Post Content

Kids, an apology up front: I didn’t keep up with the comments this week as much I should have, because I was juggling a visit from my mom and practicing for my water ballet debut. (If you are interested in the latter, there are some nice pics from the Fluid Movement Facebook page, bmore media, the Baltimore Sun, and the Washington Post — careful on that last one, as it plays an ad with sound before you get to the pictures.) Most of these comments are from the beginning and end of the week — I’m sure there were some funny ones in the middle I missed!

That said, here’s the week’s top comment:

“I am just enough of a stereotypical man to often think that nothing can improve on a nice steak dinner. I am just enough of a stereotypical gay man to know that the best improvement would be sitting down next to a drunk Margo Magee who is irate because she’s getting made over by a couple of frumpy bitches.” –LogopolisMike

And the funny runners up!

“If Sassy really is a Dalmatian, it is the filthiest, most urine-stained dog imaginable and no amount of bathing will get it clean. It’s like the antithesis to Mark’s pristine mind, possibly analogous to the Portrait of Dorian Grey.” –Aviatrix

“If there is a God in heaven, tomorrow’s Luann will be one long panel of Brad slowly inhaling through his nose, followed by a small second panel; a close up of Brad’s eyes, as he whispers, ‘the scent of Toni.’ And that will be the last Luann comic. Ever. Greg Evans will simply put down his pen, nod slowly, and walk off into the distance, never to be seen again. At long last, his Work will have been done.” –Dan

“I’m all for honesty in relationships, but if you are wearing cologne you borrowed from your father, and if you are not thirteen years old, maybe don’t share that detail with your date.” –BananaSam

“I was angry, and confused! That anger and confusion made me pelvic thrust at everything and everyone!” –CleverNameIsaac

“For a brief moment, I thought Luann was going to be cool enough to reference the Old Spice Guy. ‘SWAN DIVE! Into the most awkward odor-related compliment of your life!'” –Juggleboy

“If I were in this scenario and the guy I was seeing characterized me as a ‘sexy fragrance that’s all his own,’ I would not even wait for him to slow the car down before leaping out in abject horror. I do feel, however, that the time investment required to vomit all over his upholstery first would be totally worth it.” –Violet

“Oh man, the sight of a lonely, heartbroken Crankshaft in panels one and two makes me unfathomably happy. If I could melt that image down and inject it directly into my veins I’d never feel depressed ever again.” –Paddy

“Jamaal will find out later he actually called his mother at 3 a.m. to confess his love for Herb. Hilarity still doesn’t ensue.” –zenvelo

“Mr. Wilson really doesn’t have a mouth! He has nosehairs, and a chin, neither of which can be construed as a mouth, believe me, I tried for like ten minutes.” –garet

“Sometimes, it feels like legacy comics are the only media outlets still keeping tabs on milestones of old-timey Americana like the 100th anniversary of the Boy Scouts, while the rest simply focus on Katy Perry’s boobs.” –Joe Blevins

“If one were to single-out the second panel, one might assume a family abandoned their watermelon-headed child in a pile of his own defecation. ‘Let the waves carry him off,’ they might say. ‘It’s the Atlantic Ocean’s problem now!'” –Marc

“This Family Circus should have Mark Trail-style captions over it. ‘The ocean does not care for architecture or the emotional pleasure of creation. It is mindless, soulless, and inexorable as death itself. The ocean is home to whales, sharks, beautiful dolphins, and deadly jellyfish. Do not throw rocks at the ocean.’” –Zaratustra

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

• Jealousy: A Strange Angels novel: It’s a good thing Dru Anderson is fast. Because the sucker chasing her isn’t slowing down and won’t rest until he’s tasted her blood and silenced her heart… “Dark, dangerous, and sexy!” says Richelle Mead, NY Times bestselling VAMPIRE ACADEMY author.

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

Post Content

Your comment of the week momentarily, but first, an important item that you almost certainly missed if you fail to read the Letters to the Editor page of the Richmond Times-Dispatch. Fortunately, faithful reader Mary from Richmond reads it for us, and noted the following nugget in the midst of a rambling diatribe from Eric Pickering in Midlothian about cruelty to animals and the relative newsworthiness thereof:

The police shootings happened in tense domestic situations where owners allowed their little Fido to attack the policeman. While these shootings may have been inappropriate, none of this would have happened if the animal was controlled. Loose, unsupervised animals will cause trouble somewhere and also have a good chance of getting hurt by another dog, car, or person. Mark Trail should learn this with his puppy Sassy.

You can read the whole thing here (it’s the first letter on the page), but trust me when I say that no more context is provided to those who do not follow Mark’s adventures than what you see in that paragraph.

And now, your comment of the week, which refers to some commentary of mine in this post:

“Josh, I don’t even play golf and I know what Torrey Pines is. I do not, however, know what ‘Eli Roth-style torture porn’ is. I think this says more about you than it does about me.” –Monkey David

And your runners up! Also hilarious!

“Ha ha, Tommie’s a bit more sadistic than I gave her credit for. ‘Are you in those tacky clothes that you wear every day yet? Laughing at you today will provide one of the few non-bleak memories that I have in life.'” –Fata Morgana

“Why is Dr. Mike holding a giant kitchen match? Is he going to try to immolate Mary Worth? Oh what joy! She’ll burn and burn, but not be consumed!” –zenvelo

“Dr. Mike’s hand gesture in panel one needs a little work. You’re supposed to raise the middle finger, doctor.” –Digger

“I don’t call Jenna because I’m in love with her. And I keep my computer screen turned out toward my office because it shows respect for HIPAA privacy laws. They don’t call me Dr. Opposite for nothing, Mary.” –Patrick

“Besides, Mr. Policeman, sir, we need him to ’member where we buried PJ.” –T Clone

“I can’t believe my political opponent is about find out I have cancer, and I haven’t even managed to find out his name. Talk about an informational imbalance!” –ks

“Dr. Mike’s attempt to intimidate Mary with a demonstration of his physical strength backfires badly: ‘Alas, because of previous failed romances, my heart is as fragile as this pencil. One more disappointment could cause me to snap, just like this … like … this … wait, give me a minute … mrphh … just like THIS … RRRGGH…’ As Dr. Mike, red-faced and grimacing, wrestles the unbroken pencil to the floor, Mary leaves to go plan the wedding.” –Walker of Dog

“A ha! Its obvious that Dr. Roberts deliberately did not contact her right after the date knowing that meddling Mary Worth would come in and request an appointment to demand an explanation. Cha ching! Now he can bill Mary’s fat health insurance policy and still get the girl. ‘Uh yeah, I’ll contact her, um, I think you also need a MRI.'” –Government Cheese

“If Dr. Mike’s feelings are too intense to express, he should try chugging down a bottle of wine like Jenna. It takes the edge off.” –Petal Metal

“Hronk? That’s a noise I expect from a Mark Trail second-panel goose, not a … second-panel … deformed … hand? What IS Gil Thorp known for these days anyway? I’ve lost track.” –Dragon of Life

“My take on that last panel is that the mortgage crisis is far worse than we knew — they’ve foreclosed on Baba Yaga’s chicken-legged hut. The giant kettle was probably considered a fixture, so they got that too. And now Baba’s hungry, so hungry. Townsfolk, keep your children close.” –Écureuil Écumant

“The cop says ‘Let’s go get your dog’ but didn’t add and ‘Let the punching commence’ because that goes without saying. Or, perhaps, ‘Let the punching commence’ because Murf thinks Mark might like to make a play on words. He’s wrong.” –Farley’s Revenge

“With Mary in the shrink’s chair, I’ll be over here desperately praying that a cigar remains a cigar for the duration.” –jayjaybear

“It took me several minutes of serious thinking to figure out the ‘joke’ in Wizard of Id. Not only is that the longest period of time I’ve ever spent concentrating on this particular strip; it’s also the entire allotment of time I’ve set aside for reading Wizard, ever. I didn’t expect to use it up so abruptly, but then, I didn’t expect this strip to still exist as late as 2010.” –Mollie

“Obviously the waitress is giving him the cake to placate him until the police arrive. The seventh difference is the police in the bottom panel won’t show up before the massacre begins.” –Flamedrake

“Wait, Smitty’s alibi is that he was just sitting there watching TV with a giant ceramic pig in his lap?” –Andy L

“It’s too bad Mark doesn’t have a ring like that Phantom’s, that would permanently scar those he strikes. Instead of a skull, it could leave an indelible imprint of Rusty’s hideous visage. Then again, Mark would never wear jewelry of any kind. So maybe he could just pick the kid up and swing him like a baseball bat, whacking the bad guys with his face.” –cheech wizard

“Oh my. ‘Sam seems to have taken a liking to Jules!’ Does it still count as subtext if Judge Parker puts it right there in the narration box?” –Ed Dravecky

“I think Kat’s right about being mindful of the message one’s appearance conveys. She went through some heavy deliberation before settling upon the image she wanted to project: Hillary Clinton, business leprechaun.” –Violet

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And here’s where we could be giving thanks to advertisers like you! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

Post Content

Your COTW coming momentarily, but first: an EXTREMELY IMPORTANT ITEM (for Baltimore-area folks)! If you are from around Baltimore and are cool, you are already WELL AWARE of Fluid Movement, the local community performance art group that puts on water ballets, roller shows, and other awesome performances and shenanigans. You may even be aware that this summer’s water ballet, Jason and the Aquanauts: 20,000 Legs Over The Sea is a take on the Greek mythos of yore, and on the Ray Harryhausen films of slightly less yore:

What you may not be aware of is that this performance will feature me! My lovely wife Amber is a longtime member of the group and currently the president of its board, and has been trying for some time to get me involved in one of their productions, but only this year has a role suitable for my majesty been found: That of Zeus, king of the gods himself!

That is Amber as my consort Hera, and this guy Victor who you probably don’t know (but who is very funny) as Jason. The shows are at Baltimore’s Druid Hill Park pool on Saturday July 24th (at 3 and 5 pm) and Sunday July 25th (at 5 and 7 pm), and at Baltimore’s Patterson Park pool on Saturday July 31st (at 5:30 pm) and Sunday August 1st (at 5 and 7 pm). The show on the 31st is our benefit show, so tickets are a bit more expensive, but there’s a party afterward with food included in your ticket price, plus you get to swim in the pool with the performers after the show! Read more on the Fluid Movement Website or buy tickets at Brown Paper Tickets for the Druid Hill Park or Patterson Park shows!

OK, so you’re going off to buy your tickets now, right? I’ll wait for you to get back … good. Now, as your reward, here is your comment of the week!

“Jenna texts like a 13-year-old and drinks alone during the day. What a catch! Y don’t U luv her Mike? Y!?” –Shawn S.

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Jeffy Keane is pretty menacing … how many times have we seen his ass in the last six months? Too many, that’s how many.” –Binder’s Butter Beans

“I like the fact that Mark Trail’s phone didn’t even ring. Clearly there’s no one on the other end; it’s just a prop he carries to end conversations that lack punching.” –JD

“This week has been amazing. At the end of the each strip I’m so surprised I yell several catchphrases at once, usually GUUURRRL, OH NO YOU DIN’T, and MARGO IS GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOUR ASS. That last one isn’t a catchphrase yet, but it will be. Oh yes.” –Sheila Sternwell

“What pretensions is Funky talking about? Is he saying od’ing in the toilet is putting on airs?” –killercoconut

“The second panel is awesome! We are watching Jenna from the same vantage as Mary is watching — from the videocam hidden in the pink flowers.” –Flying Manatee

“Mark needs a landline because his plan is to follow the actual telephone wires to the ‘stachioed Sassy napper.” –Sans Sense

“Today’s Pluggers is just reminding us that anthropomorphic dogs, rhinos, and chickens prefer it doggie style. It is painfully obvious. And by painful I mean the sensation of dry heaving while clawing your eyes out at the thought of plugger sex.” –Thomas B.

“Mark’s insistence upon using outdated technology with modern-technology terms is actually part of an elaborate money-laundering scheme to process the profits from the twisted genetic experiments that spat out Rusty. ‘Memory card’ is actually a coded message indicating they’ve received another order for a vaguely boy-shaped abomination.” –Chowder

“What, the motel doesn’t have a fax machine?” –Red Greenback

“Even without treatment, you could serve two more terms as mayor. By the way, did you ever see Weekend at Bernie’s?” –seismic-2

“The Dick Tracy Stand Up Routine! Finally! ‘I just flew in from Los Angeles, and boy are the guys I beat up on the plane tired! Ha-ha! But seriously folks, they’re both dead, along with everyone else on that plane.'” –Black Drazon

“Wait, animals don’t have human emotions? What about all those pluggers? I’ve never seen so many bears, dogs, birds and other beasts so full of self-loathing and crushed dreams.” –McManx

“Do not attribute human emotions to wild creatures. For instance, these sea gulls are not actually ogling the attractive woman in a bikini. They merely see her soft, juicy eyeballs as an easy meal.” –Perky Bird

“Hmm, I just tried, with my primitive Photoshopping abilities, to ‘turn Funky’s frown upside down’ as they say, just to see if the strip’d work better. All I know is that it’s like some hellish Venn diagram intersection of ‘drunk’, ‘lecherous’ and ‘stroke victim’ and I intend to never, ever try it again.” –JamesMurton

“You know, I always wanted to be a doctor and have a Halloween-colored office with a twin bed pointed directly at my hunter green executive desk chair, a DVD player sitting on a bookshelf next to a dead plant, and my very own torchiere lamp! After spending so much time in medical school, I’d have no time to learn about interior design or cell phone technology from 1998, either.” –Patrick

“Of somewhat greater concern is the growing phenomenon of women becoming smitten by men in orange suits. It happened to Miss Cory, and she was successively bilked out of $50,000 by one swain and had to watch the next attempt to escape her clutches by dying. Then, Mrs. Roberta Merrill Magee took up with an orange-suited psychologist and was sent away ‘upstate.’ We would suggest to Miss Thompson that her affections are skating on dangerously thin ice.” –Fashion Police

There were also three comments that were too long for COTW consideration, but still worthy of your attention: gnome de blog’s contemplation of the effect on Funky’s future wives of their encounter with his grim, spectral presence; Ned Ryerson’s beat poetry version of Funky’s depressed, paranoid ramblings; and Perfesser Wut’s Snappy Answers to Stupid Question, Mary’s Interrogation Of Mike edition.

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And here’s where we could be giving thanks to advertisers like you! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.