“God damn Rex must love everyone wearing masks. No need for facial expressions or warmth or reaction of any kind. ‘Noted.’ Bam. Crushed it. Are you smiling? Far as she knows.” –Dan

“One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish, eh? Sounds like my love life. I mean my dinner selections! Jeez, can we just start over. Don’t move, kid. Just stay right there.” –Voshkod

“Catsmo has articles like ‘How to service your partner with your tongue,’ but they’re about basic hygiene.” –Ettorre

“‘Cassandra Cat is the jewel thief.’ Wait. Nothing in the setup mentioned anything about jewels, only that the museum was robbed. Only Slylock knew that there were jewels — therefore Slylock must be the thief! I knew he would finally trip up. How many others have been wrongly convicted, I ask you?” –Just John

“I like how between panels 1 and 2 Hi escorts Lois into the ‘negatorium’, the special dark room he had constructed to provide the proper setting to air his grievances about the world.” –pugfuggly

“I know there are valid artistic reasons to have a character break the boundaries of a panel, but I’m not sure that ‘I need more room for the copyright notice’ is one of them.” –Mr. A

“How dare you try and experience joy!” –Lord Flatulence

“Aging is mandatory, maturity is optional, dementia is inevitable.” –Pozzo

“I’m fascinated by the way Harry’s interlocutor goes from polite attention to withering contempt in a matter of seconds. This is known as The Dinkle Trajectory, and poor Harry just thinks that’s how all first meetings between people are expected to go.” –Violet

“Harry: ‘I can see you’re a band director because you speak in measured tones.’
Other guy: ‘Oh, I thought you had figured it out because this is a music educators’ conference where most of the attendees are band directors.’” –Joshua K.

“Those are either slippers or knockoff Crocs and I hope the next three weeks covers Eve trying to file a personal injury suit against Amazon.” –Donny Ferguson, on Twitter

“Some parents tip toe out of the room after putting their child to sleep. Marvin’s parents talk loudly over their son’s crib. Because they hate him, you see, and they also hate themselves.” –Ace

“Gosh, Rex Morgan, M.D., I don’t like Buck, but I don’t want him to die.” –Chyron HR

“In one strip, an elderly woman gets dragged to her death by an out of control dog. In another, two schmucks sit around a desk blabbering. One of these comics is about gentle meddling, the other is about two-fisted action. Which is which? The answer may surprise you.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Enjoy these grade school years with Sarah, but don’t enjoy your sons’ grade school years. Just hate every day of those years. Then, when Sarah is a teenager, hate those years. When your sons are teenagers, enjoy those years. When they all have become old enough to go to college, alternate between hating and enjoying those years. Got it? I can help you set up a schedule, if you’d like.” –made of wince

“Admittedly, though, this is a dumb question. It’s cheesecake, sir. It comes with a plate. A plate you have give back, by the way.” –Joe Blevins

“Shoe is really banking on the idea that if he continues to read the newspaper he edits in public, someone will think, ‘Who is that unpleasant, bitter bird and what is he reading? I’d sure like to get my news from the same source as him.’” –jenna

“In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the walking path was where I spent most of my days
Chillin’ out, maxin’, relaxin’, all mondo
And all walkin’ my dog outside of the condo
When a couple of guys who were up to no good
Started selling men’s suits in my neighborhood
I had one little stumble and my mom turned pale
She said ‘You’re movin’ in with Mary Worth down in Santa Royale’
I whistled for a cab and in the front seat
Was a medium sized dog that was dressed like me.
If anything I can say that this cab is bad to the bone
But I thought ‘Nah, forget it. Yo dog, to Charterstone!’
I pulled up to the place about four or five
And I yelled to Saul Winter ‘Yo, your pet still alive?’
I looked at my kingdom
I could finally tell
That this would be my throne as the Queen of Santa Royale.” –jroggs

“Sad Level 1: You dress your twins in identical outfits.
Sad Level 2: You dress your non-twin kids in identical outfits.
Sad Level 3: You and your kids dress in identical outfits.
Sad Level 4: You and your dog dress in identical outfits.” –Truckosaurus

“I like the new, genteel Hagar. On his next raid, he’ll say to his victim, ‘Good day, sir. Would you prefer to be gored or beheaded? I must give you fair warning, they are both a bit messy.’” –Peanut Gallery

“Eddie? Yeah, Eddie, listen, there are people who check up on lies now … yeah, I know … I KNOW! Get back to the monastery in England and make it look like 50 suicides, okay? Yes, I know that will take months. JUST DO IT!” –Dread

“Man, I can not wait for Mark Trail to tell us about the flora and fauna of Guantanamo Bay. ‘As I enter my fifth year of captivity as an enemy combatant, let’s look again at the common iguana. I call her Shirley. She’s my wife now.’” –Voshkod

“Max is looking all like, ‘You can steal hats from here? I’m totally stealing this hat! Solve this, Slylock!’” –Jfp

“Oh, are you thinking of buying a new hat, Max? Maybe interested in a new look? Yeah? That’s nice. You know what else would be nice? It would be nice if you finally got a shirt, freakshow.” –made of wince

“And the model for Wendy’s time machine is this desk lamp! And all the trees I draw are modeled on these paintbrushes! The thing is, I’m chained to this desk.” –Peanut Gallery

“The buried lede here is that the Wilsons have some sort of animal infestation they are about to have dealt with. The neighbor’s kid is still running around their house, though. So either they actually can’t stop him and George is sort of right, or they’re that indifferent to his health and safety and are the real menaces. (The second seems more interesting so I am guessing the first.)” –pachoo

“I have several warrants for arrest outstanding, so I avoid intersecting with police personnel whenever possible.” –Just John

“RIP Trixie” –matt w

“Beetle Bailey’s shape shifting powers did not come without a cost, as those who lost their lives when the building behind him suddenly shrank can attest.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Who are you talking to, Buck? Rex left the room as soon as he heard ‘no.’” –Mr. A

“Hi can’t really cook but his kids aren’t much good at making puns so nobody’s perfect.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Hmm, which magazine was Dagwood test-reading? Oh, there’s one called Food. Do you think it was Food?” –Rita Lake

“Menacing and non-menacing: the two genders.” –Ettore

“C’mon, give me a break! My employment situation is precarious at best and my wife’s catering business is cratering because of the pandemic, so I have to be more prudent with my discretionary spending! It’s either slash my $1,000/week grocery budget, stop eating lunch at the world’s worst diner, or save $5 a pop by reading magazines for free! You do the math!” –Doctor Moreau

“Huh. Dawg is missing. [CHECKS YESTERDAY’S STRIP] ‘Nobody can boil a hot dog like you!’ Huh.” –Pakman

“Mary listens intently as Saul remarks about ‘long lags’ in Eve’s ‘response time.’ Has he stumbled upon her plan to replace the residents of Charterstone with robots? Damn, she thinks, I knew I shouldn’t have released Eve 2.11 until I got her Unix nice values optimized. Now Mary faces a tough choice: re-direct Saul away from his suspicions with muffins and platitudes, or feed him those week-old salmon(ella) squares and get it over with?” –Hannibal’s Lectern

“Eve was no lady, Jeffy. Read the story critically.” –jenna

“I guess a GTO is a car or something, and when Doug says ‘Found it in a barn, rebuilt it with my dad,’ I understand intellectually what he’s referring to. But with his oddly proportioned hand filling up half the frame, I have a hard time keeping my brain from drifting to wondering if his hand was rebuilt following a grisly accident in the barn, perhaps, and yet no girl can compete with it? Doug, honey, I frankly think you can do better than that fugly old hand. Gross!” –Duke of Early Grey

“Crankshaft seems to have entered her ‘shop’ just to brag that he has no intention to read anything, which I kind of respect.” –Jon Bennett, on Facebook

“I’m surprised that Dustin’s Dad was so intent on making a joke about his wife that he didn’t take the time to complain about his failure son talking with his mouth full.” –nescio

“When I consider how my shots are spent,
Ere half the game, in this dark world and wide.
And that one talent which is Loss to hide
Lodg’d with me useless.
‘Doth Coach exact day-labor, light-denied,’
I foolish ask.
But Mimi to prevent that murmur soon replies,
Milford hath no need of lock-down defense.
Who best bear my incompetent yoke serve me best.
They also serve who only stand and wait.” –But What Do I Know?

“That last Crock panel speaks volumes. ‘Damn,’ he thinks, ‘He got me with the blacksmith ploy again. Shows me for letting my libido lead the way. I’m a simple man, really. Just want a cute, good-tempered dame who doesn’t heat metal and shape it with a hammer. Practical but fun-loving, caring but not smothering, completely unfamiliar with the bellows, the sort of girl you can take home to mother. Lord knows I’m not a demanding person, I don’t expect a perfect life, but is it too much to ask for someone who loves me as I am, wants to spend the rest of her life with me, and doesn’t forge curved iron objects intended to protect hooved quadrupeds? A pox on Captain Preppie! I hope he takes his vows at the anvil!’” –Urlance Woolsbane

“Sorry, Daddy, you’re too old to pretend that your life could be enjoyable in any way, like it was before you had us!” –BigTed

“I will ask about the elephant missing from the room: Why the emphasis on Spark Plug being the grand-sire and not the sire of Li’l Sparky? What happened to the middle generation? I assume that Snuffy ate him decades ago and the strip’s creators are too committed to the Googleverse continuity to retcon him back to life.” –FE

“Barney Google: a century of not knowing what the hell horses’ bodies look like. (‘Oh, it’s just a big yellow bag with four potato-like blobs at the bottom.’)” –Joe Blevins

“Yes, pretty much everyone of every age in most of the country wears shorts when it snowed but is warming up, but do you stare expectantly at the fourth wall waiting for someone to notice? No? Then you’re not a plugger.” –ChicagoMSTie, on Twitter

“I’m going to try and take Sarge at his word and pretend ‘snack breaks’ isn’t a weird euphemism for ‘chronic diarrhea.’” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Like, dude. Libraries are more relevant than newspaper comics, old media shouldn’t be dragging on anyone.” –jerp jump

“The fact that an entire panel is taken up explaining that this comic strip is now about the former main character’s horse’s grandchild is much funnier than the strip itself.” –Rosstifer

“As a librarian who is also a millennial I really just don’t know who to root for in this Dustin (kidding, obvs, I’m rooting for everyone to vote yes for the library levy every time).” –Cana

“I’ve never been able to snap my fingers in a way that emits anything but a pathetic wee thud. And now, late in life, I find out that there are a fair number of us. I feel a warm glow of kinship with all you other non-snappers. But I still think we should exclude Billy from our snapless community. Requiring that each member have at least one finger with an actual joint doesn’t seem like too high a standard.” –Poteet

“The optometrist has figured out that the town’s tragedies are divine punishment for terrible jokes, and he’s got a family, damnit.” –Bill L

“Gil overhears Vic’s comment about leaving at halftime, and he is inspired to develop a whole new game plan for the rest of the season.” –seismic-2

“What’s truly menacing? Anaphylaxis, that’s what.” –Chip

“If Jeff approaching the kid’s head with sharp steel blades doesn’t cause Marvin to poop himself, what even is the strip doing?” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Saul was miserable until Mary made him her special project. Now he tries to complete the cycle by making Eve has special project. Which, as we all know, is a perfectly healthy place to start a relationship, right? RIGHT?” –Dread

“Isn’t it clear what’s going on, here? Marvin’s been banned from the baby salons. I’m sure you don’t need my help in figuring out the reason.” –mary!