Post Content

Oh look, it’s your comment of the week! Right here!

“Deep in the Algerian desert, the countdown for Gerboise Bleue nears zéro. The range safety officer peers through binoculars into the shimmering heat, his hands slick with sweat and fear, as the ferocious Sun rises, not knowing that today it would have a twin on Earth. Was there something new there, near the shot tower? Mon Dieu, he realizes, a Bedouin tent! He toggles his radio to call off the test when the Sun’s frère blooms down range. Poor bastards, he thinks as he dives into his trench. At least they died rapidement. One can only hope they were making love, and not arguing about toilettes.” –Voshkod

And your runners up! Very funny!

“I think the big news here is that evidently Not Me and Ida Know split up.” –Pozzo

“Life imprisonment without court martial might seem like a harsh punishment during peacetime, but the defense of the nation can allow no tolerance for ventriloquism.” –jroggs

“Today’s entry is a reminder in case any of the readers thought the Chix were living large off this strip.” –Hibbleton

“You must admit, ‘I wish it was still the 1970’s!’ is pretty much the mission statement of the newspaper comics industry. This will be clipped and placed on as many as a dozen refrigerators around the country.” –pastordan

“Look. I’ll be the one to point out that Iris didn’t accept Zak’s proposal in the heady emotional rush of a brush with death, she did so hours later, in bed. Zak has a very specific value-add in this relationship, and I’m not saying it can’t be the basis for a long and mutually fulfilling life of wedded bliss, I’m just saying if you want the white rice with hamburger gravy to keep coming, you’d better time the request right buddy.” –Dan

“We make such a great team! Your strength is falling off cliffs, and mine is eventually, reluctantly pulling you up. We’ll be unstoppable!” –Violet

“I like how we don’t see actually see Zak in today’s strip, leaving open the possibility that a delirious Iris is play-acting a misguided proposal fantasy, voice modulation and all. Meanwhile, the real Zak is at home, trying to change a lightbulb while standing atop a blender.” –Irrischana

“I had a tough time figuring out what was going on in panel 2. Then I realized that linebacker Nick was such a wildman that all he knew was ‘BALL … KILL’ and was tackling his own teammates.” –Inspector Gotcha

“As the midterm elections come to a close, Americans are divided now more than ever. But today’s Beetle Bailey shows us how two different groups can work together towards compromise, so that each gets something they want. Humorists get to poke fun of the slow, painful death of Print Media, while the old, horny men employed by Print Media score a panel of General Halftrack looming over a prostrate Miss Buxley.” –Carsick Yankee

“Yeah, I’m sure that Mr Mountain is about to have a massive coronary, but I think this scene reads much funnier if you imagine that he’s been caught in a massive lie about being a country singer. ‘Ok folks just a minute … one second … j-just tuning up here … OH WOW IS THAT MERLE HAGGARD SITTING AT THE BAR?’ [leaps off stage and through a fire exit]” –pugfuggly

“What if Mud has crippling anxiety that has caused his career to self-destruct, and he self-medicates with food? I mean, he can still shit himself — you gotta give the people what they want — I just think coronary has been done to death.” –Old School Allie Cat

“Things to do? Lists to make? People to contact? That’s funny, the same would’ve been the case for Zak’s funeral, had Iris been unable to save him. Damn it, there’s just no getting away from these fancy events, is there?” –made of wince

“In idle moments, Iris and Zak can amuse themselves by trying to think of yet more ways to work the words ‘usual’ and ‘upcoming’ into their conversations. ‘Upcoming’ is a funny word, isn’t it? If one of them is about to barf, they can use it as a warning: ‘Upcoming!’” –Peanut Gallery

“‘Mr. Wilson does live in this vicinity, but where? To learn that you must solve my series of ever more fiendish riddles…’ ‘I’ll try next door.’” –Anonymous (but not that one)

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

Post Content

Hey folks! Have you ever heard about a little something called karma???? It goes like this: I make an innocent little joke in which I call for the death of Dustin, the beloved title character of the comic strip Dustin, and then I am immediately myself afflicted with a case of COVID-19. Symptoms quite mild but probably not best for me to spend 90 minutes tonight yelling jokes at a crowd of people in a poorly ventilated theater, so I am cancelling tonight’s Internet Read Aloud!!! Sorry all and hopefully I can get this gang back together in 2023.

Not even a serious respiratory virus can stop the comment of the week, however, which was carefully selected in my sealed bunker:

“Billy doesn’t seem to me like the kind of kid who’d have an expensive, lab-quality microscope, but if he got one, he’s definitely the kind of kid who’d leave it on the floor.” –Steph

The runners up? Also quite funny!

“This one got a real smile out of me. Not because of the ‘joke,’ but because I enjoy seeing Hi and Lois being shitty to their dumb kids. Look at those little jerkwads all sad and stuff. This is the true meaning of Halloween!” –pugfuggly

“Wait, can the Daddy Daze Mommy ‘hear’ the ‘real’ meaning of Angus’s ‘ba ba ba’s too? Either he’s actually communicating with them or their shared insanity makes their breakup either that much more inexplicable, or that much more inevitable.” –Morgan Wick

“I’d say hitting on your waitress is inappropriate, but maybe it’s ironic flirting to go with her kitschy, ironic beehive hairdo? Is that what the kids are into these days?” –made of wince

“There’s still hope for a twist ending, as that entire spur of rock breaks off.” –Ken

“Now let’s talk about the murder of Kathy Kangaroo and Slick Smitty wearing her skin.” –Liam

“Dying to find out if the robot dog is looking at, like, a midwestern mayonnaise and potato chip salad and affectionately chuckling, ‘Well ain’t that America folks?’ or if his character is being forcibly hauled away from a government building and angrily shouting, ‘OH I’M SORRY IS THIS NOT AMERICA’ at the security guards.” –Dan

“Maybe Slick Smitty was a furry in the Before Times, and his shit-eating grin is because all those who made fun of him for wanting to live in an animal world are now dead.” –Philip

“Just look at Summer vigorously taking notes. ‘Pulitzer, here I come!’” –Lord Flatulance

“Sorry, I phrased that incorrectly. What I meant to say is, ‘Standing on cliff edges? No way I’m done with that!’ Check this out, I’m gonna pee over the edge and make my own waterfa– Oops! Uff!” –jroggs

“Montoni’s pizza is made with love and our secret special ingredient (the secret ingredient is amniotic fluid).” –Schroduck

“‘You’re weird but I’m disgusting.’ That showed her. Possibly.” –Anonymous (but not that one)

“‘Compulsive’ implies a lack of free will in the matter and thus a lack of personal responsibility. Blondie chose the life of uncovering secrets and spreading shame and revels in it!” –Ettorre

“Under the old writer, Gil and Mimi spent their ‘alone time’ drinking an endless wash of fresh lemonade. Perhaps it was the abundance of vitamin C that made for such a happy home.” –Ukulele Ike

“Yes, Dennis. It’s those accursed longshoremen in Los Angeles lollygaging while your precious cookies grow stale in maritime shipping containers.” –Dennis Jimenez

“Uncle Cosmo is even more disappointed. He was counting on this flick to get him out of having ‘the talk’ with Skyler.” –Peanut Gallery

“I’m like a Forever Stamp. Dead man on one side, sticky on the other!” –Voshkod

“Never let it be said that the Perfesser is not taking care of his nephew. Here, he’s teaching him the key adult skill of how to slump in an armchair and stare, glassy-eyed, at anything that’s on TV.” –Lawyerbob

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

Post Content

It’s Friday, which means (a) it’s comment of the week day, but also (b) we’re a week away from the Internet Read Aloud, and we have a VERY SPECIAL Internet Read Aloud this month, featuring Annie Rauwerda of Depths Of Wikipedia fame, which if you know about me you know is a project that is very much my jam and I am very excited about it. Please come to this one, if you’ve been putting it off! Here’s the Facebook event, and the poster!

And here, of course, is the aforementioned COTW!

“Tomorrow at the diner, Lou says to Dagwood: ‘So. Yesterday was National Food Day. We had a big special menu and everything.’ Awkward pause. ‘Didn’t see you around.’” –Peanut Gallery

And here are the very funny runners up!

“Dustin spends 365 days a year shitting on Millennials, but Mary Worth just a had to spend one day for the excellent burn ‘killed by a selfie.’ Bow to the master!” –@Ettore_Costa, on Twitter

“For the past 20 years, airline pilots have been America’s heroes, to be respected and not mocked. Now Dustin’s dad is breaking that taboo. Now, I don’t support attacking anyone over a joke, but if one last surge of patriotism got Dustin’s dad beaten up by the passengers or arrested by the air marshal… well, I’d turn a blind eye.” –Schroduck

“The only thing I want now from Mary Worth is for each of the characters to fall into their own unique body of water to their apparent demise, only to wind up at a Club Med. Dr. Jeff into the cove near the Bum Boat, Dawn into the Great Salt Lake, Toby into a bottle of Dasani … I want the lot.” –Vice President John Adams

“A father seeing the image of his adorable infant daughter on a mug and asking, ‘What’s that?’ with a look of total deflation is a real showcase of how postpartum stress doesn’t discriminate. Try and find joy in these moments, Hi. After all, she won’t be a baby forever! What’s that? Oh, I’m sorry, carry on.” –Irrischana

“The boss really stumped me today. He looked over my completely inappropriate display of food and told me, with contempt dripping in his voice, that he only kept me on the job out of pity. That he knew he should fire me, but something held him back. A inner demon he fought with every day, a spark of kindness that he knew he needed to tamp out before I destroyed the company. He reminded me that I was always there on sufferance, and that some day he’d finally be ruthless enough to fire me, to blackball me from the industry, to end my laziness and stupid costumes and misuse of IT resources. He said his only joy was telling me of the Damoclean sword that dangled above my head at all times. Then the old bastard took the drumsticks from my turkey and walked off. I just don’t get it.” –Voshkod

“It takes a special kind of cultural myopia to watch an adaptation of a Pulitzer-winning drama about how racism and toxic masculinity inhibit the pursuit of the American Dream and think ‘I wanna drive the garbage truck!’” –TheDiva

“Summer’s book will presumably be a damning exposé on the corrupt, decaying nature of Westview aimed at destroying small-town nostalgia. It will contain numerous passages about the town’s rampant mental health issues and out of control cancer rates borne out of incompetent city planning. ‘The lead poisoning has rendered many of the townsfolk so delusional that they can no longer respond to anything without making a heavy-lidded smirk.’” –ectojazzmage

“Normally on a call-in format you’d have a producer who would be able to screen out the most inane calls, so you get an idea of how popular this show is. I can only imagine that after this call was ended they went to fifteen minutes of dead air, broken occasionally by the sound of Dustin’s mom taking sips of coffee.” –pugfuggly

“Buck once had a damn nail through his head, but a tall loud man is too weird for him to deal with. Sad, really.” –made of wince

“I really hope that guy eats Buck.” –Mike Ricotta, on Facebook

“Before I read the caption, I thought she was about to give birth. I know she doesn’t look pregnant, but kangaroo embryos are, like, the size of a worm.” –Pozzo

“[I emerge from bushes] ‘USE YOUR OTHER HAND ZAK!!’ [I disappear back into the bushes]” –Kevin On Earth

“The bad news is that Iris can’t rescue her imperiled boyfriend. The good news is the rockface Zak is clinging to seems to be rolling over seeing as the rock has already tilted 30 degrees in his favor. So in a few seconds Iris won’t have to do anything at all to help him, though by the time Zak is safe she will have her own problems.” –jroggs

“This derisive attitude toward recreational marijuana seems pretty rich coming from someone who’s been disregarding the office no smoking policy for at least thirty years.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Ah the annual Closing of Montoni’s. Everyone gather around the mammography unit and deck the halls with issues of ‘Mystery in Space!’ It’s time to get halfway through a carol before cutting it off with a heavy-lidded pun!” –Dan

“I overthink the economics of Funky Winkerbean but I’ve been to a lot of small towns and if that town can’t even support the local pizza joint anymore it’s time to move before Lord Humungous appears out of the desert and enslaves the residents.” –jerp+jump

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!