Post Content

Folks, do not forget: TOMORROW on December 5th, at 6 pm Pacific/9 pm Eastern, yet another Zoom version of my beloved comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, is happening! Special ZOOMSUKKAH edition! Featuring me, Katrina Davis, Jupiter Baudot, Laurie Bolewitz, and Brian Bahe!

Here is the Zoom link, which will let you into the show at the appointed time, and here is the Facebook event, if you find those useful for your event record-keeping!

But for now … it’s COTW time:

“Leonard, you’re the quarterback. Now move slightly to your right so I’ll be pointing directly at you, we wanna see team players here.” –Dan

And time for the runners up!

“Blondie’s motionless resignation as Dagwood explicitly leaves the marital bed to have sex with a roast turkey is the most chilling thing on a comics page that also includes a lovingly detailed closeup of a noose. Something something 2020.” –Applemask

“So while Shoe can’t ever seem to remember that it features birds, the artist of Mother Goose and Grimm has sufficient ornithological awareness to show a goose throwing up stones from her crop in fear. Well done!” –Voshkod

“Look Tommy, completing one task at work is not impressive and it’s definitely not evidence that you’re sober. I complete several work tasks every day, and I’ve been drunk since March.” –Rosstifer

“No time to talk, Babe, I’ve got three more displays I want to get up before lunchtime, or maybe I’ll just skip lunch, great ideas aren’t just going to just all of the sudden materialize into reality, am I right, ha-ha, I mean, listen to this, see if it doesn’t blow your mind: instead of putting the soup cans on the shelf vertically, the way they’ve been displayed since, I don’t know, since the Druids (wouldn’t that be cool, Druid Soup?), we put them on the shelf horizontally, with some sort of rack for them to roll on, I think I can put something together, I saw some welding equipment out back. Now, if I was addicted, I wouldn’t be able to ride the heartbeat of the universe this way, would I?” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“So uh, Tommy. Do you think you would be able to do your job as well if you had, say, chlamydia?” –pastordan

“What a tableaux Hi and Lois has given us today. Whole family in a hideous living room, staring in wonder that someone owned that many books, contemptuous that someone might want to know something that isn’t on Facebook and looking to assure the rest of the family that they didn’t waste any money on books and that they certainly will never actually READ them. After all, that encyclopedia is so old it probably doesn’t even have an entry on the latest season of The Masked Singer. The Last Gasp of the American Mind, by Hi and Lois.” –jerp jump

“Ooh, Buck’s got the ’rona! He’s already lost his sense of taste — just look at that shirt!’ –Uncle Lumpy

“I love that the entire division is so incompetent that they just drove their tanks into an open field to face each other and then couldn’t figure out what to do next. They’ve been sitting there all day, eyeing each other and occasionally checking their field manuals.” –pugfuggly

“Also, the diner is a tree. That’s why you can see the moon even though the rest of the drawing looks like it takes place inside. I don’t know where the door came from, I’ve never seen it before. We really trashed decades of world-building, for this joke?” –matt w

“Buck’s son (what was his name? Dingleberry? Skidmark? something like that) sees Buck sprawled on a couch, hands behind his head, glasses pushed up to his forehead, and he can’t figure out that this is a nap. ‘What are you up to, Dad?’ he says, like an idiot. I hate this kid for so many reasons, not least of which is that he emphasizes the word ‘you’ in that question, as if he’s making an accusation.” –Joe Blevins

“I’m surprised that Westview High has moved on from blackboards. Doesn’t chalk dust cause cancer?” –Midtown

“Yes, drugs never enhance performance and Tommy will be the first clean person on the US Olympic Grocery Store Display Team.” –Mikey

“Today, we learn that the mouth-on-the-side-of-the-face style of comic-strip drawing doesn’t work when a character has a goatee. I mean, it’s weird enough that there are still Sears employees left — the last thing we need is to see his freaky, hairy cheek-hole.” –BigTed

“Toilet paper is still relevant, but less scarce for those of us who get Six Chix in a print newspaper.” –Where’s Rocky

“What I appreciate about Gil Thorp is that it takes sports, something I normally find boring, and makes them tediously, painfully, mind-numbingly dull.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“‘Oof!’ The time-honored sound of a Yeti releasing a giant spider. You can’t miss with the classics.” –Pozzo

“Dick might not get to shoot the villain this time, but between that solid steel door and his godawful trigger discipline there’s a strong chance he’ll at least get to negligently kill Sam with a ricochet.” –jroggs

“WAAAAIIIIIITAMINUTE. Waitwaitwaitwaitwait. How are we supposed to chuckle at the backwoods rubes of Snuffy Smith, mired in their lives of inescapable, soul-crushing poverty, when they can just GET IN A CAR and GO DANCING IN THE BIG CITY ANYTIME THEY WANT? This is like finding out that Gilligan and Skipper could just up and leave the island whenever they felt like it! Or that the last line of No Exit is really ‘Oh, look, gang, there’s the exit!’ Oof. I’m gonna need some corn squeezins to deal with the implications of this.” –Doctor Moreau

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

Post Content

Folks, do not forget: in just over a week, on December 5th, at 6 pm Pacific/9 pm Eastern, yet another Zoom version of my beloved comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, is happening! Special ZOOMSUKKAH edition!

Here is the Zoom link, which will let you into the show at the appointed time, and here is the Facebook event, if you find those useful for your event record-keeping!

But now, the moment you’ve been waiting for … the comment of the week:

“I’m not sure if Thayer is absolutely disgusted at the situation or if his bean-shaped head forces his his mouth into a permanent grimace like some kind of Hapsburg jaw.” –ArtOfWargames, on Twitter

And the runners up! Very funny!

“‘Pun intended, I assume.’ ‘Sadly, yes.’ The Funky Winkerbean mission statement.” –Pozzo

“I’m not American so I’m not that familiar with turkeys, but is it normal for them to come unwrapped in ordinary cardboard boxes? I’d expect some kind of refrigeration is required, and while I appreciate the effort to reduce plastic waste, I’d also expect most people wouldn’t want a cardboard box soaked in turkey juice. Could this all be leading up to the end of Funky Winkerbean — not through cancer as we all expected, but from mass food poisoning? Please say yes.” –Truckosaurus

“A strip smugly mocking other comics for predictable gags is still preferable to another comic about Trixie and her fucking sunbeam.” –Rosstifer

“Sure, just about everyone enjoys ice cream cones, but the plugger, in his aw-shucks, salt-of-the-earth wisdom, knows that cones are too good to be restricted to a dessert. So it’s natural enough that, with Thanksgiving just round the corner, he’s decided to help himself to a scoop of mashed potatoes with gravy, topped by a scrumptious ball of spinach and stuffing.” –Urlance Woolsbane

“That better be mutagenic slime that Daisy just stepped in because the biggest disappointment in this strip to date is that his head isn’t shaped like a damned daisy.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Christ, Rocky. Beetle just asked if you had any Vicodin, he doesn’t need your life story.” –Bill L

“It appears someone is trying to steal the refrigerator, but these two don’t care. They’re on break!” –nescio

“‘Are you expecting a big crowd for Thanksgiving?’ asks Claudia with a palpably false smile, desperately trying to pretend that she’s never heard of covid.” –Rita Lake

“Normally Slylock Fox ‘True or False’ questions teach kids facts about science and nature, but I guess children need to learn how a handful of megaconglomerates exert huge control over popular culture through their extensive intellectual property portfolios too.” –Schroduck

“Ed does not seem to bring himself any joy with those malapropisms. I guess because he doesn’t know he’s making them. So maybe Pam’s smile means, ‘Look at that old bastard. Fuckin’ up and doesn’t even know it.’” –Joe Blevins

“METEORITE, NOT A GIANT POTATO, IT REALLY ISN’T, PLEASE DON’T THINK IT’S A POTATO, BECAUSE IT’S NOT, OKAY?” –made of wince

“Loretta, out of pure spite, has made a big Thanksgiving meal for just the two of them so Leroy will be forced to eat the leftovers. Leroy, out of pure spite, will choke down every bite of those leftovers, making pithy comments about Loretta’s cooking the whole time. This is why their marriage has lasted for so long.” –TheDiva

“Good thing they have that baby gate up to prevent Rex from wandering the house and accidentally committing surgery.” –Voshkod

“In the 23rd century Reedhoover_ix04d will think of some witticism about how pluggers put their shuttle crafts up on blocks when the orbiting junkyard is out of dilithium crystals, and the circuits in his monoclonal cerebrum chip will automatically transmit it to the collective mind of all the strip’s fans, via its aol.com E-mail address.” –seismic-2

“Tommy’s hard work seems to be convincing Brandy that he is on the straight and narrow, because as we all know, simple repetitive tasks are not something you can do while on drugs, nor are they something that are made much more tolerable by being high.” –pugfuggly

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

Post Content

Whoa check it out everybody, it’s this week’s top comment!

“Jeffy may gripe about the ninth plague, but he’ll be ecstatic when the tenth arrives.” –Lt. Kije

And some funny runners up? Absolutely.

“Didn’t many species of dinosaurs have extremely short arms? It makes sense that they couldn’t possibly survive multiple asteroids landing on Earth, but it seems just as unlikely that they could win a game of basketball.” –BigTed

“How did the Parson get so much money from a dirt-poor community? Well, he’s using covid as a threat. ‘We’ll put the collection basket on this long stick,’ he told his congregation, ‘but if we don’t collect enough money, next week the stick gets shorter.’” –Ace

“Cut to: Parson Tuttle forlornly eating money.” –Joe Blevins

“Which color blazer goes best with a hot pink bowler hat and muay thai shorts? Doesn’t matter, because the bride and groom already made the most important decision for a pleasant wedding ceremony: not inviting Slylock Fox.” –jroggs

“Smash cut to 32-year-old Dennis struggling to get his drivers license out of his piggy bank to hand to the cop.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Slylock knows that a guy who eats cheese in bed is guaranteed to get stains on his white coat, possibly before the ceremony even starts.” –Bill L

“Sam Catchem throwing out an enthusiastic ‘Nice’ to look smart in front of Tracy, before admitting to himself he has no idea what Lt. Gizmo actually said, and therefore having to follow up with a sheepish ‘So, that means…’ is heartbreakingly relatable. Dick Tracy: Come for the grotesque physical violence, stay for the emotional self-flagellation!” –Doctor Moreau

“How come we just now hear about his work with kids? I’m sorry Tommy, but just hanging around a playground trying to sell weed is not a recognized charity.” –Maltmash3r

“Bird Lady’s expression speaks volumes. ‘It’s another bit,’ she moans internally. ‘Everything’s a fucking bit around here! There’s not a single unironic utterance to be heard! Goodness knows I try to be a decent person, but I must have done something pretty terrible to be condemned to live in a town of sad-sack amateur comedians.’” –Urlance Woolsbane

“It’s happened! Another victim of Mary’s notorious Slouching Sofa. Now it will be a long battle before Tommy can sit up straight again.” –Arabella

“Masterful meddle by Mary here, convincing Tommy to volunteer more as penance for a thing he didn’t do. ‘Yes, Tommy, you resisted the offer of drugs immediately and forcefully, but then again, she did still leave you, didn’t she? If only you had done more, perhaps you would have earned some small happiness.’” –BananaSam

“Well one good thing about Tommy, he won’t make the world of drug dealing seem interesting.” –N.L. Urker, the Phillips screwdriver of the gods

“[a month later] What do you think, you kids know how I can get Brandy to take me back?” –Dan

“BROKE: Pets have no conception of the different days of the week
WOKE: In the COVID era and the month-long election night, humans have no conception of the different days of the week” –Ettorre

“Can’t wait for tomorrow’s strip, which deals with Sourpuss’ love of fettuccine.” –Pozzo

“When Jeffy gazes into the abyss, the abyss gazes somewhere else, because the kid is freaky looking.” –Voshkod

“Dagwood cuts the tip off the cornucopia and uses it as a funnel to get all that crap in his gullet as quickly as possible.” –nescio

“You know how that guy in The Princess Bride found out about that incredibly deadly fictional poison and slowly built up his immunity until it had no effect on him? Dagwood has been doing the same thing with vibrio infections.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Man, that kid is just going to town on that bag that was full of … well, eggs and baking powder. I feel like however hungry they might be, they are going to regret it.” –pachoo

“Yes, despite his youth, Elmo’s mastery of Latin has progressed to the fourth declension. By next week, a discussion of res extensa will lead to Dagwood consuming an extremely large sub.” –Nekrotzar

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!