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Ha ha, yes, Momma, it would be amusing if the two candidates in today’s election were forced to share the White House, and the presidency! But alas, it appears that one of them will in all likelihood defeat the other. If you would like to argue about their relative merits, feel free to do so, in the comments on this post! The usual discussion policies are suspended on this post, so knock yourself out. If you’d like to talk about today’s comics, you can do so over here. If you’d like to see what I think of the election, I’ll be posting things all day on your Wonkette.

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Everybody, I hope you enjoy your weekend. (And, NYC/NJ/other Sandy-affected folks: I hope your life is becoming somewhat more normal!) We send you off on Friday with our traditional Friday comment of the week:

“OK, this definitely isn’t the school bus. Doesn’t Archie own a jalopy? And isn’t Riverdale the caucasianest place in America? Why the hell are they on a city bus somewhere that has foreign-language newspapers? SPOILER ALERT: NARCOTICS.” –Doctor Handsome

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Also the implication that the patriarchy that is the Keane compound would allow Dolly to dress as a main character from a very female-centric movie like Brave rings totally false. I’d expect her to be dressed as Alice from the Brady Bunch, or maybe a mop.” –Aitherion

“‘Alright, Margo, we have to reshoot the whole scene. I mean, every single extra was looking at the camera the whole time.’ ‘Margo doesn’t do two takes.’ ‘But I think one of those extras was eating! And they all somehow put on turtlenecks when we transitioned over to camera 2.’ ‘No two takes! Margo will be in her trailer.'” –bunivasal

“I want to add ‘…as in exotic?’ every time somebody tells me what they do for a living now.” –Matt

“How could you say that anyone really looks like Dawn? Every time she turns around her body morphs into some new shape. Hells, between panels one and two she dropped two hat sizes and grew a neck.” –pugfuggly

“Oh, Dawn, everything’s okay, so long as it catches you a man. Now let’s bake another pan of Invisible Nothing.” –Patrick

“After I slash and dismember some college kids who happen to stumble in the woods up here, I’m going to lead my aerobics class! Hence my head and arm bands. Now, everyone, let’s stretch!!” –Greg

“Do you think if I dumped this cup of flour over my head, it would make me look sufficiently dead that Jim would be even more interested?” –Pozzo

“Beech Street Rules: 1. It’s OK to talk about the Beech Street Rules, but do so quietly 2. It doesn’t go to the beach, so no bikinis 3. You’d think it would be tree-lined, but it’s not, so no chainsaws 4. unless you’re juggling” –Bill Murray

“Of course actual humans don’t say ‘We humans.’ And neither will Dawn, once she presses her awkwardly-placed reset button.” –Droopy Says

“Good morning, Margo. What a lovely day! You just caught me screwing on a fresh new hand, since I wore the last one down to the nub on you… Shall I massage your temples, Margo? First, I was thinking of sliding it gently up your nose, like this.” –sporknpork

Plus, another one that was just a bit too long for consideration but still worth of your time comes from bourbon babe, unbuckled, who knows how the college-aged really talk.

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Hello all! Your comment of the week momentarily, but first I must remind you (perhaps a bit last-minute) that you have a chance to see my LIVE COMEDY STYLINGS, tomorrow (Saturday) night, if you live in or near Baltimore! My friend, Baltimore music legend Melissa “Ultra” Sharlat, is in a new band called Umami that will be debuting tomorrow night, and I’ll be opening for her, with comedy! Show starts at 9 pm upstairs at Zismos, on the Avenue in Hampden. More information can be found on the Facebook part of the Internet. Be there, or be (unhappily) elsewhere! (I promise I will start to give more than 24 hours’ notice on these things in the future.)

And now, your comment of the week!

“There are many fields in which the phrase ‘It was all Aristotle’s idea’ would apply. Condo selection doesn’t strike me as one of them.” –Pozzo

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Judge Parker’s writer heard ‘Chekhov’s gun’ as ‘Any gun seen in the first act must be discharged safely in a controlled cleaning/reload scene by the third act.'” –CanuckDownSouth

“Jim is showing signs of being a possessive abuser. He has known Dawn just a short time, but he is already trying to keep her away from her pier group.” –Alfred E. Neuman

“Avery is a negotiator and is only doing what negotiators do, starting with something big he knows Bubba will never agree to and eventually working his way to what he really wants: A couple doobies and one of those cool skull bongs.” –terrapin

Rex Morgan, M.D.: “‘He looks like a Miami lounge lizard schlub, but a free meal’s a free meal,’ said June, as she shoved her lone bare shoulder closer to his glistening combover.” –tb4000

“I prefer to think of the restaurant as a literal trap, as in, Mrs. Plugger is evaluating options on her menu for smoked bear, fried bear, and bear-ka-bobs. A kangaroo can’t take down a bear that size on her own, so this restaurant and its obliging staff is a nice, low-energy option for her.” –A New Day

“Silly Spider-Man, the diamond tiara is just a red herring to distract you from the real crime — Kraven’s opening act is billed as ‘Yes’ despite barely having any original members of the group in it.” –Chyron HR

“In the hope of luring a hunk, Peter Parker has set up his web like a true spider and baited it with a fabulous blazer.” –Greg

And also this comment from Voshkod is quite amazing but a bit too long to make the list!

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.