Metapost: WHEEEEEEE, it’s comment laff time
Post Content
Comment of the week? Here it is, baby!
“If the joke at the end of today’s Dustin seems a bit limp, it’s because it’s a last-minute replacement after the syndicate rejected the original final two panels where Dustin’s dad quietly swerves the car into a crowd of young pedestrians and smashes directly into the side of a building.” –stepped pyramids
Other comments, almost as funny? Here they are, baby!
“At least one of those attractive women in Blondie should have been carrying a six-foot party sub.” –Rex Thrillho, on Twitter
“Someone should demonstrate to all those dexterously challenged folks in Santa Royale that the speaker feature would allow them to use their cell phones without actually having to hold them.” –Charterstoned
“It’s funny because according to wistful halcyon memories of the Boomer
stereotypegeneration, the last panel actually is how “it used to be.” See, you got what you wanted, Helen, so strap on your apron and heels and get cracking!” –2+2=7“Many vulture populations worldwide are collapsing because they eat the corpses of farm animals who received medicine in their final days that’s toxic to birds. What I’m saying is, that buzzard better be careful what it wishes for. Sure, most people who visit Granny Creeps are dead within the week, but unless the vulture waits until all the herbal elixirs in Snuffy’s bloodstream are metabolized, it’ll meet the exact same fate.” –Schroduck
“Either Gasoline Alley is set here, or the comic just got picked up again by the Charlotte Observer after it got dropped decades ago for Dilbert or Cathy or something. I don’t care enough to fact-check, so I will assume this is shout out to one of the few newspapers and markets willing to pick up this century old strip.” –Philip
“Is that an EKG readout pinned to the nurse’s desk? You’ve got to hand to Doc Pritchart. Hiding your HIPAA violations in plain sight is a bold move.” –Weaselboy
“Charlotte, home of Giant Helicopters, Inc., your one-stop shop for all your giant helicopter needs. From the lowly Chinook to the Mil V-12, if it looks too big to fly, you can get it at Giant Helicopters! Just off I-85, look for the dangerously massive rotors!” –Voshkod
“Looks like even Dagwood is a slave to quantification and arbitrary numerical benchmarks. Where’s the poetry of mindlessly gorging yourself on food until you faint or puke?!” –Ettore Costa, on Bluesky
“The alien is the only thing that isn’t half-assed about this strip.” –Rusty
“Just once, I’d like to see one of these food service people not be as enthusiastically committed to specialized hedonism as Dagwood. Just once, let there be a butcher who stares with dead eyes as Dagwood describes at length his ideal (i.e., enormous) turkey, only to finally interject in a monotonous voice, ‘Why don’t you just buy two instead, you weird gluttonous fuck?’” –jroggs
“It is true that the ‘joke’ in today’s Marvin is so unfunny as to be unrecognizable as an attempt at humor without the use of extremely sophisticated instruments, but on the other hand, look at Jeff’s face in panel two! Ha ha, he’s so mad! Ignore the text — just imagine it’s a lot of nonsense babbling like in some European cartoons for kids — and enjoy Jeff’s futile outrage.” –Chance
“May we, like Trixie, treasure our relationship with Apollo, the Sun God, who is our personal friend and — dare I say it? — savior. Hi & Lois: The NeoPagan Comic.” –jerp+jump
“Is it just me, or do Dot and Suzy look like they’ve been topping up their juice with a bit of gin? Girls, everyone feels like your ‘BFF’ when you’ve had a few. Just stay cool and try not to get any matching tattoos.” –pugfuggly
“Ah, yes, crawling-age babies, known for spending their days in quiet contemplation of nature’s beauty.” –a.
“Look, I don’t want to tell the writers of Daddy Daze how to do their jobs, but if a baby can, with a single syllable, communicate even semi-complex ideas to his father, said baby should also have the wherewithal to know that literally no wind instrument is played by flinging one’s arms indiscriminately about, nor should a grown adult man see the flailing arms of an infant and think, ‘This child is pretending to play the oboe.’ Drums, perhaps? One of those four-keyboard setups that prog bands have? Very complicated theremin?” –els
“Come on, Sarge, brave and fearless? Surely they must be one or the other, but not both! And nobody can call Beetle a coward. This is a man who puts his life on the line to sleep on the job. Every bone in his body has been broken as a result of this, but still he keeps napping. Thank you for your slumber, Beetle Bailey.” –Tabby Lavalamp
“I am a huge fan of cinnamon buns, and have gotten terribly, terribly lost in Charlotte. I am a Plugger and Gashole. I’m just a Lockhorn away from the Trifecta of Doom.” –Old School Allie Cat
“Oh, Christ. I bet each copy is different. I have to look at all of them, don’t I? Remind me again why we taught them to read?” –Lawyerbob
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46 replies to “Metapost: WHEEEEEEE, it’s comment laff time”
Springboard Shadow CsOTW
Garrison Skunk
November 14th, 2023 at 12:49 pm Reply
@Guillermo el chiclero: Blondie: Look, since we’re talking large flightless birds forget turkeys. The only thing that will satisfy Dagwood’s insatiable hunger will be an emu, if not an ostrich.
——————————————————
“With God as my witness, I thought “Blondie” could be funny!”— Arthur Carlson Sr. (Adapted)
Garrison Skunk
November 16th, 2023 at 8:25 am Reply
@Professor Well Actually: Rex Morgan: I think I know how Buzzy got his nickname. He’s never drawn an unstoned breath
——————————————————
He’s still suffering from those muffins the old lady stuffed in him when he visited his brother Ian at Charterstone.
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Special Long-form Shadow CsOTW
Charterstoned
November 12th, 2023 at 5:10 am Reply
Mary Worth: Kitty introspectively understood that she had DEFLECTED her own SELF-REPROACH, and now she realizes she’s ready to rekindle her relationship with Keith. Up until now, both her heart and her libido had seemed to her like a huge fireplace littered with the ashes of her long-lost past, yet with a new fire laid, ready to light—but nothing to spark the flame. Her psychological mind suddenly knows that Keith is the perfect MATCH. Yes, she’s been burned before, but this time she won’t run from the blazing love that is her destiny with her lusty, muscle-bound Marine-cop. Also, she has no furniture and she imagines Keith’s stuff will work in her space. (Which it would, except not that hideous throw pillow.)
Voshkod
November 13th, 2023 at 7:05 am Reply
Snuffy Smith: Snuffy entered the cave slowly, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the gloom. The air around him with redolent with the smell of spices and herbs, all undercut by the damp mustiness of the underground. A dim light beckoned him forward and soon he saw the low-burning hearth, the cauldron bubbling with promise and mystery, and the stunted form of Granny Creeps, so small and withered with time, but her shadow loomed like a mountain on the wall of the cave. “Smif,” she said, in a tiny voice that echoed. “Knew ye’d come. Cain’t help ya. I’m outta network for yer HMO. Come on back aft’r open season, then we talk.”
Old School Allie Cat
November 14th, 2023 at 6:16 am Reply
Six Chix: I would think that advanced lifeforms would have figured out elimination to a point where it could be done without having to use a private room, let alone one that is gender specific. Like, their waste evaporates through their skin and resembles glitter.
I think it kind of depends on their diet, as well.
And now I’ve put more thought into this strip than the artist.
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
November 16th, 2023 at 6:47 am Reply
Rex Morgan:
No one knows what it’s like
To be the scammer, to be manager
Behind blue eyes
No one knows what it’s like
To get punked, to be trunked
To liking Rene B
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Special Extra Long-form Shadow COTW
jroggs
November 11th, 2023 at 5:49 am Reply
Luann: Pearl Harbor. JFK’s assassination. 9/11. The picture of Gunther and Luann. These are days that defined generations, days that prompt the question, “Do you remember where you were when it happened?”
I remember it as though it had happened only a few hours ago. It started like any other Saturday morning, until I received a phone call. The quavering voice on the other end told me to open up Go Comics. I did, and that was the moment everything changed forever.
It was bedlam. People in doll costumes were running back and forth. Women were sitting alone in their used vans, sobbing helplessly. Fingers were being pointed, accusations were thrown at all and by all, but no one knew what to do. The unthinkable had happened: two people had stood next to each other, and the photographic evidence was unmistakable.
Disbelief turned to horror, and horror turned to anger. A mob calling themselves the Trufanns howled for vengeance. They needed a scapegoat, and they quickly found two. The first was Stef, a mad dog of a cheerleader who had been regarded with suspicion for years but never taken seriously as a threat until now. Indeed, Stef hadn’t hidden her role in the chaos at all, but exulted in it. But the infuriated mob is never satisfied with an uncontroversial villain, and so they looked to a second individual who they believed bore guilt: Bets.
When the incident happened, Bets had been in the middle of entertaining an audience of young manchildren. But when the news broke and the people looked to her for decisive action, Bets froze up. She was as shocked as the rest of us, but more was expected of her. A party hostess named Tiffany approached her and yelled, “Vada a bordo, cazzo!” but Bets was no longer in command of her own faculties, let alone the situation. The ire of the Trufanns was felt immediately, as Tiffany was praised for her heroism while Bets was castigated for her cowardly inaction.
This was the day America lost its inner beauty. The full ramifications of this horrible event remain to be seen, but one thing is clear: the world will never be the same. At least until Monday, when the plot will likely pivot to something else like Bernice’s homework.
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Special Extra Extra Long-form Shadow COTW
Charterstoned
November 13th, 2023 at 7:59 am Reply
Della perched on the corner of Perry Mason’s desk as the counselor perused the files in front of him. He picked up the one on the top of the pile, noting that a medical chart that had been clipped on the outside.
“What’s this, Della?” he asked, frowning. “This looks like a medical malpractice case. You know we don’t take those. Medical malpractice suits sound like a bargain for lawyers, but they’re more of a pain than they’re worth. The paperwork alone will ruin our bottom line.”
“I know that, Perry,” Della began. “But you might want to make an exception in this case. The patient bringing the lawsuit is Paul Drake.”
“Paul? I don’t understand. I referred him to my same top-notch physician, Dr. Jeff Cory, and I know he’s been seeing Jeff routinely!”
“Well, it seems he was treated by two other medical professionals when he went on that fishing trip in Hooting Hollow. You know that out-of-the-way place he likes to go when he needs to relax?”
“Yes, I do. It’s actually called Hootin’ Holler by the locals. Generally speaking, it’s a poor area that never received its proper share of consonants. But the fishing there is great! When did he get back?”
“As far as I understand it, he’s still there, holed up in some cave being treated by a homeopathic.”
“Della. I thought we moved past that kind of language a long time ago. I’m disappointed.” Perry opened the file and studied the contents. “Who’s this Dr. Pritchard?”
“He’s a brilliant physician who earned his degree at Stanford before returning to his hometown to practice. It’s all there. The thing is, Paul still wanted a second opinion when Dr. Pritchard diagnosed acute appendicitis. Paul thought it was just indigestion, and he’d heard that Dr. Creep had some herbal remedies to relieve his condition. So he went to see her instead of submitting to surgery in Dr. Pritchard’s rural office.”
“And…?”
“Well, it seems appendicitis was the correct diagnosis, and Dr. Creep had to act quickly when it burst. She’s not a qualified surgeon, but her pet vulture had some field experience pecking organs out, so the two of them dragged Paul to the roadside so the vulture could work in more familiar surroundings, with better light. It wasn’t the cleanest wound, but Dr. Creep applied an herbal poultice and it seems to be healing well.”
Perry shook his head. “Well, it’s unfortunate that Paul had such an emergency so far from home, but under the circumstances, it seems as if everyone did the best they could. Why is Paul initiating punitive action?”
“It turns out the vulture wasn’t certain which was the appendix, and to be safe, it took out the appendix, all right, but also removed the liver, one kidney, and about two feet of lower intestine.”
“Why so drastic a surgery??” Perry asked, appalled. “Surely the vulture could distinguish an intestine from a kidney!”
“It was late afternoon, coming on dinnertime.”
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 1
jroggs
November 11th, 2023 at 5:08 am Reply
Hi and Lois: You’d think it would be difficult to make a coloring mistake this bad with a uniform literally called “dress blues,” but who knows? Maybe Corporal Wavering only served in the Party City Marine Corps.
Hibbleton
November 11th, 2023 at 5:25 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “If your testimony sends Rene to prison for life and his “Method” dies there with him, maybe then a shattered and suicidal Murphy will go back to singing the country blues we love.”
“You always look at the bright side of things.”
Peanut Gallery
November 11th, 2023 at 6:19 am Reply
Pluggers: If you burned your draft card, you don’t get to be a plugger no matter how old, fat, sick, cheap, slovenly, uncouth, and out of touch with the modern world you are.
I speak Jive
November 11th, 2023 at 10:03 am Reply
Family Circus: Dolly looks like she’s bored, but she’s daydreaming that she’s grown up to be Brenda Starr, Reporter. She imagines herself running into the newsroom and yelling, “Stop the pretzels!”
Guillermo el chiclero
November 11th, 2023 at 10:52 am Reply
Mary Worth: The Doves o’ Love flutter overhead as Keith yells, “Hey, I almost forgot it’s dove season!” as he racks the slide of his 12 gauge.
Garrison Skunk
November 11th, 2023 at 12:14 pm Reply
Blondie: Dagwood’s watching the rarely screened “Back To The Future Part IV” In which Marty “accidentally” causes Biff to fall into a meat grinder, starting a chain of events that leads to him becoming McDonald’s™ first 100% Biff Big Mac.
MKay
November 12th, 2023 at 4:31 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Fergus Mud is disturbed by Buzzy’s naked avarice. That is NOT what this is all about.
“Hmm,” he thinks. “I wonder if a few more days in the trunk will help him see The Way.”
Liam
November 12th, 2023 at 4:35 am Reply
Slylock Fox: Slylock then kicks Max into the fire.
Charterstoned
November 12th, 2023 at 4:39 am Reply
Mary Worth: Someone should demonstrate to all those dexterously challenged folks in Santa Royale that the speaker feature would allow them to use their cell phones without actually having to hold them.
pugfuggly
November 12th, 2023 at 4:43 am Reply
Six Chix: This group had apparently toured Henge Moving and Storage, a place to keep your monoliths during the off-season.
Bob Tice
November 12th, 2023 at 4:47 am Reply
Mary Worth: For the first time that I can recall, Ian Cameron has serious competition for Oaf of the Year.
Schroduck
November 12th, 2023 at 5:02 am Reply
Dustin: “Kids today are so lazy, ordering food online. They should do what we did in our day: make our wives do it!”
Hibbleton
November 12th, 2023 at 5:33 am Reply
Family Circus: Kitty asking Keith to come over for an apologetic blowjob would still be more believable dialogue than Jeffy using the word “editorial.”
taig
November 12th, 2023 at 5:48 am Reply
Family Circus: PJ has already sold the paper to a venture capitalist company so he can enjoy his retirement. Everyone else will receive their pink slips in 15 minutes.
Roto13
November 12th, 2023 at 6:19 am Reply
Blondie: What intern wrote this Blondie? Everyone knows Dagwood is 100% sandwichsexual. They had to make a new Kinsey scale just for him.
TheDiva
November 12th, 2023 at 7:10 am Reply
Dick Tracy: Good visual storytelling today. No notes. (Okay, maybe one note: needs more face-eating rats.)
2+2=7
November 12th, 2023 at 8:13 am Reply
Blondie: Blondie, come on girl! Your husband ain’t Sir-Mix-a-Lot! You know full well that Dagwood ain’t gonna be looking at “back” unless it’s surrounded by the words “baby” and “ribs.”
Ukulele Ike
November 12th, 2023 at 1:32 pm Reply
Prince Valiant: Morgan was hoping for a haunch of roast venison — poor Harpo and Groucho there haven’t had meat for days, and they’re starting to look at her like a haunch of venison. And wolfhound eggfarts are even worse than witch eggfarts.
Peanut Gallery
November 12th, 2023 at 6:24 pm Reply
Hägar the Horrible:In a rare instance of historical accuracy, there’s no Burma Shave sign.
Hibbleton
November 13th, 2023 at 4:37 am Reply
Pluggers: “I said: for fuck sake, Millard, shut the bathroom door.”
Ukranazi Stepan
November 13th, 2023 at 4:46 am Reply
Snuffy Smith: Doc Pritchard needn’t worry. Snuffy isn’t going to Granny Creeps, he’s decided to cut out the middlewoman and is walking directly to the vulture, who is going to put him out of his misery by eating him alive.
Bob Tice
November 13th, 2023 at 4:52 am Reply
Rex Morgan: With a shirt like that, Buzzy should be running a cannabis dispensary.
Hibbleton
November 13th, 2023 at 4:54 am Reply
Rex Morgan: As Fergus realizes Buzzy’s motivation is that of pure avarice, he employs one of the less talked about techniques of the Mirakle Method; “Okay, it’s back in the trunk for you.”
Philip
November 13th, 2023 at 5:32 am Reply
Snuffy Smith: That vulture is furious. While Granny Creeps deals in herbal cures to ailments which often end in death, he prefers young women seeking love potions and charms that will inevitably kill them. Sure, he’ll eat Snuffy, but his prematurely aged body isn’t going to be good. If the vulture is lucky he’ll find a dead skunk to wash the taste out.
ectojazzmage
November 13th, 2023 at 5:52 am Reply
Snuffy Smith: Doc Pritchart sure is gonna look the fool when he rushes to save Snuffy from being poisoned only to instead find him and Granny Creeps boning.
taig
November 13th, 2023 at 6:18 am Reply
Zits: “I think Sara is sculpting a lifesize statue out of me from mashed potatoes.”
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 2
Liam
November 13th, 2023 at 6:31 am Reply
Gasoline Alley: I wouldn’t have guessed because I don’t care. What does geography mean to a place where time doesn’t exist.
Arabella
November 13th, 2023 at 6:55 am Reply
Pluggers: Since we’ve learned that this exchange is a Universal Truth, I don’t understand why Plugger marriage counselors aren’t setting up hearing aid franchises as a sideline. It would seem to be a natural fit.
Ukulele Ike
November 13th, 2023 at 6:56 am Reply
Gasoline Alley: Charlotte, North Carolina, has three nicknames? What the hell?
If they’re the “Queen City” now, what are we supposed to call Cincinnati? “Weird Spaghetti Chili-town?” “That Sitcom About the Radio Stationville?” “Closer to Kentucky Than You Realize?”
Flipper
November 13th, 2023 at 7:40 am Reply
Arlo & Janis: Why am I happy Arlo & Janis will visit the kids for Thanksgiving? Should comics make me happy? Has my life been a lie until now?
Sequitur
November 13th, 2023 at 8:59 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: You can rhyme all you want being smooth as wild honey
But one thing for sure, it won’t make it funny
Voshkod
November 13th, 2023 at 9:38 am Reply
Memo to Pluggers: When your spouse shouts an alarmed ‘What?’ from the toilet, the proper response is “Are you OK?” or “Should I call 911?”
Liam
November 13th, 2023 at 12:03 pm Reply
Snuffy Smith: Granny Creeps must be Mary Worth’s ‘Snuffy Smith’ name.
Braniff
November 14th, 2023 at 4:41 am Reply
Family Circus: That was old newspaper slang for getting a newspaper edition printed, if I’m not mistaken–one from the days when digital 24/7 news was science fiction. Perhaps we’ll finally see the stories about Mommy doing her exotic dancing, Daddy playing with “Uncle Roy” or Dolly offering a satanic ritual, but I kind of doubt it.
Liam
November 14th, 2023 at 6:42 am Reply
Luann: “I was visited by Mary Worth and three bags of muffins.”
Old Man Shadow
November 14th, 2023 at 7:17 am Reply
Blondie: Twenty-eight meals in one sitting might be enough for Blondie to be spared from the DAGWOOD’s maw once again. The children and Daisy? It’s a crap shoot.
Weaselboy
November 14th, 2023 at 7:41 am Reply
Six Chix: How aliens are like us: 1. They have asses. 2. Ancient Egypt is part of their historical record. How aliens differ from us: They have no Rosetta Stone.
I speak Jive
November 14th, 2023 at 8:31 am Reply
Six Chix: Xunise forgot to draw a rotting pumpkin on the alien’s head.
2+2=7
November 14th, 2023 at 9:09 am Reply
Rex Morgan: So…did Rene ask for too much money in his contract and now Buzzy has been cast as his midseason replacement?
Little Guy
November 14th, 2023 at 9:22 am Reply
Six Chix: Well, now I know why aliens are so much into anal probes.
Charterstoned
November 14th, 2023 at 10:35 am Reply
Six Chix: I know we’re supposed to be focusing on the bathroom doors, but I think what we’re seeing here is the FRONT of a one-eyed alien looking at an elevator. From the low-slung boobs, we can deduce that the alien is an ancient female.
Guillermo el chiclero
November 14th, 2023 at 10:52 am Reply
Blondie: Look, since we’re talking large flightless birds forget turkeys. The only thing that will satisfy Dagwood’s insatiable hunger will be an emu, if not an ostrich.
Artist formerly known as Ben
November 14th, 2023 at 1:04 pm Reply
Six Chix: Did you know that there’s a subreddit on “Alien Asses?” Betcha the Tuesday Chik does!
JustSomeGuy
November 14th, 2023 at 9:06 pm Reply
Blondie: You know Dagwood is part of a fantasy league that scores points and bases statistics around various food items. Thanksgiving is his Super Bowl.
Ettorre
November 15th, 2023 at 4:30 am Reply
Phantom: For research purposes, the Phantom writer has watched all the women in prison movies from the 1970s, so he knows that gratuitous nudity is a necessary component
Ukranazi Stepan
November 15th, 2023 at 4:34 am Reply
Phantom: This is what Kit, whoever he is, told Mozz: “My appointment with my metrosexual hairdresser for a perm and dye job is due, so get me out of here and back to the city now!”
Kevin on Earth
November 15th, 2023 at 4:38 am Reply
Hi and Lois: Did Dot and Suzy dare each other to drink out of Lois’ coffee cup again?
Bob Tice
November 15th, 2023 at 4:45 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Keith, with your brawny, albeit somewhat loutish, charisma, have you ever considered seeking an elective position? — you and an ‘Oaf of Office’ seem made for one another!”
MKay
November 15th, 2023 at 4:57 am Reply
Hi and Lois: I don’t want to be the Anti-Cutesy League here, but has anyone addressed Trixie and sunscreen? She could wake up one day and be fifty. It happens.
ectojazzmage
November 15th, 2023 at 5:48 am Reply
Phantom: Prison Woman will be proud to know her ass is so juicy thick it takes a speech bubble of that size to cover!
taig
November 15th, 2023 at 6:06 am Reply
Hi and Lois: Trixie’s BFF can destroy the planet. Can Suzy do that? I thought not!
a.
November 15th, 2023 at 6:55 am Reply
Hi and Lois: Ah, yes, crawling-age babies, known for spending their days in quiet contemplation of nature’s beauty.
Danielakiiki
November 15th, 2023 at 8:37 am Reply
Mark Trail: So The Kudzu Crusader is……The Ghost formerly known as Prince?
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 3
Elsewise
November 15th, 2023 at 9:23 am Reply
Phantom: I don’t read The Phantom outside of this site, but the gentle touch of his finger on the other guy’s chest, the gathering of women in a sexy shower waterfall… this is a gay comic, right? Because if so, I’m suddenly interested.
Poteet
November 15th, 2023 at 11:06 am Reply
Luann: I have always feared that the actual official coupling of Luann and Gunther would be like the coupling of Zuul and Vinz Clortho in GHOSTBUSTERS, potentially bringing about the apocalypse. So I would really like Gunther to scream “WE ARE NOT A COUPLE!!!” like he means it. And if poking his own eyes out would help him scream, I’m okay with that.
Kevin on Earth
November 16th, 2023 at 4:30 am Reply
Phantom: Let’s recap the prophecy for those who arrived late.
Anonymous
November 16th, 2023 at 4:34 am Reply
Gasoline Alley: Referring to Slim, who fell off the flatbed and is now in lying the middle of the road, as a “pile of junk” … is an apt way to refer to him, actually. It’s an apt way to refer to Slim in all circumstances, actually.
nescio
November 16th, 2023 at 4:36 am Reply
Daddy Daze: I don’t want to see the father punched in the face, either. Let’s see him get hit in the face with an actual trombone.
Liam
November 16th, 2023 at 4:40 am Reply
Family Circus: “You know that the copier is only to be used for making copies of Fight Club rules.”
Anonymous
November 16th, 2023 at 4:42 am Reply
Rex Morgan: This comic will soon be called “Rex Morgan and the Mirakle Pals.” Rex and June will show up a few times a year to make medical puns.
taig
November 16th, 2023 at 5:12 am Reply
Rex Morgan: One aspect of Stockholm Syndrome is that your eyes turn blue. I don’t make the rules.
McCapwell
November 16th, 2023 at 5:14 am Reply
Tired: Domestic violence in Andy Capp.
Wired: Domestic violence in Daddy Daze.
Philip
November 16th, 2023 at 6:06 am Reply
Daddy Daze: Even through the pain Daddy Daze Daddy knows he can take solace that he is not Marvin’s Dad
Peanut Gallery
November 16th, 2023 at 6:13 am Reply
Beetle Bailey: “I knew it! I knew it! All this time, I’ve really been in the Boy Scouts! WHERE ARE MY MERIT BADGES YOU BASTARD”
Voshkod
November 16th, 2023 at 7:37 am Reply
Rex Morgan: I have to say, Buzzy and Rene are running one hell of a two-man long-con on Mud. I can’t wait to see how Rex absolutely fails to puts a stop to this!
Poteet
November 16th, 2023 at 7:50 am Reply
Daddy Daze: Is this kid for hire? Because he could probably get close to some comic-strip characters much more easily than an adult hit person could. And then POW, right in the kisser! I’ll bet Josh isn’t the only one with a list.
Garrison Skunk
November 16th, 2023 at 8:20 am Reply
Daddy Daze: “Ba ba ba” “You want to imitate commercials made 50 years before you were born?” “Ba ba ba” “How about a nice Angus punch?” “Ba ba ba” “Sure!”
Old Man Shadow
November 16th, 2023 at 9:40 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Having realized his agent will cover for his crimes so long as there’s profit involved, Mudd’s next album would include the standards “I robbed the bank on Acorn Drive in Memphis” and “There’s a hooker buried in the desert off I-15”.
Artist formerly known as Ben
November 16th, 2023 at 10:11 am Reply
Luann: Pretty sure getting emotionally invested in the Gunther-Bets (Bunther?) relationship is hitting rock bottom in your social media addiction.
MKay
November 17th, 2023 at 4:39 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: Mrs Wilson is a sad and bitter woman. Question is, which method of offing her husband will succeed; the slow poisoning she’s been inflicting, or the apoplexy brought on by the unrelenting presence of Dennis? (that front door doesn’t unlock itself, you know)
Schroduck
November 17th, 2023 at 4:44 am Reply
Pluggers: After 7 long years, Crock finally has to pass on its trophy for “Most Outdated ‘Buns of Steel’ Reference” to a new victor.
pugfuggly
November 17th, 2023 at 5:20 am Reply
Pluggers: Hold on, Mr Cat: you may be sitting in a greasy diner in a flannel shirt munching on a stale cinnamon bun, but are you sticking your pinkie in the air like some froo-froo tea drinker? Go back over the pond, Lord Kittington.
Ettorre
November 17th, 2023 at 5:56 am Reply
Gasoline Alley: It’s “Groundhog Day”, except this being “Gasoline Alley” the groundhog talks and he is annoying.
The Rambling Otter
November 17th, 2023 at 6:00 am Reply
Pluggers mentioning anthropomorphic animals and “Buns of Steel” in the same sentence.
I don’t know if this was a furry re-awakening, or (seeing as it’s Pluggers) if it literally caused my furry-ness to wither and die…
richardf8
November 17th, 2023 at 6:20 am Reply
Luann: And off she goes to pick up Delta from Howard University and head down to South America to visit Rosa. Hell maybe she’ll find Knute and Crystal hitch hiking along the way and Quill will show up with a packet of Tim Tams to sweeten the ride.
Daily Shadow CsOTW
Saturday
————
pugfuggly
November 11th, 2023 at 5:03 am Reply
Pluggers: “‘Punch…here…fifth…beer…free?’ Oh that’s right, I was never in ‘Nam…”
Scratchy Scrotum LXIX
November 11th, 2023 at 6:22 am Reply
Pluggers are so brain-addled that they forgot the Alamo.
Sunday
———-
jroggs
November 12th, 2023 at 7:20 am Reply
Crankshaft: “Oh, whatever did I come down into the basement to find? I must be having a senior moment! Pam, sweetie, ask those officers if they’d like some cookies to go with their coffee! …Christ, this freezer is a mess. Where’s the rest of that damned corpse?”
The Breathtaking Bonehead Brothers
November 12th, 2023 at 10:56 am Reply
Six Chix: If these stones could talk, they would tell you they are bloody tired of being moved twice a year for Daylight Savings Time.
Monday
———–
nescio
November 13th, 2023 at 4:52 am Reply
Pluggers: “Millard Trott” sounds like the name of a super villain, what evil is he doing today? Submitting stale, plagiarized jokes to Pluggers?!? [Shudder]
Peanut Gallery
November 13th, 2023 at 6:30 am Reply
Pluggers: “I SAID, something’s burning in the kitchen! Don’t you see the smoke coming in from behind you? Now hurry up and check the oven before your cousin Emily is ruined!”
Tuesday
———–
Tabby Lavalamp
November 14th, 2023 at 5:23 am Reply
Six Chix: There are going to be some choice letters to the editor being written today by boomers having unexpected feelings stirred up by naked alien ass in the funny pages.
Flipper
November 14th, 2023 at 7:15 am Reply
Six Chix: Aliens wouldn’t be so clueless about genitalia if they’d bother probing both sides.
Wednesday
—————
Philip
November 15th, 2023 at 5:40 am Reply
Hi and Lois: Trixie is competing with every housecat in the world to be the sun’s BFF.
Guillermo el chiclero
November 15th, 2023 at 9:01 am Reply
Luann: Question: Why isn’t Bernice at the party?
Answer: She’s there. Just go over to the punchbowl. She’s the turd floating in it.
Thursday
————
erdmann
November 16th, 2023 at 7:15 am Reply
Phantom: Aaaaaa! It’s starting over! This isn’t a comic strip; it’s a Möbius strip!
I speak Jive
November 16th, 2023 at 7:52 am Reply
Pluggers: And the cat plugger looks at the clock and waits for 3:00 a.m. when he can run around the house in a frenzy.
Friday
——–
taig
November 17th, 2023 at 5:00 am Reply
Mary Worth: You’re in entirely the wrong place for “choosing one’s own destiny.” This is Mary Worth country!
Old School Allie Cat
November 17th, 2023 at 5:11 am Reply
I am a huge fan of cinnamon buns, and have gotten terribly, terribly lost in Charlotte. I am a Plugger and Gashole. I’m just a Lockhorn away from the Trifecta of Doom.
.
.
.
Shadow COTW
——————
Bogeyman Weather
November 12th, 2023 at 7:35 am Reply
I used love reading this blog but I’m not sure I can anymore. In just the last week, Gil Thorp & Dagwood (11/11), Chip (11/10), & Rex Morgan (11/08) have all turned, dead-eyed, to stare out of the pages of the funny papers directly at me, trying to pull me into their time-stuck, two-dimensional world. I don’t want to be a cartoon. I DON’T WANT TO BE A CARTOON!
“Six-foot party sub” sounds dirty, even outside the context of Blondie.
Thanks, Baja.
Congratulations, stepped pyramids!
Thanks for the mentions, Baja!
Congratulations to stepped pyramids, the Floaters, The Shadowers (and thanks, Baja), and the Scroters:
Bob Tice
November 11th, 2023 at 4:30 am Reply
GT:
“I’ll race Wrong Way Corrigan from Brooklyn to Long Beach!”
Ukulele Ike
November 11th, 2023 at 8:48 am Reply
GT: Military Thorp is too absentminded to close doors. Good thing he wasn’t drafted into the submarine corps.
KMD
November 11th, 2023 at 10:51 am Reply
GT: I think Gil is wearing desert fatigues as he flies his Messerschmitt Bf 109. At least he wishes the Americans a happy Veterans Day before he shoots them down. Yes, Gil listened to too much Father Coughlin and joined the German American Bund before defecting to the Nazis.
Lord_Flatulence
November 11th, 2023 at 11:02 am Reply
GT: Is Gil Snoopy or The Red Baron?
But What Do I Know?
November 11th, 2023 at 4:37 am Reply
GT — Gil Thorp, The Immortal Unbeloved. Probably sounds better in German
H&L — No disrespect intended, but at first glance I thought Mr. Wavering was running the hotel elevator
jroggs
November 11th, 2023 at 5:08 am Reply
H&L: You’d think it would be difficult to make a coloring mistake this bad with a uniform literally called “dress blues,” but who knows? Maybe Corporal Wavering only served in the Party City Marine Corps.
Charterstoned
November 11th, 2023 at 4:52 am Reply
MW: The Doves o’ Love flutter without. As Mary’s meds start to kick in, she bids a fond farewell to Keith after giving him TEA and SYMPATHY. “Years from now, when you talk about this, and you will, be kind.”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
pugfuggly
November 11th, 2023 at 5:03 am Reply
Pluggers “‘Punch…here…fifth…beer…free?’ Oh that’s right, I was never in ‘Nam…”
Artist formerly known as Ben
November 11th, 2023 at 12:06 pm Reply
Pluggers: You’re really a Plugger if those disrespectful young whippersnappers have pointed out that your “draft card” looks a lot like a Freaky Fast Rewards card from Jimmy John’s.
Hibbleton
November 11th, 2023 at 5:25 am Reply
RMMD:
“If your testimony sends Rene to prison for life and his “Method” dies there with him, maybe then a shattered and suicidal Murphy will go back to singing the country blues we love.”
“You always look at the bright side of things.”
Braniff
November 11th, 2023 at 5:34 am Reply
FC: Why doesn’t the Family Times recognize Daddy’s service in the armed forces–or did Daddy serve in the armed forces? Maybe it’s because the Family Times doesn’t publish on Saturdays (many newspapers no longer publish seven days a week). Maybe Mommy knows that newspapers are on the decline. Maybe Mommy didn’t get the photos of her exotic dancing published. Who knows?
taig
November 11th, 2023 at 5:34 am Reply
FC: He’s got you there. You taught him to misinterpret the Constitution, so you’re going to have to live with the consequences.
Liam
November 11th, 2023 at 4:48 am Reply
FC-“Barfy Nukes Family”?
I speak Jive
November 11th, 2023 at 10:03 am Reply
FC – Dolly looks like she’s bored, but she’s daydreaming that she’s grown up to be Brenda Starr, Reporter. She imagines herself running into the newsroom and yelling, “Stop the pretzels!”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Poteet
November 11th, 2023 at 11:24 am Reply
BLONDIE: I’ve moved on from my former nasty petty immature resentment of Dagwood’s ability to eat mass quantities of whatever foods he loves and never experience any adverse consequences. Now I’m hoping he will be kidnapped and taken to a research facility that will figure out exactly how his body does that so all other interested humans can someday enjoy the same kind of metabolism. And if that means Dagwood has to die for the sake of scientific knowledge, so be it. He’s had a good long run. Sorry, Dag. *whistles, extremely badly, a little of Wagner’s Siegfried’s funeral music*
Garrison Skunk
November 11th, 2023 at 12:14 pm Reply
Dagwood’s watching the rarely screened “Back To The Future Part IV” In which Marty “accidentally” causes Biff to fall into a meat grinder, starting a chain of events that leads to him becoming McDonald’s™ first 100% Biff Big Mac.
cheech wizard
November 11th, 2023 at 11:52 am Reply
Luann – “Take care of your man! Because if you don’t get in there and give him a blow job in the next 90 seconds, Luann will and the End Days will be upon us! You know our whole existence in this comic hangs upon the slender thread of Luann’s questionable virtue!”
Schroduck
November 12th, 2023 at 4:47 am Reply
Mary Worth takes place in a dystopia where America has been conquered by mediocre therapists who force everyone to talk like them (under penalty of being charged $100 a hour to not be listened to in a small office over a hair salon). If I ever say a sentence like “I didn’t like feeling regret, so I deflected my self-reproach towards you“, please put me on the ice floe and let me drift peacefully out to sea.
Ettorre
November 12th, 2023 at 4:53 am Reply
Maybe Keith shouldn’t take relationship and human relations advices from Alexander the Great, unless what he aims for is become a belligerent drunk, alienate and sometimes kill your trusted friends and companions, never get over your loved one’s demise and marry multiple women without ever loving any of them.
Bob Tice
November 12th, 2023 at 4:47 am Reply
MW:
For the first time that I can recall, Ian Cameron has serious competition for Oaf of the Year.
richardf8
November 12th, 2023 at 7:37 am Reply
MW – Um, did Kitty just self-meddle?!?! Mary’s gonna be pissed!
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
November 12th, 2023 at 7:28 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Keith, make your heart as large as your freakish hands, and you will find lasting romance.”
“What if I just want to get laid?”
[Glances at Keith’s jeans] “Cut back on the steroids.”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Liam
November 12th, 2023 at 4:35 am Reply
Blondie-Sorry, Blondie, Dagwood only gets it up for food. Those aren’t the pies he likes to eat.
Hibbleton
November 12th, 2023 at 4:38 am Reply
Blondie is disappointed he won’t be horny when he gets home. “Maybe if I rub some mayonnaise on my breasts.” She thinks.
pugfuggly
November 12th, 2023 at 4:43 am Reply
Blondie: So Dagwood is constantly horny. I guess since every time we see him he is either eating or sleeping, the rest if the time he is just fucking with wild abandon. No wonder he stays so trim.
BigTed
November 12th, 2023 at 4:44 am Reply
Blondie: The obvious joke is that Dagwood can’t see all the hot babes passing by on the street. The secret joke is that his eyes look exactly the same when they’re “dilated” as when they aren’t. And the final joke is that Blondie and Dagwood seem to live in a city populated entirely by women, which is why she literally can’t do any better in the husband department.
Pluggers: You’re a plugger if you jump into a pile of leaves and then remember all the hammers, nails, screwdrivers, and rakes you left lying in the yard.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
I speak Jive
November 12th, 2023 at 7:37 am Reply
FC – Charles Schulz? This strip is already signed by a dead cartoonist.
Lord_Flatulence
November 13th, 2023 at 9:13 am Reply
Pluggers: “Fuck you!” “No, fuck you!”
Flipper
November 13th, 2023 at 7:40 am Reply
Pluggers: It’s probably safe to assume all of these have appeared on a magnet, mug or t-shirt at one time or another.
Lothar+of+the+Hill+People
November 13th, 2023 at 9:49 am Reply
@Flipper:
I have submitted some Pluggers phrases that I can almost guarantee have never been on a refrigerator.
Pluggers have a talk-in tub, not a walk-in tub.
You’re a plugger if your “feeder goldfish” is now pan sized.
Pluggers “best china” came in boxes of laundry soap, one dish at a time.
Pluggers only use their “smart” phone for dumb things
Young co-workers ask Pluggers if they went to Woodstock.
I haven’t (yet) submitted:
Pluggers remember the Reagan Administration as a time of peace and prosperity
You’re a plugger if you can’t remember who died and left your current coffee
cup in the office break room.
You might be a plugger if you or your wife is a church secretary
You’re a plugger if you played “Rook” as a kid because regular playing cards are sinful.
You’re a plugger if you have a fake Thomas Kinkade painting
Plugger serial killers can field dress their victims.
You might be a plugger if your neighborhood little league team had
to change its name because the old one was racist.
nescio
November 13th, 2023 at 4:52 am Reply
“Millard Trott” sounds like the name of a super villain, what evil is he doing today? Submitting stale, plagiarized jokes to Pluggers?!? [Shudder]
Hibbleton
November 13th, 2023 at 4:37 am Reply
Pluggers: “I said; for fuck sake, Millard, shut the bathroom door.”
Hibbleton
November 13th, 2023 at 5:56 am Reply
DtM: “Go Younder? Have you been talking to Millard Trott again;” asks Martha
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Little Guy
November 13th, 2023 at 5:09 am Reply
yyyLuann: Evansii: “Those Mungeons are mean! We’ll use our OriginalTramp Slut Cheerleader Proxy to tell them how mean they are!”
JamesBont
November 13th, 2023 at 1:28 pm Reply
Luann: Sorry Bets, but if you’re still willing to be with Gunther, you are indeed an idiot.
ectojazzmage
November 13th, 2023 at 5:52 am Reply
Rex Morgan: So what, now Buzzy is the villain of the story for being happy he’s making money? That’s the best replacement for Rene as a villain we can come up with? What sort of dastardly evil is Buzzy gonna commit next, accidentally leaving too small a tip?
taig
November 13th, 2023 at 6:00 am Reply
RMMD: I’ve read comics with Rene. Buzzy, you are no Rene.
FC: Billy triggers Bil with that question, causing Bil to reach for his 9-iron and relentlessly smash the melonhead.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
TheDiva
November 13th, 2023 at 6:43 am Reply
Dustin: I’m sure that some Food Network host or another has come up with a delicious cheese-and-bacon stuffing recipe, but I’m guessing Dustin and Dustdad just wrapped a pack of Hormel around a block of Velveeta, shoved it in the bird and called it good.
MW: “I draw the line at you keeping your maiden name or having your own credit cards, though.”
Flipper
November 13th, 2023 at 7:40 am Reply
MW: We’ll find out how firm Keith’s stance is on “the man should always pay” when it’s 18 years of back child support.
Baja Gaijin
November 14th, 2023 at 4:29 am Reply
Luann: Hey! They used my comment on this strip! “They both blow”. They left off the last half: “but not each other.”
Rube
November 14th, 2023 at 6:06 am Reply
So the target market for Luann is schlubby guys who have been dumped by their much hotter girlfriends and who fantasize about them making a groveling return. It’s a niche market, but who am I to judge?
brendancalling
November 14th, 2023 at 6:25 am Reply
Luann: I paid a visit to the TruFans today, hoping to see much incel/shut-in outrage that the notoriously prude Evansii used “the both blow” as dialogue. Unless they don’t realize that “blow” is shorthand for “blow job,” ie: “They both suck dick,” and let’s face it—the TruFans are not the sharpest knives in the drawer. OTOH, these are the same folks who melted down over the Fuk-Shak and Kip’s jizz towel, so who knows.
Anyway, they’re freaking out over whether Cuntyboi and Wagers get back together, and whether this “arc” will wind down before Thanksgiving.
To the Evansii’s credit, this is probably the first time they’ve actually concluded a storyline. I mean, does the marriage of B-wad and Tone-Eye even count, since they clearly haven’t consummated it yet?
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Kevin on Earth
November 14th, 2023 at 5:15 am Reply
GT: Pedro: “I need protection out there!”
Teammate: “needed. You needed protection out there…so Keri wouldn’t get…you know.”
taig
November 14th, 2023 at 5:44 am Reply
Frazz: “Oh, and it looks like you sharted. Again. I’ve often wondered on what grounds you can make fun of Mrs. Olsen. She can literally keep her shit together.”
MW: 30 minutes later (29.5 of that being a drive to Keith’s apartment): “I remember why I decided to break up with you, Keith.”
MKay
November 14th, 2023 at 4:55 am Reply
MW: Definition of “big nope:” a person you could stand for only two months twenty years ago hits on you, after proudly announcing that he hasn’t changed ONE SINGLE BIT.
Liam
November 14th, 2023 at 6:11 am Reply
MW-And so they pickup where they left off twenty years ago with her on the table and legs in the air.
cheech wizard
November 14th, 2023 at 9:29 am Reply
MW – “We only dated for two months. I didn’t have time to really know that guy.”
“Yeah, well… Hey, do you still put out on the first date?”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
JamesBont
November 14th, 2023 at 6:12 am Reply
Hi and Lois: Is “nip” really a term for a quick drink? I know it’s a term for…something else, but I won’t say it here.
Flipper
November 14th, 2023 at 7:15 am Reply
Pluggers: A real plugger would never use a semi-colon, Nancy Burns.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
ectojazzmage
November 14th, 2023 at 6:18 am Reply
Six Chix: The message of today’s Six Chix is that aliens probably wouldn’t ascribe to the human gender binary, and also that they/them pussy is… out of this world.
Ettorre
November 15th, 2023 at 4:30 am Reply
For research purposes, the Phantom writer has watched all the women in prison movies from the 1970s, so he knows that gratuitous nudity is a necessary component
ectojazzmage
November 15th, 2023 at 5:48 am Reply
The Phantom: Prison Woman will be proud to know her ass is so juicy thick it takes a speech bubble of that size to cover!
taig
November 15th, 2023 at 6:06 am Reply
HnL: Trixie’s BFF can destroy the planet. Can Suzy do that? I thought not!
Bill Loguidice
November 15th, 2023 at 5:59 am Reply
Why do Trixie and Suzie look like they’re slurring their undying affection for each other after having one too many drinks at an after work Happy Hour?
The Rambling Otter
November 15th, 2023 at 6:50 am Reply
Hi and Lois: Anyone remember the iconic scene in “Anne of Green Gables” where Anne and her B.F.F. Diana accidentally get drunk on raspberry cordial and almost destroyed their friendship?
Let’s just say “B.F.F” Suzy will probably never be seen again, probably due to a parent-imposed court order.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Hibbleton
November 15th, 2023 at 5:04 am Reply
FC: “Don’t read it, Dad!” Billy realizes that including a guest op-ed by Dan Savage was probably a bad idea.
I speak Jive
November 15th, 2023 at 8:38 am Reply
FC – Thel thinks, “Well, we could go to the library and pay 25¢ a page on their copier. Or, instead of scribbling that drivel on paper, you could have typed it on the computer and then printed as many copies as you need. Only a moron wouldn’t think of doing that. Hell, I thought of it, and I’m sloshed.”
Mary Worth – I’m wondering why Keith has his fist clenched. I can’t decide if it’s anger issues or if he can’t figure out how to hold a hamburger.
taig
November 15th, 2023 at 9:12 am Reply
@I speak Jive: Considering that Keith was literally crushing one of Mary’s muffins (not a euphemism) earlier, I think he just generally has a problem holding food.
richardf8
November 15th, 2023 at 7:26 am Reply
Zits – Hey! Sara’s down to one ball of yarn, and I think we can forgive her for knitting in the English, rather than the Continental manner. But again, small projects Sara. Like I bet Jeremy would be thrilled to receive from you one if those dick covers like they used to sell at Frederick’s of Hollywood. He’d always have your love to keep him warm.
And the knitters here could laugh our asses off watching Sara struggling with DPN’s!
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Flipper
November 15th, 2023 at 7:38 am Reply
CS: “I’ve come to make a deposit.” “Sir, we’re not that kind of bank.”
Fellating FlatulaterSequiturNovember 15th, 2023 at 9:33 am Reply
Dog Eat Doug: How
Daddy-o’sScratchy‘s kid gets his attention.Anonymous
November 16th, 2023 at 4:34 am Reply
Rex Morgan M.D. : …I’m starting to side with that ‘mudge that previously commented something along the lines of this storyline having veered into being a satire of what typically happens when a country singer becomes “born again”, except using the fictional “Mirakle Method” to avoid offending anyone.
Dennis Jimenez
November 16th, 2023 at 5:10 am Reply
RMMD – If we can get him out of jail – why, he’d move us up from platinum to diamond….
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Hibbleton
November 16th, 2023 at 4:57 am Reply
FC: Tomorrow’s headline: BOSS IS A DOUCHE!
MKay
November 16th, 2023 at 4:48 am Reply
MW: OK, wrap it up, they’re going to discover true love, move in together, get a dog, all hail Mary Worth, yada yada.
Morgan Wick
November 16th, 2023 at 5:44 am Reply
“The military talks a good game about wanting ‘brave, fearless, dedicated, and focused’ soldiers, but all it really wants out of them is to follow their orders blindly no matter how suicidal or criminal!” Somehow, I wasn’t expecting hard-hitting political commentary about the modern military out of Beetle Bailey.
Tabby Lavalamp
November 16th, 2023 at 5:53 am Reply
Come on, Sarge, brave and fearless? Surely they must be one or the other, but not both! And nobody can call Beetle a coward. This is a man who puts his life on the line to sleep on the job. Every bone in his body has been broken as a result of this, but still he keeps napping. Thank you for your slumber, Beetle Bailey.
Violet
November 16th, 2023 at 6:26 am Reply
Are we all just going to ignore like the third or fourth most salient of the elephants in the room: the joke in today’s Beetle Bailey is actually pretty decent? Replace “must” with “should” and tidy up the redundancy and dumbness in the list of ideal attributes and that shit’s tight, man.
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
November 16th, 2023 at 6:34 am Reply
Beetle Bailey: Sarge is sad because he and Beetle have been doing dialogue from a fortune cookie, and he knows his next line is [deep sigh] “in bed.”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
cheech wizard
November 16th, 2023 at 6:48 am Reply
Bigporn – Next, Pib switches their sizes so she can jam him in her twat.
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
November 16th, 2023 at 6:58 am Reply
Vintage Krazy Kat: omfg
Bob Tice
November 17th, 2023 at 4:25 am Reply
MW:
“I’ll take ‘TV characters’ for 400, Keith.”
“Kitty, Werner Klemperer played this bumbling colonel on the ’60s sitcom ‘Hogan’s Heroes.’ ”
“Clink!”
” ‘What is “Clink”? ‘ is correct! — select!”
Charterstoned
November 17th, 2023 at 4:41 am Reply
MW: “I moved because I felt like a change.”
Keith’s true nature will be revealed in the light of the next full moon, or else he’s going to break out with hot flashes, irritability, mood swings, insomnia, and a dry dick.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women
November 17th, 2023 at 4:34 am Reply
Family Circus: “Ha-ha, PJ, we’re all going to the Mojave, and you have to stay home by yourself. Enjoy the toilet water, slob!”
pj
November 17th, 2023 at 4:40 am Reply
FC: I hope they have a help wanted section. Daddy got fired yesterday for theft of company property printing this rag. Maybe he can get a job as a cartoonist as Jeffy’s replacement.
Tabby Lavalamp
November 17th, 2023 at 5:44 am Reply
I hope Thel shot those brats down fast, telling them newspapers are a dying medium, shuttering their local newsroom, and making them start a YouTube channel called “Keane Patriot News” that’s 90% outraged opinion based on what they want people to think the Mitchum family is up to.
richardf8
November 17th, 2023 at 6:15 am Reply
FC – “No Desert?” Does that mean this year the Grand Canyon trip is canceled and they’re vacationing in the mountains? Will they feed Jeffy to a bear? Will he be wearing a Gnutz tee-shirt?
Hibbleton
November 17th, 2023 at 5:58 am Reply
H&L: Of course, a real modern parent would say to his kid; “Before social media, lovers used to carve their initials on trees.” Hell, even a grandparent would say it that way. Trying to think of a still-living generation that would have the slack jawed reaction Hi is having.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
taig
November 17th, 2023 at 4:53 am Reply
Luann: Are Greg and Karen taking turns writing this week’s set of strips? This thing is swerving all over the place.
Rube
November 17th, 2023 at 4:59 am Reply
Luann So Bets “fighting for her man” has turned into her dumping her man because of …what? This storyline did not make any sense in the first place, but somehow it keeps getting more incomprehensible
Decima+Dewey
November 17th, 2023 at 6:47 am Reply
Luann: Bets is pretending she’s dumping Gunther For His Own Good, but she just wants out of the strip. And who can blame her?
Little Guy
November 17th, 2023 at 6:53 am Reply
Luann: “I created Bets ‘n’ Guns and you don’t deserve it.”
Happy retirement, Evansii. I suggest working with Brooke.
Pozzo
November 17th, 2023 at 4:48 am Reply
GA: It’s the climax of climax of “Blazing Saddles” all over again — except not as funny.
Old School Allie Cat
November 17th, 2023 at 5:11 am Reply
I am a huge fan of cinnamon buns, and have gotten terribly, terribly lost in Charlotte. I am a Plugger and Gashole. I’m just a Lockhorn away from the Trifecta of Doom.
Hibbleton
November 17th, 2023 at 5:13 am Reply
Pluggers: Brad Wesner protests; “Isn’t it spelled ‘cimmanon’?”
pugfuggly
November 17th, 2023 at 5:20 am Reply
Pluggers: Hold on, Mr Cat: you may be sitting in a greasy diner in a flannel shirt munching on a stale cinnamon bun, but are you sticking your pinkie in the air like some froo-froo tea drinker? Go back over the pond, Lord Kittington.
Ettorre
November 17th, 2023 at 5:58 am Reply
Pluggers are strongly opposed to a redistributive welfare state, strong trade unions, multiculturalism and social liberalism, so eating a kanelbulle is the closest Swedish thing they’ll ever do
Philip
November 17th, 2023 at 5:58 am Reply
Pluggers – One interesting thing about Pluggers is that it has the kind of same jokes you would see in Maxine/Aunty Acid comics or Minions memes, but oddly I don’t see Pluggers comics shared on social media at all.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Calvin’s Cardboard Box
November 17th, 2023 at 6:13 am Reply
PIB – Approaching year six of the “Provenance of Pib” origin story! Let’s recap,
For six years she swam around in a lake making out with the dweeby monk with the overbite.
Then, one day, without warning, she suddenly became Pibgorn, a winged fairy.
So now she is Pibgorn and has an overbite of her own and spends her time by the lake making out with the dweeby monk.
Tom T.
November 17th, 2023 at 6:21 am Reply
Pibgorn: Her origin story really did just amount to, “suddenly, for no reason, she became a fairy.” Also, it’s like the warning in the commercial — that guy has had an erection lasting more than four years.
Weaselboy
November 17th, 2023 at 6:28 am Reply
RMMD – I don’t have many dealbreakers vis-à-vis having an agent, but using the word “doozy” is definitely one of them.
Guillermo el chiclero
November 17th, 2023 at 6:46 am Reply
RMMD: Somehow this story is going to end up with Mud and Buzzy having a falling out over which direction to take this Mirakle Method thing and Mud will end up with Buck being his agent again, won’t it?
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. jroggs
November 12th, 2023 at 7:20 am Reply
Dustin: Kelly and Parker seem to be losing the generational-warfare plot more and more every week. It’s doubtful there are many parents out there expressing frustration that their sixteen year old daughters remain in easy contact at home and make sure to touch base about family dinner plans before going off and handling their own feeding.
H&L: Haha, men be like “It’s game time, boys, let’s watch two NFL games in a row, which I somehow believe is a rare occurrence on Sundays!” and women be like, “Even though I’ve been affecting neglect for years because of this football sport, I am still completely unfamiliar with its scheduling and game format, and cannot plan for family walks before the game or during half-time!” Mars and Venus, amirite?
JP: “Get a hold of yourself, April. Remember, everything we say and do is being closely monitored right now, so show some composure. Anyway, like I said, the reason I had you turn me in was so we could trick these CIA buffoons into thinking you’re loyal to them. I can’t believe those morons fell for it!”
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. jroggs
November 13th, 2023 at 7:38 am Reply
RMMD: Nice try covering for these goobers, text box, but Mud and Buzzy are clearly still onstage. And considering this audience is likely filled with traditional reporters and social media influencers looking for juicy content, Buzzy should have held off from his enthusiastic yelping about how much cash they’re squeezing out of these rubes until after they were no longer in eyesight and earshot of said rubes.
69. Weaselboy
November 14th, 2023 at 7:41 am Reply
6C. How aliens are like us: 1. They have asses. 2. Ancient Egypt is part of their historical record. How aliens differ from us: They have no Rosetta Stone.
69. Voshkod
November 16th, 2023 at 7:37 am Reply
I have to say, Buzzy and Rene are running one hell of a two-man long-con on Mud. I can’t wait to see how Rex absolutely fails to puts a stop to this!
Congrats to stepped pyramids and the floaters and thanks, Josh, Baja, and Scratchy!
Thanks for the mentions, Scratchy!
Yum yum, another delicious Meatpost from Josh. Congratulations to the float riders and to stepped pyramids for the game-winning buzzer-beater that has taken all the marbles! And thanks to Baja for the Sunday mention.
Hilarious COTW, stepped pyramids! Congrats to you, the floaters, shadows, and scrotes! Thanks for the mentions, Josh, Baja, and Scratchy!
This is honestly the first time I’ve ever congratulated a stepped pyramid, but hopefully not the last. Congrats to the floaters as well, and thanks to Baja & Scratchy for keeping my ego inflated for another week!
Thanks for the mentions.
Thanks for the mentions!
Thanks for the mentions!
Thanks, Baja and Scratchy!
Congrats to stepped pyramids for the COTW!
And a special thanks to
HungryHungryHippoBaja andEnormousBallsScratchy for the mentions!Congratulations to stepped pyramids and t’others on the float. Also to the shadow-ies and scratchies, with thanks to Baja Gaijin and Scratchy Scrotum LXIX. Tips of the beret to pugfuggly and Tabby Lavalamp.
Thanks, Scratchy.
Merci bien, Baja & Scratchy!
Thanks Josh, Baja and Scratchy. So another week goes…
Arigatou gozaimasu, Baja and Scratchy!
Thanks Josh, Scratchy, and Baja for the highlights and thanks for the mentions Baja and Scratchy.
Thank you, Baja and Scratchy!
Thanks for the mentions, Baja and Scratchy!
Congrats to stepped pyramids, everyone on the float, the shadowfloaters and the scratchies! Broon Croons to Shroduck and jroggs!