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As the snow comes down and that icy wind begins to blow (on you, not me; I live in Southern California), please warm yourself with laughter at this comment of the week:

“Well, I don’t know if I consider Carol Channing someone from my past in particular, but you absolutely nailed it, honey.” –Violet

These runners up? Also very funny:

“‘Liquid protein‘ is made out of people! It’s people! You’ve gotta tell them! You’ve gotta tell them!!!” –BigTed

“A Mary Worth character’s grip on their own identity is so fragile, Iris resorts to frantically thought-ballooning the correction to herself: ‘My name is IRIS. Not Irene. I must remember. My name is IRENE. Irene, Irene … No, IRIS! Wait, is it Iris or Irene? What’s happening to me? I’m almost sure it’s Irene … Or is it Iris?’” –Peanut Gallery

“Hi and Lois gives us both ‘Lois’s obsessive perfectionism destroys the joy of the holiday season’ and ‘Hi is anxious about his inadequacy in satisfying Lois’s emotional needs’ and you ingrates want a punchline???” –matt w

“Today’s Mary Worth has the energy of the beginning half of one of those rambly stories Heath Ledger’s Joker would tell in The Dark Knight explaining how he got his facial scars, right before the people in them started carving up each other’s faces.” –The Great Joe Bivins

“My favorite part about today’s Mary Worth — and there are so many to choose from — is that Iris has clearly been holding this pose/face for a real-world five minutes while waiting for Zak to look up from his favorite website, sepiaindexcards.com. I urge you to try it: spread your hands to the side of your face, clench your teeth just as hard as you can, stare at someone three feet in front of you who’s not paying you the slightest attention, and finally grit out ‘Zak dear … do you notice any resemblance between me and someone from your past?’ while keeping that Joker grin firmly in place. Have you ever sounded angrier/more deranged? My money’s on no.” –els

“So, Gasoline Alley ran for weeks with the ‘Can we somehow arrange for old Walt to ride on a garbage truck? It’s the one thing he wants in the world!’ Then the mayor says she’ll just take a garbage truck ride too. Walt’s fondest wish is the mayor’s afterthought.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge

“Whenever Hi is feeling inadequate, he heads over to Thirsty’s home to watch his sad life and regain some self esteem. The uncared-for house and lawn, the sloppy drunkenness, the vicious domestic spats? It’s all good stuff. But seeing a once proud American man reduced to watching soccer? That’s too grim even for Hi.” –jroggs

“I am fascinated by the electrified voice bubble from the TV in Hi and Lois. Aside from the choice to sidestep any sports-related dialogue (e.g. ‘So, as we enter our 80th scoreless minute…’), the oddly specific callout of the location feels like either Walker-Browne Enterprises has been successfully co-opted via sportswashing by the Qatari royal family or that soccer has mainstreamed in the U.S. to the point where naming the host country was the only way to make it seem sufficiently alien to even an aging, golf-loving audience.” –Vice President John Adams

“Now the serpent was more crafty than any other wild animal that the Lord God had made. He said to the boy, ‘Did God say, You shall not eat from any tree in the garden?’ The boy said to the serpent, ‘We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden; but God said, You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the middle of the garden, nor shall you touch it, or you shall die.’ But the serpent said to the boy, ‘You will not die; for God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing Greg’s feet.’ So when the boy saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, he took of its fruit and ate; and promptly regretted it.” –pastordan

“Uriah can’t be killed, because the consequences of doing so would be worse for Hootin’ Holler than whatever slight started the feud in the first place. Uriah for one is one of the few legitimate workers in Hootin’ Holler whose efforts bring cash into the subsistence economy. On top of that his work brings in Social Security checks to this area with no utilities; let alone broadband/Wi-Fi and online banking. Killing Uriah would also risk the Newnited States sending law enforcement in at worse, or simply having them cut off Hootin Holler from the Postal System altogether, and the last thin link to mainstream society. No, Barlow cannot violently attack Uriah, so instead a Cold War of sorts is going on where Barlow seeks to mock Uriah’s industriousness by putting forth his own effort to make Uriah’s job more difficult. Like the Cold War, it’s sparked a small technical arms race where the feuding parties go bigger as they match wits. Will this innovation manage to actually grow Hootin’ Holler’s economy (ie. Uriah’s stilts use actual purchased lumber instead of found materials, and perhaps could be repurposed to harvesting higher-hanging wild fruits when Barlow moves on to other tactics)? Likely no, but it’s not 100% determined yet.” –Philip

“That TV boss has the look of someone who knows exactly what kind of hell he’s lived his entire life in so he’s going to come up with the damned pun first but instead saying it with a smirk he’s going threaten everyone around him who might dare repeat it. I think he may well be the one person I like in the Funkyverse.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Barlow went to a lot of effort for a very mild expected payoff. Imagine if Uriah hadn’t made the stilts. Barlow would be peeking through the curtains and chuckling to himself: ‘He’s lookin’ at it! He’s shakin’ his haid! He’s walkin’ away mildly frustrated! Hot dang, I’ve still got it!’” –Tom T.

“Based on the hat Uriah is wearing, the postal service is not his only job with the federal government. He also clearly served in the Union army in the Civil War and is still stationed in Hootin’ Holler. This comic strip is set during Reconstruction, which explains a lot, actually. Thank you for your service Uriah.” –KMD

“Wow, this Judge Duncan sounds devious and interesting. How come he doesn’t have a strip?” –pugfuggly

“Dustin is canonically unable to get laid no matter how many fern bars or coffee shops he frequents. That’s the face of a young man who has masturbated himself raw.” –Where’s Rocky?

“The writer of the comic strip Dustin really has no business describing a form of entertainment as a ‘waste of time.’” –Rube

“Dustin is so committed to its core premise, in which Dustin personally is the sin eater for whatever young person thing is annoying Kelley at a given moment, that it’s leaning right into ‘teen girls don’t get the point of TikTok.’” –Dan

“Ah, isn’t it cute? Crock misses his days with the 33rd Waffen Grenadier Division of the SS Charlemagne, his volunteer time with the Nazis on the Eastern Front. He misses the cold and the fear and the hordes of Soviet soldiers, the roar of the massed Red artillery, the blood and the mud at Pomerania and the choking dust of shattered buildings in the last days of Berlin. He misses the humidity and green, such verdant green, of the valley of Dien Bien Phu, the flat crack of the Viet Minh artillery raining down from the hillsides, the screams of men caught on the wire and the slow death of Béatrice, Gabrielle, Anne-Marie, and Isabelle. He longs for the ambushes along La Rue Sans Joie, when every peasant was a potential terrorist, and every hut a potential stronghold. And now he’s stuck here, when the real action is in Algiers and Philippeville, left with the shallow joy of taking potshots at nomads, and hanging the occasional captive. I have only felt alive in the presence of death, he muses, and wonders if he just pushed Poulet over the wall to his death. Maybe then he’d feel something.” –Voshkod

“Sadly for Crock, his bloodlust will not be sated today, but, happily for him, he’s about to fall head over heels for the new ‘Cannon-Core’ genre of music that’s sweeping the nation and its assorted colonial holdings.” –Urlance Woolsbane

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Let’s get right into the day … and right into the comment of the week:

“As a scholar of game theory and social choice, Elmo knows that any binary selection system will inevitably fail Arrow’s impossibility theorem, and only a numerical scaled preference can deliver a truly fair result. Just one of the hundreds of rationalisations that Elmo’s multi-million dollar consultancy will bring to North Pole Inc.” –Schroduck

“If, tomorrow, Toby walks in and all three women recreate the classic ‘Spider-man pointing’ meme, I’ll take back every negative thing I’ve ever said about this strip.” –John Plugger Mellencamp

“I was going to make a joke about the guy Greymuzzle will introduce Dick and Sam to. He’s a furry-porn artist but actually redraws the art from other more talented artists. ‘Dick Tracy, I’d like you to meet Dick Trace-y.’” –The Rambling Otter

“‘Serve cheerfully’!? In the grim police state that is Dick Tracy’s world, a jury summons can not only require your intellectual labor, but pile on emotional labor too.” –Peanut Gallery

“Elmo, Santa Claus is a fifth-century bishop, his ethical system is completely rigid and completely incomprehensible to modern people. How many Arians did you slap this year? See, this is why no children get Christmas present and parents have to buy them!” –Ettorre

“I can’t get over how the janitor is just sitting there cheerfully recounting his Hague-Tribunal-worthy crimes against humanity. I hesitate to use the term ‘history’s greatest monster,’ or at least I used to. Have I been subconsciously reserving it?” –Violet

“She’s watching them feed each other with chopsticks but still only focused on how much they look alike. If I wore a Wilbur mask I could fuck Entertainer Esme over the dinner table and everyone would only focus on how good a mask it is.” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box

“Jeez Alice. All Dennis asked for was a pair of dress slacks, a fur-lined navy peacoat, and a festive scarf. He just wants to look as smart as Joey and the other executives for their corporate holiday party!” –Carsick Yankee

“We’re just a couple days away from Future Janitor casually dropping ‘…and of course, Bull Bushka had to die.’”–Biiirdmaaan!

“If Lisa didn’t die, there wouldn’t be Lisa’s Story and without Lisa’s Story, Les Moore wouldn’t have the Best Actress Oscar in his possession that will very soon, fingers crossed, be the murder weapon that does him in if we’re going to get any sort of satisfying conclusion to this strip.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Downside? You want a downside? How about your mailman robot achieving sentience, linking up with the USPS Collective and enslaving you? ~Chuckle~” –MKay

“Also, all those times where, uh, things that were supposed to be funny didn’t quite land? That was caused by a feedback loop in the space-time continuum. Hard to explain the physics, but all those gags were actually hilarious.” –pugfuggly

“Oh, the luxurious perks of diner ownership. A common man like myself can only dream of being able to prepare and eat scrambled eggs and buttered toast at any time!” –jroggs

“Regional branding is quaint, but ultimately won’t hold up when some Big Box Cartel moves to town and forces a hostile takeover of your operations. Every mom-and-pop drug den will be shut down.” –Philip

“Wait, Cranky is passed out and not complaining. Seems like the best case to me — oh, he’s going to pee on himself, isn’t he?” –But What Do I Know?

“Judging from the sign in the stands, the team is now known as the Milford Rocks, no doubt due to their uncanny propensity for sinking to the bottom.” –Pozzo

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Is it chilly in here? Or are we all just shivering with laughter at this week’s top comment?

“I’m not clear on the rules for business meal deductions, but maybe Dithers figures if he and Dag ‘talk business’ for thirty seconds he can write off the cost of the meals on his taxes? ‘So, Bumstead, about that Grumwald contract you turned in last week — has your broken collarbone healed yet? Welp, time to order. I’m having fillet mignon in truffle sauce. You are having half a grilled cheese sandwich. You’re welcome.’” –Shrug

The runners up are also very funny!

“‘Friendship is another word for love,’ said someone, probably? In any event, I’m saying it now.” -pugfuggly

“Loweezy is right to be distressed. That ‘Z’ has been in the same position all night. Snuffy died in his sleep, most likely from some kind of coronary event. Time to revert to the name Barney Google & Spark Plug for this strip.” –taig

“It’s good that Tommy has someone living nearby that can care for him and assist him. But it’s great that it doesn’t have to be me!” –Ettorre

“Someone named ‘Kristin’ from a place called Highlands Ranch, Colorado, with a household income over $100k? These days they’ll let anyone be a plugger so long as they eat a lot and then poop.” –matt w

“It’s traumatic enough when your dad goes out for cigarettes and never comes back — imagine learning that he filed paperwork about it first. ‘Daddy, we just want you to come home!’ ‘Please direct all inquiries to my attorney.’” –Navigator

“There is no way this doesn’t end with Tracy arresting the entire convention for degeneracy.” –TheDiva

“Like many comics nowadays, this is actually a veiled threat against competing comics in an ever-shrinking numbers of newspapers and comics pages. Beetle Bailey is warning Snuffy Smith not to encroach on its territory in the comics pages.” –Philip

“With the focus on Franklin it’s easy to overlook the fact that he and Curtis are ‘studying’ blank sheets. In a cut scene Franklin says, ‘So you see, Curtis, when you look into the void the void also looks into you.’ Then he demonstrated the same principle with his gaping mouth. Curtis, however, focuses on minutiae, unwilling to face the existential implications of non-being. You speak for all of us, Curtis.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“What’s green, furry, has three black holes and three black flags, and needs a trim? That’s not a set-up to a joke, it’s just a question I have.” –Voshkod

“Dadburn grownups still ain’t never heard of spiders.” –made of wince

“Silas did in fact have a radioactive spider but refused to part with it for less than a whole cow.” –ectojazzmage

“I just assume the tablecloth is to hide Dagwood’s arousal when the food arrives.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Nah, I’m just going to write about pizza and cancer.” –Ned Ryerson

“‘You wouldn’t think that an oral history of a crappy Cleveland bedroom community would change history, would you? But, as we all know, a comic strip about that same community changed the medium forever! Never underestimate what can be done by one genius!!! Bwah hahahaha!’ ‘Uh, just so you know, there are people who knew I was coming here.’” –Rube

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!