“It’s petty, but I can’t stand when Crock does just modern domestic comedy that could slide right into Blondie or, lets be honest, Marvin. Like, I’m sorry that nobody really remembers what the French Foreign Legion’s deal is/was but that is the high concept you have saddled yourself with and I am going to have to insist that you keep it at least broadly desert themed.” –BananaSam

“I didn’t get right away that the pets were smelling those objects so I laughed pretty hard at Barfy comparing that football to Billy. About the same size and shape as his head, plus a lot quieter. Probably an improvement!” –pugfuggly

“I like the jailer’s shovel tattoo. He doesn’t always like his job but he enjoys the gravedigging.” –Victor Von

“Oh no, a single unarmed constable! Whatever will these two hardened raiders do in the face of … hey, guys? You’re Vikings, remember? Guys? GUYS?!” –jroggs

“Love that menacing foreground fist in panel one! That’s a right hand, though, and the punch that’s actually thrown is from the left. Waste of a menacing fist, if you ask me.” –Twinkles the Elf

“It’s called ‘sploshing.’ Never say Mary Worth is behind the times.” –Gerry Quinn

“I myself was trapped in a middle seat between two sumo wrestlers once. It permanently damaged my shoulders and this is the only way I can hold a folder now.” –nescio

“If I also were in a fort in the Saharan desert holding an imaginary conversation with my mother about bowel movements in her nursing home on an old-school land line with no cord coming from the receiver, those would be exactly the facial expressions I’d use. Bravo Crock for showing the ravages of ongoing combat trauma!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“A little Googling indicates that ‘Kid Inventors Day’ is a real thing, celebrated annually on January 17, Ben Franklin’s birthday. Blondie’s writers can’t get anything else about the modern world right, but I don’t think they’re ever wrong about offbeat holidays and observances. Their grandkids must give them a really great calendar every Christmas.” –Rube

“Dennis the Menace has Gabriel’s Horn, and he is announcing Judgment Day. While young, Margaret certainly should be nervous. Has she done enough to enter the kingdom of heaven? Is she ready? ARE YOU, reader?” –Batiuk’s Attic

“It’s a pity that they didn’t draw the flag in today’s courtroom scene in Snuffy Smith. I guess they wanted to prevent a sovcit argument about gold fringe, which is certainly the first argument Snuffy would go for.” –Voshkod

“It seems like it’d be kind of hurtful if your long-lost father’s main interest in you was to start banging your mom again?” –matt w

“By what witchcraft does Mary turn the ingredients off her recipe list — bachelor, marine, policeman, hero — into muffins?” –Hibbleton

“He doesn’t leave his room unless it’s for school? Have you tried disguising yourself as a school?” –Peanut Gallery

“Hi also had to move the couch to an entirely different location in the living room, further aggravating his back.” –taig

“I don’t think Ancestry.com is solving any paternity tests; mostly it uses public records to connect people. But I suppose in a world where those piles of dog vomit Mary is pulling out of the oven are supposed to be appetizing, anything is possible.” –TheDiva

“Sexy plotlines and I’m learning Spanish? Top that, Duolingo!” –Old School Allie Cat

“Stick with sham evangelism, Rene. ‘Crash for Cash’ is a young man’s game.” –MKay

“I see the kids built their snowman facing the house. They’re not doing all that work just to amuse the damn neighbors!” –Peanut Gallery

“Glad to see from the sign over Rene’s head that the characters in Rex Morgan have abandoned the hokey ‘Mirakle Method’ of psychological transformation through total reinvention and finally embraced the stolid, dependable European ‘Le Méthode‘ of psychological transformation through getting hit by a car.” –Chance

“Rene must have been well educated, to say ‘lie low’ instead of the common ‘lay low.’ I need some back story on him. Was he a Yale man, for instance?” –White Rabbit

“The good news is that the ice comes from melted snow cows. The bad news is [40 slide powerpoint about the cramped conditions of factory farmed snow cow pens]” –matt w

“I see a guy trying to ‘masculinize’ do-it-yourself sex toys. Hi’s lying there all smug (and just a little bit aroused) in the knowledge that he doesn’t have to spend a fortune on dildo cozies and Ben-wa balls.” –2+2=7

“No way would I waste my cute pink bow or a hat on a snowperson I made. Accessories are very important to me. And they’re not getting my glasses, either. Like I won’t be able to drive or read until these scumbags melt? Yeah, no.” –made of wince

“Love the idea that The Founders, when it came time to rename Stink Hollow or Jaundiceville or whatever, sat down, thought it over, and after extensive debate decided, ‘How about we commemorate it as a place where you ford, not a river, but Moms We’d All Like to F*ck?’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“I like how Mr Out-of-Towner has absolutely no reaction to that ‘joke’ at all, just catalogues it for future use. ‘Ok, compliment their sandals. Thanks, bud.’” –pugfuggly

“And you know why they call this place ‘Strike Bowling,’ right? Because the object is to get a higher score than your opponent, and the best way to do that is to make more strikes. Think about it: if you bowl twelve strikes in a row, that’s a perfect game with a score of 300! No one can beat that score; they can only tie it, which is very rare … I’m sorry, what were we talking about?” –Weaselboy

“Lois could take this opportunity to tell Trixie that, since we’re now more than two weeks past the winter solstice, the days are actually getting longer. Instead the message is, ‘The days are shorter in winter, Trixie. Like the waning crescent moon they’re edging toward eternal darkness. Anyway enjoy your time sitting by the window completely unattended.’” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“The writers of Shoe don’t worry about some offensive joke they told long ago coming back to bite them. Young people don’t read newspapers and certainly aren’t checking out the printed collections or archives. But there is a chance a Boomer will clip a poorly worded future comic and put in on their cubical wall, and some Gen-Z worker made to work in-office will see it, post about it on TikTok, and they will have to learn to actually use TikTok to see if they are canceled or not, and do whatever dance is trending to apologize.” –Philip

“Why is Dagwood standing at the school bus stop waiting for, presumably, his carpool? Can’t they pick him up at his driveway? For that matter, why isn’t he rushing out of the house with the carpool driver honking, knocking aside mailmen and traveling salesmen? Instead he’s just standing there shooting the breeze with Elmo. What’s this strip think it is, Dustin? Listen Dean Young, stick to your own shtick — there’s only one Dustin, and its shtick is thin enough already without you horning in on it!” –Thelonious_Nick

“’Tis a pity this is only a visual medium. I would love to hear how Marty mispronounces ‘Atazhoon.’” –Ettorre

“Gil is the Mario of his story, the boring protagonist. Kaz is the Luigi, the often-forgotten sidekick. Hernandez is the Wario, the rude antagonist who also goes bowling with the protagonist and has weird W-shaped facial hair. So the laws of narrative symmetry demand a Waluigi, an anti-Kaz, and I guess that’s who this guy is. Big permed mullet, New Romantic fashion sense, terrible coaching … but this time, evil.” –Schroduck

“Oh, you ‘barely played,’ ‘Martin’? Well, tell it to the wave, ’cause the face don’t want to hear it!!” –Dagmar Nasty

“Help me with the cop lingo — when did ‘taking him out’ become synonymous with ‘bringing him in?’ Or does the oven have an advanced feature that reveals the soul when it’s opened?” –But What Do I Know?

“‘What kind of tone are we going for with the Dick Tracy art today?’ ‘Dark. Ominous. Moody. Really film noir shit.’ ‘Okay, so bright yellow polo shirt it is.’” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Today’s Rex Morgan is far more interesting if you read ‘CLAP!’ as not spontaneous applause, but each victim of the Mirakle Method clapping in unison. ‘CLAP!’ and the room reverberates, and then long seconds of silence, and then ‘CLAP!’ like nearing thunder, and long seconds of silence, then ‘CLAP!’ like the doors of Heaven slamming, and June and Rex sit in rising panic as ‘CLAP!’ and the crowd stands as one and begins to turn toward them, the unbelievers, the heretics, the ones who need to see a Mirakle.” –Voshkod

“One stern look and it’s floppy fries and farewell forever? Guess Brad should’ve been eating at ALL CHICKEN.” –Skedastic

“Passion for good earthy food, secret bastard daughter, making Greenpeace activists disappear … for being a Marine, Keith is really French!” –Ettorre

“When Kwamay explains his third wish, the fish starts to tear up. ‘Dude, can’t you see what’s right in front of your eyes? After all I’ve done for you… It’s because I’m a fish, isn’t it? We can make it work!’” –Peanut Gallery

“A new year, a new sound for sleeping. We should all strive to include hyphens in our snoring.” –KMD

“What’s especially funny about this scene is that, judging by the black dress and haunted look, Grandma just got back from a funeral. She was probably telling them a story about a beloved friend or relative, and these two melonheads just rolled their eyes and asked if any of this happened since 2018.” –pugfuggly

“Also in attendance tonight, we’ve got the Glenwood Terra Cotta Army of Middle-Aged Americans! Give ’em a hand, folks, but please, no touching or flash photography!” –jroggs

“Henry is embarrassed. He is the one that is supposed to be belittled in this scenario, not the blue-collar Brawny man representing the masculine virtues he as an office-dweller can never hope to achieve.” –Philip

“And don’t forget, friends, this Man-Sawed-In-Half/Exploding-Eyeball trick is brought to you by FM radio. FM: don’t miss our ‘commercial free hour’ at 9 every night!” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Dick Tracy is establishing that this woman is a crook like all stage ‘magicians,’ who aren’t magicians at all but con artists who trick people into thinking they’re seeing magic but instead it’s all an elaborate ruse. One day these charlatans will get what’s coming to them from the fists of justice! Look at the audience in panel two who have been fooled into getting PTSD from thinking they just witnessed a gruesome murder! Curse you, Criss Angel, Mind Freak! Learn to spell ‘Chris’, damn it! Curse you, David Copperfield! We know you’re not really a Dickensian character still looking so young and handsome despite being close to two centuries old! Curse you all and your lies!” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Chip is just making clear that when he takes his date back to his place for strip poker or whatever horny teens play today (strip Fortnite?), he will definitely win.” –Schroduck

“It’s not quite as subtle a warning as, say, playing football with the head of Oliver Cromwell and then displaying it on a pike, but the local bass get the message just fine.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV