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“I see why Jeff bought a much bigger boat. If you want to discuss Wilbur’s sex prowess and escape the judgment of men, you better go into international waters. But can you escape the judgement of God?” –Ettorre

And your very funny runners up!

“‘No, Jeff, it’s exactly as it should be.’ Calm down, Mary. Even though you’re right, there’s no need to be the boss of Jeff’s opinions, because he always has the weakest opinions imaginable. I don’t think he’s actually convinced this isn’t all a dream. I know I’m not.” –made of wince

“Dustin’s dad wouldn’t last five seconds in France. Partly because of his lack of respect for strikes, but mostly because that sandwich looks like the worst croque monsieur I’ve ever seen.” –Schroduck

“After yesterday’s Mother’s Day aberration, Hi has gone back to his usual level of helpfulness around the house. He also walks up behind Lois when she’s washing dishes and points out when she’s missed a spot.” –Peanut Gallery

“Dustin is coming home from a (presumably) 9-5 job talking about ‘departments’ wearing a jacket/tie while his dad is casually sitting in the kitchen eating a sandwich. Sounds like Dustin’s dad is being the lazy layabout today! Get to work, Dustin’s dad!” –ALK

“Count Weirdly’s plan is to get Max so stirred up about his new ‘wonder weapon’ that he will demand that the Animal government take immediate action and fund a massive cost-plus program to prevent propeller drones in space. Weirdly Industries will be more than happy to help out.” –But What Do I Know?

“‘Refund’ I can only assume in Hootin’ Holler means ‘took a decades-old axe to the store and used it to rob them of some change then left it behind because a lifetime of drinking moonshine does a number on the old memory.’ Or maybe it’s a new axe, but there’s no way Snuffy had a receipt for it, so some sort of threat was definitely involved.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Dr. Jeff knows ‘surf n’ turf’ generally means a piece of beef tenderloin and a lobster tail. By ordering a bowl of clam chowder and a strip steak instead, he’s having his usual little Bum Boat joke. ‘I’ll have surf n’ turf … clam chowder and a steak! Ah ha ha ha ha ha. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha.’ ‘Dr. Jeff will have his little joke,’ says Jerry, then goes back into the kitchen to spit in their food.” –Ukulele Ike

“Don’t let looks deceive you — they could be sexting each other right now!” –Pozzo

“<He’s wearing a cowboy hat. He must be extra American.>” –Kevin On Earth

“We’ve been talking nonstop since we sat down, Jeff, and I’m bored and unhappy.” –Liam

“Sorry, can’t comment right now, just going through every Madonna song I know and trying to figure out which one would be funniest in an Elmer Fudd voice. So far the frontrunner is ‘Papa Don’t P(w)each.’” –pugfuggly

“[Reads comic] [Starts pondering the theology of Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC] [Starts constructing elaborate fan theory that Beetle Bailey represents the Seven Deadly Sins and Dante’s Inferno, then tying in Hi and Lois, Hagar, and the lesser known Boner’s Ark] [Wakes up 20 years later, finding myself the Kevin Feige of the Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC Studios and cinematic Universe]” –Philip

“We have 25 different beers! No thumbs, though.” –pastordan

“If you spent time at Roz’s Existential Lunch Counter — which has no food, plates, utensils, napkins, or cash registers, and ‘serves’ nothing but empty water glasses — you’d be depressed too.” –BigTed

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Folks! Apologies to anyone who had planned to come to the Internet Read Aloud in LA tonight — the theater is having both plumbing and HVAC problems so I had to cancel the show. Everything should be in order for June 9th though, so mark your calendars!

Until then, enjoy this week’s comment of the week, from the comfort and safety of your own home:

“From the looks of it Mr. Keane, that ‘SILENCE’ you hear is the absence of a carbon monoxide alarm! Get out of the house right now!” –Lorelei

Your runners up are also a delight!

“So a decade or so from now the Keane Kids (now all the same age and dressed for the very early ’60s) are heading off to, I don’t know, a coffee shop to become beatniks?” –boingboing

“See the way the Chicken Lady is eyeing the clock? That’s someone who is ill at ease with Roman numerals for sure.” –nescio

“Dr. Jeff will ask for Mary’s hand — specifically, to lend a hand around the office, as Estelle has caused the market for medical administrative labor to plummet to zero.” –Philip

“To be fair, at least Henrietta will die of clogged arteries instead of from doing some half assed stunt.” –I speak Jive

“So now I guess it’s time for a reminder of what a healthy, long-term relationship looks like: contact twice a year.” –anty a

“‘Halfway’ in this case means ‘funeral home,’ which actually means ‘body ditch.’” –pugfuggly

“Anyway, she’s registered in Liberia for tax reasons, and our first cruise has to be down to Sinaloa to pick up some … packages … for some friends of mine. You’re not wearing a wire, are you?” –Voshkod

“They just sprinkle portholes anywhere they want, don’t they.” –Uncle Lumpy

“This is a regular Algonquin CTE Table.” –taig

“…and serving you cake with all the icing licked off would be disgusting, so that’s why you’re getting a wheel of cheese instead.” –Drew Funk

“Here we see the Gil Thorp team attempting what is known as an ‘orphaned punchline,’ in which the audience joins the story just in time to hear the bizarre conclusion (‘And I said, Well, I understand the ballet costume, but what’s the ferret for?’). This is a good way to establish your character is amusing, entertaining, peculiar, or in Kaz’s case, not good at telling interesting stories.” –TheDiva

“A grape is yelling at some raisins. ‘ALL OF A SUDDEN raisins are more popular than grapes!? BOO!’” –BeckoningChasm & Peanut Gallery

“Instead of ‘The Love Boat,’ they’re cruising on ‘The Just Friends Boat.’” –Lord Flatulence

“‘Wasn’t she dating WILBUR at one point?’ And just like that, Estelle is marked for life. Doesn’t matter if she wins a Nobel prize or becomes Public Enemy #1, she was ‘dating Wilbur at one point.’” –MKay

“Her veterinarian??? You’re lucky, Mary. You got yourself a real doctor! Think some flea-chaser can afford a rig like this?” –Inspector Gotcha

“I wonder if he constantly has to add, ‘three Gs, two Ms’ when he’s introduced? And then have to explain still further after people look at him blankly, because who could imagine his name is ‘Gregg?’” –Chance

“A friend of ours has a smartwatch, and every time she visits our baby immediately grabs her wrist and starts poking the screen and activating functions. What I’m saying is … I found a Marvin strip relatable? Dear god, there’s no hope for me. Although at least I didn’t find it funny.” –Schroduck

“Leading off with his iconic song rather than saving it for the encore is the kind of brilliant performance strategy that led to Mud having to fake constipation in order to get to the top of the bill.” –pastordan

“Kick off them muddy boots. So the song Yvonne is obsessed with is a sex song. The universe keeps breaking down the flimsy walls of my mind palace and forcing me to stare into the abyss.” –matt w

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

Post Content

It’s the first Friday of the month again, so you know what that means: we’re one week away from the second Friday of the month, the day when The Internet Read Aloud happens at 8:30 pm at the Clubhouse in Los Angeles. Come hack the mainframe with us at this free show!

Meanwhile, fulfill your laff needs by enjoying this week’s top comment:

“Yep, the only way he can tolerate looking through old photo albums is by huffing gas, and Leroy ran out. Or he had too much? Anyhow, he didn’t have the right amount of gas.” –pugfuggly

And the funny runners up are eminently laffworthy!

“Need advice for getting along in these trying times? Why not ask a character in a hundred-year-old print comic strip. He’ll tell you that if you think life is more difficult today than in 1922, you’re a soft coddled snowflake who doesn’t deserve the millions of trees that are cut down and pulped every year just to make the newspapers they’re printed on.” –BigTed

“What sort of cat gets broken limbs falling down a stairwell? Semi-humanisation is not without its drawbacks.” –Gerry Quinn

“It takes more than an earthquake to wake Snuffy from a chicken-fucking dream.” –Hibbleton

“The original Monopoly was created to show that we’re all POWs in a rentier capitalist system! Talk about smuggling a message into International Workers Day — doesn’t Tracy usually shoot a Commie to commemorate?” –But What Do I Know?

“Also I volunteer for the Coast Guard on weekends! I was one of the divers who rescued the kids at Tham Luang! I’m going to keep throwing out previously unknown backstory until this situation becomes plausible!” –TheDiva

“Oh, great. Now I’m thinking about Crock’s … hands?” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Signs are illegal! Picket signs, star signs, hand signs, all of it, illegal! Right here, I have a edict signed by General de … wait a minute.” –Voshkod

“‘Entertained’? Well, I have to admit that seeing two dorks and their house pets sync up yoga moves constitutes entertainment of a sort.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Normally I’m a big advocate for low-traffic suburbs where children can play safely in the street, but if this is what it leads to then bring on the SUVs.” –Schroduck

“Rene is a multi-talented person, and in a more just age and society he’d be a celebrated polymath. But in the corrupt and crooked world of Rex Morgan, M.D., it’s established that already wealthy people like the Morgans do very little actual work and are handed valuable things for free. Even in this strip the Morgans and their circle are notable for not taking any action, contributing to the drama of the strip, and letting other people handle the world. Rene, meanwhile, cooks up new schemes, personas, and outfits. Its no wonder he turns to crime, though he finds over and over again is that the plutocracy’s one true talent is protecting its own wreath and status.” –Philip

“Are you guys sure all the normal sized towels are in the hamper? You really don’t have anything bigger than this little hand towel? I just got fished out of the sea and I’m pretty cold and wet, but fine, give the scam artist a little rag to gently dab his neck with. You guys are the real villains, you’re just much more passive aggressive about it.” –made of wince

“If you say ‘I’m the best at what I do’ while wearing handcuffs … you are probably not the best at what you do.” –astroboy

“Well, here’s a sentence I never thought I’d type: Snuffy and the gang could really learn a few things from the knuckleheads in Rex Morgan, M.D. While the residents of Hootin’ Holler can’t speak, walk, or laugh without their grotesque, identical tongues flopping out of their mouths, Rex and his ilk seem to be descended from a long line of ventriloquists. ‘Open our mouths to speak?’ they say in tight-lipped astonishment. ‘Why, we might display a line of teeth on occasion, but we only open up fully when we’re considering pushing someone off a boat, I don’t know why I have to explain this to you.’” –els

“Nothing I like more than walking side by side with my significant other and conversing by tilting our heads and looking toward each other with our eyeballs but never turning our heads under any circumstances. It’s the way true lovers interact.” –Drew Funk

“Seeing as Curtis unironically enjoys a comic strip called Dear Old Dad which isn’t funny either, maybe the actual joke is that Curtis has no actual sense of humour. Constantly showing unfunny things to his dad who is the audience surrogate? ‘Yes readers … my son is a dumbass. Just go with it.’” –The Rambling Otter

“You call that Back? Son, close your TikTok and dial 1-900-MIX-A-LOT.” –Ben Harper, on Twitter

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!