“Jeffy’s stoop-moping has now become one of his trademark characteristics, along with ‘pantlessness’ and ‘abject lack of charm.'” –Cooler King

“I believe science has demonstrated that Thel’s neck would snap like a twig under the weight of Jeffy, The Prince of Pudge. Hell, I’m surprised she can wear a hat without collapsing.” –boojum

“So, basically, here’s the way the Mary Worth plot will play out: Mary will be choking to death on a fish bone, and Jeff’s digital electronic e-Book computerized reader will contain some document that explains the Heimlich maneuver. After her life is saved by the Booktronic Computome Digibook, she’ll renounce her former dislike of machines and marry a blender.” –Kibo

“Here we see four comics, all using the same limited color palette, but somehow only Mary Worth manages to be completely nauseating.” –Ethan Shuster

“I fear that the Mary-Jeff interaction is going to be held up as the model for interpersonal disagreements on the adoption of new technologies, and that we’re about to see a more dysfunctional way to be a Luddite. It’s Wilbur, so perhaps he’ll eat Dawn’s oversized smartphone in a sandwich, while moping.” –Aviatrix

“One problem is that this alleged high school [in Luann] has always only had about a dozen students, tops. Introducing an actual new student seems to be an extremely lengthy and painful process, kinda like giving birth to a Volkswagen. Quill is very lucky to exist.” –Poteet

“‘LOL! ROFL! Epic fail!’ hoots Wilbur in an attempt to connect with his ‘net-savvy’ daughter, then goes back to eating his expired cling peaches in brine.” –new_squid_in_town

“Oh no, my daughter is addicted to her smart phone! Stay calm, Wilbur. She needs you right now! Step one is to finish dinner: cramming these orange globs down my throat as fast as possible, by hand if necessary!” –Black Drazon

“If you look carefully, you’ll notice that Crock’s fort (I have no idea if it has an actual name) is flying the white flag of surrender. The French Foreign Legion has capitulated to the Tunisian revolt, and Poulet’s last act before shipping back to France is to try and find a book in French — ANY book — to keep his mind occupied on the long journey home. Sadly, all the writings of the foreigners have been burned.” –Just Some Guy

“Maybe the Crock author is ready to roll out his own home-brewed language, and is trying to first discredit our current one using shaming tactics.” –The Other One

“‘Well, Loweezy, I can think of another way you can pay those bills.’ Cue the wacka-wacka background music … or banjo music … or wacka-wacka banjo music.” –Pozzo

“Dawn’s relationship with her father may actually deepen if limited to 140 character communications. Is more really needed to discuss sandwiches and nothingness?” –VochoCinco

“How expensive could a jar of leeches possibly be?” –James

“Listen to your father, Dawn. Both as the target of a Facebook paternity fraud scam and an advice columnist who answers anonymous letters while pretending to be a lady, Wilbur know a thing or two about connecting with real people.” –Violet

“I don’t know what kind of horror has caused Dolly and Jeffy to flee in haste from the Keane ranchette, but not only, as others have mentioned, has Jeffy tied something non-hat like on his head (the arm protector from the La-Z-Boy?) but Dolly has put her stirrup pants on over her shoes. That’s right, Dolly — the tree keeps its clothes at all times on so it can make a quick escape when its mommy starts screaming out bible scripture and chasing the kids around with a hairbrush and a vacuum hose.” –Mustang

“So this is the meth lab Paul’s so proud of? Be careful Lu Ann, those chemicals will straighten your hair.” –zenvelo

“After reading Shoe, I started to make a list of things that are really important that you don’t see people doing on TV. I won’t bore you with the whole list. But masturbating made the cut. Reading Shoe did not.” –Esther Blodgett

“‘Rely on batteries or electricity?’ Good Lord, what else did her husband give her other than those swans on their marriage night? She might have gotten an electric shock from which she’s never recovered. I’m surprised the doc hasn’t prescribed lotion.” –Dingo

“Kelly is Cherry’s evil twin sister. Mark tolerates her because he can’t tell them apart.” –gnome de blog

“How can Jeff fail to comprehend that Mary would be daunted by this new technology? As has been amply demonstrated this week, our venerable heroine continues to find the intricacies of operating a coffee cup almost hopelessly bewildering.” –Violet

“The obvious subtext of every Pluggers is always, ‘Pluggers honestly don’t give a fuck if they live or die,’ but today’s installment is a little on-the-nose.” –Doctor Handsome

“Nothing says ‘I’m not afraid’ like placing your coffee cup in a defensive position between your heart and what you fear most: a future beyond the control of Mary Worth.” –VochoCinco

“OK, so that’s clearly not a plugger, because when the hell did pluggers start using fancy-Dan cable boxes and big-time-Charlie remote boxes? Pluggers use rabbit ears and believe that remote controls shoot lasers that could take out an eye. Fucking frauds.” –DownWithOPP

“BUZZ BUZZ! Sorry, Margo, that wasn’t a valid response. Remember, defensiveness does not count as bitchiness. The correct response was, ‘You bumpkins deserve each other!’ Tommie, yawn away ten points.” –Doctor Handsome

“In Paleo-Pluggers, does ‘courted’ mean ‘savagely attacked and shook until the neck broke, before carrying the lifeless body back to your own territory to be devoured at your leisure?’ Because that’s where I see that relationship going. A dog with that look on his face and that many hearts floating in front of him is definitely thinking about food.” –Harold

“In fairness to Scott, he IS wearing his dress undershirt.” –Adfella

“‘I’m nervous about venturing too far’? Who talks that way? Is it Santa Royale cop lingo?” –Cayuga

“As bad as this honeymoon trip is turning out to be, I’ll bet it’s still better than the sex.” –Poteet

“Shannon looks like a tiny Mossad agent spotting the last living Nazi officer in Argentina. No need to bring him back alive, Shannon.” –Ed Dravecky

“Fun fact: dog-chicken offspring are born encased in a quivering, soft-shelled chrysalis — it’s not quite an egg, and it’s not quite a placenta, but as any Dog-Plugger will tell you, it’s good eatin’.” –Walker of Dog

“You were ruined by a shady investment counselor? How interesting! June and I were ruined by a shitty inker, so…” –Edgy DC

“Simulating fellatio has become tedious for Tommie.” –Red Greenback

“The new hubby is now repacking the trunk, again. One day he will realize that suitcases can be laid on their side, but not today.” –Neal R

“Today’s Jumble is like ‘Goofus and Gallant Work the Night Shift at WalMart.'” –AndyL

“Yeah, I’m going to have to add Mary Worth to the list of comics best understood as taking place entirely within the mind of someone being hanged at Owl Creek Bridge. The list is longer than most casual comics readers might suspect.” –Spunde

“Tommie thinks that she and Margo are literally in the same boat, as the waters rise past their ankles from Margo’s running an unattended bath. ‘That’s not exactly comforting, Tommie, we’ll all be drowned soon enough, purple robes and all.'” –TheLundbom