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Folks, first off, it’s that time of month again: the time were you are required to come to my show in Los Angeles, full of jokes about the internet! Last month’s return to stage was a true banger and I am confident this month will be to. Join us on the Facebook event and also in person, won’t you?

But also: it’s time for the comment of the week.

“Blondie is going the Ace Attorney route with its names, I see. Can’t wait for the reveal that Herb Woodley has a secret lavender garden in the forest somewhere.” –Austria

And also also: it’s time for the hilarious runners up!

“Leroy was caught unaware as Loretta smacked the side of his face with the steering wheel that she had carried out of her last car crash. ‘I do the frivolous shopping jokes around here! Get off my turf and stick a lampshade on your head, motherfucker!’” –nescio

“Sarah knows that even though she’s been found innocent in a court of law, the court of nerdy fanboys needs ‘real’ proof. Hell, they’re still salty about the cancellation of Battlestar Galactica; obsessing over the Doggo Twins is just second nature.” –made of wince

“Pam asks in the vain hope that her father will say ‘I don’t remember ordering that,’ and she can finally start the commitment proceedings.” –Where’s Rocky?

“Not sure that Sam would be the type to use a word like ‘cacophonic.’ As a matter of fact, I’m not sure anybody would be the type to use a word like ‘cacophonic,’ except maybe a new Dick Tracy villain named ‘Pedantic Pete.’” –Pozzo

“If Ian was interested in befriending anyone, he’d shave his beard. Or grow a moustache and complete it. One or the other.” –Applemask

“Date of operation minus thirty days, in military lingo, would be D-30. Thirty days until something happens in Crankshaft. Looks like this plot line is going to just speed by.” –Voshkod

“So Jeff is going off to work? And Max sits around at home all day, watching television? This strip became Dustin so slowly that I didn’t notice. Of course, that’s mainly because I don’t read either one, but still.” –seismic-2

“Huh, the adult bird is WAY smaller than the egg, which leads me to believe that egg is extremely roomy inside. What do you suppose the ‘inner bird’ has got in there? I’m picturing kind of a gym setup, but could be anything from an art gallery to a B&D dungeon. Guess we’ll never know.” –Twinkles the Elf

“Today’s Crankshaft inspires a Miss Manners letter:

Dear Miss Manners,

When deciding whether to accept an invitation to a restaurant, is it OK for me to obliquely refer to the subsequent digestive upset or can I just talk about the impending pooptuplets in graphic detail to the inviters?” –Baja Gaijin

“Humpty Dumpty, history’s first known victim of toxic positivity.” –Roto13

“The erotic tension is building. Notice that even the rocks in the foreground are humping vigorously.” –Joe Blevins

“Say what you will about Winona Braggart, about the deli trays or the stunningly similar appearance of Blondie and her co-worker whose name I can’t be bothered to look up right now. I just appreciate their dedication to the goth-maid-lolita aesthetic. Not crazy about the lack of hairnets, though.” –pastordan

“This could be the nosy and suspicious, ‘I see you! And I think you’re up to some shenanigans! Shenanigans, I say!’ Or it could be the wise and accepting, ‘I see you! My fellow human being, my sister, I see you and acknowledge your existence on this Earth!’ Or it could be the I See You game: ‘Ooh, there’s some people sitting on the grass! I see you! Ooh, there’s a train! I see you!’ Like I Spy without the guessing part, or Peek-a-Boo without the hiding part. I hope it’s that one.” –Anonymous

“I know that it’s often necessary for characters in a single-panel comic to state the obvious to helpfully point the reader towards the joke, but I love the idea that Jeffy hasn’t learned to identify liquids by color, odor, or by observing where they just came from. ‘Water?’ his face seems to say, ‘The one without the tingly or the tongue-happiness?’” –pugfuggly

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Folks, it’s the comment …….. of the week!

“Notice how Mrs. Wilson is on her cell phone keeping up to date with the times by scrolling through TikTok, Instagra,m and Reddit — where the young hip kids get their news. While old fuddy daddy Mr. Wilson is still reading dying print media. The subtext is clear. The meteor is only coming for technological dinosaurs like Ole Mr. Wilson. The smarter savvier mammals will survive. Mrs. Wilson gets this. That’s why in the last panel she is laughing at the slow death of her walnut brained husband.” –Joe Momma

Folks, it’s the hilarious …… runners up!

“Mr. Wilson looks pretty defensive about their Flintstone costumes. When was the last time you wore a new outfit, Dennis? Huh? Huh? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Go home, Dennis. You stink.” –made of wince

“I’m intrigued by Mrs. Wilson’s eye-roll when Mr. Wilson launches into the meteor explanation. ‘Oh, here we go again with the popular consensus view of the K-Pg extinction event,’ she thinks. ‘I’ve explained the role of Deccan Traps volcanism a hundred times, but George always has to focus on the drama.’” –Peanut Gallery

“Slylock is a plainclothes detective, but he’s decided ‘plainclothes’ means ‘wearing a Sherlock Holmes costume.’”–Rita Lake

“The screech is not from tires or brakes; it is from Mary realizing a meddle is being stolen from her. I imagine it’s like the sound the Nazguls make.” –Professor Well Actually

“Toby has been surprised by a truck turning onto a two-lane state road with few intersections and no visual obstructions. That’s quite a feat for someone not actively looking at their phone.” –TheDiva

“Slylock Fox’s eyes narrowed, his agile mind calculating the precise amount of force to apply to Shady Shrew’s damage points to inflict maximum pain while leaving the criminal cruelly alive. Max, well-familiar with that face, got the ambulance on standby.” –Dr. Larry Erhardt

“I really dislike the artwork in Gil Thorp but I do like that first panel. ‘I was making money for my future, while you? You decided to be a hamburger. Great choice, loser.’” –BeckoningChasm

“I feel like this is actually a great multi-level joke. On the surface, Sarge is saying ‘Ha ha, here’s a mundane task involving a bucket!’ but on a deeper level he’s saying ‘Did you think you were going to die one day? No, those kinds of lists are for people with finite, changing lives. Yours stretches out to infinity but will remain unchanged for as long as you exist. This is your bucket, my friend, for now and forever.’” –pugfuggly

“We’re in this post-pandemic ‘return to normal’ phase right now, and it’s oddly comforting to see someone spitting on an employee in a public place.” –Joe Blevins

“And thus begins a storyline that’s bizarre even for Dick Tracy. Starbucks, fearing its local monopoly is threatened by Bean Howz, a second coffee shop opened by the owner of Howz You Bean?, sends in criminals to spit out the coffee and also, from the look of things, to be the only customers.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Nobody with any sense of shame would display an acquaintance’s award in their home as if they earned it themself, so I’m looking forward to seeing the custom trophy case Les buys for this.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“When do you suppose the Hagar brain trust really felt they had nailed the identity of the hulking Irishman? Did the enormous shamrock pinned to his tunic seal the deal? The shock of red hair peeking out from underneath the leprechaun hat? Or was it the river of vomit cascading down his front that best said ‘Son of the Emerald Isle’?” –Vice President John Adams

“Absolutely no one who has met this man calls him Coffyhead. Asshole, Prick, Goddamn Jerk, Fuckhead McDoucheface, That Utter Piece of Shit, and many more names, yes. But I cannot believe for one moment anyone calls him Coffyhead.” –jroggs

“Your doting parents named you ‘Coffyhead,’ my dude, not ‘Coffeehead.’ With that moniker, you are contractually obligated to be a ride-or-die fan of the 1973 Blaxploitation film Coffy, starring Pam Grier and Booker Bradshaw. This is not to say you can’t also enjoy and be choosy about coffee — you can! — but please take care to apply your violent passion to the correct obsession. Apologize to this poor barista, drop a few bucks in the tip jar, and go watch your favorite movie in peace.” –els

“The villains are a bowtie-wearing coffee snob and a guy who obnoxiously insists on wearing a t-shirt when it’s snowing. I guess we’ve firmly settled that yes, Dick Tracy takes place in Chicago. Can’t wait to hear their Tarantino-esque pop culture driving conversation about the Mountain Goats playing the Old Town School.” –Dan

“Little did Grossie know that the only way to eliminate wrinkles in human skin is to remove folds, and the only way to remove folds was to remove her third dimension. But that was all right; having two dimensions was an improvement over the way she’s usually written.” –Voshkod

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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INCOMING: THIS WEEK’S FUNNIEST COMMENT RIGHT NOW!

“I’ll suspend a lot of disbelief when it comes to Family Circus but I refuse to believe ANY child would salivate at the sight of a dish of Werther’s Originals the way Billy is. Is he gonna plead that they stay up to watch Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman as well?” –Irrischana

THESE RUNNERS UP ARE ALSO EXPLOSIVELY HILARIOUS!

“So the previous explorer came in, looked around without disturbing or stealing any of the precious antiquities, and carefully sealed the entrance when he left. Slylock, meanwhile, seems to have bashed a hole in the wall with a big ol’ sledgehammer. Who’s the real destroyer of ancient cultures here? It’ll serve Slylock and Max right if the entire structure falls down on top of them, sealing them in with the mummy, and they spend all the rest of eternity as afterlife servants to Amenhotep II.” –BigTed

“Oh, there’s nothing I want more than to see the male characters of Shoe perform the mating rituals of their species. Apparently the Perfessor is an osprey, so he will perform an undulating dance in the sky while carrying fish or nesting material. On the other hand, that might be too risque for the newspaper comics pages.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“How come not one person in that row of people at the Oscars is attractive?” –Professor Well Actually

“I call shenanigans. Pluggers can’t tell if their hands are hot or cold due to diabetic neuropathy.” –Hibbleton

“These are not ‘books in the bathroom‘ as you might think, but ‘bathroom books’: guides on mastering pooping techniques and styles. Pluggers take it very seriously.” –pugfuggly

“Why did the last panel of Rex Morgan suddenly turn into a Soviet-era propaganda poster? When the revolution comes, Kyle Vidpa and his Bolshevik army will force parents to believe their children, by any means necessary.” –Schroduck

“Given the lack of a TP dispenser in that bathroom, we can safely assume the books aren’t there for reading.” –Hannibal’s Lectern

“‘So,’ says the thirty-something neighbor lady with the unhappy marriage, ‘I’ve been following your teenage son very closely on social media. I keep tabs on his dating life.’” –Joe Blevins

“‘If you had a dog, what would you name it?’ was last night’s Final Jeopardy question, under the category of ‘Most improbable way to initiate a conversation.’” –seismic-2

“The intensity with which the Mitchells are watching Dennis makes me wonder just how much poison they put in his serving.” –TheCasey

“I also appreciate that Daddy Daze Daddy has put the baby on what appears to be a freestanding bar stool. He can fall onto his head in any direction!” –matt w

“US Hospitals are known for exorbitant prices, but that’s nothing compared to what Rex and June would charge him for a conference room birth. To the hospital, stat!” –nescio

“‘Lord, I’d give anything…’ Did Crankshaft just sell his soul? And for a very minor favor? I still think it was the Devil that got the worst of the bargain.” –Ettorre

“I like that these two are performing as an old-style vaudeville comic duo but, in keeping with Hootin’ Holler’s fear of the outside world, they can only do it in private, in fear their comedy stylings be taken for witchcraft.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Smiley polished his glasses interminably with the end of his tie before speaking in a damp whisper. ‘The key, Control, was a series of letters posted from Czechoslovakia to Treetops, East Virginia, in the United States. That was how the mole was getting the information out of Prague Station, the information that lost us agents Starling, Oriole, and Flamingo. But the mole made a mistake; his asset in the U.S. fell in love with him. Strange story. Anyway, we have the mole, we have his U.S. asset thanks to the Cousins, and I think we can wrap the whole thing up.’ –Excerpt from the shocking conclusion to John LeCarre’s Flicker, Falcon, Fishhawk, Spy” –Voshkod

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!