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Good evening everybody! Your COTW in a moment, but first two items of interest! First of all, I know many of you fondly remember the now-cancelled My Cage strip. Well, the two creative minds behind, Ed Power and Melissa DeJesus, are cooking up a new project: a graphic novel called Santa vs. Dracula! It’s about, well, pretty much what you’d think, based on the title. You can help them get it off the ground by pre-ordering through Kickstarter! Click the link to see some sample pages. You know you want it!

Also! You have of course already been made aware of [Citation Needed], the exciting new compilation of the best of Wikipedia’s worst writing by Conor Lastowka and myself. But perhaps you are thinking “Feh, I only purchase goods and services that are endorsed by John Hodgman and/or Rob Bricken of Topless Robot fame.” Well, get your wallet, my friend.

And now, your comment of the week!

“Mountie McQueen is just following strict Canadian law enforcement protocol. He jumps out from behind a tree and shouts ‘Surprise!’ It’s kind of their version of Miranda rights.” –geekwhisperer

And the runners up … very funny!

“Since there are no trees in sight, where exactly did that beaver get those branches? Unless it’s actually chewing on moose bones — in which case this scenario is far more horrifying than anyone imagined.” –BigTed

“I love the befuddled expressions on Jughaid and Snuffy. It’s like one of them is going to break the silence by saying ‘What we gon’ say when we git our pichure tooken?'” –Red Greenback

“‘Really? Aren’t you younger than Daddy?’ ‘Yes, dear, but I’m his trophy wife. You, on the other hand, aren’t anybody’s trophy anything, unless there’s an award for worst outcome of finding the condom box empty.'” –seismic-2

“You can tell Rick works in the music industry — what with his powder-blue Members Only jacket and regular boy’s haircut, he’s practically 50 Cent’s twin!” –Patrick

“As we all know, when it comes to songwriting, quantity is what matters. Tommie doesn’t wonder whether her songs are insipid, predictable, tuneless variations on the theme of hoping the right man with a neckerchief comes along someday, or how will she be able to know her true love if his hair is the same color as another man’s; she wonders whether she’s written enough of them. And Rick’s like, ‘…yeah, sure, let’s go with that. Not enough songs.'” –Yahtzee

“I find it makes a considerable difference to assume that whenever Mary has a hand in a relationship, either by giving advice or by directly involving herself without warrant, she dictates that the couple refrain from any sexual activities until she alone has given the go-ahead. It would explain all of the facial expressions anyways.” –R Felix

“Judge Parker: I thought you guys said Sophie was in junior high? Why can Derek drive? Why do I kind of think he’s cute JUST KIDDING LALALA I DIDN’T SAY THAT” –twg

“Oh, right, like Mary Worth goes to that diner for the pie and not for the emotionally crippled staff.” –Lolsworth

“Chip has downloaded the ‘Grammatically incorrect past-tense verb’ app, the ultimate in parental-annoyance technology. ‘BROUGHT, you ignorant son of a bitch!’ is all Hi will be able to think for the next three weeks.” –Doctor Handsome

“I worry about Bobby and Gina growing old together, though. If they can’t see over the steering wheel NOW, what hope do they have of driving off into the sunset when they’re eighty? Too small for cars, too fragile for skateboards: it’s a disaster waiting to happen.” –Krazy Kat

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Many of you may be aware of [Citation Needed], a Tumblr blog showcasing Wikipedia’s worst writing, of which I am one of the two curators (i.e., one of the two guys who finds and posts hilariously bad Wikipedia writing and/or sorts through reader submissions of same). Probably you have been long thinking “I love this Tumblr but I wish it were available in book form, so that I could have it in my bathroom and/or give it to my friends who hate the Internet, and also it should include jokes written by Josh and RiffTrax writer-genius/National High Five Day impresario Conor Lastowka.” Well, my friend, today is your lucky day, and by “today” I mean “today and all subsequent days,” because this book now exists and can be purchased, now and into the indefinite future.

Yes, my friends, this book is now available for purchase at Amazon, in physical or Kindle form! We’ve already rocketed up to 16,506 on the Amazon best-seller list; help us break into quadruple digits! You can also download the first 50 pages of the book in PDF form, if you’re the “try before you buy” type.

Faithful longtime readers, I urge you to help a brother out vis-a-vis this book! Obviously it would be great if you bought it for every single person on your gift list this Chriskwaanzukkah; but, even better, if you have a blog or Twitter or radio show or something that would reach nerds who would enjoy this book, please let those nerds know about it! We are happy to talk with you/write about our love for Wiki-whimsy, at length. Also, if you know of (or, better, own or work at!) a cute little store in your hometown that sells jokey books like this, let me know about it so we can try to pitch them on adding [Citation Needed] to their holiday lineup. (Urban Outfitters, too. Do you know who it is who does the buying for gifty books at Urban Outfitters? That’d be brilliant.)

All [Citation Needed]-related correspondence can be sent to info@citationneededbook.com. Thank you for your time and attention! We now return you to your regularly scheduled comics mocking. Ha ha, Mary Worth, amiright?

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You guys, I have promised cute photos of bird bands and I HAVE DELIVERED. Or rather, you have delivered, and I’m just putting them up.

First up is a pic from faithful reader Joe, the Upper Evergreen Guy. His tropical bird had no legs to band, so he was forced to drastic measures.

Faithful reader Beth K. has no bird to band, but does have a remarkably mellow cat to crown.

Renee J’s dog is similarly more tolerant of random objects than most domestic beasts:

“There actually is a population of geese that lives on the pond behind my house,” says faithful reader Esther Blodgett, “but they’re mean SOBs if you aren’t armed with bread crusts and likely would have resisted my efforts to band them. Fortunately, I found this critter in my back yard. He put up a good fight, but I was able to tag him.”

A bird of a different sort was banded up in Alaska:

Faithful reader Baka Gaijin had his own favorite bird in mind for this band:

And faithful reader Jerrod Kingery found his band too hot to handle — literally! Or maybe metaphorically? I dunno. There’s an oven mitt involved, anyway.

Finally, faithful reader Red Greenback banded a Mark Trail action figure (note: not officially licensed) and created his own Unnaturally Large Animal Shot.

Most everyone who’s donated: your band should be winging its way to you right about now, if you haven’t gotten it yet! The last batch is going in the mail tomorrow. One sad note though: some people have found that the devilish machines at the post office have difficulty dealing with the awesomeness of bible bird bands, and are getting envelopes like this:

If this monumental tragedy happens to you, please let me know and send me your address — I have extras and will resend. (If you’ve already told me, your band is going out tomorrow.) Similarly, if your band doesn’t show up by, say, the middle of next week, let me know and I’ll send again.