“Careful, anonymous voice — you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry! In fact, you probably wouldn’t like him much now.” –Pozzo

“Hey, is Mary Worth about to introduce a fourth new character in a single month? If the story keeps moving at breakneck speed like this, I think by the time the new year rolls around something might actually happen!” –BigTed

“For those of you who don’t understand the concept of hate-reading, feast your eyes on today’s comic. Lyle Ollman has been conjured by the universe and delivered directly to Rex just to help him cope with his mild irritation about Rene’s recent success. Never before in the history of literature has so unlikely a deus ex machina been employed to resolve so minor a nuisance. Where are you going to find something this wonderful in good writing?” –jroggs

“C’mon, Keith is obviously not the Hulk! He’s the Thing. Look how orange he is!” –matt w

“Pluggers put up natural Christmas trees as an excuse to stay zonked out on Benadryl during the holidays.” –nescio

“Suddenly, improbably, Rex discovers there’s something he actually cares about. And it certainly isn’t medicine. Plagiarism? REX SMASH!’” –Peanut Gallery

“Ah, ‘Fight the System,’ the famous song by Public Adversary.” –Anonymous

“In a strip where I’m used to seeing the characters being absolute assholes to each other, it’s nice to see some gentler assholery like, ‘I put your image on Facebook without your consent.’” –taig

“‘Ollman Technique’: Vague, stuffy, sounds kind of like something they’d do to you in A Clockwork Orange. ‘Mirakle Method’: Memorable, good use of alliteration and wordplay, a name that practically screams ‘fast, easy self-help system.’ It doesn’t take a branding expert to see where Mr. Ollman went wrong here.” –TheDiva

“As of today, Tom Armstrong has produced 24 consecutive Marvin strips without a poop joke. I don’t know if he’s trying to turn over a new leaf, or setting us up for ‘the twelve diapers of Christmas,’ but I have to admit he’s got me on the edge of my (toilet) seat.” –Hannibal’s Lectern

“Whether Frank Jr. is born or made, in any case the Frankenstein parents put a lot more resources into having him than most of us organic folks ever will. Finding a new head/replacement brain is also difficult enough without pitchfork wielding townsfolk already suspicious of them for every grave robbery.” –Philip

“Why is every character in Snuffy Smith the oldest person you’ve ever seen, including the children?” –Finn

“St. Nicholas was of Greek descent, born in what is modern day Turkey. Through the centuries, characters based on him got mixed and matched and localized and so frankly any depiction of Santa Clause is fine (I think you need to hear this most of all, Megyn Kelly). That doesn’t make him exclaiming, ‘Oh, my garsh!’ any less jarring. I wasn’t ready for the Goofyfication.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“The maritime authorities may wink at attempted murder on the high seas, but the American justice system has no mercy for copyright infringers. What does this have to do with Rex? He’ll be the physician who administers the lethal injection.” –FE

“I love this insight into Rex’s bedside manner. How many patients per day do you think he corners in an examination room and subjects to aggressive questioning on topics completely unrelated to their medical problem? I think he prefers doing it to the old and confused ones, since they’re more likely to be dismissed as cranks when they complain to the state board of physicians.” –Thelonious_Nick

“Comics are a creative medium where the only boundary is the fantasy of the writer and the ability of the artist. They can show the most fantastic and absurd things! For example, today Marvin shows people laughing due to events in Marvin.” –Ettorre

“The less time I spend thinking about the output/throughput of Shoe, the better off I am. But what’s the input here? Why does it match the Perfesser’s sweater? What are they drinking, fermented puceberry juice?” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I absolutely love how after making Sonia and Brad out to be ACAB mega-Marxist anarcho-communists, the only concrete ideology they have so far is ‘kind of environmentalist, probably not big fans of whale hunting.’ Come on Keith, you live in coastal California. Even in the absolute reddest county, you should know plenty of vegans (admittedly most of them will be doing it because of an insane detox they saw on TikTok rather to save the planet per se).” –Schroduck

“Hmm, looks like the chatbot that writes this strip now is trying to plant some pro-AI material to influence hip youth like Chip. Unfortunately, this just demonstrates its limitations: it hasn’t figured what demographic actually reads this strip and, like a lot of AI, still has a problem doing hands.” –pugfuggly

“We can do this all week — when George gets a colonoscopy (‘Did you find Dennis up there?’), goes to hospice (‘Will I see Dennis in hell?’). Mr. Wilson is obsessed with his neighbor’s child and this legacy comic is here to make damn sure you find it as amusing as they do.” –Quiggle

“I’m not joking, doctor. [turns around to reveal Dennis clinging to his back, feasting on his blood like a leech]” –ectojazzmage

“The idea that Gil Thorp is the ‘most beloved man’ in Milford is both baffling and sad. Doesn’t this town have a charismatic politician? A prominent philanthropist? A moderately attractive evening news meteorologist?” –TheDiva

“It wouldn’t be Gasoline Alley if it wasn’t some unholy mixture of 100 year old comedy bits and bafflingly specific infodumping.” –Evelyn Waughluigi, on Bluesky

“So they’re remaking the movie 10, but with Bo Derek’s part played by vermin? Having simultaneous writer’s and actor’s strikes really did take a toll on Hollywood!” –BigTed

“Tracy, like the rest of us, wonders what the hell Sam is talking about; but if there’s enough blood and gore that he needs a snorkel to navigate, he’s all in.” –Hibbleton

“‘I’m going to use the reasonable suspicion already established by the evidence we’ve compiled so far to get a warrant, and then tell her we need a DNA sample, because I’m pretty sure doing it any other way would be inadmissible in court and probably get the Major Crimes Unit into trouble!’ ‘Sam, this is Neo-Chicago. Nothing will ever get the Major Crimes Unit into trouble, but if we start asking for warrants before we do stuff, people are going to expect us to do it all the time!’ ‘ Okay, then wacky plan it is!’” –Horace Broon

“Pluggers are too embarrassed to ask their techie nephew how to turn off parental controls on their router and therefore last saw a stranger’s breast in 2004.” –Schroduck

“I refuse to believe that pluggers’ wardrobe malfunctions don’t involve farting (or attempts to do so).” –nescio

“Hey! listen up! I’m Coach Ochoa. Welcome to full contact chorus! You, stop dancing, and turn down the Glee soundtrack. Thank you.” –Little Blue Bicycle

“The descent of Kubrick’s Black Monolith continues; today, it can only find work as a teaser panel in Gil Thorp. I used to be someone, you can hear it think. I was a thing of wonder and mystery. I was full of stars! And now, this. The Misdirect? Stanley never misdirected.” –Voshkod

“If I understand my slang of [decade that is unmoored in time in just the right way to appear in a newspaper comic strip] correctly, Dennis’s dad is a cocaine dealer?” –matt w

“At first, I thought Dagwood had abandoned the 21st century completely, and had gone back in time and was dealing with an elevator operator, someone who existed before people could push their own buttons. What a relief to find out he’s just some modern-day asshole!” –Buck Ripsnort

“I like that the wallet moth(?) is still in the same position in the last panel, which suggests to me that its actually some kind of spring-loaded prop that Stumpy McRage placed in there to drive his point home. Buddy, if you’re going to go to those lengths to get five bucks you might want to try a more subtle hook.” –pugfuggly

“You were right to ask me, a weapons expert, to examine these autopsy report. Look closely at how neat this stab wound is! It’s like, wham, you’re dead, bro! It would take a real weapon expert — I mean like Conan the Barbarian or Darth Maul, not me — to kill someone this precisely and awesomely. Sorry, I don’t really have a professional insight to offer, I just love this kind of stuff.” –jroggs

“Winnie-the-Pooh might be a bear of very little brain, as the books have it, but here we have proof positive that Ditto is, to use scientific terms, a fucking moron. Honey is a viscous liquid that sticks to the inside of clay jars, making it at least plausible that a determined enough bear might stick his head into said jar to get every morsel he can. Cookies, though, are not a liquid of any kind, so all one has to do to get them all out of the jar, Ditto, is to use something readily available to every human being on the planet: gravity. Just … just turn the jar over. Just turn the jar over! There are crumbs! Next! To!! You!!! Know why?! APPARENTLY NOT.” –els

“None of those sanitized, watered-down nursery rhymes for Hi’s baby! This is the REAL Mother Goose! The one where Little Red Riding Hood gets eaten by the wolf, Bluebeard murders six of his wives, and Cinderella’s sisters hack off their toes. There’s no sense sheltering the child; someday she’s going to have to live in the real world, where such things are a common occurrence.” –Peanut Gallery

“I was wondering why Trixie can’t understand the stories and thought maybe what she monologues to herself in is some sort of non-English baby talk translated for our comprehension, but then I realized that she’s an infant who doesn’t yet grasp the concept of ‘fiction’. Babies are stupid. I bet she can’t even do taxes yet.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“I’m not a father, but 7:28 pm seems to be the ideal time to read to an infant. Gets it out of the way early, leaving plenty of time for drinking.” –Pozzo

“Rex does a surprisingly good imitation of me when they announce the lineup at our county fair. Toughen up, Doc! It’s not like you had to deal with Ted Nugent practically in your back yard!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I’m so glad I lived long enough to see Rex Morgan, M.D. do Jazz Hands.” –MKay

“Why does June close her eyes during sex? See panel three.” –bartorama

“I figure he’d rather stay out of jail than cause us any trouble. Unless he can figure out a way to do both; then we’re screwed.” –Pozzo

“‘And on a third hand…’ Just how many hands does this CIA woman HAVE, anyway? Was she issued additional hands when she joined the CIA? Who’s PAYING for all these extra hands, I’d like to know? I’m assuming she’s allowed to carry a concealed hand, but you can’t do much with that unless you have the extra arm stock. No wonder our taxes are so high!” –Charterstoned

“So, a steady diet of cottage cheese results in a grotesquely misshapen head? Seems like something people should know.” –MKay

“I know people dress up for church, but do they normally wear tuxedos with bow ties and pocket squares? Are the Mitchells are watching their son harass the maître d’ at the fanciest, most blasphemous restaurant in town?” –Schroduck

“The sly little smile makes so much sense though. ‘You think we’re only on those phones for four hours. Think again, cow, think again.’” –Roam85

“Imagine you’re a young, idealistic woman like Sonia. You search for your biological dad; you have high expectations for him but then it turns out his profession and lifestyle conflict with your principles. Break relations, no great loss, right? WRONG! He will trace you back and start banging your mom! Happy therapy!” –Ettorre

“I like how Mary doesn’t even try to be discrete about dishing on the new neighbor. I mean, look how smug she looks! ‘Yeah, I caught a pretty hot one this time. It’s like I always say, Toby: keep at least 4 casseroles on hand at all times, you never know when one is going to pay big gossipy dividends.’” –pugfuggly

“I do like the implication that Julius sneaks off-base to steal mints from a local hotel so he can accurately replicate his rituals from his motel days. Presumably we’ll eventually get a strip that’s just a headline reading ‘local soldier shot while breaking and entering; protests that he only wanted candy.’” –ectojazzmage

“[Offscreen: a 3-inch binder that Mary peruses as she speaks] For example, were you aware of Keith‘s long and torturous journey through potty training? According to testimony from his mother offered during his Navy SEAL background check…” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Women: caring whether their loved ones live or die! You gotta hand it to ’em. [shakes head ruefully]” –a.

“The Mitchell’s discovered holidays are much more manageable if they lace Dennis’s portion of turkey with crushed Benadryl tablets.” –nescio

“This is a very important moment in Margaret’s development; you can see the scales fall from her eyes as she reflects, ‘you know, maybe he really is just a lump of clay.’ She’s way ahead of schedule and has my unreserved admiration and respect.” –Violet

“Comic strips are a visual medium, Rex Morgan! I want to see the humorously disparate sizes of these lawyers!” –matt w

“Who here has to most to be thankful for? Mimi for having a husband and children that look the other way on her aggressive infidelity? Keri for having parents that are completely apathetic about a 15-year-old who casually gets pregnant and attacks her classmates with weapons? Gil for achieving success, acclaim, and stability despite being an abject failure as a coach, teacher, husband, father, and overall human being? No, it’s Mimi’s mother, who will soon be dead from her vague terminal illness and free of all this nonsense.” –jroggs

“There’s no room on that tiny table to put the turkey down. Good thing Mary is prepared to stand there all day like a robot butler.” –Peanut Gallery

“Today, pluggers are torn between two worlds: Enjoying the naked celebration of consumerism that made their generation everything it is, and complaining about things being different than they used to be.” –Amelie Wikström

“[Checks in on Judge Parker for the first time in months] wait they live in America, right, wouldn’t it be the FBI who[immediately gets angry with myself for putting even that much thought into it it]” –Dan