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This week’s top comment won’t drive all the snakes out of your peaceful island, but it will make you laugh:

“I’m so glad that Slylock does the dopey, overly earnest ‘sitting on a chair backwards to be cool and relatable’ thing as he ‘raps’ with the kids about ‘the degenerate facial features of the lower, criminal types.’” –Dunkelcopter

These runners up will also do the trick!

“So Herb and Dag play ping pong Matrix-style, jumping off walls and defying the laws of physics to win a best of five. Has this never come up before? Seems more interesting than that office bullshit.” –pugfuggly

“I choose to believe the women are just trying to coax the two guys out of the poorly designed horse costume. Their jobs suck, but they are definitely marriage material.” –made of wince

“I thought Dagwood was saying that he had single-handedly turned Facebook around, and you know what? That would be a much better film than the real Social Network. ‘A million dollars isn’t cool. You know what is cool? Do you? Please tell me, I haven’t kept up with popular culture since the 1920s.’” –Schroduck

“Count Weirdly’s are the only human fingerprints on the can. The others belong to an aardvark and a banana slug. And when it comes to crime, who’s guilty? That’s right, the humans. You think I’m going to accuse Mayor Barbara Banana-Slug’s son of stealing? Come on now, this was why we fought the war in the first place.” –The Ghost of Jarrod

“The effort, the brainpower, the tens of seconds that went into the name of that restaurant: (salad) chef’s kiss. I say this with complete sincerity: This is my favorite thing on the comics page in years. Everything about it is perfect. The name ‘Salad Town.’ The salads themselves, indistinguishable from the flowers on the table. The fact that the name — again, SALAD TOWN — was clearly both conceived and written on the window while the proprietor was drunk. Salad. Town. I’ll never get over it.” –els

“Someone was listening! Someone was actually listening to my sermon! Maybe being a priest is for me after all!” –RogerBW

“You can really tell Dagwood and Lou are up on current trends by how they are reading a newspaper.” –Drew Funk

“The good news is that the time travel experiment was a success, and I brought back this miraculous piece of medical technology. The bad news is that I’m not actually putting the stethoscope in my ears, so it’s not actually doing anything. The worse news is that a stethoscope, even if used correctly, isn’t going to help with your missing hands. The even worse news is that I have a pair of iron gauntlets I’m going to weld on to your stumps. The worst news is that we have no anesthesia. But the best news is that you’ll be known as Eddie Ironfists in the new Edda!” –Voshkod

“I prefer to think that Dagwood and Sandwich Guy (I don’t remember his name and I frankly don’t care to) are just sports illiterate and don’t understand any sort of physical activity besides eating. ‘Baseball? I don’t know what that is but y’know what I do understand? Stuffing my fucking face.’” –ectojazzmage

“No, of course it doesn’t make any sense for Hootin’ Holler to have a golf course, but just as the Magicians’ Union requires every professional magic act to include at least one card trick, the cartoonists’ union requires every comic strip to have at least one golf panel a year. You wouldn’t want John Rose to be accused of scabbing, would you?” –Rube

“Mommy, it used to be a cookie! At least when it went in the mouth end anyway.” –2+2=7

“Oh… you didn’t mean your actual heart … you want something to deaden the emotional pain. Why that’s easy, Barney, I got all kinds of cure alls for that. Most of them contain opium, so if you see the Feds pokin’ around, shoot first, and say, ‘Am I being detained?’ second.” –Old Man Shadow

“So this is what a plugger’s hook-up dating site profile looks like? At least it’s direct.” –jroggs

“Randy Parker has turned into … Legal Chameleon, Cavelton’s newest superhero! No capes, no masks needed. His disguise is his background, with his ethics, opinions, and complexion all changing to match his surroundings!” –Charterstoned

“Pluggers don’t need your hoity-toity French philosophers to know continuity of self is an illusion! The rapid decay of their body teaches it much more efficiently, and they didn’t even have to read Althusser.” –Lark L

“Mentioning a specific moment in time near Ida Noe will activate her curse, transporting everyone in the room to see Waldo Wallet lose a game of ‘Give me five, up high’ to the legendarily gangly Abraham Lincoln before pitching forward into the horse-turd-filled muck of 19th century Gasoline Alley.” –Mantipath

“It’s wild what goes through their digestive tracts, judging by the way they’re standing.” –nescio

“‘A giant leprechaun…’ So Dagwood gets confused by average sized Irish people?” –Tabby Lavalamp

“I didn’t initially see the clock over Leroy’s head, and just assumed that he was extremely unhappy that people were glad to see him. Now that I see the clock, I stand by that interpretation.” –Vice President John Adams

“Memo from corporate: the good news is, we’re getting that high-rise Manhattan office with a window that looks out over the city. The bad news? Rent is so much that we can only afford one desk for all six of you, plus a digital clock from Five Below.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Folks!!!! Are YOU in or near Los Angeles right now? Do YOU want to hear Josie Riesman, author of the upcoming Vince McMahon book Ringmaster, talk about the early days of Wrestling Internet, plus hear yours truly do a deep dive into Celeb Heights Dot Com, a website that, like mine, was created in 2004 and is still going strong, plus some other jokes? Well come on down to the Clubhouse in Los Feliz for the Internet Read Aloud, TONIGHT AT 7 PM!

Here is the Facebook event! Don’t miss it!

Your comment of the week is so good that it’s impossible to miss!

“I refuse to believe that, no matter how boring it must get at Estelle’s house, a dog and a cat would sit in chairs intently listening to her monologue her way into polyamory.” –Tabby Lavalamp

Your runners up? Also fantastic!

“The former Walther Geldbeutel dimly remembered hyperinflation, yes. And what he’d done to stay alive as a young man in Berlin. He wasn’t proud of it, but at least, like everyone else, Gertie didn’t know his shame. Or did she? Would she have to die like the others?” –RogerBW

“…And the award for ‘Least-Hilarious Quote From A Comedian’ goes to…” –Victor Von

“I’m not surprised The Perfesser looks so dejected: it’s the 21st century, yet no one has created a bong that can fit a beak.” –nescio

“Listen to this on-line review of our practice! ‘Cheap signage, poor use of typeface, decent kerning. Try something that doesn’t look pasted on, and maybe a nice serif or two? And they killed my cat. Two stars.’” –Voshkod

“I can only picture Henry headed to work in shirt and tie, overly-short dress pants, and a briefcase. That work attire screams hipster barber, or maybe artisanal cheese sales. But they’re a single-income family, so that is probably more like marketing/communications for a start-up that makes software for barbers and cheesemongers.” –Old School Allie Cat

“Ugh, is there anything worse that when someone holds out their phone to make you look at their family photos? Well, other than when they try to get you to read the daily Hi and Lois.” –jroggs

“Only in the dying comics published in the nearly-dead printed newspaper is there a contemporary American high school sports team boasting a head coach, a couple assistant coaches, and all its community media devoted to it, claiming it needs to raise funding. The fourth panel is Gil pocketing a green wad, saying Thanks for the ‘retirement fund,’ suckers!’” –Bobby+Sneakers

“Nearly — gulp — fifty years ago, my best friend was obsessed with Charles Lindberg, among other things. His father, an American history prof, scored him an authentic aviator cap, complete with goggles. Even for 1976 or 1977, it was a rare find. I offer this for those of you who would like to identify precisely how out-of-date Gasoline Alley is.” –pastordan

“That expression of Blondie’s in the first panel is the face of a woman whose husband has just turned her down for sex by demonstrating that he’s very busy reading a magazine.” –Thelonious_Nick

“Look, Dagwood, you’ve worn a shirt with one giant button in the middle of your stomach for some reason for like 90 years now. It’s a bit late in the game to pretend ‘there are buttons,’ plural.” –Dan

“‘It’s whatever.’ Man, even a year ago I’d have made a joke about how this strip is written by some kind of AI teenspeak bot, except with the rise of ChatGPT, we now know that AI can do everyday vernacular much better than that. I guess in a way it’s comforting to know that Gil Thorp gets written the traditional way, by half-remembering a phrase they heard on the MTV some years back.” –pugfuggly

“As they leave the office, Dr Ed gets into his Porsche convertible and looks back to Steven; ‘Listen kid, you don’t drive a car like this by arranging flowers for a living. Now get back in there and put down [checks notes] Mr. Pickles!’” –Hibbleton

“If you find yourself wearing a lilac jacket over a mint green shirt (but white cuffs, somehow) with a powder blue tie, you’re well beyond self-care.” –Schroduck

“Dr. Ed seems not to have figured out the Doorknob Principle.” –Charterstoned

“In fact and in truth, Uncle Walt died in 1983, surrounded by family and friends. Everything you have seen in the forty years since then has been the final hallucinations that passed thru his mind in the last fleeting seconds before he slipped away. How do I know? I’ve been dead since 2010.” –The Real Skeezix Wallet

“It makes sense because Walt never washes his hands. By the way, that kid’s got the ‘Spanish flu’ now.” –Peanut Gallery

“Abe Lincoln’s coffin was buried ten feet deep and encased in 4,000 pounds of concrete. However, he was not cremated. So if you REALLY want to shake Abe Lincoln’s hand, and you’re determined enough, there’s no need to settle for half-measures.” –Steph

“I haven’t been a teenager since the 1980s, so maybe things are different now, but it seems that teenagers wouldn’t have the kind of disposable income to waste on NFTs — most of them, anyway. Who are these friends of his who are throwing this kind of money around? On the other hand, Alexander debuted as ‘Baby Dumpling’ in the strip in 1934, which would mean he’s turning 89 this year. That’s certainly old enough to not know a bad internet-based investment from a good one, and if the other 89-year-old kids in high school are as sharp as he is, then I’ll believe they’re using their reverse mortgages to load up on lucrative NFT futures.” –Larry McAwful

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

Post Content

Folks!!!! Are YOU going to be in or near Los Angeles on March 10? Do YOU want to hear Josie Riesman, author of the upcoming Vince McMahon book Ringmaster, talk about the early days of Wrestling Internet, plus hear some good cyber jokes from me and other comics? Well come on down to the Clubhouse in Los Feliz for the Internet Read Aloud!

Here is the Facebook event! Don’t miss it!

And don’t miss your comment of the week, either! It’s right here.

“That explains why, in spite of having laptops, the office hasn’t gone paperless, in response to a question none of us ever thought to ask and that, in retrospect, none of us wanted answered.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

Your runners up? You’d better BELIEVE they’re right here:

“I may not be most folks’ definition of a ‘good catch’, but check this out: I can pat my chest and move my hand in a circle at the same time! Pretty neat, huh?” –pugfuggly

“Dennis just walking into an elderly couple’s house pretty much ensures he’s going to find a corpse or two some day, and finally the menace shall be menaced by memories of bloated, dead faces.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Apricots have been cultivated in central Asia for thousands of years. They reached the Roman Empire about two thousand years ago, and from there were likely spread across their realm, probably even as far as Britain. So is it believable that these presumably English peasants would have access to them to throw at their local petty king? Certainly! However, the history books are suspiciously silent on the global distribution of Timberland boots in the Dark Ages.” –jroggs

“Jeffy is walking a thin line banging that drum around Bil who has long since lost the remote to his hybrid CRT/flatscreen TV and can no longer raise the volume above a whisper while he watches [checks Monday morning tv listings] Pictionary.” –Hibbelton

“I guess you could interpret it as him sitting too close to the TV. More plausibly, the recliner also doubles as a toilet.” –Gary

“‘Our son isn’t sleep deprived, he sleeps constantly.’ No red flags there.” –Lepus Marj, on Twitter

“Dennis the Menace and Family Circus are strips stuck in the oppressive norms of the 1950s, where any amount of falling short of domestic bliss is a deep shame. Both strips are like very bland dystopias, like the Hallmark Channel version of The Handmaid’s Tale.” –Philip

“As an attorney, Dustin’s father knows full well it’s not a HIPAA violation to disclose his son’s narcolepsy diagnosis for his own grim amusement.” –Voshkod

“Boy, I’ll say it’s an emergency! If Dr. Ed doesn’t get over there fast, all those other dogs are going to eat that little dog, and/or the kid that’s holding it.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge

“So, the Perfesser isn’t napping, as he appears. He’s actually purring in ecstasy in the afterglow of a satisfying dump. Just when I think I’m out, they pull my right back in.” –Lawyerbob

“Not for the first time, I find myself wondering what Grossie and Maggot’s skeletons look like. Is it just a big pointy-headed skull under there, or do they have a vestigial thorax? Come on, King Features, kill ’em off so we can find out. Judging by today’s strip, you’d be doing them a favour.” –Hergen

“This fellow could be referring to a toupee.” –Rob Baker, on Facebook

“I’m wondering if Hi completely ignoring Dot and literally directing the answer to her question toward her brother, without so much as an acknowledgement that she said anything or exists, is intended as cautionary example training in case they ever go to a car dealership together.” –Violet

“You killed my husband! And this time I’m sure this is the right house!” –Retraux_Rocket, on Twitter

“Steven … You DID sign up for this. Do I have to show you the paperwork again?” –Peanut Gallery

“How sweet! Hägär’s men brought him and his pneumonic plague droplets home. No need to force Helga onto the funeral pyre: in one to six days, they’ll all be dead!” –pastordan

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!