“The work/life balance issue is, for me, eclipsed by the hand/finger balance issue. Do pluggers have one hand with seven fingers, or two hands — one with three, one with four?” –Lurker Who Rarely Comments

“I honestly love that Shoe is still sticking it to Tip O’Neill in year of our bird lord 2026. He did like to hit the sauce, didn’t he! Ha ha, that’s probably why he’s been dead for over 30 years.” –Dan

“I’ll believe those two are actual Pluggers if they start ranting about chemtrails.” –Tonio

“Why is nobody at this pool party wearing swimsuits? And no I’m not asking to see Wilbur frolicking in a Speedo but an ascot seems like a little overdressed.” –Professor Well Actually

“Pluggers rarely pleasure themselves because they can’t stay awake long enough to find porn on their computers.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Dennis doesn’t know why they keep switching churches, but even he has noticed all the clergy are young attractive men and his dad is tired of his mom’s shit.” –Poewar

“Pluggers specifically avoid asking their doctors if they are still healthy enough for sexual activity.” –nescio

“Where else but a Charterstone pool party would three distinct extraterrestrial species wearing ill-fitting skin suits bump into each other? What a country!” –Charterstone: Dune

“Uh, correct, 1455 to 1487! Now, why did the War of the Roses occur? Who were the major leaders, and what significant military-political events can we point to as turning points in the conflict? What was the role of France? Come on, there’s cash prizes for you, and my A-Level exams are coming up. Cambridge, here I come!” –Voshkod

“Hi and Lois got its start in 1954. So if you consider normal, real world-style aging, a 73-year-old Trixie Flagston Mitchell van Pelt Yokum Doonesbury Arbuckle would be completely age-appropriate for our dapper gentleman here.” –BigTed

“I am not a fan of Jamaal’s sly look in that last panel. Is he getting off on Herb’s pain? Does he think we are too? Buddy, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy seeing your friend suffering, but I can assure you it’s not sexual.” –pugfuggly

“Oh, I’m not killing him. I just showed him the next three weeks of ‘plot’ in the strip!” –Bob Tice

“Well, April, I appreciate the breakout, but I don’t actually want to leave. The people you just killed were my mental health counselor, my job coach, the prison guard who brought me a donut every morning, and the warden I was having a civil conversation with. Norwegian prisons are incredibly lenient and nurturing. Or did you not know that, Little Miss CIA?” –Banana Jr. 6000

“‘I chose the stability of a boring normal job instead of the excitement and instability of the arts.’ ‘It’s a either/or choice?’ ‘Well, there was a way to combine boredom with uncertain artistic work in a dying industry. But someone else took up the job of drawing Luann!’” –Ettorre

“Daisy is enjoying watching the Bumsteads kiss WAY too damn much. Spay or neuter, people! Did Bob Barker live his live for NOTHING?” –A Grave Mind

“The difference between Dagwood and a machine is that Blondie has been given orgasms by a machine.” –Schroduck

“Those aren’t black pants. Those are censor bars.” –Chance

“I can’t wait to use this Worthian passive-aggressive gem. ‘It’s UNREAL how young you look, considering we’re the same age!’ ‘It’s UNREAL that you’ve decorated your entire home by yourself!’ It’s the big smile that carries it.” –MKay

“Competitive eating! Dagwood’s Olympic-style skills are in competitive eating! Do I have to do everything around here?” –matt w

“I like how Gina’s smirking as she breaks the fourth wall. There’s no ‘fight’ going on here, just she and Dennis making snowballs which Joey is throwing at a tree. And missing. From about a foot away. If she and Dennis do go after Joey it won’t be a fight. It’ll be a massacre.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Sure, Mary may be getting a pet. But me? I’m off to get a PET. The doctors are determined to find out why my brain makes read this drivel.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I’ll accept that they gave no lines to Dustin’s Dad as a belated Valentine.” –nescio

“I’m kind of charmed by the parallel universe Dustin lives in. It’s the present day, but it’s also a perpetual 2008 where there’s no jobs, a perpetual 1960 where people wear kicky ascot scarves, a perpetual 1920 where the funnies are the height of pop culture, and a perpetual 1880 where people dress up formally to read the newspaper.” –Schroduck

“Mother Goose didn’t give Ariel anything to sit on. No wonder Atilla’s confused, that girl’s just flopping around on the floor! That’s gotta trigger some predatory instincts in a sapient feline.” –Victor Von

“How long does that awkward pause in the second panel last? I’ll say, 20 minutes.” –Joe Blevins

“In a field … somewhere? Or maybe it’s not somewhere. Maybe it’s nowhere. Maybe this whole comic strip thing is but a dream — your dream, a creature of your imagination. But I, your poor narration box, have revealed you to yourself and set you free. Dream other dreams, and better!” –Peanut Gallery

“Stroll on the boardwalk, long walk off a short pier, whatever will end this God-awful conversation.” –Hibbleton

“The most disappointing thing to emerge from modern comics is ‘CODE-FIVE-O’ not meaning, ‘I’ve spotted a man with magnificent hair reminiscent of Jack Lord’s!’ If you’re going to write in a medium that mostly appeals to Boomers, THEN APPEAL TO BOOMERS!” –Tabby Lavalamp

“This is where Herb and Jamaal’s famous nonspecificity stings. I want a detailed catalogue of Herb’s many crimes!” –matt w

“I didn’t expect Hagar to be complicit in the Triangle Trade, but honestly I can’t say I’m surprised.” –TheDiva

“Sorry, Herb, but dunking a teabag in hot water really is the least you can do for your mother-in-law. If you want karmic rewards, how about sticking a book or TV set in the sad corner where she sits all day, or at least finding her a better hairstylist.” –BigTed

“I’ll tell you what IS brutal! The warden’s time at the tanning salon, am I right? Unless this prison is actually building staff out of hot dogs, which would be … huh. Adjectives defy me, here.” –A Grave Mind

“The sign is clearly visible. This greatly reduces Rusty’s parents’ chances of winning that lawsuit when he falls off a cliff/is eaten by a bear/gets near-fatal poison oak.” –MKay

“A pet, Jeff? Really? Mary already has pets, dozens of them — and they live in a Habitrail named Charterstone. Here they scurry, there they scamper, nibbling at their Mary-provided muffins and providing her with hours of daily entertainment as she watches them run on their busy little wheels, or flop in their cute little dust baths, or, in Wilbur’s case, probably get their leg stuck in the water bottle somehow and try to gnaw his way through it.” –els

“I love how careful we are to protect Bogdan’s reputation. He’s not the snitch. Someone who overheard them was the snitch. Will April let Randy keep Bogdan if he asks really nicely and promises to walk him every day?” –richardf8

“‘Deputy Chang, how’s the leg?’ ‘Whose leg?’” –Bob Tice

“‘Why is this happening?’ is a question that really should be asked in the middle of every Gil Thorp strip, even if the answer just demands more questions.” –pugfuggly

“Dot wants to be the FIRST female president specifically, which obviously means that she wants every other woman in the country to fail at becoming president until her term so she can get all the praise. Ergo, Dot is a misogynist and this is a callout post. #DotIsCancelled” –ectojazzmage

“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face — while showing off a woman’s ass — forever.” –Ettorre

“Give Ox a break — not having any hair, his experience with hair dryers is limited.” –Pozzo

“It’s gotta be hard knowing friend from foe when you all wear the same khaki colored uniform. Maybe Jungle Patrol recognize each other through their ‘THRACK’ sounding kicks, which is different from whatever sounds their foe makes.” –Philip

“[patronizingly] That’s an awful big word, Dad. You didn’t hurt yourself, did you? Are your teeth okay?” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“I think we’re misinterpreting this. The alien and robot aren’t trying to stop Heathcliff, they’re just … there. In that empty field. Doin’ stuff.” –A Grave Mind

“Heathcliff, known punk provocateur, set this all up to elicit a lawsuit from the NFL. The ‘Super Bowl’ refers to the name of the dip recipe, something that is not covered by the NFL’s trademark. When the NFL has to pay damages and attorney’s fees, he will use the cash to buy new, novel HAM outfits and props.” –Philip

“Yes, that’s an awful big word, alright. Here are a couple more: POSTOPERATIVE PERITONITIS.” –Charterstoned

“Say what you will about the insanity of the coaches, but both high schools have pretty nice walls with their names on them.” –treetown

“‘There is only ice and time’? Au contraire, there also seems to be a large building, and Randy Parker, and another guy. You can’t fool me, Judge Parker narration box!” –matt w

“Sorry, I cannot believe that this scene is real. I’m guessing tomorrow we’re going to see Dr Jeff snort himself awake from an impromptu nap on a pile of old Auto Mechanic magazines. He phones Mary and immediately gets his call declined.” –pugfuggly

“[Wipes tear] Looks like someone misjudged the futures market.” –Hibbleton

“Please let there be such a thing as bird strikes for yachts, please let there be such a thing as bird strikes for yachts, please…” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“The Camerons don’t strike me as typical bird owners. Don’t you have to care about another living being in order to do that? Ian and Toby always seemed like they were struggling with the effort to do that about each other.” –2+2=7

“‘URK … UGH … SIGH…‘ is the ‘Christ, what an asshole’ of Shoe. It could be Cosmo’s dialogue in every panel and the strip would probably improve.” –Navigator

“Is Dennis’s mother’s food so bland? I don’t want to make judgments about WASP cuisine, but they think that water is a fancy drink deserving a special straw!” –Ettorre

“I can’t blame Dennis here. Dinner appears to be a wooden cog, three Goldfish™ crackers, and three lima beans. And who set that table, anyway? Drinking glasses go on the RIGHT. This is just a disaster all around.” –Menace the Dennis

“Dick Tracy doesn’t really do catchphrases, but if he did, it would be something like ‘Hey, bad person! [PUNCH] Don’t. Do. Crime.’ or ‘Forget about crime, you deceitful crimer!’” –Hergen

“So my understanding is that humans haven’t invented anything, all of our technology comes from a cadre of archaeological entomologists making bank from what they’ve dug up from ancient ant homes.” –Tabby Lavalamp