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Hoo, it’s a scorcher out there, folks! Almost as hot as this blistering hot comment of the week:

“If Daddy was a workaholic, he’d draw both your nostrils, kid.” –nescio

These runners up are also burning up with funny!

“All the other cartoonists are going to thrash Hi and Lois cartoonists this week. ‘Dudes! You drew the chick teeing off from the dude’s markers. Bro! Do you even golf?’” –Harry F

“I love how Sarah looks bored but thoughtful in panel 5 of Rex Morgan, M.D. ‘Oh, that’s kind of different. Not the kind of different I was imagining, but you’ve got 2 minutes to get my attention. Tick tock!’” –Victor Von

“One of the signs of a healthy relationship is the need to hide any interaction with the opposite sex from your partner so they won’t get jealous and punish you for playing the most boring game in the entire world with women, which is basically tantamount to taking them to the Holiday Inn and having an orgy.” –Jerp+Jump

“Sure, this seems stupid. But if this results in the discovery that Lisa also faked her own death, destroying what little professional career Les has enjoyed, and subjecting him to prosecution for bigamy, it will all be worth it.” –Where’s Rocky?

“There are so many weird artifacts from this strip’s past that I’ve never noticed how weird its cars are. Obviously this model dates back to a simpler time in car safety when things like headrests weren’t a thing, but they’ve tried to update the seatbelts to modern standards when obviously this model only had waist belts. As a result, Herb’s shoulder strap seems to just continue on into infinity, much like this strip itself.” –pugfuggly

“We can’t allow Dagwood to grow a beard! Immagine all the food crumbs that would get stuck around his mouth! Just imagine!” –Ettorre

“How poor is Ashlee? She’s so poor that her mobile home isn’t even mobile. It just squats there on cinder blocks, slowly rusting away, leaky and drafty and unsafe. Oh, you were looking for a joke? This is Mary Worth, son, where poverty isn’t a joke, it just makes you a bad person.” –Voshkod

“I’d like to point out that yesterday’s Mary Worth said Dr. Cory hadn’t been in contact for ‘several days,’ so… has he just been thumping this guy’s chest all that time? He can’t Venmo her the money because his hands are constantly engaged in futile CPR, hour after hour, day and night, until everyone else stops looking and he can pretend this patient didn’t die during his shift?” –Schroduck

“It would appear from the monitor that the patient does indeed have a heart that is beating, so we’re left to wonder if Dr. Drew is having one of his day dreams where two women whose only discernable difference is their hair color slowly pull him apart. It would definitely explain the scowl on the nurses faces if he’s been standing there motionless for 20 minutes, preventing them from changing a line or replacing a bed pan on their totally conscious and totally confused patient.” –DevOpsDad

“‘Three hairs on the top of his head,’ thinks Mrs. Wilson. ‘Exactly three. How come I never noticed that before? Wait a second — the hair in the middle isn’t even attached to anything! It’s just floating there! Should I tell him? No, it’s not doing any harm. Besides, he wouldn’t believe me anyway.’” –made of wince

“Sure, it’s endearing when slobbering a sammich. When blowing his nose or masturbating, not so much.” –Dennis Jimenez

“Normally, I think the bored, heavy-lidded Garfield look is overused in comics, but I would welcome it here. Mother Goose & Grimm makes me uncomfortable because most of the characters in it look like they’ve just witnessed war atrocities.” –Joe Blevins

“I see that the Burns house has only been awarded a ‘B’ grade by the county health department. No wonder they go out front curbside into the clean, fresh air to discuss family news!” –odinthor

“Thel is thinking about how much time and money went into Billy’s matching salmon sneakers and t-shirt, and how his winsome enthusiasm better start bringing in the brand sponsors on her social media accounts.” –Francisco Arrowroot

“I’m barely following who’s a thinly-veiled analog for who here, but is Batiuk having Jack Kirby posthumously make peace with Stan Lee? Finally Funky Winkerbean assumes its final form… not cancer, not nostalgia, but cancerous nostalgia.” –Dan

“The thing that makes this cartoon for me is Jeremy’s complete indifference to the scene on the TV. The other thing that makes this scene for me is the fact that, in a few minutes, Jeremy is going to be loading Connie into his Microbus for a trip to the orthopedic urgent care, because there’s no way that flat screen is supporting her weight.” –richardf8

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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[Little joke introducing the COTW goes here]

“Removing the border between the last two panels of today’s Dennis the Menace would work so much better on every conceivable level. How do you get aesthetically outflanked by Hi and Lois? How do you even show up to work the next day after that happens? How do you face your family?” –Dan

[Slightly longer joke introducing the runners up goes here]

“In his childhood memory he’s smoking a pipe and wearing the same clothes he’s wearing at the moment. This is a man blocking out his childhood and creating alternate memories. Hi & Lois is about to get real dark.” –Donny Ferguson, on Twitter

“Oh, cool, this is that classic sitcom plot where the spouses trade jobs for a week. Henry will learn that household chores are a pain in the ass, and Alice will learn that if you work as an aerospace engineer without any training, your rocket will blow up and kill half a dozen people on the ground.” –Anonymous

“Ah yes, mowing, mowing all the time. Mowing and smoking, smoking and mowing. I wonder which was the bigger addiction? I was the mowing-est, smoking-est kid in town. I used to mow all the neighbors’ yards for free. There’s no joy in finishing off a pouch of Captain Black without having some grass to mow at the same time. I wonder… would it really do that much harm to just clean up that little patch of grass Chip left? Do I still have one of my old pipes in that box in the garage, or did we throw it away? Maybe I’ll just… No, Hi, no! That way lies madness! I’d better text the kid.” –Peanut Gallery

“This strip is about space coupes crashing into Jupiter, and yet the single most implausible element is Diet Smith smoking indoors without incident.” –Joe Blevins

“It crashed on Jupiter! Jupiter, Florida, near the campus of Florida Atlantic University, to be exact. Go Owls! Given that it launched from Cape Kennedy, about 120 miles north, I’m guessing they weren’t very good pilots. Or maybe I’m a terrible engineer. Either way, there’s a heap of scrap filled with bloated bodies in Jupiter, Tracy, and I know that’s the sort of thing that gets you excited.” –Voshkod

“I also made lemonade but I have no idea if it’s any good because my socks are too tight. Does any of this make sense? Is this how things work?” –Shoe Substitutes

“Since disc golf is really taking off these days, I can’t wait to read a comic where Hi is vaguely baffled by Chip playing this wild new sport that cheapens his beloved pastime. I imagine this comic will run 15-20 years from now.” –Tristan Olson, on Twitter

“Do the birds of Shoe not have dictaphones or shorthand? Maybe that’s why they’re always so weary and surrounded by piles of paper, because they’re always trying to write out 180 word a minute speeches by hand.” –Schroduck

“For a professional comics snarker, Josh still has a lot to learn. When it comes to legacy comics, there are certain things that are inherently hilarious and serve as punchlines on their own with no need for wordplay or embellishment. For example: present day technology, unexpected visits from relatives, mentioning a one-dimensional character’s sole trait, the weather, and above all golf. And if you can manage to combine some of these factors, such as a strip where a character can’t go golfing because it’s raining or his mother-in-law is in town or he can’t figure out how to reserve a tee time with his newfangled iTelephone, well then, you have what is known as a genu-ine gutbuster, sure to adorn the cubicle walls of your least-tolerable coworkers.” –jroggs

“I know golfers enjoy playing golf. I know golfers enjoy watching golf. But I can’t believe golfers enjoy listening to other golfers tell golf stories as much as those other to golfers are listening to hat guy’s golf story. Surely the only actual pleasure they’re feeling is from understanding every word of golf jargon and feeling part of the in group.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“I think we’re supposed to hate Ashlee because she’s a grifter, but hear me out: what if we hate Drew for being the easiest mark ever? Like, damn dude, how do you remember to breathe.” –Twiggy Peas, Champion of England, on Twitter

“I don’t have any money. I already told you that I live with my dad, my watch was a gift, and I work at the People’s Clinic. Also, I gave Mary Worth my power of attorney after I loaned Shauna money for her political campaign.” –Mysterion

“Ha, look at the waitress’s face: despite her best efforts, she is now picturing Mr Wilson in the shower. I hope you’re taking notes, Dennis, Mrs Wilson is the real menace.” –pugfuggly

“Wait, he invented perfect deepfakes and he used the technology just to put a comic strip into reruns?! I have never seen such a big waste of talent and mental capacity on useless things like comics since that time Josh opened this blog!” –Ettorre

“What know ye of laughter, Barney Google and Snuffy Smith? WHAT KNOW YE?!!” –Matt McKinney

“The setup would work better if Jughaid was about to get a shot, except that we might have had to look at his stubbly misshapen buttocks instead.” –nescio

[Sales pitch block: check to see if I’ve updated these recently first]

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

[Little thank you for reading this far goes here :) ]

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Folks, it’s that time on a Friday … time for your comment of the week:

“You know what? It’s refreshing that Crankshaft spends its time working out obscure gardening grudges that I’m not interested in, instead of doing obscure golfing grudges that I’m not interested like in every other strip. There, I said it!” –matt+w

And it’s also time for your runners up:

“Of course Weirdly zapped Darla with his laser — how else is he supposed to shrink her down so he has a second rubber duck to play with in the tub? He lives in a town where law enforcement can just barge into your bathroom at any time. It seems perfectly reasonable that he would need to soothe himself with treasured childhood memories. (Oh, he was actually trying to cook and eat her? Never mind.)” –BigTed

“Tomorrow, Thirsty tends to his hangover with his ‘legal’ opioids.” –Hibbleton

“My favorite detail in the Hi and Lois strip is Irma, whose only characterization is ‘hates her husband,’ happily carrying more explosives out to Thirsty. Everyone knows that one couple who don’t seem to have anything in common, and nobody suspects the real answer is ‘arson.’ Hi jokes, but he better hope that Irma and Thirsty don’t rediscover their passion for fire — and each other — by burning down his house.” –literarylottie

“Ladies, you can’t fight here in the People’s Clinic! What would our glorious Chairman Mao think?” –Joe Blevins

“I like the kid in the back, who’s just staring at the spectators while his dad urges him to hop into the race. Rave on, old man. This is not my scene.” –Peanut Gallery

“What amused me is how Billy’s expression doesn’t seem outraged so much as hurt and betrayed. ‘No fair, Jeffy! No fair!’ he cries. ‘We were supposed to make it big, Jeffy, together!’” –Ahno neemus.

“Dad, a child creating a comic because the original artist is too lazy to do his job? This is something those losers in the Family Circus do! I’ve become lamer, but not that lame!” –Ettorre

“Eddie, for one thing you gotta stop wearing the slanket to raids. There’s 900 of them and 5 of us, this whole thing depends on speed and psychological impact. The red muumuu just encourages resistance.” –Jerp+Jump

“If you carry treats with you for any nearby dogs, you can poop in any sandbox you want.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“If Steve Jobs wasn’t dead, seeing Dagwood use one of his products would probably kill him.” –Where’s Rocky?

“The rise of MMORPGs has made the image on an unpleasant lardbutt sitting at a computer surrounded by piles of his own fecal matter as American as apple pie and baseball. What simply isn’t believable in any context is the idea of a human being actually enjoying a webinar.” –jroggs

“Compulsive shopping is a lot more expensive than Zoloft, or even weed, so maybe somebody needs to slip Crankshaft some edibles and a few vintage Pink Floyd albums. Rename the strip to Kushshaft and take it in a new and interesting direction. Kushshaft sets up a grow tent in his garage and obsesses over terpenes. Kushshaft goes to a Phish concert and has a greenout during a 30 minute rendition of Fluffhead. Kushshaft visits the nursing home and proves that men can have multiple orgasms. You know, that kind of thing.” –toxic

“Yes, Zane is the very picture of enthusiasm there. Would somebody please wake him up? He’s missing out on some excellent hand gesturing.” –made of wince

“There’s a syllable in Javanese that’s rendered in English as ‘ba’ (ꦧ). Maybe the kid is just telling some hysterical joke about the construction of Great Post Road between Anyer and Panarukan? ‘Ba!’ ‘That’s right, as if the French could build a road to Anyer! They’d get eaten by pythons! Tell it again!’” –Voshkod

“And so to get the best of both worlds, we’re going to sew the two of you together into a kind of Franken-board-member. Let the ignorant peasants say that we’re creating abominations against God’s will. History is our only final judge.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“‘All the world’s a stage. Literally.’ said the character in a featureless void that only exists to put him and his wife on display for gags. ‘Don’t ask me where my coffee or her shopping bags came from. Or you, for that matter.’” –nescio

“I like the pose and attire of the Schlock’s confidant — kind of an aging jazz dancer feel. Bob Fosse don’t give a shit about Loretta’s wardrobe peccadillos.” –Dennis Jimenez

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!