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Is this the first ever COTW post written on a moving bus somewhere on the New Jersey Turnpike, thanks to Bolt Bus’s free Wi-Fi? POSSIBLY! Anyway, enjoy your somewhat truncated (all pre-weekend getaway, sorry) comments of the week! First, your #1 comment:

“At least Lonnie died doing what he loved: nothing.” –Rhekarid

And your runners up! Also hilarious!

“I think I see the Keane parents’ plan here. They fill the pool with water every day, but each day they inch it closer to the wild expanse that is the backyard. With luck the children might someday become lost on the way back. Dolly seems to have caught on, but poor Jeffy will go on drinking his ‘water’ until it’s far too late. At night, the wolves will come.” –TheTJ

“Phantom: What sort of totalitarian police state doesn’t have standing orders to shoot through a human shield? Not any sort of totalitarian police state I’d care to infiltrate, that’s for sure.” –Greenman Lefey

“The look of pure loathing on Dolly’s face adds an extra level of pathos. ‘Insult the taste of MY urine, will you?'” –Rootboy

“It appears Dr. Mike is jumping right into his plan to dispose of his father’s body — namely, eating it by the fistful.” –Reedzilla

“Take a look at Hubby’s itty-witty hand. She probably has no reason to fear any attempt at violence, except him possibly using his huge head as a club.” –Poteet

“Of course Jamarr is ditching practice, because he fears a quarterback who is nothing but a disembodied head held up by the massive hands of some unseen fiend. Gil should be wondering about the other boys, who seem more than enthusiastic about joining in the unspeakable rituals of this coven masquerading as a ‘huddle.'” –Lawyerbob

“Coachy McFacialhair may appear emotionally stable as he disdainfully intones that Jamarr has a cold (or so he says), but look closer. His grin is frozen in a Jokeresque rictus and his eyes are practically popping out of his head. That toy telephone is going to shatter into a million pieces when he crushes it in his giant meatpaw.” –LaurenM

“Do not let that bear fool you. It is not ‘half-tamed,’ it’s just biding its time. RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN.” –Smokehouse

“I’m not up on the cost of elaborate chain link fences and a Noah’s Ark-worth of wild animals so you could host a big game hunt for your voting buddies, but wouldn’t it be cheaper to just write a news release announcing your plans to run for governor, and maybe having some signs printed and buying some air time on the Lost Forest Network?” –Dood

“If Frank eventually ends up hunting Mark Trail for sport, he can count on my vote!” –Digger

“So young Jamarr will be found out, and sat out for the first two games of the season due to his ‘cold,’ and the team will get properly stomped on and then fall just short of making the playdowns because of their star player’s laziness? Well, these are all good life lessons, I guess, something to think about five years from now when he’s making $10 million a year with the Jets.” –Mooncattie

As ever, big thanks go out to everyone who put some cash in my tip jar! And, while there are no advertisers to thank this week, there have been some exciting updates to our advertising offerings, so please check those out!

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OK, your COTW in a moment, but first, thanks to many faithful readers for alerting me to the existence of the Jersey Circus, which, yes, it’s pretty much exactly what you think it is.

Also! Confidential to elitist iPad users! If you read this site on your elitist iPad, you have probably noticed to this point that by default you will be directed to the mobile version of the site, which isn’t really ideal. With the help of the talented Dalton Rooney, I think I’ve been able to fix this; if you are still getting redirected to the mobile site, go to Settings -> Safari and clear your cache. Let me know if you still have troubles, or if you are using another device of some sort that shouldn’t be defaulting to the mobile site but is anyway!

And now: your comment of the week.

“This is Pluggers’ sad attempt to be informative. ‘Hey, did you know the light bulb was invented by Edison? No, I don’t remember what his first name was. What am I, some sort of libraryman?'” –Byeynyn

And your hilarious runners up!

“My brain cannot reconcile a world in which Beyonce and the girls of Apartment 3G coexist. It’s like when Mark Trail pulls out a cell phone and you fear for the structural coherence of his universe.” –Jake Morgendorffer

“Is Mark’s ass ready for the responsibility of caring for a wild animal? And who’s going to bathe the deer and check him for ticks — you, Mark’s ass? I have my doubts.” –Walker of Dog

“So the Keane’s family vacation is now into its fourth (?) week. I think it’s time Bil told the kids the truth — that the house got foreclosed and he sold his nipples to afford the gas and tolls to the beach. From now on they’ll follow the seasons up and down America’s beaches, living off of sandcrabs and scavenged quarters.” –A Seedy Looking Gentleman Carrying A Large Bag

“The first thing I noticed was Mark Trail’s voice bubble butt (haha … get it?), but then I saw the hideously crooked, apparently four inch nose on ol’ Stepfather in panel one, certainly meaning he’s had a few run-ins with Mark before. And this bodes well for a good strong one-two KAPOW in the next few days’ strips!!! Distract them with the talking anus! Rebreak his nose!” –Wilbur

“I think I know why Mark Trail enjoys spending so much time alone in the woods. Has there ever been an instance when the statement ‘Why are you here, Trail?’ wasn’t wholly appropriate? You could use that phrase to replace any dialogue ever spoken to Mark and it would make perfect sense.” –survivor

“Unless Lucky is a contortionist, Beth is actually riding him like a pony. Out of context, that sounds slightly dirty, but not once you know the context is Mark Trail.” –AndyL

“Remember, Big Daddy Keane, if he doesn’t float, he’s not a witch.” –Master Softheart

“Sorry, Lonnie, but your son hangs out with Mary Worth. He hasn’t really turned out that great.” –Alison

“Man, I am really digging hat-guy in Gil Thorp there. He’s just so happy to be here. He came to party, and damned if he’s not going to, youth golf or no youth golf. He and Andrew Gregory can have an off-panel party to celebrate being the only interesting people to ever appear in Gil Thorp, and also to celebrate never having to appear in it again.” –He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus

“This plotline is running out of twists. The only thing that could take this plot in a new wacky direction is that Dr. Mike and his dad are actually in an abandoned Sharper Image store with a tropical wallpaper motif, and pops is sitting on a massage chair. I can’t explain the sweating though.” –Government Cheese

“The scene in Pluggers makes ‘going green’ look like an inoperable prostate disease.” –NoahSnark

“I think the search for Richie’s killer will go a little better now, since those two have finally developed their mutant superpowers.” –Rumon

“Are you going to beat me up too, Kitty? Well, please stick to the face and stomach. Kat really did a number on my kidneys.” –Snuggs

“In a strip as formulaic as Mark Trail, there is no reason to use a foreshadowing device. We already know how this will end. Frank might as well have said: ‘I hope in 21 to 24 days from now I don’t get caught operating my illegal hunting grounds, have large beads of sweat running down my brow while trying to explain things to my family, try to escape, get punched in the face, and end up being lectured by Mark Trail while a Forest Ranger stands in the background with his hands on his hips.'” –Thomas B.

“A true plugger would never call directory assistance for a number, since it would cost money.” –Rachel

“Can’t Mike get married and have kids and be an alcoholic too? Why limit himself?” –greghousesgf

“In the last panel, Cayla finally realizes she’s really competing with Susan for honorable mention in the Les’ Lifemate Beauty Pageant. She’s always known that the first woman in Les’ life is his dead wife (whether in ghost or book form) and second goes to Summer, but now she knows that third place goes to the Funkyverse’s conquering bitch mistress: Pizza.” –Sassback

“‘What do you think about holding my book launch party here at Montoni’s?’ ‘That crappy drivel? Sure. Why hold it anywhere good?'”–TruthOfAngels

“It’s good to see the Mudlarks are keeping up with their crucifixion drills.” –Patrick

“Today is the first day of school in districts all around the country. It is therefore particularly malicious of our nation’s comics writers to try to pump up the parent anxiety like a three-panel NBC Dateline episode. Will my first grader be safe riding the school bus? Will my freshman football player be shielded from ritual bukake hazing? No, says the comics page. No they will not.” –Guy Neeto

“I’d say Margo’s makeover is complete. Those lovely raven tresses and that smock give her sort of a ‘Veronica Lodge meets the Bride of Frankenstein’ vibe I find irresistible.” –Joe Blevins

“A group of adorable schoolchildren are about to die in a horrible school bus accident! And Crankshaft had nothing to do with it! I know, I don’t believe it either! That’s why the police are already combing his place, give it time.” –Black Drazon

As ever, big thanks go out to everyone who put some cash in my tip jar! And, while there are no advertisers to thank this week, there have been some exciting updates to our advertising offerings, so please check those out!

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Your comments of the week momentarily, but first: As I noted last week, this summer’s Gil Thorp storyline has been insultingly boring, not least because it has featured exactly zero instances of Coach Kaz being wacky. We weren’t even treated to another glimpse into his love dojo! Faithful reader Loramir provides some evidence of why this might be.

I confess, I’ve only read Gil Thorp this summer when you’ve posted it on the site, but apparently while Gil’s celebrating his success in bringing honesty back to golf, Coach Kaz has been hiring himself out again. Not, unfortunately, as a freelance badass — just as a yard man.

I encountered this truck the other day around town and figured I’d send the photo to the only other people I know of (possibly the only other people period) who care how Coach Kaz is spending his summer while Gil chills in the clubhouse: the Comics Curmudgeon and my fellow readers.

But we need to move on from this sadness and learn to love again, with help from the comment of the week!

“Is it me, or did the writer of A3G have an ‘oh shit’ moment when she was writing Mojo’s lines? ‘I’ve styled everyone from Beyonce…’ Oh crap, nobody in my target audience knows who that is! Uh … uh … ‘…to Helen Mirren.’ Saved it!” –Rumon

And the hilarious runners up!

“I call foul. They aren’t enjoying a real frolic until they’ve shared a sandwich.” –seismic-2

“I think Mary Worth is teaching us an important lesson about the inevitable random cruelty of urban vigilante fashion police. There’s no excuse for what they’ve done, but seriously: don’t ever go out on the streets in a vest, kids.” –Revenge of Chesnut

“That’s a hell of a big piece that gangster is riding around with in his sweet two-door Dodge Aries K. It’s a good thing he has that ice chest riding shotgun to help steady his aim.” –Edgy DC

“I’m glad they added ‘college student’ into that plugger joke’s calculus because ‘A plugger’s idea of a balanced meal is eating three processed foods with slightly different flavors’ would have been just too hard to believe.” –Fanshawe

“I had previously assumed one became a plugger only through soul-crushing life experience. I find it uplifting to deduce through the existence of college-age pluggers that it is a hereditary trait, and therefore one which I can almost certainly never acquire.” –Tess

“There is no way that is not Rusty in a Marlo Thomas wig. Who’s that girl? It’s Rusty.” –Jester

“I must say, considering Dr. Mike’s earlier histrionics he’s taking his father’s revelations with an alarming nonchalance. ‘So your best friend was brutally murdered in front of your very eyes and you left mom and me to go on a bloodthirsty campaign of vigilante justice? Fascinating, please go on.'” –Paddy

“Say what you will about 9 Chickweed Lane and Mary Worth (and I usually do), but as far as I know, they have yet to stoop to using hair cutting as a major plot point.” –TheDiva

“My initial reaction was also to be kind of judgmental about Lu Ann’s pathological obsession with getting her hair cut and seeming belief that it’s the worst thing that could possibly happen to a person, but I guess if I had to wake up every day to the chilling cautionary example that is Tommie, I might get a little squirrely on the subject myself.” –Violet

“I can’t think of a decade old enough to put jury duty jokes into.” –Alex

“So in Shoe’s grotesque avian parody of the human world, you can still smoke cigars in drug stores but Preparation H is available by prescription only?” –Joe Blevins

“Panel 5 of Mary Worth: Best Comb-over Depiction in A Dramatic Role.” –zenvelo

“Sam Driver weight-tested women’s shoes. Neddie had lunch with … some guy. April went on a thrilling, high stakes mission for the CIA, probably involving a car chase, a shootout, and lots of cool explosions. There was only time to follow two of those three storylines. And the creators of Judge Parker stand by their decision. –4 8 15 16 23 42

“‘Exchange data’? We didn’t call it that in my unspecified period of time.” –Zaratustra

“When Herb says, ‘I hate the way this show typifies the way women gossip,’ his obtuse verbiage is actually a psychological defense that indicates he’s lying to himself. What he really means is, ‘I love Gossip Girl.’” –BigTed

As ever, big thanks go out to everyone who put some cash in my tip jar! And, while there are no advertisers to thank this week, there have been some exciting updates to our advertising offerings, so please check those out!