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Let’s cut to the chase: You love Cassandra Cat, everyone’s favorite alluring, sinister woman of mystery from Slylock Fox. Whether she’s sneaking into a movie theater, starting a media circus on false pretenses, plotting to rob public libraries, getting tied up, or luring Max Mouse to his demise, she does what she does with grace, aplomb, and style that will make your heart go pitter-patter. You want her any way you can get her, and since she’s actually a cartoon character, the only way you can get her is on a t-shirt or other product of some sort. Well, now you can buy just those sorts of items at the Comics Curmudgeon store at CafePress!

“But wait, Josh,” I hear you saying. “Your parodies are all well and good, but you can’t just reproduce a copyrighted character on one of your products. That would violate the intellectual property rights of Slylock Fox creator Bob Weber, Jr.!” That’s absolutely true. That’s why these merch items are sporting a logo designed especially for the purchasing pleasure of Comics Curmudgeon readers by Mr. Weber himself!

Did I just blow your mind? If I didn’t, the logo itself surely will:

Do I need to push this any more? I think not. Buy some Cassandra merch already! You know you want to. As usual, I’ve put up some starter items, including the more popular types of t-shirts and, naturally, underwear, but you can email me if you’d like me to Cassandra-ize something else.

UPDATE: Uh, as noted, there’s a typo in Cassandra’s name on the shirt graphic. Those of you who care about minutia like spelling will want to hold off on those purchases until I get an updated version from Mr. Weber…

UPDATE II: Fixed graphic to come within the hour; I’ll let you all know when it’s fixed.

UPDATE III: OK, as you can see above, the typo has been fixed, both here and in the store. I think that those of you who have already ordered will get the corrected version, because your orders haven’t actually gone to production yet. But if you do get the d-less version, feel free to auction it off on eBay for three times what you paid for it.

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Hey all! Sunday comics coming Monday, probably, but I didn’t want to let the sun go down on the weekend without giving big ups to the COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“I have found that less housekeeping leads to fewer people coming over which leads to more time with Comics Curmudgeon. I expect this cycle to repeat beautifully until I am forcibly removed from my home for, say, 72 hours, and then given a case manager who won’t understand my goals.” –Squid Countess

And the longer-than-usual but still super funny runners up:

Referring to Crock: “Why does it take two people to create that strip? One to not-write and one to not-draw?” –Victor Von

“Why does everyone expect every crime to be resolved by Spider-Man? What happened to L.A.’s trust in its police force? I mean … they’re being terrorized by the Shocker. The Shocker.” –Some dude

“Drew: hauling her (un)romantically down by the splintery old docks that he uses to take his countless conquests — last names unimportant and long since forgotten — and pick up smuggled drug drops. You can almost hear the old salty dockhand saying, ‘Thar be Dr. Feelgood, and Dawn, or Sally, or whoever. Snicker.’ Vera: throwing herself clumsily at Drew like a broken bat at Mike Piazza, torturing herself with heels, but not thinking enough of the date to bother to take her damn hair out of that damn ponytail, slipping out of the shoes in a symbolic hint of all she will take off for Drew if he’ll just catch her when … oops. Ugh. How can the stars allow themselves twinkle on these two awful people?” –Edgy DC

“TJ has been replaced by Justin Timberlake playing Charlie Brown wearing a costume tailored by Blanche Devereaux. It is both the gayest and least gay thing I’ve ever seen.” –SecretMargo

“Dr. Joe Kelly and Mr. Gary Walker are not rivals for our plaintive angel of the bedpan; their awkward reaction in front of La Belle Nightingale is due to their last meeting in the ‘sling room’ of the local fetish emporium. Joe was strapped in and Gary was constructing a solution for the Doctor’s package. It is the memory of their lusty passion which makes Joe stammer. Tommie, as we all know, exists solely as a sexually dampening force: she is the cold wave which crashes on the shore as the walruses thrash and couple.” –Halifaxer

“Today, both Marvin and Foob are excellent examples of why NOT to have children. I should cut those strips out today and paste them in my packet of birth control pills.” –Kiesha

“Why does Liz keep insisting that she and Assthony are just ‘friends’??? All they do is suck face. I don’t make out with my friends nearly that much, and they’re 100,000 times more attractive and interesting than Assthony.” –Whippersnapper

“Tommie: ‘So the nerdy computer geek also volunteers for a theater company? Oooh, studly! I’d better make a move before all the other ladies see him … What a man!’ Gary: ‘They told me this Axe Body Spray would really work, but I didn’t believe them. Thanks, Unilever Corporation!'” –BigTed

“The way Tommie has been swinging her head from Joe to Gary to Joe this week can only foreshadow one thing: time for these gents to double-team Tommie! Oh, yeah. Query: Is it a bona fide three-way if deux of the trois are facsimiles of each other? Could this the first doppel-gang-bang?” –JamesinMaine

“On another note, The Shocker continues to be my favorite supervillian EVER! His quilted-soft costume in LA Laker colors, his practice-in-the-mirror posturing … But I have to wonder how he gets around. Does he take a cab? The subway? And if so, is he in costume? How does he escape? If he’s being pursued by police and he uses his vibro-shocker thingees, does he trigger the airbag on the car he’s driving? ‘Never heard of The Shocker, eh? Perhaps THIS will CLICK BANG OW! WHAT THE FCRASH!’” –willethompson

“In theory, this storyline could evolve into a complex discussion about ecological services, hydrological functions, modern retail and transportation patterns, and political and cultural attempts to reach societal compromises on difficult issues. Instead, it will be about baby ducks and punching.” –Poteet

“Now, now; give [Thérèse] a break. She might have hoped that the moustache would serve as a noise baffle to muffle the sound of his inane conversations.” –True Fable

“Meanwhile, Drew looks at his cellphone in abject horror, as if Dawn will appear through the receiver at any time to bust him for his reckless thoughtcrimes of endlessly screwing the world’s most boring marketing researcher.” –Calico

“Whoa, Candace got piercings AND a tattoo that can apparently be easily covered by a t-shirt and pants?! She’s hardcore to the maxxx!” –GG

“Is the Shocker waiting for a taxi, or what? Seriously, this is like the first rule of robbing a bank: if you didn’t bring your own vehicle, don’t steal more than you can carry.” –Francis

“Contract shenanigans in Judge Parker make as much sense as boardroom shenanigans in Rex Morgan. I wish these people were real so I could bilk them.” –Uncle Lumpy

“Why does Tommie always lean away from people? Is it the garlic burgers the cafeteria serves? Is she far-sighted? Fear of intimacy? One leg shorter than the other?” –gh

“Why would Anthony be digging Thérèse’s grave right next to the effing house? I’m no expert, but aren’t you supposed to be, ya know, stealthy about a thing like that? I do love the way Thérèse stands in the background, giving off a visible aura of city-hankering, while Anthony digs furiously in the foreground. ‘So, you wanna go to the city, huh? Oh, you’re going, alright. Only the city you’re going to is called Wormville!!!'” –BlinkAndItsOver

“That’s the most exciting thing that’s happened all freaking year in Spider-Man! The best part is that Spider-Man wasn’t around to dull it up.” –Inspector Dim

Also! Mad graphic artist genius and faithful reader willethompson has DONE IT AGAIN!!! And by “it” I mean “created a hilarious comics-themed graphic for you to purchase on at the Comics Curmudgeon CafePress store.” Check it out!

That’s right! Because right now, there are sinister beard-having petnapping mall-building bird-releasing insurance-company-defrauding chicken-kicking evildoers out there, and they need to know that justice is coming. Why not inform them — in t-shirt or mug form? As usual, I’ve put a some starter items up on the store, but if you want this logo on something else, just let me know.

Last but not least, let us now praise famous advertisers:

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Happy Sunday, everybody! It’s time for this week’s … comment of the week!

“Uh-oh, some man with facial hair thinks he can build a shopping mall somewhere near the Lost Forest again. I just hope his jaw insurance is all paid up.” –Trilobite

And the runners up also brought the funny:

“I’d have to say that eatin’ shitloads of greasy stuff is the most endearing Patterson family trait I’ve ever been privy to.” –Keg of Curd

“Shoe brings up an interesting point — namely, is jumping off a tree an effective method of suicide for a bird? What if that bird was morbidly obese and drunk?” –Electro

“That third panel is hysterical. Sam’s moving in for a relatively chaste peck on the cheek, and Mark is all tensed up with that wooden smile frozen on his face as though he’s thinking to himself, ‘Oh, no! The human female is preparing to initiate physical contact, which will only confuse and repulse me!'” –Paperback Rifler

“If the Shocker would only change his name to what he really is — the Golden Sausage Golem — he would get a lot more attention and respect. And maybe even a lucrative PR job at Hickory Farms.” –Squawk

“Dr. Drew continues to wrangle for every man’s dream: a threesome with a reserved and withdrawn workaholic with brother issues and a horse-crazy college student with a developmental age of 11. Godspeed.” –Nothing But Neck Scarves

“Hey everybody! Did you know the Shocker is a sex act? Oh yeah! It’s when Rex and June do it!” –Trotzenbonnie

“Josh can use Margo’s likeness on merch because Margo is ‘public domain.’ *rimshot*” –Red Greenback

“Next week: The Shocker sits around and draws pictures of himself standing with fists raised, captioned ‘The SHOCKER!’, while insistently humming ‘Something’s Coming’ from West Side Story.” –Old Man Muffaroo

“My first impression was that Elegant House Fine Dining had suspended some kind of huge lead ball outside their door, presumably to drop on customers who order hamburgers. (‘I do beg your pardon. We seem to have crushed your son beneath our conveniently located wrecking ball. If the large-headed young gentleman still desires his “ham burger”, he would be advised to take his custom next door to Shit Barn Food Trough.’) But it might be some sort of circular swinging blade. The artwork leaves this open to interpretation.” –Old Bean

“My name is Lisa — feel my pain!/ I’ll shortly die and moulder/ The Baron’s chip is in his brain/ I wear mine on my shoulder.” –Uncle Lumpy

And let’s give it up for our advertisers:

• Treat yourself!: Shana Logic loves Joshreads fans because they are independent, rockin’, super nice art lovers! That’s why they know you’ll love Shana Logic’s hip & hot jewelry, killer ties for men, home decor & iPod gear, unusual plushes, and more!
• Back-to-school mattress super sale!: Relax! Bedzine is having an outrageous mattress sale. Order one online and they’ll ship it to anywhere in the US or Canada.
• Featherbrain! Caption Contest: Think you can write a funny caption? Go up against other Internet funny types!
• Learn to draw the human figure: Acclaimed anatomy training course! Used by leading entertainment studios worldwide in 60 countries — the likes of LucasFilm, ILM, RedStorm, Midway, Blizzard. Learn to draw the human figure from your mind for illustration, comic books, manga, anime, game design, and all art fields.

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.