“Eve is putting on a masterclass in acting here. The leap from ‘There’s got to be a way to escape from Screaming Young J. Jonah Jameson, and I’ve just got to think of it, THINK!’ in panel one to the expansive ‘What the HELL, dog?!? Are you getting SHOT?’ in the exciting denouement is downright Streep-ian.” –Vice President John Adams

“So in Slylock’s world an Instagram video of birds bathing counts as pornography, right?” –nescio

“I’m particularly drawn to Max throwing up deuces and taking a selfie, at Harry’s place, when the reason everyone has phones out is to watch Harry’s video and not do their own thing. I have to imagine Max sees this as his ticket to build his own #brand and escape Slylock’s shadow.” –Morgan Wick

“Feels like I’m fergittin sumpin. But what? Did I fergit to mark this deck? Did I fergit t’hide an ace up my sleeve? Did I fergit to call the boys and tell em to hit this game at se’en thirty with ski masks and Mossbergs? Did I fergit to call them other boys to meet us afterwards and exchange this here poker money for central ‘Merican narcotics? Did I fergit to call the Sher’ff to hit the meet so he can arrest everyone else, confiscate the money and drugs, and then split them with me? Did I fergit to set up the cam’ra so’s I can git blackmail evidence on the Sher’ff so he’ll be in my hip pocket till we’re both dead? Oh, Snuffy, you ol’ rascal, if you keep playing the game five moves ahead, you’re gunna miss the moments right in front o’ you.” –jroggs

“How did Slylock figure it out? He turned the phone over to the tech boys, who checked locational data and metadata, easily placing the ape at the bank. Then they wrote up a report for the fox, who asked them to dumb it down a bit for him, so they rewrote it, and the fox finally got it. The fox claimed credit for everything with the prosecutor, as always, and got all the publicity, while the tech boys sat in their lonely basement office playing Minecraft.” –Voshkod

“Taking care of something else helps us forget that we’re just insignificant specs of dust, hurtling through space at millions of miles per hour, without a defined purpose!” –Ace

“A broken heart doesn’t matter if it’s ‘Choc-Lit’, the great new literary genre that’s just long detailed descriptions of people consuming chocolate. It’s not porn, but it’s not not-porn, if you know what I mean.” –pugfuggly

“There are many ways to draw two small children whose mouths are stained with chocolate. All are wrong. Making them look like they have three-day stubble is one of the more wrong ones.” –matt w

“I don’t care if you’re from Lawrence, Kansas — if you’re a doctor, you’re not a plugger! What’s next? Plugger software engineers? Plugger ad execs? Plugger hedge fund managers? Will we learn that the plugger private jet is when you’re the only person in first class on your red-eye flight into Silicon Valley?” –Schroduck

“Oh, yeah, and later Max ate him while he slept, so it’s all good.” –Pozzo

“Why does he look so worried? Go for it, man! Go get that shred of pork meat! Don’t live in fear anymore, running your tongue repeatedly over the gristly abomination stuck in your bicuspids, wondering if pigs really are smarter than dogs, wondering how you can live with yourself, turning yourself into a great big bundle of guilt and nerves. Just pick out that flesh particle. Pick it out and swallow it again, in fact, because you are one carnivorous son of a bitch!” –made of wince

“I don’t appreciate Mister Wilson’s gaze being directed at the reader in this panel. It feels like he’s inviting me into his weird power play with a literal child, and I honestly want no part of that.” –Seb

“Shoe, still running about ten years behind, reminds us of the Golden Era when our government possessed the dignity and grace of clowns.” –Dread

“Well, in Dick Tracy’s defense, it is money, and it is in the dirt, so, technically…” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Dennis is the perfect mascot for the fossil fuel industry’s fight against climate change legislation. ‘Why should we save the future for a bunch of little shits like this?’” –DevOpsDad

“Having spent the last ten days dealing with outdoor temps that ranged from seventeen below to eight above, F, I see Dick’s light coat and lack of gloves and no scarf or ear protection, and my first thought is ‘dimwit.’ But then I look at that chin and realize that he’s just tougher than the average detective. Not smarter, but tougher.” –Poteet

“It’s understandable to be confused, I think this it the first time Thel has spoken since, like, 1973? Somewhere in there, Nixon was definitely president.” –Dan

“No one’s carrying you? Not even Jesus? Has that motivational poster been deceiving us this whole time?” –Duke of Early Grey

“You can’t judge me, Narration Box! You don’t even have blood!” –Applemask

“Between the title in the first throwaway panel, the coloring, and those glinty lines, it really does look like Dennis’s nose nuggets are meant to be taken as literal gold. I guess Henry wants Dennis to save his golden boogers for later in life. They’re as much of a retirement fund as he’ll ever have.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“NO! You did NOT earn that self-satisfied smirk, lady! Sure, it’s the Funkyverse and everyone thinks they’re a word play genius, but this isn’t even word play. Unless I’m mistaken and that look is just because you enjoy another human’s misery, then please, continue on.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“‘I cooked it the same as always. With extra salt, because we live in a desert and people need extra salt to counter what they lose to perspiration. Huh, those guys are looking at geese. Strange to see them so far south, and not near any water source.’ –Thrilling True Life Tales of Crock will continue!” –Voshkod

“[In announcer voice:] Tessi sees her opening and GOES FOR IT, pretending to care about Vic so he’ll give her a cool nickname and elevate her to stardom! Vic feints AND BLOCKS, saddling her with ‘The Contessa’ instead! This strip knows how the game is played! … Wait, I’m getting a message from our producer. Quick clarification, fans: That game is psychological one-upmanship, to be clear, and NOT basketball, about which Gil Thorp remains largely uninterested. We regret any confusion.” –Doctor Moreau

“Beetle is giving Sarge the gift of an AWOL charge, which will get him dishonorably discharged and out of Sarge’s life forever, save for when he testifies at the military tribunal.” –Sideshow Jon

“A mixtape! [Wait a minute, cassettes are no longer in use! Do young people use something equivalent? Probably, let’s keep it generic] A music mix!” –Ettorre

“My theory is that the two people in front are with the SEC. It turns out that Leroy has been wearing a wire in a lot of the interactions we see with his co-workers, who are going down for insider trading. Leroy has been useful to them, but that doesn’t mean they have to listen to him go on about his horrible home life.” –Tom T.

“I’m looking forward to the day a tongue specialist comes to Hootin’ Holler and repairs everyone’s problems. It’s obvious not a soul was born with a normal sized tongue; think of all the drool that will be eliminated and the danger of slipping and falling taken away!” –Randy Richter

“Leroy has decided that wearing ballet shoes everywhere was too subtle, and has escalated to outright bragging about his agility.” –A Concerned Reader

“I can’t help but wonder why we’re all so focused on the heteronormative dating that no one is asking what ‘the movies’ look like in this neck of the woods. I assume they set out a lantern and watch moths fly around it.” –Old School Allie Cat

“Saul: ‘Good. Keep going.’
Eve: ‘To my therapist, you mean?’
Saul: ‘Well, yeah. But also, just keep saying stuff. I’ve run out of conversation on my end.’” –Joe Blevins

“Skyler got the definition of irony from that famous bird philosopher, Avianis Morissette.” –BigTed

“Jeff, you’ll know the way every Keane has known since the dawn of time: when your parents tell you which girl they’ve bought from her parents with 10 goats and 2 talents of gold.” –Dread

“There is a cop in Milford town
They call the Rising Sun.
And he’s been the ruin of many a poor boy
But Doug Guthrie, he ain’t one.” –But What Do I Know?

“It’s so great that every student has a different expression. As touched as I am by the elephant’s wistful struggle to understand, my favorite is that duck, clearly having to work very hard but utterly determined to Get It.” –Poteet

“Hagar may be a mass murdering pirate who targets defenseless peasants, but his worst crime? His dislike of Fleetwood Mac.” –Evelyn Waughluigi, on Twitter

“Crock and Outlook are certainly made from the same material (i.e., deleted scenes from March or Die that were left on the cutting room floor for violating sundry international treaties).” –Wayne Ferrebee, on Twitter

“At first I thought Slylock was sitting in the chair backwards to look cool for the kids, but then I realized with his voluminous tail that’s the only way he could sit in the human designed chair.” –nescio

“Feeling called out now for owning commemorative Snuffy Smith® hand towels.” –The Great Joe Bivins

“The real question is: why would Weirdly be throwing soup cans through windows? Petty crimes and vandalism are more Slick Smitty’s department. Weirdly would use the pea soup as blood for the giant vegetable golem he’s constructing in the dungeon of his ominous castle.” –TheDiva

“Despite it’s age, Gasoline Alley still manages to keep current by giving its characters cell phones and making them ‘raise the roof’ periodically.” –pugfuggly

“I don’t know exactly what’s happening here either. But I do know one thing: the lady in the blue T-shirt did not ask.” –Joe Blevins

“I was going to try to craft a joke around a fake doctor wearing a head mirror because all he can think of is the antiquated stereotype, so I thought I would Google up the technical name for them. To my utter disappointment the technical name is ‘head mirror.’ No wonder so many people turn to quackery.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Interesting that ‘License-Grantin’ License’ is the only one with colloquial spelling. I guess they didn’t want to telegraph the joke, but there’s no way Doc Pritchart knows how to spell ‘Optometry.’” –Pozzo

“A true friend will help you set up a gag, no matter how far-fetched. Shoe knows perfectly well the Perfesser has never had a girlfriend.” –Peanut Gallery

“He had muscles in places I don’t even have places! That’s what GMO gets you, man, these massive chickens with eight legs and muscle meat. Me, I’m free range, raised on scotch and Doritos. Quality meat.” –Voshkod

“Kids these days will ‘bust a sag.’ But pluggers ‘bust a sad‘ … ammirite?” –grsblvnyk

“I’d like to point out that the caterpillars in Six Chix are not fuzzy. The Wooly Bear is a fuzzy caterpillar; these are not. The proper punchline would be ‘chilly and pulpy.’” –BeckoningChasm

“‘I might die on the operating table,’ thought Funky, ‘and damn it, I’m not going to have it end here without fulfilling my lifelong dream of committing sexual harassment predicated by stupid word play.’” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Somewhere out there a junior brand manager who thought a sponsored name drop in Gil Thorp would be an edgy and cost-effective way to raise Mountain Dew’s brand awareness in a key demographic clears her morning schedule to try and get Neal Rubin on the phone so she can tell him ‘I don’t know what the hell that’s supposed to mean, but I’m certain it’s not what we discussed.’” –Francisco Arrowroot

“I just want to announce that I’ve actually spent time trying to figure out whether the hands on the strollers in today’s Marvin have human-norm four fingers or cartoon-norm three. O, when is this pandemic ever going to end?!” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women