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Folks, your comments of the week coming shortly, but first: has anyone heard from faithful reader Baka Gaijin? He’s a usual fixture here but has been awful quiet in the comments lately. Let us know if you know how he’s doing!

And now, your comment of the week:

“I know I’ve been seeing this for decades now, but for some reason I can’t get it out of my head this morning: Dagwood puts his hands in his pockets when he sits down to watch TV. Dagwood … puts his hands … in his pockets … when he watches TV. DAGWOOD PUTS HIS HANDS IN HIS POCKETS WHEN HE WATCHES TV! DAGWOOD PUTS– I’m sorry. I’m sorry; I apologize. I’m going to go lie down on the couch for a while. Probably won’t bother to take my shoes off, since I have to bend my knees at a ninety-degree angle in order to fit on there in the first place.” –Glarryg

And your runners up!

“I do have to give the Lockhorns credit. They get out and do things far more than my wife and I do, and we actually like each other.” –Larry McAwful

“If Sarge were any good at his job, he’d write up a glowing personnel report on Beetle, praising his ability to manipulate any group into liking him. Six months later, Bailey would be a corporal in the 4th Psychological Operations Group at Fort Bragg, and Sarge would have some new private to repeatedly abuse, maybe one that actually felt the pain and didn’t just get up in the next panel and walk away, one that internalized the pain until it ate them up. That’s all Sarge wants: for his blows to matter.” –Voshkod

“The real meaning of the blues is playing for the Lockhorns when they’ve run out of opera jokes.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“The best part of this is that Pam could easily have solved this by helping Crankshaft out of his shirt and chose not to! (It really is the best part, I do not want to see Crankshaft with no shirt.)” –matt w

“I want to know more about Weirdly’s hench, er, animals. Did they join Weirdly at the time of The Great Change? Was there a purge that rejected reptiles and certain birds, similar to the Noah’s division of animals into ‘clean’ and ‘unclean’ but this time performed by the animals themselves? This leads down a real rabbit hole, and at the bottom of that hole is Weirdly’s snake with a rabbit-shaped lump in his middle.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Dustin’s grandpa firmly grasps his sandwich through all four panels, never setting it down, lest someone try to steal it. Meanwhile, Dustin’s dad is enjoying a steaming hot bowl of Cocoa Puffs.” –Mr. A

“If Caesar said anything, his last words were in Greek — Kaì sú, téknon — but Shakespeare is not wrong. Since his entire play is in English, the sudden interjection of a Latin sentence (the language of the cultural elite) would have had the same effect as speaking Greek (the language of the cultural elite) to a Latin audience. However, Latin is unfortunately not as popular as in the sixteenth century, so Dithers should use another non-standard language, which sounds pretentious and it is used by an overeducated minority with little contact with normal people. What I’m saying is, Dithers should tweet a hashtag.” –Ettorre

“How exactly did Roz get paired up with a death row inmate last time? I love the idea that this cut-rate dating service went to the local prison to harvest a bunch of fresh matches, knowing full well that their clients would get burned but would still come back anyhow for another shot at love. It’s horribly and hilariously depressing.” –pugfuggly

“I believe that a real teenager, upon seeing his father enjoying something unironically, might think, ‘How can I destroy this?’ So, yeah, I’ll take this as being realistic.” –Joe Blevins

“Since when do I have to pay taxes? I’m rich!” –TheDiva

“Meanwhile, the dogs are thinking, ‘Man, this old-people drama is getting us more walks than ever. Let’s hope they’re never happy!’” –BigTed

“I’m not convinced that Sarah is old enough to have such a firm grasp of genre conventions, or even what genres are. But I totally buy that she knows Rex would grow bored and want to ditch once Belluso refused his command to come out. ‘Welp, we tried! Let’s be spacemen or something now.’” –Doctor Moreau

“We’re really gonna get off the western story before seeing Buck get bit in the ass by his own horse? God damn it Sarah, do it right or don’t bother.” –Dan

“There is precisely one day, and one day only, when Thirsty abstains from alcohol, and that’s the day he gets to demonstrate that unlike those papist half-apes, his people — the orange-wearing Calvinist Protestants — are decent, orderly God-fearers. Sláinte his ass, he’ll thank God for a Queen to rule over them and get back to his scotch tomorrow.” –pastordan

“If you use a coffee cup, no one knows you’re drinking straight Scotch for dinner.” –Peanut Gallery

“That is literally the stupidest way to relax that I have seen in any comic strip in the last fifteen years, so I’m actually kind of impressed.” –Poteet

“I’m assuming, to maintain my prior belief system on the nature of Hootin’ Holler’s legal system, that Henry is carrying a set of dueling pistols in that black case to ‘settle’ the latest mediation. Gladys is tagging along to meet a soon-to-be-newly-available potential customer.” –Michael Blum, on Twitter

“Nothing says funny like going into a diabetic coma during a shoot-out.” –Maltmash3r

“Many people will cast aside this Rex Morgan, M.D., daydream as nothing more than the writer attempting to stave off the boredom involved with producing a daily strip. But isn’t it more likely that the creative team is trialing different settings — like Jeopardy’s current guest host approach for instance — while monitoring social media reaction to each, before making a permanent change to grow a shrinking readership? Maybe more contemporary settings will be trialed next week. Before you answer, let me remind you of what we’ve recently been treated to: an unlikeable doctor diagnosing an unlikeable patient’s diabetes over Zoom for four goddamn months. Rex Morgan, Amazon Warehouse Employee doesn’t sound so boring now, does it?” –Carsick Yankee

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Folks! Do not forget that TOMORROW, March 13th, is the triumphant return of my beloved live-turned-online comedy show, the Internet Read Aloud! Featuring Emily Chapman, Patrick Monahan, Kristin Clifford, and Tyler Jackson, plus me, your host! TOPICS INCLUDE: the Tumblr teens of yesteryear, Facebook candle drama, ethics in ad-supported iPhone gaming, defeating Spotify’s revenue sharing, and what people REALLY think of celebs.

Here’s the Facebook and Zoom links for the show! Brace yourself for laffs!

And also, here is the comment of the week, for you to enjoy!

“‘Everything looks delicious, Eve!’ Everything: glasses of ice water, mound of rolls (possible potatoes), unidentifiable baked lump of brown substance wearing goggles (possible Minion).” –pastordan

Not gonna lie: the runners up are themselves very funny.

“A Grown-Up Land rebrand recommended by marketing consultants recommended some colorful pennant flags replace the sign above the door that said ‘Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here’, but they had to keep at least ONE ominous warning sign visible for liability reasons.” –The Great Joe Bivins

“Yum, a chocolate chip cookie and swiss sandwich. With mayo. Yep, feeling menaced.” –Emily Riposte

“‘My brothers are boring. I wish I could hang out with Rex Morgan, M.D., instead!’ Jesus, Sarah just outright murdered two small boys.” –matt w

“Family Circus is so unrealistic. They completely leave out the part where the child reaches that age where their little football head is put into The Machine to reshape it into a regular adult-shaped head. Who doesn’t have fond memory of the cracking and resetting of bone?” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Dustin’s Dad didn’t get happy thinking of spanking his wife, he got happy considering estrangement.” –nescio

“Man, Snuffy sure knows how to insult a local business. This cave-hag hand-crafts each love potion, tailoring it the customer’s needs. She thinks about it long and hard (ahem), researches the plants and animal parts she’ll use, brews with care, and sells the finest bespoke love potions the Holler has ever seen. If Snuffy wants some mass-produced love potion, well, the general store sells 24-packs of Billy Beer for six bucks.” –Voshkod

“‘I mean, what kind of preposterous name for is Rex Morgan for a doctor?’ think Sarah. ‘Clearly this should be a pulp western adventure strip.”’ –BananaSam

“There are actually dust clouds of blow rising from that table. No one on this detail will be getting much sleep tonight.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Now all I can think of is whether an uncanny woman with a disturbingly amused expression is silently commenting on my life to an unseen audience. Hope they like dudes typing at computer screens because that’s all they’re getting for a while.” –Victor Von

“BIBLE CODE ON CEREAL BOXES PLUS CUPID SIGHTING MY VLOG #157.avi” –Urlance Woolsbane

“I read ‘100’ as ‘loo’, and if anything it made Shoe make more sense. Just two elderly British birds, discussing whether or not they’ll make it to the toilet this time.” –Schroduck

“I know just how she feels. ‘Godammit, guys! I don’t care what you’re blathering about, but can’t you keep the noise down? I’m trying to hang up shirts here!’” –Peanut Gallery

“My favorite part of this strip is that it looks like Blips’ butt is talking to Buxley’s breasts, which feel appropriate for a strip about two women discussing their limited paths for advancement in life.” –pugfuggly

“They’ll have a big laugh on Friday when they all realize he’s just been seeing Lisa’s ghost periodically like the rest of us.” –Little Blue Bicycle

“If there’s one constant across all universes, it’s that Rex Morgan will always be evasive and wary of anyone asking him to do his job.” –jroggs

“Politicians! Who elected ’em? I sure didn’t! I haven’t voted in 40 years!” –cheech wizard

“Say what you will about Crankshaft, but it knows how to spice up a boring conversation with unnecessarily dramatic camera angles. ‘Those politicians only care about pleasing rich lobbyists!’ ‘Yeah, they know which side their pork is buttered on.’ [zoom shot from Vertigo]” –Mr. A

“Randy, you’re a judge! Surely you know about castle doctrine. You have the right to defend yourself and the right to bear arms, that’s all you need to take care of this April problem. [waits patiently for Randy to get shot trying to kill a CIA assassin]” –Truckosaurus

“He’s putting the money back in his wallet. Loretta’s going out for coffee with their court-appointed social worker, and she asked if Leroy had any cash. He had two bills in his wallet, and he gave her one, just like when the social worker had them role-playing some basic marital interactions. She was supposed to avoid stretching for some weird supposed ‘joke,’ though. Dammit, they worked on this.” –Tom T.

“That drawing is the most dignity Leroy’s ever had. ‘Enjoy your japes Loretta, but I have nothing to prove. A penny saved is a penny earned. Tomorrow I may be drunk in the background of a sparsely-attended party. I may be sulking in line at the movies and venting my marriage frustrations at total strangers. But today I proudly place a dollar bill in my wallet, secure in the knowledge that it was earned through frugal responsibility.’” –Dan

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Folks, your comment of the week in a moment, but first: Don’t forget that the next installment of my live comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, will be streaming one week from tomorrow, on Saturday, March 13, at 6 pm Pacific/9 pm Eastern!

Here’s the Facebook and Zoom links for the show! Brace yourself for laffs!

In the interim, there are more laffs available right here in this blog post, in the form or your comment of the week!

“‘Evidently’? ‘Unbeknownst’? Slow down professor, I read Gasoline Alley for the colorful dialogue of greasemonkeys and hayseeds. Ditch the vocabulary words or start using some contractions.” –pugfuggly

These runners up are also laff-inducing!

“I’ll find your dog for you, lady, but he had better be wearing an adorable red bandana matching yours, or I’m taking him into protective adorable custody.” –lorne

“Until now I haven’t give much thought to the question of how Crankshaft will finally end, but I suppose ‘sued into oblivion by Disney lawyers’ is as good a way to go as any.” –Francisco Arrowroot

“You might be thinking ‘Why doesn’t someone step in to interrupt Ralph’s long and pointless ramble?’ Keep in mind, though, that there’s a 50% chance that ‘someone’ would be Crankshaft, and be careful what you wish for.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“A lot of other people are wondering if the second panel in Family Circus is Skeletor. Nobody seems to be questioning Jeffy’s smile as Skeletor is finally going to get his victory over He-Man, tearing the hated do-gooder to pieces with his bare, beclawed hands. Much like Joseph’s dreams foretold that he would become a powerful figure within ancient Egypt’s government, Jeffy’s dreams tell me that Dolly is destined to become the great hero that will save the world from his villainy.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Sure is ironic that Lisa passed away so young while Lisa’s Story just won’t ever seem to die.” –TV’s Donovon, on Twitter

“Today’s Funky Winkerbean public relations lesson: you’re bound to say something stupid in front of an audience, so it helps if you attract dimwitted assholes, who can make you look smart by comparison. That lady is Les Moore’s Les Moore!” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Buck has completely blown his diet and is trying to console himself by playing his new videogame, ‘Rex Morgan says you’re doing great!’ Either that or Rex Morgan … is smiling … while talking to Buck.” –matt w

“A random person keels over dead in a church, but Ed Crankshaft and Lillian are both fine. This is precisely why I don’t believe in God.” –Banana Jr. 6000

“While Max watched approvingly from the bushes, Greta led the humans on to the boiling tar pit. Soon they would only be a memory. ‘I was such a fool to trust them once,’ Max mused as his gunshot scar ached. ‘Never again. The others are next.’” –Little Blue Bicycle

“Les is purchasing celery. The celery is sticking out of the bag. We all know how this ends. Cancer, of course. And his pants fall down. But mostly cancer.” –Voshkod

“Betting on football to make a few dollars? Scummy and unethical. Selling the story of your wife’s death by cancer to Hollywood (twice)? Saintly, heroic, maybe even Christ-like.” –Schroduck

“No, bullshit. If Les Moore got into sports to feel superior to other people, he would definitely choose baseball. I don’t think I need to elaborate.” –Dan

“Well, you finally did it, boys. You finally made Mrs Wilson’s brain check its own damn self into The Pudding Factory of No Return. Just look at her. Is this what you wanted? Who’s going to be doing all the baking now?” –made of wince

“The man in the baseball cap grimaces. ‘Appending a superfluous too to a sentence that already begins with Ditto, Reference Lady?’ he thinks. ‘In front of a WRITER? The man just alienated 65% of his audience by slagging the fantasy football industry — do you really think he won’t turn on YOU, too?’ He shakes his head and stares at the floor, avoiding the carnage to come.” –Doctor Moreau

“I was trying to figure out why Lillian is so pissed about being asked to play the organ in church. Then I wondered, is playing the organ in Crankshaft deadly for some reason? Is this like ‘The Lottery’ where the community is basically nominating someone to die? This sounds absurd, yet I buy this explanation more than the idea that Lillian has something better to do.” –jenna

“Anyway, calling it now, Leroy is Q.” –BeeKey

“Once again, Snuffy demonstrates his own super-power — the ability to slouch in the general vicinity of a tree stump, without actually having to make contact.” –Pozzo

“Max looks embarrassed by this whole episode, as well he should be.” –TheDiva

“Wonder Woman! I mean, can you think of a better role model? Plus, this being National Women’s History Month, what better inspiration to young girls everywhere, that they too can grow up to a superher– [sees Weezy] er, Superman! Women-folk b’long in the home, ‘cept when goin’ out to fetch water while thar huzbins lean on stumps!” –Carsick Yankee

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!