Post Content

Do you enjoy funny comments? I’ll bet you do! Here, here’s this week’s funniest:

“I think that Death/Fate might do a little better if he wasn’t wearing a hooded mod minidress and Chaco sandals. It’s like he dresses strictly from the women’s ‘Travel’ section of the REI catalog.” –Grandstanding Oddball

And the others! They are also funny!

“In actuality, Margo was torn from the thigh of Anna Wintour.” –C. Sandy Cyst

“Magical Hobos aside, I don’t think Nola’s ready for a conversion just yet. No, I think there’s an option four, whereupon Nola sleeps with the homeless man in order to aggressively take over his shopping cart full red and blue antique bottles. It doesn’t really make sense, but this is Mary Worth we’re talking about.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“Margo was also born wearing a Freddy Krueger glove, which she used to liberate herself from that uterus-prison. The shoes just added style points.” –Walker of Dog

“We duly note that Miss Magee implied but did actually confirm Mr. Gaine$’ exclamation that she ‘walked all the way across town in heels.’ While we have not a shred of doubt that Miss Magee is a high-heel kind of girl — and more power to her — we suspect she is also a taxicab kind of girl, and one who is not above leaving the impression she is made of sterner stuff.” –Fashion Police

“I imagine that Nola is actually taking a jump over the bench, and is running away. ‘I have some change … In my car!’ ‘NO! Come back! I have proof that all the presidential candidates are space-lizards!'” –Lord-z

“The teleportation is obviously random and against his will, based on his, ‘Oh NO! Not again’ exasperation. A minor annoyance, I suppose, for a garden gnome that has been transformed into a human being.” –survivor

“I refuse to believe that dog would call anyone fine folks until he got a real good sniff of their ass. Indeed!” –Sans Sense

“While this little teaser does seem to imply that we’re dealing with outdoor cannabis growers, I’m still not convinced that ‘drugs’ in the MT universe are anything more than bales of brown ‘something’ that you need an airplane to distribute. What I’m saying is that I wouldn’t be too surprised to find out tomorrow that these khaki criminals are dealing in counterfeit geraniums, or have started an illegal corn fighting ring.” –pugfuggly

“Actually, I’m going to assume that the ‘50 plants’ in question are actually a large number of industrial plants that are generating tremendous amounts of chemical waste, which explains why the water they’re traveling over is fluorescent and teal. Mark Trail may know what marijuana looks like, but is he familiar enough with the early symptoms of methyl isocyanate exposure?” –Mumbly Joe

“Does Cookie actually have to make breakfast-to-order for every denizen of Camp Swampy, all by himself? That’d put a sad face on anybody. ‘Hey, Cookie, I’d like two over easy, the yolks just slightly starting to harden so they’re not all runny like yesterday, some crisp bacon (but not burned), some hash browns with the nice crunchy edges, and one slice of rye toast (for the eggs) and one slice of white (for the jam).’ ‘Sure thing, private. You’re number 1,274, and I’m on number 12 right now.'” –jvwalt

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

Post Content

Pluggers, 3/20/12

HELLO EVERYONE! Did you enjoy a week with your favorite Uncle — a week that, as Pluggers would like to remind you, brought you just a little bit closer to your inevitable death in poverty? I’ll bet you did! I’ll be back with new comics tomorrow, but did want to offer up your slightly delayed comment of the week!

“I hear that more and more insurance companies are carrying the ‘walk in the park’ option in lieu of offering maternity leave. It’s part of their ‘walk it off, wuss’ complete coverage plan.” — pugfuggly

And your runners up! Very funny!

Apartment 3-G: “Little girls use toys. Margo uses TOOLS.” — UncleJeff

Crankshaft: “Pretty elaborate plot to get Cranky to pick up the bar tab for once.” — TheDiva

Popeye: “The Doomsday Doll is blond, endowed, and interested in physical contact – obviously Sea Hag didn’t research Popeye’s taste in women at all.” — NoahSnark

9 Chickweed Lane: “Let me see if I understand this. Edda becomes a super model who’s become virtually synonymous with your clothing line. Thus the thing to do is fire Edda and have your company known as the assholes that fired the nice hot chick. Are these the same guys that came up with ‘New Coke?'” — Zerowolf

Funky Winkerbean: “‘Les: “Does anyone know what the opening sentence of Moby Dick is? Cory?’
Cory: ‘To the last I grapple with thee; from hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee.’
Les: ‘That’s very good, but that’s not the opening sentence. It’s near the end of the book.’
Cory: ‘What is???'” — seismic-2

“9 Chickweed Lane today is a metaphor for Amos’s unlucky sperm cell, screaming piteously as it falls into Edda’s hellish inferno of an egg.” — Tom T.

9 Chickweed Lane: “Remember, it’s only premarital sex if you get married afterwards!” — greghousesgf

Slylock Fox: “Yes, evidence indicates someone was here moments ago. But the informant claimed the escaped prisoner was hiding in a vacant cabin. Therefore, whoever is hiding in this occupied cabin must not be the escaped prisoner. Case closed! Now, who wants toast?” — Mysterion

Curtis: “I don’t always drink beer. But when I do, I prefer Cuss Skunk.” — Frank Lee Meidere

“Why can Ballard Street do full rear nudity, but not Judge Parker? God dammit.” — commodorejohn

“I notice that Dinette Set comes with a warning at the bottom that it ‘may cause drosiness’. Is drosiness that feeling you get when you want to punch whoever writes these things?” — The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“The Dinette Set does not appear in my local newspaper. I’m starting a petition drive to keep it that way.” — Zerowolf

Family Circus: “Why would the clock tick, mommy? Is that like having fleas? Why can’t we enter the twenty-first century like normal people?” — Droopy Says

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

Post Content

Hey, everybody! I am about to depart for a week or so of vacation, and so your favorite Uncle Lumpy will be filling in until the 25th. But I will leave you with your comment … of the week!

“I’m having a pang of sympathy for the singular ‘my good plate’, implying that there existed only one. Everything else in Thel’s life is made of D-grade plastic and child-proof rubber. Can she just have one ceramic item, reminiscent of how actual humans — i.e., those not futilely trying to keep a brood of mutated potato children alive in spite of their own mental deformities — live? No. No she cannot.” –David Schraub

And your runners up! Very funny!

“‘Nobody’ is the ghost of Lyman from Garfield. Clearly he is now in Hell.” –sporknpork

“As I get older, I like to sit back in my comfortable overstuffed chair, meds in reach, and read the back cover of a good crossword magazine.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“So Mary wears pearls on her walk and Toby rocks the jean-shorts-and-Depends™ look.” –Bootsy

“‘…and she bristled at my disapproval!’ ‘What did she divulge?’ I’m certain their lips were not synchronized to the dialogue.” –hcv

“She bristled at my disapproval! I do not understand, since all I did was point out what I perceive to be her obvious flaws in the most condescending way possible. Who doesn’t enjoy that? I naturally assumed she would, since I have absolutely no concept of how interpersonal relationships work.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“Or did you mean ‘facts of life’ as a euphemism for fucking? Because you give me unfettered access to Google, so I’m pretty much up to speed on that.” –Doctor Handsome

“Man, nothing happens in Judge Parker for months at a time, then I stop paying attention two days, and suddenly people are pointing rifles at assistant track coaches?” –Chip Whittle

“Surely Margo is mainly in favor of a healthy baby because they’re the best eatin’?” –Manic-Depressive Mouse

“I read Margo’s line in the most sarcastic voice I could. ‘Ooooh, poooor wittle Scottie, needing the help of mommie Margo. Christ, no wonder his wife doesn’t want a baby, she already has him.'” –Lord-z

Mark Trail: “This robbery was doomed from the beginning if McCheese-brain is willing to throw in the towel AT THE FIRST SIGHTING OF ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. ‘Don’t be a fool Jeff! They’ll surround us with their square jaws and blind dog. We’re trapped in here (with guns)!'” –Stickerz

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.