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Over the years, many have asked me: “Josh, when are you going to make your live comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, available over the very internet that gives it its name?” Well, all it took was a global pandemic shutting down all live performances indefinitely, because now, two weeks from today: it’s happening, on Zoom, at 6 pm Pacific/9 pm Eastern!

How do you “attend” this show? Well, you’ll need a URL from me, which isn’t ready yet, and the easiest way to get it is to email me at jfruh@jfruh.com and I’ll put you on my list. (I won’t use use your email for any purpose other than letting you know about this specific show.) You can also say you’re going on Facebook, if that appeals to you!

I’ve never done anything like this before, so it’ll be a bit of an experiment, but there are four great comics on the bill and I’m very excited to try it out. So get hyped and I will hopefully “see” you “there”!

But something you can “see” right now with your own eyes is this week’s … comment of the week!

“‘When love is involved, quirks are viewed as charm,’ the star creature mused. It grimaced as it took another sip of the undiluted H20 chemical compound, but endured the discomfort. ‘Another fascinating aspect of your– I mean, our species. Please continue relating these insights about our breeding habits, Earth female Dawn.’ The being from the dark vastness suffered another sip of water for the sake of appearances. Once the secrets of human reproduction were learned, they could be subverted, and the eradication of mankind could proceed.” –jroggs

Your runners up are very funny as well!

“Personally, I would have never thought to have an eggplant-colored lamp next to a toothpaste-colored couch.” –Joe Blevins

“The joke doesn’t even work, as set up by the writer. Dustin starts by specifying that it’s a ringtone to each friend. Then before today’s installment is complete, it’s a ringtone to each phone number. Q: How many comic strip writers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two — one for each bulb. It’s kind of like that.” –Glycyrrhiza Glabra

“Actually, Mary, it’s ‘Whom did you choose?’ I know that sounds wrong, but ‘I’m with Jared’ sounds a hell of a lot wronger.” –BigTed

“‘Several days later,’ because talking with Mary is an ordeal and is not something you want to do as soon as you step out of the airport.” –Ettorre

“So Margaret is continuing her remote schooling, as all public schoolchildren are required, while Dennis’s parents let him wander around the neighborhood, barging into people’s houses, all the while ignoring his own education? I’d say the apple doesn’t fall far from the menace tree.” –Lawyerbob

“Mrs. Mayor’s Mom is facepalming in that second panel. She can’t believe she has a child so stupid as not to realize that his ‘home-schooling’ will be done online, leaving him plenty of time to troll people with punny nicknames on a Milford subreddit.” –But What Do I Know?

“The Turning Page should be a soap opera strip set in a boutique bookstore that inexplicably has a dozen sexy employees.” –RexDartEskimoPi, on Twitter

“You spent our life savings replacing your feet with those rocket boots, and they barely let you hover, Loretta! You’re what, an inch off the ground? That’s not Iron Man, Loretta, that’s just pathetic. Oh, the lawyer? He’s here to get you committed to the asylum.” –Voshkod

“Yeah, Buck — I gotta go lie down. You’re wearing me out. And call Doc Morgan — see if what I’ve got can be transmitted rectally, because you have been up my ass now for awhile.” –Old (Home) School Allie Cat

“The good news about today’s Hi & Lois is that it would be ridiculously outdated and out-of-touch even without a pandemic.” –2+2=7

“‘Geoff, your work has certainly made a difference tonight in all of these kids’ lives,’ says Mark Trail, in front of a smokey, burned-up forest.” –Clint Brawny

“I like it that the last panel makes it sound like those two facts are related: ‘Yes, with all that dead brush gone, this regenerated forest will make the perfect home for Kevin! Plenty of fresh shoots to graze on, fewer predators — he’s one lucky kid.’” –pugfuggly

“Trying to read Gil Thorp, but I keep getting distracted by how great a title Pardon My Funk, Coach would be a for a terrible 70s blaxploitation sports film.” –Schroduck

“You’re a social creature, Mike. I recommend you go find the biggest anthill or beehive you can, and live there for the rest of your life. Once you gain the insects’ trust, they will welcome you into the colony with open, well, uh, legs but don’t take that in the wrong way.” –Emmet Pismire

“Pretty sure at least one of the kids has been shown playing with a hammer, so why not? Show him where you keep the ropes, the gasoline, the flamethrowers. The injuries that they themselves procure must be their schoolmasters.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“‘You need to show your pre-verbal sibling the ropes,’ Grandma says for some reason that isn’t at all difficult to imagine. And Jeffy doesn’t understand this expression probably nobody has ever had occasion to say to him before! Ah, young children. They truly don’t have an experienced grasp of idioms.” –pachoo

“Dawn and Mary are talking like Jared is sitting across the the room with a gun forcing them to say nice things about him.” –DevOpsDad

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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What’s that? It’s your comment of the week!

“And I want to talk to you about what Don Henley himself did for the love of it. That’s right, cocaine, lots of it! That and treating his band mates like disposable hired help. But mostly, let’s talk cocaine! You need it, I have it!” –Rhino Sandberg

And holy cow, it’s also your runners up!

“Cayla smirks for the same reason we all do. Les is hateful and his suffering is delicious.” –T.H. steady

“It’s Lisa’s story, not the world’s. Everyone should pay me just for being me, not demanding that I provide them with some kind of product or service.” –Peanut Gallery

“It takes a truly mature comic to stop their own narrative and just say ‘Look, over the last couple weeks we tried to bring forth a thoughtful and poignant message through the medium of daily comics, but we failed. Why don’t you just look up this popular song instead? It’s actually does much better job of conveying what we meant.’” –pugfuggly

“‘This is still a traditional and still-warm power lunch stop.’ It’s way too early in the day for me to feel like I’ve had a stroke. Goddammit Funky, just use normal people words.” –jeltranksss

“Gasoline Alley has its finger right on the pulse of the zeitgeist as usual. If there’s one complaint Don Henley gets the most about his music, it’s that it’s too loud.” –Chance

“Wait a second … he’s your ‘friend’? Meaning he’s going to pine for you, act like a jealous jerk, and ultimately try to steal you away from your significant other? Because that’s my definition of how a friend acts. I may have whew’d prematurely.” –Jenna

“‘Lisa’s Story is about Les’ is the smoking gun we all long ago lost our will to care about.” –C Trombley, on Twitter

“If Halftrack would invest in a door, this strip would lose a good 20% of its opportunity for ‘humor.’” –Pozzo

“The elevator pitch? ‘Like Love Story, but with bigger assholes.’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“At this point, I’m thinking Mason has arranged this whole trip as an elaborate ‘let’s humiliate Les’ exercise. The ‘producers’ they’re meeting with are actually just friends of his who are in on the gag, and they’re secretly recording all of the sessions and will distribute a highlights reel once this is over. It’s a lot of work, sure, but it’s for a worthy cause.” –Dmsilev

“A male plugger happily doing the dishes is difficult to believe, but his wearing an apron pushes it to impossibility. Today’s comic is going to provoke a bunch of protests at state capitals across the country.” –nescio

“Yeah, I thought Jared’s car would be held together simply by the sheer power of his overwhelming neediness.” –2+2=7

“Look, I may be bored as hell by the subject matter, or skeptical of Buck’s ability to unload Truck’s merch online — but I am amazed and impressed by the way these guys hold their cell phones. Do you smell something meaty with cabbage? Yeah, that’s right — it’s a Reuben.” –Old (Home) School Allie Cat

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Hey y’all: it’s your comment … of … the WEEK!

“If we do have to accept a more narrow First Amendment in the future, I propose a ban on topical references in the funny papers. It’s disgusting to me that the Bumsteads don’t still have a candlestick telephone.” –Tim Cavanaugh, on Twitter

And your very funny runners up!

“Turns out, employing a whole office full of people to draw up fictitious contracts with funny names has been ruled a ‘non-essential business.’ I don’t like it any more than you do, Dithers.” –Peanut Gallery

“The sole concession Blondie and Cora will make to the Pandemic is to wear flats instead of heels. Keep it tight, ladies!” –lorne

“Do you suppose comic strip characters are as weirded out by real-world celebrities visiting their strip as we are? Does seeing the unnatural level of detail and precision trigger their Uncanny Valley revulsion?” –TheDiva

“Dawn … do you still feel like I do? With your skin? Or has being in New York changed you into a C.H.U.D., blind and desensitized, querulously sniffing the air for the scent of meat?” –Voshkod

“I love how the doctors in the background serve to highlight that no one wants to eat lunch with Jared, including and especially when he looks sad.” –Jenna

“Don’t count Ed out — he’s only made a pun on the ‘over’ part so far. He’s holding ‘head’ and ‘bin’ in reserve.” –Pozzo

“The dog got top billing over Mason; it’s that little extra knife-twist of indignity you don’t get anywhere but Funky Winkerbean.” –Dan

“Look at Les’s disapproving expression: ‘What, you sacrificed your artistic integrity AND passed up an opportunity to get a deadly disease to draw inspiration from? For shame, Mason, for shame.’” –pugfuggly

“I’m confused. Is ‘the lack of universal healthcare will ensure a steady supply of movies with funny animals‘ an endorsement or a condemnation of neoliberalism?” –Ettorre

“Thank goodness. His parents are probably frantically searching the silverware drawer, looking for the missing butter knife. ‘We can’t just have seven complete settings! We just can’t!’” –nescio

“You know what’s sad about this? Warren conveys the joke — he started speaking at an extremely young age — perfectly well in panel one. There’s no need for him to say anything else. But then, in panel two, he panics and adds gratuitous explanation. You sold out, Warren.” –Joe Blevins

“Between Friends is actually a lockdown strip; these characters haven’t been sober in WEEKS.” –Rosstifer

“The charitable explanation is that Mason set up these out-of-reach meetings deliberately to puncture Les’s ego and grandeur, so that he will be ready for the inevitable pivot to Hallmark and Lifetime.” –Tom T.

“Are you thinking of me? Are you thinking of Hugo? Are you envisioning my shaggy, paleolithic head staring blankly at you from a cloud bank? Are you picturing my head on Hugo’s body, speaking in French about how Endor is a moon and not a planet? Are you secretly some sort succubus who specifically feeds on the love from nerd and Frenchman alike? Are you human? Or are you dancer? Jesus, these eighteen hour shifts are killing me. I … I need to get some sleep.” –Mighty Sean Young

“It was very clever of Dawn to store pictures of Jared in the cloud.” –Weaselboy

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Remember, if you want to buy ads on this site and get a shoutout in these metaposts, head on over to my BuySellAds page! If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!