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Your comment of the week shortly, but first: don’t forget that I will be reading in New York on Tuesday and doing comedy in Baltimore on Saturday the 8th, so you should be coming to one or both of those things. But will I be funnier than this week’s COTW? Enh, probably not!

“To save time, ‘How dare you?’ should be printed on Margo’s business cards.” –Pozzo

I might just barely edge out these hilarious runners up:

“I’m sorry Jim, but your incestuous feelings for your dead sister are getting in the way of my incestuous feelings for my living father.” –liam

“Evan is pretty sassy for someone who appears to have coordinated his outfit so as to best blend in with the oddly-colored walls and furniture. Maybe it’s his defense mechanism: he planned for this epic Margo confrontation with all the cunning of a chameleon.” –Marzipan

“Stop acting like you own this agency! Just go out there and sell some real estate! … We don’t sell real estate? You’re wearing a Century 21 jacket. I just figured … So, who were these clients that you were trolling for?” –hogenmogen

“Petey Parker asks what’s going on. What’s going on is the start of Kraven the Hunter, After Dark!” –Baka Gaijin

“I must admit, Dawn’s psycho friend Jim has gestured more with his one remaining arm these past few weeks than I have with TWO arms and nearly fifty years of living. Granted, they have almost ALL been ‘I’m going to KILL you!’ gestures, but still, way to cope with your recent disability, Jim!” –mojo

“I don’t know about the students’ perspective, but I know from the teaching side of things that if my class includes Peppermint Patty, Betty Cooper, and that Russian boxer from Rocky IV, then I sure as hell don’t need to worry about my Super Ego.” –Bud

“I love the fact that Crankshaft, Decrepit Lord of All Things Unpleasant, actually seems depressed by Rose’s ranting. It’s like he’s trying to work up the willpower to die so he won’t have to hear it.” –Inkewell

“Does he bring me a strategy? No, he just brings me jewelry. Have you thought about that, son? Why not get your friends matching necklaces and earrings? And maybe some nice pink cashmere turtlenecks. I got this the last time your father ‘messed up.'” –Christopher

“When your dad messes up, he doesn’t bring me a strategy. He bring the ruckus. And he brings it all night long. Have fun in therapy, son!” –Chareth Cutestory

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And as always, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

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Very quickly, just want to let you know about two live events I’ll be doing next week!

• On December 4th in Brooklyn, I’ll be reading from The Enthusiast, my novel-in-progress, at the Animal Farm reading series. If you neglected to pre-order the book via the Kickstarter, you will have an opportunity to do so here! 8 p.m. at Legion Bar in Williamsburg. Click that link for more info, including info on other readers (one of whom is cartoonist Julia Wertz of Fart Party fame, with whom I trust you are all well acquainted).
• On December 8th in Baltimore, I’ll be doing stand-up with Doomhilda and Friends. 8 p.m. at EMP Collective downtown. Click that link for more info! But trust me when I say it will be super-hilarious, and I am working on a routine that will be appropriate for the first night of Hanukkah (and by “appropriate” I hope you understand I mean “wildly inappropriate”).

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Yes, just because it’s late at night on the Friday of Thanksgiving weekend doesn’t mean you’ll go COTW-less!

“Josh finds him creepy, but I think Tongue Kid is the best. ‘Hey, there, what’s up. Me? Oh, I’m great. Just gonna eat this fish, live on an idyllic island. How about you? Reading Mark Trail, you say? That’s great. Look, the fish and I gotta go. You take care. Good luck with that Mark Trail thing.'” –He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus

And our runners up are as ever hilarious:

“Will tomorrow be the first Luann where two characters discuss something that matters? Spoiler alert: No.” –S. Stout

“JP: Maybe Bubba’s pot farm is just a front operation for a far more lucrative career in selling endangered marine life, which is in itself a front operation for trading stolen art, which is in itself a front operation for a snuff film studio.” –hogenmogen

“Heathcliff’s trying to say he’s innocent because of the existence of … REASONABLE TROUT! Ha ha! Oh, I hate myself.” –Dagger

“Look at that last panel of Gasoline Alley. Just look at it. Divorce it from context, and try to imagine that there is any scenario that goes with that image and those words that works unless she’s talking about delicious, tender, human children.” –Johann Sebastian Cock

“The slabs of food-pie are not for eating, of course. Just hold them near your face and FEEL the radioactivity!” –Greg

“Yes, Jim’s losing of an arm and a sibling — those are easy for him to accept. But to be rejected by Dawn Weston? No man can accept that.” –Liam

“Yep, it’s just a typical scene as two grown men exercise and discuss what teenage girls have been doing to their football players. Better add another set, no frustrations here!” –Chareth Cutestory

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And as always, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

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