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That’s right folks: next Friday is the 2nd Friday of the month, and you know what that means: LIVE ON-STAGE COMEDY IN LOS ANGELES, FROM YOURS TRULY!

Here is the Facebook event! Go forth and proclaim your allegiance to me and my stable of laffmasters!

To tide you over until then, though, you’re going to have to enjoy this comment of the week:

“‘I’m gonna spend the whole summer working more hours!’ ‘Good call.’ Sheesh. It’s like reading Goofus and Gallant, the Oops! All Gallant version.” –Peanut Gallery

Also enjoy your hilarious runners up!

“You’re a plugger if your wife’s stomach growls but you can’t hear it over the sound of gravel tumbling around inside her gizzard.” –nescio

“Is the guy in the van a full-fledged dog trafficker or did he just spot Greta and think, ‘Hey! A dog wearing a bowtie! I want it!’” –Weaselboy

“The pseudo-cannibalism of Shoe might be believable if the birds were defined as hawks. But the disillusioned characters have nothing of a predator’s spirit.” –Tonio

“In Dennis the Menace God’s grace comes from faith rather than works, as the light shines on the child who expresses the power of prayer even as his deeds seem evil in all other respects. In the second panel of Shoe God turns his back on the entire world, which completely deserves it.” –matt w

“It was only years later, as Elmo’s brain filled almost to the point of insanity, that it occurred to him that Mr. Bumstead’s slogan was only a pious invocation of civic religion, rather than a strict commandment.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“So are these Milford girls employing some Gregg Hamm Techniquee (sic)? Because they seem to be fighting with their eyes closed. And recovering with their eyes closed. It really does tend to highlight their lovely eyelashes, but morale could better, it seems.” –made of wince

“‘I enjoy seeing the jealous faces of old men as they imagine us fucking’ said a character in a daily newspaper comic strip, apparently.” –pugfuggly

“Was there ever any explanation for what happened to Bunny, Beetle’s previous girlfriend? I’m guessing the artists got tired of having to remember which of the two young woman models to refer to. Every few seconds count when tee-time is approaching.” –Rube

“Y’know, I’m with Chunkhead on this one. You’re wearing a nylon trash bag on your body and a piece of cardboard on your head, both of which have been worn by hundreds of sweaty, hormonal teens/young adults, and frankly, no thank you. Poindexter may know the history of why we’ve done a thing for about a thousand years, but look at that haircut; that guy’s been in high school since the ’50s, he probably thinks Headband over there spends all her days in Home Ec, learning how to make pot roast for the fellas. (Yes, I realize I could look up their names. No, I will not look up the name of anyone who graces the panels of Rex Morgan, M.D., and this includes the titular character, whatever the fuck his name is.)” –els

“She sat as still as a statute, watching the little homunculus jabber about homework. They had warned her about bad trips, but nothing had really prepared her. Avoid the brown acid, she said to herself as the bookcase began to melt and the gremlin’s head began to rotate.” –Voshkod

“Kelly is gazing at Buzzcut as if a Poindexter with an Adam’s apple and a deep trove of historical trivia is a sex god. That’s not the way I remember high school, and I should know.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Knowing the History Channel, Grandpa is either a Nazi or an Ancient Alien. Both would explain a lot.” –Ettorre

“What an absolutely bizarre choice for expression and pose on the part of the artist. ‘Booyah, who’s watching TV? I’M watching TV!!!’” –ectojazzmage

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Whether you have Monday off or you’ll be working hard on Saturday and Sunday, let today’s comment of the week lift you up:

“Harwoods! Just checking to see if you recognize me, Rene Belluso, through this disguise! No? Good! Carry on … for now.” –bbofun

And the runners up are for everyone, all the time!

“‘Postage and gas prices are so high it’s cheaper to mail something across town than to drive it’ is the long thought lost fourth paradox of Zeno.” –Hibbleton

“Snap! Don’t you hate it when you’re so busy taking a picture, you don’t even realize that you should follow up with some selfies because you’re smiling the best selfie smile ever? Flip that phone, Marty! You look super-smug and particularly well-groomed.” –made of wince

“I own two dachshunds and dachshund owners are a crazy bunch, so let me offer you some advice, Mary: unless you want to answer a bunch of angry strongly worded letters, keep your hands off the wiener.” –Old Man Shadow

“Pluggers always take their walks in graveyards, as it’s a pretty convenient place to drop dead from light exercise.” –pugfuggly

“I was going to say something about Saul thinking to himself in exposition when I realized that the second panel could well be a dire warning that the new storyline may be about him trying to meet a comely young woman to charm and eventually bear his child.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“I know ‘Dawg’ is just the dog’s actual name but Trixie thoughtballooning ‘Sorry dawg, I gotta move‘ is an order of magnitude funnier than anything appearing in that strip this month.” –MRNA Loy, on Twitter

“Soon the players and coaches are all blindfolded. They wait for instructions, but hear none. Eventually, they remove their blindfolds and find the blind man and their wallets gone.” –ectojazzmage

“‘I started to lose my vision while pitching a game.’ ‘While playing?’ ‘No, I was in the corporate offices of Milton Bradley pitching them the idea of Blindfolded Twister. Ironic, huh?’” –Weaselboy

“Wikipedia provides the backstory: ‘In 2002, Sunbeam emerged from bankruptcy as American Household, Inc (AHI). Sunbeam was owned by Jarden Consumer Solutions after Jarden’s acquisition in 2004, which was itself later purchased by Newell Rubbermaid (now Newell Brands).’ Then it was spun off again and purchased by Foofram Industries, where none of the top execs wanted to be bothered with it, and that’s how the company fell into Hi Flagston’s lap! His best strategy is to get Thirsty put in charge, which should result in another bankruptcy within 6 months.” –Peanut Gallery

“Appropriately, a popular legacy comic strip inherited by the sons of its creator and now its third artist is making a case for easy success with no personal direct effort.” –Hobbes Fan

“Also, if you wear a loud shirt it makes it easier for Life to spot and avoid you.” –nescio

“I do like the subtly ominous way the shadows grow in Skyler’s drink as the old man talks of mortality. Symbolic of his loss of innocence, the more the fledgling listens to the old … uh … stork? Crane? Cormorant? Heron? Uh, never mind … where was I … ah, yes, symbolic of his loss of innocence, the more the fledgling listens to the old bird, the darker his soda, and his future, become. If only the species of the birds was as easy to see as the foreboding omen.” –Voshkod

“There are indeed people who use the phrase ‘you are allowed one starch with your meal,’ and they’re all employees of food service government contractors. Roz’s diner is just a side gig where she serves up the leftovers from her primary job at the local prison cafeteria.” –jroggs

“You can tell us, Silver! We’re just the friendly people reading your expository internal monologue!” –matt w

“I’ll give Shoe this much: selling crappy diner food is in fact a new frontier in findom. (You do not want to know what the Perfesser has to do to get to dessert.)” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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“I see why Jeff bought a much bigger boat. If you want to discuss Wilbur’s sex prowess and escape the judgment of men, you better go into international waters. But can you escape the judgement of God?” –Ettorre

And your very funny runners up!

“‘No, Jeff, it’s exactly as it should be.’ Calm down, Mary. Even though you’re right, there’s no need to be the boss of Jeff’s opinions, because he always has the weakest opinions imaginable. I don’t think he’s actually convinced this isn’t all a dream. I know I’m not.” –made of wince

“Dustin’s dad wouldn’t last five seconds in France. Partly because of his lack of respect for strikes, but mostly because that sandwich looks like the worst croque monsieur I’ve ever seen.” –Schroduck

“After yesterday’s Mother’s Day aberration, Hi has gone back to his usual level of helpfulness around the house. He also walks up behind Lois when she’s washing dishes and points out when she’s missed a spot.” –Peanut Gallery

“Dustin is coming home from a (presumably) 9-5 job talking about ‘departments’ wearing a jacket/tie while his dad is casually sitting in the kitchen eating a sandwich. Sounds like Dustin’s dad is being the lazy layabout today! Get to work, Dustin’s dad!” –ALK

“Count Weirdly’s plan is to get Max so stirred up about his new ‘wonder weapon’ that he will demand that the Animal government take immediate action and fund a massive cost-plus program to prevent propeller drones in space. Weirdly Industries will be more than happy to help out.” –But What Do I Know?

“‘Refund’ I can only assume in Hootin’ Holler means ‘took a decades-old axe to the store and used it to rob them of some change then left it behind because a lifetime of drinking moonshine does a number on the old memory.’ Or maybe it’s a new axe, but there’s no way Snuffy had a receipt for it, so some sort of threat was definitely involved.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Dr. Jeff knows ‘surf n’ turf’ generally means a piece of beef tenderloin and a lobster tail. By ordering a bowl of clam chowder and a strip steak instead, he’s having his usual little Bum Boat joke. ‘I’ll have surf n’ turf … clam chowder and a steak! Ah ha ha ha ha ha. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha.’ ‘Dr. Jeff will have his little joke,’ says Jerry, then goes back into the kitchen to spit in their food.” –Ukulele Ike

“Don’t let looks deceive you — they could be sexting each other right now!” –Pozzo

“<He’s wearing a cowboy hat. He must be extra American.>” –Kevin On Earth

“We’ve been talking nonstop since we sat down, Jeff, and I’m bored and unhappy.” –Liam

“Sorry, can’t comment right now, just going through every Madonna song I know and trying to figure out which one would be funniest in an Elmer Fudd voice. So far the frontrunner is ‘Papa Don’t P(w)each.’” –pugfuggly

“[Reads comic] [Starts pondering the theology of Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC] [Starts constructing elaborate fan theory that Beetle Bailey represents the Seven Deadly Sins and Dante’s Inferno, then tying in Hi and Lois, Hagar, and the lesser known Boner’s Ark] [Wakes up 20 years later, finding myself the Kevin Feige of the Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC Studios and cinematic Universe]” –Philip

“We have 25 different beers! No thumbs, though.” –pastordan

“If you spent time at Roz’s Existential Lunch Counter — which has no food, plates, utensils, napkins, or cash registers, and ‘serves’ nothing but empty water glasses — you’d be depressed too.” –BigTed

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!