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Summer’s coming, folks, and you know what that means … time to head down to the beach and enjoy your laptop, and also head to the Clubhouse in Los Feliz one week from tonight for The Internet Read Aloud, America’s favorite live comedy show about the internet!

Here’s the Facebook event, please come and enjoy the japery!

But for now, please enjoy this comment of the week:

“[2 hours later] Wait a minute … she’s getting a pillow? At the zoo?” –Kevin On Earth

And these runners up are very funny as well!

“Honestly Billy, you should just be happy that dad corrected your grammar and didn’t comment on the inanity of what you said. ‘Funner than school’? Wow, bravo, thanks for sharing your insights.” –pugfuggly

“Oh, I remember now! The train ran over me and I was killed. Next thing I knew, I was here. But is this Heaven or Hell?’ ‘We seem pretty comfortable. But maybe what’s Heaven for us is Hell for somebody else.’ [looks directly at audience]” –Peanut Gallery

“God, the Hateachothers have such a miserable relationship — having friends over, going golfing together, sharing an embrace under the stars, dining at a trendy gastropub, sitting and reading together! No wonder they need to regularly seek assistance from a marriage counselor!” –Harold

“Thank god for that sign. Otherwise, this would just be a dog grinning slyly as he watches a baby take a shit.” –Joe Blevins

“As Mary hits her control, the monitor switches from the tepid smooching of Ian and Toby to the mild hand-holding of Dawn and Jared. ‘It’s early,’ she thinks. ‘The real action won’t start till dusk.’” –Hibbleton

“Summer is a great time to be in love. It is the only time of the eons when the female desires companionship. The male of the species approaches the female. She lays her eggs. He fertilizes them. She devours his head, then leaves the nest to resume her life. In Fall, the larva hatch. What? Why you do look at me strangely with your eyeballs of gel? Is this not how mating works in your dimension?” –Dread

“Not sure what the hair’s about, but I’m thinking either ‘lacking a strong male authority figure in her life, Dawn is pursuing guys who remind her not of her dad but of Mary Worth,’ or ‘Jared killed Laura Palmer.’” –Dan

“Give a hoot? Don’t compute.” –nescio

“I’m picturing someone flipping through a zoology picture book and just laughing at page after page. Then they go to a zoo to see some real live jokes, and the next thing you know they’re doing a confessional YouTube video with poop in their hair going ‘I don’t think baboons are jokes anymore.’ And that’s how Jared knows such people really exist.” –Amelie Wikström

“Mary Worth is clearly attempting to get on the NFT bandwagon. Get your Dispirited Baboons here, only $200,000!” –Anonymous

“To be fair, 25¢ for one scoop, 60¢ for two scoops and 75¢ for three scoops is an insane pricing structure, and after taking account of the cone, one scoop is clearly the best value proposition here.” –WaitedForGodot

“[buries face in hands] [leans elbows on desk] [sighs heavily] Guys, look, I just… frozen TV dinners come in single-serve boxes with, like various ‘dishes’ in a little segmented tray. Okay? That’s just how they’re made. They’re not in a box of, I’m gonna say, ice cream cones that you then return to the freezer with, I’m gonna say, the ketchup and mustard you inexplicably keep in there. And once they’re heated, they don’t look like, I’m gonna say, oatmeal with raisins. It’s just… nothing about this works; you know that, right?” –els

“Given this is 2022, either Mr Wilson is an immortal being whose immortality stuck to old age — explaining why he is always so pissed off — or his parents were beatniks/hippies who raised him without television. Both options would actually be interesting, so neither is the case.” –Ettorre

“‘We have two more bodies at the Cougar Encounter, gonna need some tranq darts and a clean-up crew.’ ‘Christ, what is wrong with people? We put up signs warning them that they’ll encounter a cougar and they still walk right on in. I don’t know what more we can do!’” –Voshkod

“For us it’s two panels of facts about zoo animals nobody asked for. For Dawn it’s been two years of running monologue that has not stopped for one moment, day or night. Two years of ‘Did you know ketchup is alternatively spelled catsup and was superseded as world’s most popular condiment by salsa? The actual name for what you call hashtag is octotroph, you know. Guess how many nerve endings there are in the average clitoris — 8,000!’ At this point, an 80 year old hunchback in a tube top could ride by on a unicycle and Dawn would think, ‘Why not him?’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“The nice thing about that guy is that he has a really tiny mouth, so tiny that it looks like it’s painful whenever he has to open it. So he probably eats nothing but broth, which is cheap and even Dawn can heat up. He’s not just silent, he’s economical. Win-win for Dawn.” –BeckoningChasm

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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The comment of the week? It’s coming sooner than you think.

“What’s the angle here? Shady Shrew sinks his boat to collect the insurance money which, by definition, is only just going to offset the price of the boat that he totaled to perpetuate the scheme. It’s not a failing upholstery business, just sell the boat if you need the cash, man. Unless there’s something more here … pretty intense to send all the evidence to the bottom of the ocean, somebody’s going to have to make a long and hazardous dive to investigate, maybe a nosy fox who’s been a thorn in your side for too long. You know as well as anyone that the gifts of this new era of animal dominion haven’t been evenly distributed and nobody has it worse that the fish. Great big brains like the rest of us but they still live like beasts, cowering naked in the mud. Wouldn’t be hard to find a desperate shark who’s willing to take a payday just for doing what comes naturally, one last time.” –BananaSam

The runners up are also hilarious!

“I’m actually kind of delighted to see the grade-school-level kitty and woof-woof drawings Toby has taught the students in her art class to create. Is it possible that Helen was the only decent educator at Santa Royale Community College? Now that she’s leaving, Cal and Maddie will learn even less than before — though they’ll be free to continue their blossoming romance as they graduate into the supermarket shelf-stocking and checkout-clerking industries, which we all know can be fine careers for this town’s less-prepared couples. And if they ever want to learn about, say, Camus, they can do so by reading the newspaper’s comics page!” –BigTed

“The photographer doesn’t get it! On Instagram, you send the same picture to all your followers! Personalized pictures for each follower is OnlyFans. And OnlyFans in the Funkyverse is just pictures of a chemo machine.” –Ettorre

“It’s a safe bet that the worst strips from a given franchise are the ones that originate with the author either overhearing or just imagining a perfect setup for a punchline and then rushing to grab their felt tip™ and commit the joke to paper. ‘Haha that kid said gram but what if the person he said it to thought he meant grandma! That’s comedy gold!!! Gold! And what’s up with Ovaltine? Looks more like Roundtine to me iykwim, aittyd!’” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box

“It’s fustratin’ howz I works so hard, wif the moonshinin’ an’ chicken nabbin’ an’ suchlike, but I got nuffin t’show fur’t cuz Loweezy spends all th’ money on brazeers.” –Violet

“So, what exactly is Dagwood’s schedule where he is clearly ready for work and outside at Elmo’s bus stop? Has Dagwood already flattened the mailman? Does he go back to bed to set up that gag?” –Kevin on Earth

“Is Snuffy canonically a glutton? He’s lazy, uneducated, a miser, an irresponsible gambler, and a miscreant, sure, but I don’t think he’s really been characterized as having a big appetite. It’s not looking good if the writers of this strip weren’t able to get to #8 on their countdown without having to pilfer traits from Dagwood Bumstead.” –jroggs

“I really like how Henry’s ‘friend’ looks like he’s primed and ready to burst out of the house in a huff, but decided to restrain himself for just a minute to hear what Dennis had to say. ‘Is this one of those kids who says the darndest things? I’ll wait to hear the punchline and then I’m so outta here!’” –pugfuggly

“Absolutely believe that Ian’s takeaway from all this is that he has a rare gift, and must pursue a carREER… in the THEAtre! That is the one and only lesson he’s learned. Wouldn’t even swear he remembers who Cal and Helen are.” –Dan

“Gil has totally bought into the idea that a blind person’s other senses make up for his loss of sight as he speaks in a normal voice to someone, as far as pictured here, who is no longer on the field.” –Hibbleton

“Feeling very cheated that we aren’t getting Leroy’s side of the conversation here. ‘So, it’s like a ledger, but made of blocks. And, uh, you put the blocks in a chain and … each block has an ape on it. And you can’t funge the ape, because it’s already chained up. But you need to pay for the gas to mine the ape, you see, so it can go to the metaverse. And that’s why … no, let me start over, I forgot that you can use multiple slurp juices on a single ape.’” –Schroduck

“Last week it was sloppy Joe sweaters, today it’s Bitcoin. We may be completely off track on the great Lockhorns generation debate. I’m hesitant to even acknowledge it, but … we may need to consider the possibility that Loretta and Leroy are ageless demigods, living among humankind as some kind of punishment, either for their sins or for ours.” –Austria

“Alexander was just off put by the sound of trillions of souls screaming in agony that escaped through his father’s clenched teeth.” –Dread

“Office Worker With Hair and a Normal Waist: ‘I’ll trade ya for this urine specimen!’” —
Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Is there a hole in the seat of his pants for his tail to fit through? Uh oh, now I’m wondering if any of these birds have buttocks. Welp, I knew this day would come someday. [EJECTS BRAIN]” –made of wince

“‘Toby, have I ever told you that I would do anything for you?’ ‘…no?’ ‘Phew!’” –matt w

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Like sands through the hourglass, so go the very funny top weekly comments. Here’s this week’s!

“My favorite part of this is the narration box: ‘As Toby tells Mary about her latest situation…’ First off, Toby doesn’t actually have problems, just situations. Secondly, this is just another in what promises to be an endless series.” –Joe Blevins

And here are the hilarious runners up!

“I love Billy’s smug expression. ‘She thinks she’s happy now, but wait till she sees this awesome card I made her. It’s got a butterfly, a heart, and a photo-realistic drawing of the two of us. I’ll definitely be her favorite after this.’” –Weaselboy

“Batman spent years training like a ninja so he could disappear into the night precisely to avoid anyone hitting him with a brick. You think you can just pick up a broom and fight (???) crime, Street Sweeper?! You’re not ready for this!” –Truckosaurus

“As I have mentioned before, I have actually lived in a city with a masked crime fighter. I have never lived in a city where bricks are just lying around in the street.” –Rube

“To Mary Sue, Dying in Westview: Smart girl, to slip betimes away/ From towns where glory does not stray/ And early though the cancer grows/ It takes some time before Les knows.” –But What Do I Know?

“I’m unnerved by Toby still working on the same muffin over the course of several days’ worth of panels. It looks like it has regenerative properties. Can you imagine what that’s doing to her gut?!?” –taig

“If the sign above the loaded sales guy can be believed, Henry Mitchell is in the market for a genuine Lrrruriui. That’s a nice car, but not practical for a family man. He should be looking at a Pttrprtooo or maybe a Oeebbanll crossover.” –Old School Allie Cat

“Between Toby being mentally five years old, Wilbur being a manchild who throws tantrums, and Helen attempting to report Toby to ‘School Management’ which isn’t actually a thing, but probably something a kid would assume is, I am getting a feeling that Mary Worth, all this time, has been kids playing pretend. Very, very boring kids.” –Giant Telepathic Otter

“He asked if he could pay with a check. [wry chuckle] Anyway, we’ve got the next few months to look forward to, what with me up nights and weekends trying to assemble a doomed defense and with no earthly hope of recompense. It’s a hoot. How’s your spaghetti and watermelon?” –Vice President John Adams

“And I said, you’ll learn a thing or two about fraud when you experience my so-called barely-going-through-the-motions defense.” –Dennis Jimenez

“The three panel comic strip is obviously the perfect medium for telling a story about sports, as the spectacle of a blind pitcher chasing a baseball around the infield by following it directly, the same way the dumber of my two cats chases a laser pointer, is limited only by my imagination.” –Drew Funk

“The Lockhorns are of the WWII generation, that’s always been clear. The reason we can see them as they are is because they’re on a world so incredibly distant that their images are only reaching us now. Which means they’re too far away to ever reach us and be a part of our world, for which I guess we should be grateful.” –cheech wizard

“The *DAGWOOD* is proud of his brood. Already the void forms within them demanding precious resources to fill its emptiness. Soon they will be ready to leave his world and burrow into a new one demanding endless tribute of sandwiches and sacrifices from its inhabitants.” –Dread

“It’s a funeral in Westview, so you can be sure that the Grey Cross will be there, offering relief to those nauseated by Les’s monologues.” –pugfuggly

“Life is rigged, you simply cannot win! Well, I now need to go back home to polish the Oscar the movie based on my book won.” –Ettorre

“Well, I guess it’s not so much a funny joke as a depressing anecdote about a man with a crippling gambling addiction. Anyway, the moral is that I mostly spend my time waiting for death these days.” –jroggs

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!