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Without further ado: This week’s Comment Of The Week is:

“Kelly is going to make sure ‘The Snake’ gets put away in a nice secure place, if you know what I mean. Plus she’s going to have sex with Ricky. Just wanted to make that clear.” –Donald The Anarchist

And the runners-up (also very funny):

“Man, this Margo/Eric thing can only end in tears. And blood. Eric’s blood.” –Hippocrass

“Is it just me, or is Peter Parker learning more about the meaning of ‘exposition’ than ‘Catch-22?’ And is it just me, or is he not really learning the meaning of ‘Catch-22’ at all?” –GG

“(DT)GT: Oh, my GOD! What in HELL is HAPPENING!? It MUST be HIDEOUS! I’d WONDER, but I DON’T CARE!!!” –Mibbitmaker

“Were I not already gay, Mary Jane’s Marvella costume would be enough to put me off of women forever.” –Teenage Bamm-Bamm

“We will always have Family Circus, because like a demon from the pits of hell, you cannot really kill it. It will simply come back, stronger than it was before and even more ravenous for the souls of the innocent and just.” –Mikel

“Funky Winkerbean has walked way too far out on the platform of despair for any ‘jokes’ to ever work again. It’s kind of like if a Dostoevsky novel tried to make light of the fact that everyone was drunk.” –bup

“The Home Depot® thing is skeevy, but Big Papa DeGroot trying to reclaim his lost masculinity via power tools is terrif. The guy’s got what he apparently thinks is a fixer-upper on his hands, and the first thing he goes out and buys is … a router. If this doesn’t end with Dad electrocuted and Brad at the business end of a nail gun, then Evans isn’t even trying.” –Michael

“Thanks to Mark Trail and Slylock Fox, I can use the phrase ‘beaver overlap’ without sounding like some bizarre pornography formalist.” –Eleven

“Granthony emits negative pheromones. I can smell them from here.” –Sheilagh

“To me, Anthony is the Monday morning wasted in an unnecessary three-and-a-half-hour meeting featuring a droning boss and a tableful of people trying to stay awake. He’s the temp job that required me to go through old musty incomprehensible files and dump most of them. He’s the wilting leftover salad that I ate because it shouldn’t be thrown out. He’s the time when I was ten that my parents visited their friends and their friends’ kids turned out to have almost nothing in common with me and my sibs, and we all still had to spend the day together. He’s the stale tea that I forgot about in the microwave. He’s the third load of laundry. He’s the email message that I don’t want to have to answer. He’s the solidified slush on the windshield that I don’t want to have to chisel off. Anthony’s one redeeming feature is that he doesn’t exist. Were he a real person, I would feel obliged to show a little basic human decency and try to conceal my feelings. But because he’s fictional, I’m free to hate him. I’m free to have FUN hating him. I’m free to join and converse with others who ALSO hate him. I don’t have to keep it to myself.” –Poteet

“Mom-to-be is on the event horizon of a black hole of degradation and madness. In a normal universe she would leave shaking her head at this Impending Baby Bacchanalia, but since Funky Winkerbean is more like 1920s Germany, she will doubtless have a S/M tryst with the stripper where undue focus will be placed on her stump.” –Concerned Citizen

“Do they sell MedicAlert bracelets that say ‘If taken to hospital, please give me a room in the no-bears-allowed section’? Because if they do, it looks like I need one.” –gump worsley

“As someone once pointed out, we at least gotta give the Phantom some props for an occasional superhero-ish type action sequence. If this were Spider-Man, the Phantom would have watched the crash on TV while he was out at the local JungleMart. If this were Gil Thorp, we wouldn’t see the crash at all. Elrod would have drifted off a while ago and started drawing freaky ginormous jungle fauna; in Mary Worth, the Doorman and the pilot would be going over the preflight checklist for a couple more weeks. And if it were Funky Winkerbean, the plane would have crashed into a school for blind orphan puppies. All things considered, I think we got off easy.” –SmartPeopleOnIce

“Josh, when you title something ‘Beard Patrol’ and it’s not about June Morgan, I get all confused.” –Marion_Delgado

“Also, God help me, but I actually found today’s Pluggers to be sorta vaguely amusing. It’s times like this I’m glad I don’t keep a firearm in the house.” –fillmoreeast

And let’s give a little love to our sponsors as well!

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Hey, everybody! In yet another case of “online ranter” suddenly becoming “quasi-respectable pundit,” the Los Angeles Times was good enough to print a piece I wrote about newspaper comics sections today. Check it out, won’t you?

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I may have taken a good chunk of this week off, but you sure didn’t! In addition to discovering a mutual love of Mystery Science Theater 3000 (a love that is shared by your humble blogger, it will probably not come as a surprise to you to learn), you came up with any number of amusing witticisms, of which following was judged, in our arbitrary way, the wittiest:

“There may be better euphemisms for sodomy than ‘Liz Ritter all but forces Stormy Hicks to go to The Bucket,’ but it’s hard to imagine any.” –Smitty Smedlap

And the as always almost as hilarious runners-up:

“‘As you’ve heard, I give advice.’ The list of Sentences Never Uttered Anywhere But In Mary Worth just keeps getting longer and longer.” –gump worsley

“Given the … unusual … placing of Gunk’s eyes, I’m thinking that Flyspeck Island is so tiny that Gunk’s great-great-great-grandfather is also his brother and his mother is also his sister. Perhaps ‘Take me to the mailbox’ is Gunk-speak for ‘Please put a bullet between my hideous fish eyes before I commit more atrocities against genetics.'” –Wirrrn

“It doesn’t seem like Celeste is actually having much FUN being such a beeotch about this campaign. Perhaps she should have used her money to buy a cruise ticket instead. Or a bar.” –Poteet

“Things to ask when your partner in crime goes to investigate a barking dog, you hear a strange voice yell ‘He’s with me!’, followed by the sound of a jawbone being crushed and the thud of a body crashing to the ground: ‘Did you find the dog?'” –Sharkbait

“Is there any place in the world where Niki’s hair would look cool? Or fashionable? Or even not totally insane? A dark underlayer with pointy little sideburns, topped by a starfish of horizontal spikes. Never mind why you would want to do it: HOW could you do it? Elmer’s glue and a cordless drill?” –Proteus

“Again, let me voice my frustration at the cop out that is FW this week. Sure, I know it’s Thanksgiving, and a gym full of turkeys is a real hoot, but why must depression and tragedy take a week off just because it’s Thanksgiving? In fact, in real life, depression and tragedy are what the holidays are all about.” –Allie Cat

“PS: When did Tommie start dressing like she works at Dunkin’ Donuts? Always? Oh, OK. Thanks.” –Badly_Computer_Animated_Boy

“I liken [Apartment 3-G] to ultra-high-speed footage of car safety tests. For what seems like ages we watch the stage get set for a violent spectacle. In agonizing slowness we bear witness to the 2006 Ford Bronco of the other girls’ lives screech straight into the unyielding brick wall that is Margo. Sure, it may take hours, but when the inevitable fiery crash happens, we’ll get to see every fragment of safety glass scatter as Lu Ann and Tommie’s hopes and dreams are hurled through the windshield.” –Trent

“As for the A3G Thanksgiving, I still think Margo’s going to give, or at least attempt to give, everyone smallpox.” –Mikel

“Having never had a gun pointed at me, I’m not sure how I’d react. Demanding the person holding the gun reveal his identity, however, doesn’t strike me as likely. I imagine pleading with the person not to shoot, and maybe inquiring what I can do to make the not shooting more likely. Once the guy started talking about his friend’s bear, I’d know my fate was in the hands of a madman, and I could only hope his rant went on to encompass Dallas in ’63, or the satanic origins of the UPC symbol. I guess I might consider that someone that crazed might not even think to LOAD a gun, but the snarling attack dog glaring at my genitals would probably just cow me into silence.” –Donald The Anarchist

“Man, Ella sure does bring out the platitudes in Mary Worth. I have feeling these two could carry on a conversation in nothing but droll witticisms. In fact, it’s as if they are occasionally slipping into their native language, sort of the meddling biddy equivalent of Yiddish.” –Bobdog

“And I find the phrase ‘Liz Ritter all but forces Stormy Hicks to go to the Bucket’ profoundly troubling. What is that final straw, I wonder, that final act of depravity that separates ‘all but’ forcing Stormy Hicks to go to the Bucket and actually forcing Stormy Hicks to go to the Bucket? I’m not sure we want our children growing up in such a world.” –Anonymous

“Not to make light of Elizabeth’s serious legal and emotional situation happening in FBOFW, but good lord, what is wrong with her mother’s nose? –CHA5NCE

Also! It may have slipped your mind that fine boat wresting merchandise is available for purchase, no doubt because you are the type who finds it difficult to concentrate on abstract concepts in the absence of visual reinforcement. Well, to offer up just such a memory aid, I present this photo of faithful reader Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener (who is also The Artist Formerly Known As 2fs) attempting to wrestle a wild boat in its native habitat.

More merchandise of this general tenor is available at the Comics Curmudgeon store at CafePress.

And finally, we must as always give thanks to our sponsors:

• Pixelgirl shop: Handmade goods for your hip lifestyle!
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• Another Stereotype Bites the Dust: a Candorville collection. (Note that while I don’t usually discuss Candorville on this site, it’s a fine new comic that you should check out.)
• The Devil and Ted: A fine Web comic by Steve Wallace.
• Nathaniel Bright: A fine Web comic by Josh Frost. New episode now online!
• Andertoons: Funny cartoons for presentations, newsletters, advertising, and more.
• OneHorseShy: Funny t-shirts that pander to everyone!

I’ve tweaked the ads a bit this week: you can now buy the guaranteed top spot in the left-hand nav bar, and you may have noticed the new ads at the top right of the screen, provided through Ryan North (of Dinosaur Comics fame)’s new Project Wonderful network. For more details, check out our advertising page.