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As you may have heard, the mid-Atlantic region has been blanketed with snow, with yet more on the way! Fortunately, said snow hasn’t interfered with the flow of sweet electricity and/or Internet-borne witticisms into my snowbound home, allowing me to present you with the following COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“Imagine the poor DEA agent who ends up at a plugger’s house: ‘Man, there’s enough animal tranquilizer here to take down a bear. Oh, he is? Never mind.'” –BigTed

And the runners up! Very funny!

“Thinking of all the raw, primal love he and Abby shared made Wilbur briefly forget how to use ‘civilized’ word structures, such as pronouns.” –Perky Bird

“Two panels and just 56 words in today’s Mary Worth and yet Wilbur’s last sentence is still missing a word. By contrast each of the 3 wispy hairs on his forehead are meticulously rendered in each panel. The priorities at Mary Worth Quality Control are a little hard to fathom.” –DaveyK

“That’s what broke us apart. Specifically, it severed my head from my body. If I don’t hold it fast like this, it will fall off and roll away.” –Nekrotzar

“Most disturbing strip of the year. You know Giella wanted to put in yellow pit stains but was stopped by the censor.” –mr 12 oz can

“I’m trying to increase Mary Worth awareness among college students. I promote her cause by advising everyone to make the most socially acceptable choices, regardless of what might be best for them! Next up: buying all of my friends ugly salmon-colored blazers.” –rachel

“What is the damn deal with all the close-ups lately? These characters are unappealing enough from a medium distance. The ideal would be somewhere between the Elrod ‘now entering state forest’ POV and an aerial map, but I’ll settle for anything over Wilbur Weston breathing on me.” –Chromium

“Substituting limp pieces of macaroni for bait worms is exactly the kind of thing that Mark Trail would consider as ‘something one does in an emergency.'” –teddytoad

“The blond fellow backing up Mark’s testimony? Color his hair black and, my God! It’s Adolph Hitler! If he’s got the final solution for cleaning our water, I think I’ll stick with my good ole fashioned dirty-but-fascist-free AMERICAN water, thank you very much.” –DownwithOPP

“Coach Kaz, representing the best of 1987’s hairstyles. He’s also probably wearing Zubaz.” –Howland Awl

“Oh man, Dawn’s angry face as she angrily arranges flowers (or not; they’re probably just in the background but I like imagining they’re part of the scene). And then the way she’s clutching her head/ear in the second panel. Does it hurt, Dawn? Do all those thoughts make your brain hurt?” –Carly

“Don’t be ridiculous, Marty. Gil is never indecisive. Indecision is for people who remotely give a rat’s ass about anything, ever.” –Violet

“Gil Thorp never feels like a narrative to me. More like doing shrooms and wandering through a high school with a strobe light.” –bunivasal

“Everyone needs to lay off poor Dawn today — her hearing aid’s acting up and her dentures and/or face won’t stay put. We’ve all been there.” –Walker of Dog

“Notice how the stakes keep getting lowered here. The wildly varying results of being seen include: (1) death, then (2) insanity, and finally (3) leaving a Canadian jazz club in a calm, orderly manner.” –Joe Blevins

“Wilbur Weston would never make ‘sweet love.’ Imagine an intoxicated walrus inching its way across the ice toward a bored, uninterested walrus in a hat. Imagine that walrus overtaking the second walrus and the sounds of flapping flesh and the general unpleasantness of the act. That would be Kathleen Turner and William Hurt compared to Wilbur Weston and Abby Evans.” –Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™

“Looks like Dawn is pantomiming her scenes for the Charterstone production of Hamlet she’s appearing in. She has the lead, of course, hence the haircut.” –Hibbleton

In response to a suggestion that Dawn might be transforming herself into The Joker: “Of course, if you say to Mary Worth ‘Why so serious?’, be prepared to hear exactly why she’s so serious. In excruciating detail. With a quote from Thomas Merton.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Y’know, with just a little tweaking, this production of West Side Story could be made much less bizarre: North Side Story: An edgy new musical highlighting the tensions and tragedies between The Lutefisks, a gang of depressed Swedes, and The Smørrebrøds, a gang of ever-partying Danes, in a small farming community in Minnesota. The score, by Leonard Bjornson, includes such exciting numbers as ‘I Feel Bored’ (‘I feel bored/Oh so bored/I feel bored, suicidal, and depressed…’), ‘Dear Lay Minister Lofgren’ (&lsqup;Deep down inside me is Köttbullar’), and ‘Kølig’ (‘Get kølig, boy! / Got a Tuborg in your pocket’).” –odinthor

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

• Advertise your t-shirts here: Find out more about the BlogAds t-shirt hive! Connect with young adults eager to sport your shirts! Reaching a tremendously expansive audience at a very low cost, the BlogAds T-Shirt Hive is comprised of a well-rounded set of over 30 social media elite blogs, who speak to a young hip male and female audience of clothing enthusiasts. These readers are seeking back to school threads, everyday wear and tear shirts, and any clothes that are stylish or humorous.

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People! Normally, I don’t bother you with metaposts mid-week, but I’ve received a bevy of Mark Trail related delights from readers over the past few weeks that I feel deserve their own showcase!

First up is a book discovered by faithful reader Charterstoned:

Note that it’s Mark Trail’s Fishing Tips Created By Ed Dodd, with the actual authorship left vague. Presumably this book was churned out by strip creator Dodd’s lowly assistant, while Dodd partied till all hours with Hollywood big shots.

This is clearly the high point of the whole book, in which an innocent young boy cringes in terror at the approach of a menacing weirdo in a hat. Don’t worry, kid; he just wants your gum … for now.

Also, you can tell the difference between the various almost-identical kinds of catfish you catch, assuming that counting the number of rays on on a dead, smelly fish’s fins is your idea of a good time.

Of course, it wouldn’t be Mark Trail without a freakishly oversized animal. Fishing dude who may or may not be Mark is so smug about his little pie-pan trick that he doesn’t even notice the giant carnivorous moth that’s about to latch onto his face.

Meanwhile, faithful reader Jasper Jinks sends a couple of scans from a 1956 Mark Trail comic book put out by the U.S. Public Health Service.

An “industrial problem” that’s “being licked all over America by plain citizens, working together at the local level for everyone’s benefit”? Translation: Mark Trail is a dirty communist. A dirty communist in terrifying jodhpurs.

The plot of this tract involves a rotten little kid who gets a little under the weather after swimming in a watering hole containing industrial run-off from some awesomely profitable factory. Here’s a scene of the crazed Marxist lynch mob Mark puts together to put a stop to progress. Note that Mark is clenching his fist in case political agitation fails and he needs to punch pollution out of the water:

Of course, seeing old Mark Trails like this makes one wonder how similar they are to the current version. Well, a lot more than you might think! Faithful reader These Strange Worlds has put together an exhaustive comparison showing how much of the current storyline is recycled from one that ran 30 years ago.

And, finally, fans of Mark Trail and making fun of Mark Trail should check out Mark Stale. “What’s wrong, Rusty? Why are you lying awake, whimpering like a baby?” (Thanks to faithful reader festoonic for the tip.)

Oh, also, if you are going to be in the mid-Atlantic region over the weekend of May 22, perhaps you will want to get in on a meetup faithful reader bourbon babe is planning? Certain bloggers who live in that neck of the woods will in all probability make an appearance! (HINT HINT)

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Your COTWs (CsOTW? never sure how to pluralize that) coming shortly, but first, a few items of interest! To begin: thanks to many, many tipsters who sent me the link to Bill Watterson’s first interview in more than 20 years. It’s pretty brief, but interesting, and includes this key quote:

It’s always better to leave the party early. If I had rolled along with the strip’s popularity and repeated myself for another five, 10 or 20 years, the people now “grieving” for Calvin and Hobbes would be wishing me dead and cursing newspapers for running tedious, ancient strips like mine instead of acquiring fresher, livelier talent. And I’d be agreeing with them.

Also! Normally I only post photos of people wearing merchandise from my store, but I genuinely feel a need to give back to all that Mary Worth has done for me over the years, and thus I present to you my first off-store model: faithful reader Rachel in her new Mary Worth t-shirt:

If you haven’t already, you should totally check check the store out! And even if you have, you need to go back, because they aren’t resting on their laurels over there. YOU CAN TOTALLY BUY MARY WORTH VALENTINE’S DAY CARDS YOU GUYS! And if you’re over at CafePress anyway, well, you’ll obviously want to check my store out as well.

Also also! Faithful reader Ed Dravecky recently attended the Dallas Comic Con, where he had this picture snapped with former Judge Parker artist Harold Ledoux:

Back when Mr. Ledoux was drawing this feature, the cast wore baggy, physique-hiding clothing while flirting half-heartedly, and I have to say that if I had met him, the temptation to say something along the lines of “So, the new guy sure likes drawin’ ladies, don’t he?” would have been overpowering. Ed says that Ledoux talked about Sam Driver’s introduction to the strip, which pushed out its title character; the syndicate apparently wanted “somebody who could do some punching,” presumably to compete with Mark Trail’s fisticuff-driven popularity.

And now, without further ado: your comment of the week!

“If Mary-Jane whipped ’em out whenever the storyline got dull, Spider-Man would make Judge Parker look positively Amish.” –commodorejohn

And the also funny runners up!

“Or maybe Family Circus has had a coloring error, and Billy has buried his younger brother in concrete. ‘Mommy’ is no doubt just out of range as well, laughing hysterically at her moron son’s imminent starvation.” –Captain Hammer

“Great Caruso’s ghost! If there’s one strip with more potential than Spider-Man for inaction and inanity, it has to be Spider-Man: Miami.” –Ed Dravecky

“Is … is Dawn going to break up with her father? I could get into this story yet.” –Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses

“MJ’s actually looking pretty ripped herself, albeit only in her left arm. Perhaps the Parker household TV-remote-lifting exercise regimen is finally paying off.” –Dan

“Maybe Pete should go along, in case there’s a production of Nippleless Nippleby.” –Muffaroo

“If the girls in A3G would just stop turning away from the person they’re in the middle of a conversation with, forcing them to violently snap their head backwards when the other person responds to what they just said, they’d save a lot of strain on their necks. I imagine the whole scarf fascination is just to hide the surprise-take stretch marks that all A3G regulars must have by now.” –AndyL

“Well, it could be a boom box. Judging by how that mutant talking camel-thing has a head in place of its left foreleg and a bizarre abdominal protrusion forcing both of its hind legs to its right side, that oddly spherical lump could be anything, really.” –Rhekarid

“And what’s with MJ wasting an entire word balloon on an exclamation point? If the rest of us could actually utter a punctuation mark, there might not be any more wars.” –Mr. Paul Maul

“I hope Wilbur can find one of those newfangled DNA clinics that does cheek-swab testing. Otherwise, he’ll have to decide which of his four hairs he’s willing to sacrifice.” –BigTed

“At last. No longer must I yell ‘Paternity test!’ every time I read MW. Now it’s back to ‘Haircut!'” –Joolz

“By ‘encore’ he means a quick round of auto-erotic asphyxiation. Let all those that bear the kerchief rejoice and let the Gods themselves regret their scarfless immortality tonight!” –lunarhalo

“What is it with Gil Thorp and shiny, shiny floors? I know basketball courts are well-polished, but today’s strip looks like Walt Disney’s Hackneyed Basketball Advice On Ice!” –Patrick

“A plugger’s doc is even less pleased when his patient tries to pay the bill with a mason jar full of pennies, five tattered books of Blue Chip stamps, and a stale Dorito that looks a little like Jesus.” –Mr. E.Z. Mark

“Crankshaft: Pam is just now noticing that her father is an annoying dope who makes the English language cry? Only now? Has she spent the last 20 years on a ketamine high?” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Also, in spite of having ‘connected on many levels’ with Wilbur, Kurt seems not to be quite connected to himself in panel one, where his torso is improbably shifted to the left of his hips and legs. If he were a horse, he would probably be put down.” –Charterstoned

“Is Sarah still in a car seat? Unless she’s biologically short for her age, in which case I apologize. Maybe I’m still jaded by the time Sam and Abby’s kid went to bed in footie pajamas and woke up as jailbait, but I think it might be time for Sarah’s height to catch up with her college-level elocution.” –Black Drazon

“Any guesses as to why Wilbur has unicorn bookends? My current theory is he’s actually an eight-year-old girl.” –Anonymous

“Dawn: ‘Wilbur! We’re out of Miracle Whip!’ Wilbur: ‘It matters! It matters! Oh, dear Lord, it matters! Quickly, to the BreadMobile!'” -KarMann

“What IS going on with that Family Circus blanket? Did the real-life Keanes just mess up drawing her hands and say, ‘Fuck it, let’s just make her hold some laundry. Chicks do that, right?’ Or is it covering something, like a sculpture or a prize ham that she was about to reveal with a dramatic flourish when she found her children pilfering sweets from the cabinet?” –Revenge of Chesnut

“In many contexts, Wilbur’s statement would be an affirmation of the value of the relationships we create over those which societal convention predetermines for us. In Mary Worth, it probably means he’s afraid of needles.” –perchingpath

“I wonder if Eula would take any comfort in living in the Family Circus, where angels watch over their survivors like giant voyeuristic harpies.” –bunivasal

“No wonder Steve Luhm is poised for a coaching breakthrough; Coach Kaz has been damn scarce since he took on a second job as Randy Parker’s hetero sex-double. Now I’m left to ponder what Marty-Moon-related money hemorrhage caused this temporary drop in finances, one so sharp that he would throw himself willy-nilly into the tit-crazy world of JP.” –rocketbride

“I can’t explain it to you, Dawn. There’s not even room for another ‘we’ in this speech bubble.” –Comics Fan

“I’m going to give the Perfesser the benefit of the doubt and assume that this is just the first day his newspaper will be published entirely in tweet form.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“At breakfast, Sam continues to spout racist diatribes against cobbling elves!” –Chyron HR

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

• Advertise your t-shirts here: Find out more about the BlogAds t-shirt hive! Connect with young adults eager to sport your shirts! Reaching a tremendously expansive audience at a very low cost, the BlogAds T-Shirt Hive is comprised of a well-rounded set of over 30 social media elite blogs, who speak to a young hip male and female audience of clothing enthusiasts. These readers are seeking back to school threads, everyday wear and tear shirts, and any clothes that are stylish or humorous.

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.