“Loretta forgot the number one rule of being a Lockhorn: points can only be scored in the moment with a single barb. Long games, like hanging up a banner in the hopes Leroy will remember that he forgot your anniversary, will never get you anywhere. Step it up, girl! Leroy never remembers anything unless he can use it against you! He’s used cheap beer to scour his hippocampus to a fine sheen, becoming a creature of pure id! This isn’t Judge Parker, whose characters can occasionally be induced to feel shame!” –Navigator

“My guess: the Gasoline Alley team discovered that there is a hamlet named Mosquitoville, Vermont, and said, ‘That’s gold! How can we use this?’ Sad that this was the best they could do.” –Pozzo

“The modern comics pages are full of anachronisms to help make Boomers feel that time hasn’t passed them by, but I refuse to think that even they believe that anyone still sends letters through the mail anymore, even to … advice hobos?” –Tabby Lavalamp

“How many accountants? I have to steal a car with a bigger trunk!” –Little Guy

“Dennis has forsaken High Church Anglicanism for a more evangelical service at the feet of … former congressman Harold Ford Jr? … as his homage to the Heroes of 9/11. I guess?” –bad wolf

“So in Pardon My Planet, the people in Heaven are still miserable? That checks.” –nescio

“I sure hope Saul doesn’t plan to throw away his collection of antimacassars. Those things are worse than six-pack plastic rings when it comes to entangling birds and wildlife.” –Charterstoned

“Have you ever thought about heaven? You’re up on clouds, man. So much closer to the sun! Think of how hot that’s gonna be! So come on down to Crazy Carl’s Cryo Lab! We’ll freeze your head for $99.95! An eternity of cool head comfort or for however long the freezer in Carl’s garage lasts and remains unknown to the local authorities!” –Old Man Shadow

“Sprocket Nitrate has wisely decided to make her escape, having realized that her gimmick (walking around barefoot, and being named ‘Sprocket Nitrate’) is not enough to give her rogue’s gallery immunity but just enough to greatly increase the chances of a painful and ironic death, possibly through tetanus.” –TheDiva

“It’s not so much they are eating orange goo, but the quantity Loretta prepared. There will be anniversaries of these leftovers, Leroy.” –Kevin On Earth

“‘I want a hanging sign that reads Happy Anniversary. ‘No problem. Here at Party City we have dozens! Shiny gold or silver, festive red, rainbow, what color do you want?’ ‘Black. Matte black. Funereal matte black.’ ‘Uh … looks like we’re out of stock! Try Goth Gala, two doors over.'” –Voshkod

“I am totally looking forward to learning the email address associated with Rene’s Venmo!” –taig

“Own it Elmo! Time to show that you are too cool for school. Go buy some booze and smokes, and, flash that mustachioed Elmo photo. Just say you shaved it off because it was itchy!” –tallyHO

“Leroy is using ‘she means well’ as a devastating insult. Yet more confirmation that the Lockhorns are Jewish, on Erev Rosh Hashanah yet. Have we not suffered enough?” –Matt Weiner, on Bluesky

“I like how the box it came in doesn’t look like it’s giftwrapped, but more like it’s warning that it is carrying dangerous contents. So maybe the joke is actually ‘polonium.’” –pugfuggly

“I love love love that Saul’s computer desk is a little dinner trolley with handles. ‘Hmm, methinks I shall partake of some internet. Garçon, the laptop, if you please. And a smartphone for the lady.’” –Schroduck

“Nosy the Riveter” –Windier E. Megatons, on Bluesky

“Nice of the Judge to perform the ceremony on the steps due to the restraining order preventing Mary from entering Town Hall.” –Hibbleton

“Mary is wiping her tears with a hand ripped off a much smaller person and which she is brandishing by the severed forearm.” –lynn

“Mary thinking ‘I wish the dogs could be here’ may be her funniest line ever. Remember Madi, Saul’s grouchy zoomer great-niece(?) who bonded with Mary over their love of terrible 1970s recipes? Saul’s actual family? Mary doesn’t!” –Schroduck

“God, I really hope that Renee walked all the way over there with his finger in pointing position and continues the rest of this storyline with it deployed.” –pugfuggly

“Whether enhanced or diminished by her supercilious smirk and ‘why, I oughta…!’ body language I can’t quite say, but Mary is rocking the hell out of that head scarf. I’ll do a kerchief occasionally myself, but she’s arranged it just so, and it’s one thing in this panel that unquestionably works. If I stock up on the right kind of scarves—versatile patterns and of course some reliable solids—I could be looking at a well-nigh infallible bad-hair-day solution. What a grand day to be alive. Thank you, Mary. [whispers brokenly] Thank you.” –Violet

“‘Soldier buys cross-stitch home-sweet-home at a flea market because his parents abandoned him’ … is Beetle Bailey buying jokes from Tom Waits?” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Gloria knew that eventually, Pavel might figure out that the two-week luxury yacht charter and the matching Prada shoe and handbag sets were not ‘necessary’ business expenses and she would have to pay, quite possibly with her life. But it was worth the gamble — after all, if Pavel were anything like the wealthy elites of Cavelton, he was very stupid indeed.” –TheDiva

“‘Dustin’s dad dies’ has the potential to be the best Dustin strip ever, possibly eclipsed only by ‘Dustin dies.’” –Brad D. Sibbersen

“In Lily Tomlin’s one-woman show, The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe, the businesswoman character wears ‘something around the neck that looks sort of like a tie and sort of like a ruffle and sort of like a scarf and doesn’t threaten anyone because you don’t look good in it,’ and anyway, I just figured out Mary Worth’s backstory.” –matt w

“Elmo, not only is that not an alibi, in lawspeak we call it an admission.” –Bobby+Sneakers

“Clouds, check. Pearly Gates, check. St. Peter with a large book, check. Podium with a stoplight, che … wait, what?” –Weaselboy

“I like that one guy has chosen to sit in line, rather than stand. Because this process is probably going to take a long time! Besides, he could have died of knee weakness, for all we know. He’s dead. Let the poor guy be comfortable.” –made of wince

“Thel has a thousand-yard stare. It is bad enough to be the Family Circus mom, she does not look forward to the Marvification of the strip.” –Ettorre

“They’ll care for him until his parents are found. And the authorities are in a better position to monitor his incredibly rapid growth. His head is almost as big as we are now! By tomorrow, we’ll need a high-chair twenty feet tall to contain him! Even now, top scientists — I said top scientists, bear — are working on a one hundred foot tall play pen at a facility in the New Mexico desert. They can raise him there, indoctrinate him in vital national values and, when he finally turns eighteen and can join the military, America alone will have the Ten Mile Tall Man! Russia will tremble before us! China will fear his thunderous footsteps! Detroit will rename name 8 Mile Road in his honor! Fear to our foes and respect from our friends and you, bear, you will be there to witness the ultimate triumph of the United States under the shadow of this child, this future savior of the American Way! Also, the Feds will probably want to take you as well. I mean, after all, you’re a talking bear, and that’s not nothing.” –Voshkod

“Is this meant to be setting up as a problem that Rex Morgan, MD can solve? Aside from Buzzy having some brutal pins and needles when he comes out of that trunk, I’m not seeing it.” –MKay

“The uncanny foreground hands are making their move to take over the strip! Soon it will be all hands, all the time! I hope they at least know how to do a bunny rabbit.” –Peanut Gallery

“If he won’t get down on his knee for the proposal, he won’t be getting down there for the honeymoon either, Eve.” –Old School Allie Cat

“This is incredible. They found a way to make a strip about golf even more boring than just having the characters play golf: Having them sit and talk about when they played golf!” –Amelie Wikström

“No wonder nobody talks to Thirsty about his drinking problem. He’s absolutely insufferable sober.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Look at Max Mouse, he’s eating a stolen cookie and nobody says a thing. Don’t tell me he had any money in his goofy little mouse-pants. HE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE POCKETS!” –astroboy

“Of course Silas Stork still has Warren Weasel’s scent — that’s who carried baby Warren to his family on the day of his ‘birth.’ I mean, ‘the stork brought him’ is as believable as anything else in this strip, and is certainly less frightening than the concept of animal-human hybrids being conceived the normal way.” –BigTed

“Garbage wars usually start small. Right now, they’re probably just talking trash.” –Pozzo

“A Cancer, if you will. You know, a crabby personality, hates small talk, really drags a locker room down. Honestly, I wanted to trade him for a Virgo, but the boss was being a total Taurus about it.” –Philip

“I’m not gonna say that Blondie and Dagwood are definitely in trouble, but if my spouse became obsessed with a show that was all about divorce, I’d have more follow-up questions than Blondie seems to have here.” –T Campbell

“[barges into son’s room while he’s playing] [calls him a friendless loser] [refuses to elaborate] [leaves]” –ectojazzmage

“‘Joke’ aside, I’m fascinated by that tiny book that Cookie is holding, which not only presupposes a canine publishing industry, but also a wide variety of publishing formats specifically tailored to different breeds.” –pugfuggly

“Doug runs a motel that has branded itself as a holy site for roots country pilgrims, so it’s only natural that when a genre superstar offers to autograph an indefinite amount of memorabilia for him to sell or display that Doug responds with wariness and irritation. If it wasn’t clear, by the way, Doug is intended to be a sympathetic character.” –jroggs

“El Tigre here. Everything’s looking kosher for the kamikaze mission. If he didn’t get our RSVP, we’ll have schadenfreude. Capisce?” –Banana Jr. 6000

“Alice, you might want to back off a little? You are … way too close to your guest and her inadequate cup of coffee. If you’re trying to block her view of the matted-and-framed Oreo cookie you’ve got on the wall — I mean, I get it, that’s a pretty weird piece of art, but refusing to make eye contact with this woman while simultaneously getting close enough to her to let her motorboat you is an unorthodox way to hold a kaffeeklatsch, I’m just saying.” –els

“Well, if it were me I’d choose some enormous, delicious fish I’d never gotten the chance to eat in my entire short life up to then. Just really go out on an unbelievable high note. But we don’t sell miracle meals for trout here. I bet you’re real glad you asked.” –made of wince

“Four hours and one sledgehammering later, Coach Luke is being hauled off by the real cops. ‘They left me no choice! They labelled the Giganotosaurus carolinii as Tyrannosaurus rex despite the obvious differences in skull morphology! Paleontology is my true passion! Paleontology and coaching! My two true passions! Paleontology and coaching and raging! My three true passions! Paleontology and coaching and rage and unjustified revenge!’” –Voshkod

“I don’t normally want hear any of Dustin’s dad’s opinions, but I admit I do want to hear why he thinks you sit side-on to your computer facing it at a 90 degree angle.” –Schroduck

“‘That’s very interesting, sir. By the way, I got crop-dusted in Menards last night.’ ‘Uh, really?’ ‘Oh, sorry! I thought we were doing Elaborate Set-ups for Stories that Go Nowhere!’” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV