Post Content

Folks! Your comment of the week in a moment, but first: If you’re in LA on January 13, you can get some more laffs from me, live and in person! That’s because my live comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, is coming back on a new day (the second Friday of the month) and a new time (8:30 pm) but the same place (The Clubhouse in Los Feliz) and the same shtick (jokes about the Internet). Here’s the Facebook event!

And now, as promised: youuuurrrrr comment of the week!

“Santa’s most elderly, decrepit elves are kept out of the way with useless jobs — painting a handful of toys for the last two children on Earth who want wooden doll houses for Christmas — while the rest of the elves spend all year making the presents kids actually want. Bunky has been seconded to the team soldering GPUs into Playstation 5s, or possibly ghostwriting Logan Paul’s No Cap Bussin Fortnite TikTok MMA Dabbing Activity Book.” –Schroduck

And your very funny runners up!

“Rex Morgan, M.D. is setting up an extended story line where all of June’s advice is wrong (the guy in the parking lot has a concussion she missed, the one in the store is dizzy because he’s having a stroke) and she’s sued for multiple malpractice. This is a helpful reminder to all medical professionals from their insurance carriers: Be like Rex Morgan — don’t get involved.” –Ken

“The most deliriously batshit thing about this is the narration box, which promises us a ‘then’ and a ‘now,’ as though time had any meaning in Dick Tracy.” –pastordan

“Ugh, I hate when contractors always ask me stuff like this. Look, if I knew all the specific technical answers to questions like ‘Who exactly do you want to have killed?’ I’d just do it myself! Just … take a look and fix it, okay?” –jroggs

“I prefer to think that between the panels Thirsty made a single burger, put on the condiments, plated it, and brought it to the couch, staring directly at Hi the whole time (the problem with this theory is that Thirsty has no eyes).” –matt w

“I love how this strip will spend days describing (but barely showing) sports matches that have no effect on the plot, and just two panels to say goodbye to a central character who has been present for decades(?). ‘That’s Milford Junior Sports Program manager to you, coach!’ ‘Ha ha, indeed. Insert joke here, my friend, insert joke here…’” –pugfuggly

“Gil knows that the basis of a successful conditioning program for his student athletes is making them power-walk from one side of the gym to the other for hours until they’re light-headed and ready to drop!” –Thelonious_Nick

“I like the detail that Santa says ‘Attention all elves.’ He is calling a specific elf to his office, but he wants all elves to be aware of his mighty power to surveil and discipline at any moment. I would expect no less by the master of Panopticon, who ‘knows when you’ve been sleeping, knows when you’re awake.’” –Ettorre

“Well. Crap. Zak only has stubble on his chin. It’s one thing to have Iris look like Nan, it’s a whole other horror if he turns into a second Ian.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Is there anyone Zak’s age at the wedding? Other than his stepson, of course.” –Professor Well Actually

“This one doesn’t sound quite right. A true plugger will tell you about the time they had the most painful ingrown hair you’ve ever seen.” –Hibbleton

“Wilbur once again expressing how sexually intimidated he is by Zak with one breath, planning fantasies with the next in which he doesn’t so much reconquer Iris as happen to be present when she’s forced to settle for him, and doing the whole thing with a smile on his face. Get ready to have your previously-rocked world resteadied, he thinks, followed by a wink and a double thumbs-up. Honestly, this is the consistently amazing psychosexual weirdness you just don’t get at Rex Morgan, M.D.” –Dan

“No, I meant are you medically okay? Because there are multiple signs that you are not, starting with your facial expression and your lack of bladder control.” –Anonymous

“Having fought each other to a draw on the field of sentimental glurge, Iris and Zak resort to literally butting heads in the manner of rams competing for dominance.” –Peanut Gallery

“I object to this strip’s insinuation that the cast of Mary Worth will go anywhere except Hell when they die.” –ectojazzmage

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

Post Content

Folks! Your comment of the week in a moment, but first: If you’re in LA on January 13, you can get some more laffs from me, live and in person! That’s because my live comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, is coming back on a new day (the second Friday of the month) and a new time (8:30 pm) but the same place (The Clubhouse in Los Feliz) and the same shtick (jokes about the Internet). Here’s the Facebook event!

And now, as promised: youuuurrrrr comment of the week!

“I feel like this one is so outdated that it’s almost come back around to relevant: just imagine a teen scrolling through Facebook with a sick fascination, seeing endless Minion ‘memes’, rants about the service at the local Bed Bath and Beyond, grainy screenshots of posts on more popular platforms. It would be like going down a rabbit hole, in the sense of it being a metaphor for opium intoxication.” –pugfuggly

And your very funny runners up!

“If Chekhov’s Ex there doesn’t ruin the wedding in some capacity (ceremony preferable, reception acceptable, honeymoon a dark horse possibility we shouldn’t sleep on) I’m going to be extremely disappointed in a creative team that has invested a lot of effort in establishing ‘ruins everything’ as Wilbur’s Whole Deal.” –Dan

“I wish it was me getting married to Tommy! Instead of Iris, Tommy’s mother, getting married to Tommy. That is what’s happening here, right?” –Peanut Gallery

“Whatever the food was like, it’s hard to run a restaurant in a building that’s 9 feet tall and 12 feet wide, with no door. ‘No wonder they went out of business!’ says Dennis, who has far more economic savvy than his dad.” –BigTed

“The scent is ‘dangerous’ because it’s actually a bottle of gravy (and we are still in the ‘festive’ season so…)” –2+2=7

“Dennis isn’t commenting about the menu at Organic Vegetarian Cuisine but the SEO-unfriendly business name. Searching for that store on Google, Yelp, Facebook, or UberEats brings up 4.5 million results — discouraging local organic vegetarians from finding or following what might have otherwise become their favorite eatery.” –KrisTM

“This is a trick test Rex prepared, based on Blade Runner. If June ignores Harold and keeps walking, she can still be his wife.” –Ettore_Costa, on Twitter

“If you thought June Morgan couldn’t get any more boring, wait until you read the thoughts even she thinks are too dull to speak aloud.” –jroggs

“Yeah, that was before I figured none of you dopes can read.” –Hibbleton

“The ‘Loose Ball!’ speech in panel two appears to be coming directly from the blue shorts, as if the guy has an alarm for when a testicle slips out of a jock strap.” –nescio

“I looove critters, especially this one. You think its face looks weird? You should try drinking its ‘milk.’ It will make you see things you wouldn’t believe. Anyway, you wanna help me apply its mascara?” –made of wince

“‘Out of the way, Junior!’ ‘Dad! What are you doing here?’”–Little Blue Bicycle

“Since everyone now looked the same, there was no more prejudice, no more directed ridicule. They still had human nature, and within a few years, a distinct yet subtle difference was discovered. War followed, and the planet burned to cinders. Dead.” –Little Guy

“I think Gil is admitting he set fire to his playbook. ‘Delaware Wing T?!? Seriously, what the fuck?!?’ he says as he watches the pages burn down to ashes.” –taig

“Love Mother Goose’s shocked reaction in the second panel, even though she initiated this whole conversation. ‘Whoa, man, I can’t believe you don’t have positive opinions about your ex! You’re insane!’” –ectojazzmage

“Remember when Sarge made a mistake and then died? Good times.” –Victor Von

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

Post Content

As the snow comes down and that icy wind begins to blow (on you, not me; I live in Southern California), please warm yourself with laughter at this comment of the week:

“Well, I don’t know if I consider Carol Channing someone from my past in particular, but you absolutely nailed it, honey.” –Violet

These runners up? Also very funny:

“‘Liquid protein‘ is made out of people! It’s people! You’ve gotta tell them! You’ve gotta tell them!!!” –BigTed

“A Mary Worth character’s grip on their own identity is so fragile, Iris resorts to frantically thought-ballooning the correction to herself: ‘My name is IRIS. Not Irene. I must remember. My name is IRENE. Irene, Irene … No, IRIS! Wait, is it Iris or Irene? What’s happening to me? I’m almost sure it’s Irene … Or is it Iris?’” –Peanut Gallery

“Hi and Lois gives us both ‘Lois’s obsessive perfectionism destroys the joy of the holiday season’ and ‘Hi is anxious about his inadequacy in satisfying Lois’s emotional needs’ and you ingrates want a punchline???” –matt w

“Today’s Mary Worth has the energy of the beginning half of one of those rambly stories Heath Ledger’s Joker would tell in The Dark Knight explaining how he got his facial scars, right before the people in them started carving up each other’s faces.” –The Great Joe Bivins

“My favorite part about today’s Mary Worth — and there are so many to choose from — is that Iris has clearly been holding this pose/face for a real-world five minutes while waiting for Zak to look up from his favorite website, sepiaindexcards.com. I urge you to try it: spread your hands to the side of your face, clench your teeth just as hard as you can, stare at someone three feet in front of you who’s not paying you the slightest attention, and finally grit out ‘Zak dear … do you notice any resemblance between me and someone from your past?’ while keeping that Joker grin firmly in place. Have you ever sounded angrier/more deranged? My money’s on no.” –els

“So, Gasoline Alley ran for weeks with the ‘Can we somehow arrange for old Walt to ride on a garbage truck? It’s the one thing he wants in the world!’ Then the mayor says she’ll just take a garbage truck ride too. Walt’s fondest wish is the mayor’s afterthought.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge

“Whenever Hi is feeling inadequate, he heads over to Thirsty’s home to watch his sad life and regain some self esteem. The uncared-for house and lawn, the sloppy drunkenness, the vicious domestic spats? It’s all good stuff. But seeing a once proud American man reduced to watching soccer? That’s too grim even for Hi.” –jroggs

“I am fascinated by the electrified voice bubble from the TV in Hi and Lois. Aside from the choice to sidestep any sports-related dialogue (e.g. ‘So, as we enter our 80th scoreless minute…’), the oddly specific callout of the location feels like either Walker-Browne Enterprises has been successfully co-opted via sportswashing by the Qatari royal family or that soccer has mainstreamed in the U.S. to the point where naming the host country was the only way to make it seem sufficiently alien to even an aging, golf-loving audience.” –Vice President John Adams

“Now the serpent was more crafty than any other wild animal that the Lord God had made. He said to the boy, ‘Did God say, You shall not eat from any tree in the garden?’ The boy said to the serpent, ‘We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden; but God said, You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the middle of the garden, nor shall you touch it, or you shall die.’ But the serpent said to the boy, ‘You will not die; for God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing Greg’s feet.’ So when the boy saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, he took of its fruit and ate; and promptly regretted it.” –pastordan

“Uriah can’t be killed, because the consequences of doing so would be worse for Hootin’ Holler than whatever slight started the feud in the first place. Uriah for one is one of the few legitimate workers in Hootin’ Holler whose efforts bring cash into the subsistence economy. On top of that his work brings in Social Security checks to this area with no utilities; let alone broadband/Wi-Fi and online banking. Killing Uriah would also risk the Newnited States sending law enforcement in at worse, or simply having them cut off Hootin Holler from the Postal System altogether, and the last thin link to mainstream society. No, Barlow cannot violently attack Uriah, so instead a Cold War of sorts is going on where Barlow seeks to mock Uriah’s industriousness by putting forth his own effort to make Uriah’s job more difficult. Like the Cold War, it’s sparked a small technical arms race where the feuding parties go bigger as they match wits. Will this innovation manage to actually grow Hootin’ Holler’s economy (ie. Uriah’s stilts use actual purchased lumber instead of found materials, and perhaps could be repurposed to harvesting higher-hanging wild fruits when Barlow moves on to other tactics)? Likely no, but it’s not 100% determined yet.” –Philip

“That TV boss has the look of someone who knows exactly what kind of hell he’s lived his entire life in so he’s going to come up with the damned pun first but instead saying it with a smirk he’s going threaten everyone around him who might dare repeat it. I think he may well be the one person I like in the Funkyverse.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Barlow went to a lot of effort for a very mild expected payoff. Imagine if Uriah hadn’t made the stilts. Barlow would be peeking through the curtains and chuckling to himself: ‘He’s lookin’ at it! He’s shakin’ his haid! He’s walkin’ away mildly frustrated! Hot dang, I’ve still got it!’” –Tom T.

“Based on the hat Uriah is wearing, the postal service is not his only job with the federal government. He also clearly served in the Union army in the Civil War and is still stationed in Hootin’ Holler. This comic strip is set during Reconstruction, which explains a lot, actually. Thank you for your service Uriah.” –KMD

“Wow, this Judge Duncan sounds devious and interesting. How come he doesn’t have a strip?” –pugfuggly

“Dustin is canonically unable to get laid no matter how many fern bars or coffee shops he frequents. That’s the face of a young man who has masturbated himself raw.” –Where’s Rocky?

“The writer of the comic strip Dustin really has no business describing a form of entertainment as a ‘waste of time.’” –Rube

“Dustin is so committed to its core premise, in which Dustin personally is the sin eater for whatever young person thing is annoying Kelley at a given moment, that it’s leaning right into ‘teen girls don’t get the point of TikTok.’” –Dan

“Ah, isn’t it cute? Crock misses his days with the 33rd Waffen Grenadier Division of the SS Charlemagne, his volunteer time with the Nazis on the Eastern Front. He misses the cold and the fear and the hordes of Soviet soldiers, the roar of the massed Red artillery, the blood and the mud at Pomerania and the choking dust of shattered buildings in the last days of Berlin. He misses the humidity and green, such verdant green, of the valley of Dien Bien Phu, the flat crack of the Viet Minh artillery raining down from the hillsides, the screams of men caught on the wire and the slow death of Béatrice, Gabrielle, Anne-Marie, and Isabelle. He longs for the ambushes along La Rue Sans Joie, when every peasant was a potential terrorist, and every hut a potential stronghold. And now he’s stuck here, when the real action is in Algiers and Philippeville, left with the shallow joy of taking potshots at nomads, and hanging the occasional captive. I have only felt alive in the presence of death, he muses, and wonders if he just pushed Poulet over the wall to his death. Maybe then he’d feel something.” –Voshkod

“Sadly for Crock, his bloodlust will not be sated today, but, happily for him, he’s about to fall head over heels for the new ‘Cannon-Core’ genre of music that’s sweeping the nation and its assorted colonial holdings.” –Urlance Woolsbane

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!