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Hello, everybody! Are you interested in this week’s top comment? Yes, of course you are.

“Whatever Spiderman is doing, it seems to please the gods of Asgard. ‘We behold the clenching of your thighs with great delight, mortal!'” –nescio

And the runners up, very amusing!

“Nola also has a vestigial nose between her disproportionately large eyes — all the better to smell Mary’s cup of I-told-you-so.” –Comcis Fan

“Wow, just look at Scott work his seduction magic! ‘She died so young and so tragically. I suppose I should tell you the whole story, it’s just that it makes me so sad, and angry, and sexily complicated…'” –pugfuggly

“Nothing destroys a foot fetish faster than a someone sporting feet with three, equal sized, bulging toes.” –Izzy

“‘We may need him in case anyone shows up!’ What, like he’s going to be the receptionist?” –Hogenmogen

“Wait, you … you’re not a furry? You said the stilted code phrase and everything!” –bunivasal

“In her reply to my second text, Summer suggested that I begin my sentences like a normal person.” –Chareth Cutestory

“The texting portion of this Funky Winkerbean plot had better wrap up soon, considering Nerd McNerderson’s felt need to give the rundown on the text message count. ‘Her reply to my second text,’ eh? Is there enough room in a speech balloon if this goes on for another week? ‘I just sent my 5th bewildered reply to her third threat of a restraining order. Or was it fourth? Who’s counting?'” –Brian Jones

“I mean, a proper Parker engagement ring would have a diamond big enough to stub your toe on if you accidentally dropped it. This is probably a Parker friendship ring.” –Mark B.

“Thus begins a bizarre fetish for Dolly: she eventually grows up and marries an Oldsmobile. The family pretends not to notice, but they all die a little more than usual inside.” –Noel Schornhorst

“Could we please, sometime in the next few weeks, see Abbey and Sam riding over their land and talking about how many thousands of acres they own? I like my fantasies multifaceted.” –Poteet

I must thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

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• Lexapros and Cons: In comedian Aaron Karo’s hilarious debut novel, Chuck Taylor knows his OCD is out of control. But to get a handle on his life, he’s going to have to break some hardcore habits … and get his hands dirty.

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Hello, Comics Curmudgeon readers! You are probably aware (because I’ve pointed it out to you several times) that I co-run a Tumblr, called [Citation Needed], full of hilarious/terrible excerpts from Wikipedia. You are probably also aware that there is a book that culls the best of the Tumblr, and includes funny jokes from us to boot. But what you may not know is that you can get the Kindle version of the book for free for the rest of the week! We are hoping you will download it on your Kindle and think “What I need is a paper copy of this book that I can keep in the bathroom at all times” and then you’ll shell out for that, but really if you just get it on your Kindle and enjoy it we’ll be mildly satisfied.

The occasion for this act of generosity is tomorrow, which is of course the 2012 edition of National High Five Day. While surely you are aware of this event and probably already have the day off from work, what you may not know is that it’s an entirely fake holiday co-invented ten years ago by Conor Lastowka, who is my partner in [Citation Needed] curation (and also a writer for Rifftrax). Conor has recently decided that High Five Day should be not just about propagating obvious falsehoods about the origin of the high five, but also about helping others, and thus is not only giving out Kindle editions of our book (which helps you via the gift of laughter) but also raising money for cancer research. Have you wanted to fight cancer, but always feel like doing so just makes everyone in Funky Winkerbean all the smugger? Well, click here to help make a genuine friend o’ Josh smug instead.

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HI EVERYBODY, your faithful Comics Curmudgeon is having a terrible allergy attack and is high on the Sudafed, apologies if this collection of comments makes little/no sense but here they are:

Mark Trail: “I shall never tire of a small boat, green inside, green outside, one green oar, green engine, is there an anchor? Is it green? I sure hope so.” –Not Just Any Dipstick

There are runners up that are also funny!

“The ‘highway’, Josh? Take a look at the ground under that truck. E. Bunny doesn’t have time to use roads to deliver his eggs, he just drives onto the grass and lobs a basket through the closest ground-level window. Happy Easter, y’all! The chocolate should give the kids plenty of energy to help mommy and daddy resod the lawn and replace a pane of glass.” –pugfuggly

“I don’t care if you’re a pioneering medical hero who practically invented modern nursing, I need a doctor! I’m talking to the bearded guy pushing a gurney rather than the professional woman with a clipboard behind me because I have the proportional sexism of a spider.” –Ed Dravecky

“Lois appears to be dressed in a late-60s/early 70s superhero outfit. She’s the amazing Lowballer, with her mutant ability to detect others’ despair and turn it into profit!” –Pozzo

“Shoe should show a helpful guide at the side of each strip to show you how high you must be to find the strip funny. Today’s strip would be rated as three oxycontin, a fifth of peppermint schnapps, and a full bottle of Mylanta.” –NoahSnark

“It figures that Mary is one of those annoying people who always have something to serve to guests when they come by: a nice slice of frozen Sara Lee White Pie, or some Pepperidge Farms YellowMounds, with a steaming cup of ‘?'” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“‘You — you’re awake?!’ It’s a mixed marriage.” –Doctor Handsome

Also this long comment from Master Softheart about Phantom franchise opportunities is way too long to reproduce here but is awesome and you should read it.

I must thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Lexapros and Cons: In comedian Aaron Karo’s hilarious debut novel, Chuck Taylor knows his OCD is out of control. But to get a handle on his life, he’s going to have to break some hardcore habits … and get his hands dirty.
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To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.