THESE!” –pugfuggly

“I hope Sherry has good health insurance. She has probably acquired at least a dozen kinds of exotic Kraven-pelt parasites by now, apart from the lung damage caused by Kraven’s very special brand of B.O.” –Poteet

“Teacher says every time a bell rings, Margo houses down some more Goldschläger.” –Doctor Handsome

“Yep, Jeff’s black, orange and pink auto color scheme makes perfect sense.” –Doodle Bean

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Happy Friday, friends! This has been a weird, short week, but fear not, we are still here for you with a comment of the week:

“I like that fact that, even in the moments before she’s getting stabbed with a frog-poison tipped arrow, the narrator in Curtis refers to the evil witch as Ms. Yahna. I guess it’s in the same style the Wall Street Journal refers to Mr. Hussein and Ms. Bathory. Respect: it’s not an official principle of Kwanzaa, but it’s nice to see it anyway.” –Voshkod

And some very funny runners up!

“I find Dolly and Billy married — and even Dolly giving birth to PJ — more believable and less nauseating than Jeffy as a wise man.” –Dan

“After a week of staring at that previous Heathcliff strip, I was so thankful for a new post that would mean not having to see Heathcliff spank mice at the top. Sadly, that seems like a more innocent time now.” –Pandrew

“For once, the goggle-eyed horror makes sense. ‘That outfit? But … Holy shit, I’m BUCK NAKED!!'” –Spunde

“We are all glossing over the main point in Mary Worth, which is that Santa Royale not only has a cake design contest, but it has a prestigious cake design contest, and also a cake design contest that has been captured on easily accessible video.” –Chris B

“What really gets me about shoe is the moon out the window. They have been drinking long enough for the moon to rise midway through the sky. I’d like to think they had all been sitting in silence, staring at nothing, until he blurted out his tragic story.” –Holly Folly

“Man, I kind of want to see the no-holds-barred cage match happening between Mary Worth’s writer and artist. ‘It’s a beauty-of-nature cake contest!’ ‘Cakes are pink and frosted, or nothing at all!’ ‘I’ll kill you, picture fiend!’ ‘Not if I kill you first, word mangler!'” –bunivasal

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And as always, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Servant of the Muses: A novella by Voshkod, frequent Comics Curmudgeon commenter and occasional rider on the comment float, writing as Brad White. Jake Conrad is a two-bit detective in the city by the bay. For twenty dollars a day — plus expenses — he’ll take your case. When his assistant Clio vanishes one foggy San Francisco morning, Jake finds himself on his hardest case yet. A mysterious redhead wants Clio found, but some people want to make sure she stays lost forever. Everyone’s got a motive, and everyone’s playing their own game. If Jake can’t figure it out, his hero’s journey may be over before it begins in this noir mythical mystery.
• Never Goin’ Back: Is this new year YOUR year? Read Al Roker’s candid, inspirational, and motivating new book Never Goin’ Back about how he lost weight and stays on track with his health — and how you can start to win the weight-loss battle, too!

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Panel from Spider-Man, 1/1/13

Hello, everyone! I’m back from my voyaging, and having looked at exactly zero comics since December 23rd, so I feel a little like this panel, which I saw gloriously devoid of context just now (as if any panel of Newspaper Spider-Man is improved by “context” or whatever). Real comics and commentary thereupon will arrive sometime Wednesday, maybe late afternoon-ish, as I have a week’s worth of strips to catch up on, but I wanted to put this post up to (a) assure you I was still alive and (b) let you know that you only have a few more days to vote in the most important Mary Worth-themed awards competition of the season, the Worthy Awards, produced by the always excellent Mary Worth and Me blog. Go forth and choose your faves!

I hope you all had pleasant holidays and a happy new year’s celebration! I’m making the same pledge I make every new year on this blog: To keep doing the same thing I’ve been doing for years, because I love it. Hope you do too! See you tomorrow with real comics mockery!