“For a moment I thought the Dennis strip’s punchline was screwed up by the layout artist. It took several readings to understand that it was Mr. Wilson and Dennis trading lines. Then I remembered that layout artists don’t work at newspapers anymore and wished I could daydrink. Then I remembered we’re quarantined and that I could! Win!” –Bill Peschel

“Slick Smitty must feel terribly lonely, being the last man on earth. Just look at those picture frames hanging on the wall. Instead of holding photos of his family, loved ones, friends, co-workers, or just casual acquaintances — or for that matter even people he doesn’t really much like — they are empty. They are permanent, constant, heart-wrenching reminders that there’s no one else. You’re on your own, Bub. Hey, in these days of social isolation, I regularly see plenty of animals of various sorts running around in the yard, but I encounter no fellow humans. I feel your pain, man. I feel your pain.” –seismic-2

“I like Lois blushing at the tulip in the last panel. It suggests that there might have been a bit more interesting story we could have seen instead, even if it doesn’t actually go to the trouble to invent one.” –pachoo

“I imagine you could disrupt a parade just as badly by flinging freezing-cold saltwater into people’s eyes, but what do I know? I’m not a trained detective, or even a detective’s assistant illegally trespassing in someone’s kitchen.” –BigTed

“Hmm. There are six chix. This might be a self portrait. Is this one of their writing sessions? Where they talk about the weird neuroses that they are going to cartoon. Like group therapy? Because if 6C is therapy art that emerges from a group therapy session, I think the strip is fully explained.” –richardf8

“The real crime Slylock Fox should be investigating is why the wolf put a bottle of red wine in the fridge.” –KMD

“That is not just unusually wide but a weirdly shallow staircase, too. It’s like they’re going up to the mezzanine in a museum. It shouldn’t be that taxing for Leroy, unless his wife has poisoned him.” –Tom T.

“THE PILLOW LORETTA NOW IS THE TIME FOR THE PILLOW AS WE REHEARSED” –pastordan

“Look at the depressed look of the police chief in panel 2! ‘Yeah, we got a bomb-sniffing dog that is only good at identifying cinematic bombs. I’d rather have known this before the last terrorist attack. We lost so many brave agents and so many civilians.’” –Ettorre

“How is a sesame bagel with peanut butter unusual? The worrying thing is the straight razor he’s apparently going to use to spread it.” –Rosstifer

“Hey, so what’s the creepiest things about this strip? Boog’s dead eyes as his father talks about the Grave? The parrot who can somehow enunciate the difference between a ‘c’ and a ‘k’? The general moist, creepy ambiance that inhabits every Gasoline Alley strip? Nope: its Charlotte’s massive palms and tiny fingers, in what looks like the worst case ever of what my granny used to call ‘carny hands.’” –pugfuggly

“Honestly I find this development in Mary Worth very relatable. And I was checking to see whether the restaurant they’re at (Amélie Wine Bar on the Upper West Side) had curtains like that (of course not), and I somehow found myself clicking on a reservations link even though I don’t live in New York and also coronavirus, so I find all sorts of bad decisions relatable.” –matt w

“‘Me want cookies. Me also want web cache, registry, and pen register. Me want Title III wiretap. Me want this guy. Me want him bad.’ –Scene from CSI:Sesame Street:Cyber Crimes Squad.” –Voshkod

“Ah good, Hugo’s feelings aren’t hurt. Maybe don’t show him a picture of the guy you left him for though. No reason.” –Dan

“Eat Drink Man Dead Woman
Fists of Radiation
Farewell My Concubine, Because You’re Dying
Slouching Jackass Hidden Tumor” –made of wince

“If Mohawk Dude is married I’d love to eavesdrop on some home conversations. ‘No, honey, I love your white bean and olive soup. I’m just not sure the Chinese will go for an overcooked salty mess. Their words, not mine.’” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Does Slylock see anything suspicious? He sees multiple species together in a room where bodily fluids might mix, a hothouse for zoonotic diseases. Like the axolotl-echidna pulmonary virus that wiped out most of mankind, leading animal to sapience and power. No, nothing suspicious here; just good policy designed to keep the few remaining humans down. Slylock smiles. The future is assured.” –Voshkod

“‘Now that summer is here and lots of us are headed outdoors…’ Wrong on both counts, dipshit.” –nescio

“Relax everyone, Slylock is not a perv. Just a normal predator, hungrily eyeing all those succulent mammal babies.” –Peanut Gallery

“Extremely excited for the return of the producer who pitied Les for being a towering genius who crafted beautiful artwork that was too good, too noble for the crass world of commercial entertainment. It’s Les Moore jackoff season on Funky Winkerbean and it’s quarantine, NOBODY’S ALLOWED TO LEAVE” –Dan

“Fun fact, coral is an animal! I’ll bet it has been granted the same sentience as all of the other animals. Does it realize it’s wearing a diamond ring? Or is it oblivious because it has no eyes or ears or any other way for its sentience to interact with the outside world and is trapped in an eternal solitary confinement in which its sentience is a curse? Will Slylock recognize the sentient coral, or will he treat it like an inanimate object? Will it be a blessing or a curse when the coral’s solitude is interrupted by the trauma or Slylock snapping off an appendage to retrieve the ring?” –Glires

“Hugo is losing points in the ‘Fake French’ department. As at least Lois is wearing a beret.” –The Dimensional Otter

“You have to give Lois credit for effort since she’s trying to sell houses on New Year’s Day, Easter, Chinese New Year, Passover, and Nowruz. ABC, Lois, ABC.” –But What Do I Know?

“Remember, Jughaid is being raised by his aunt and uncle. Jughaid’s actual parents really were murdered in front of him, in the 1940s. He’s just so lazy it took him this long to turn into Batman.” –Banana Jr. 6000

“Also, do you have a copy of your book where the title on the spine is listed as Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban? ‘Cause that’s the only way this plan of mine works.” –Joe Blevins

“It’s interesting that the receptionist is peeved that this patient doesn’t have a mask on but isn’t wearing one herself. She’s actually more likely than most people to be asymptomatic but contagious, given all the sick people she comes in contact every day. But why shouldn’t she be both snippy and hypocritical? This is the Morgan Clinic, and she’s staying on-brand.” –BigTed

“That’s the general idea, yes. But feel free to loudly say the words ‘cough, cough’ with your mask on. Onomatopoeia really helps Dr. Morgan diagnose symptoms.” –Mighty Sean Young

“That receptionist has just about had it with humoring people who feel a need to verbally clarify the obvious purpose of mundane objects.” –Christopher Robin

“Is Cindy pulling into the garage? No, she’s driving into a gaping black void, just like every other character in this godforsaken strip.” –jeltranksss

“Child Protective Services should investigate how many dangerous situations Rusty finds himself in — except that the landmark case Trail v. United States decreed that Rusty cannot be classified as a ‘human child.’” –Ettorre

“Beetle Bailey, in its way, is acknowledging the global pandemic. ‘Halftrack is a drunk, who hates his wife; and also his wife hates him, because he’s a drunk, as well as for other reasons’ is Beetle Bailey’s Saturday ‘joke’! On a Friday! In lockdown, we lose all sense of time; we drift rudderless in a sea of bitterness, anxiety, and fear, confined with our companions of happenstance, much like the denizens of Camp Swampy always have! There is no better comic for these times.” –a.

“Strange that Dagwood’s favorite foods do not include the sandwich named after him, the snack he named his daughter after, or the brownie-like dessert with his wife’s name. Eating grilled cheese sandwiches for Easter dinner, Dagwood will be full of loathing for himself and the women at the table. Good times!” –KMD

“Somehow, in this whole horrifying scenario, what offends me most is that chopped liver didn’t show up to defend itself.” –GTM

“Notice that the final speech bubble comes from a tree. None of the kids care about Kevin, but nature will embrace him, in this prosaic adaptation of Yeats’s ‘The Stolen Child’. Happy National Poetry Month!” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“The good news is that the pandemic is going to bring both Neddy’s Netflix show and Sophie’s political campaigning to a standstill, effectively muting two terrible stories at once. The bad news is that Sam may not survive the night. Wait, that’s also good news. This is a win-win-win.” –Joe Blevins

“Hugo’s a smart man. He’s keeping a tight grip on Dawn so she doesn’t glance to the side and fall hopelessly in love with any of the other air travelers.” –jroggs

“Did Hugo put on a suit to meet Dawn at the airport? Is he worried that his high-school-level French might not impress her anymore?” –Rita Lake

“Here’s an idea: Maybe Dawn should move the fuck out of a town where the only sexually appealing man her age is dating her Dad’s ex?” –Rosstifer

“‘Ba ba ba?’ ‘That’s right, Angus. Who run Bartertown? Angus LLC run Bartertown!’” –Voshkod

“Crankshaft’s not full of shit? I don’t believe it.” –nescio

“It was only later, much later, after the initial crisis had been attended to, that some in the household began to ask themselves, ‘Just why does Dolly keep track of who uses the toilet and when?’ It was a question which ultimately sent many therapists’ children to the finest colleges.” –odinthor

“I run into that sometimes in my line of work. People think they’re living this epic adventure of resistance and principle and no. Snuffy just hasn’t made enough to have to file; while bartering with coonskins for grits is technically income under 26 USC § 61, it falls under the de minimis exception.” –ArtistFKAtoxic

“I’m not really up on current events anymore, which is why I’m meeting multiple elderly friends for coffee.” –Dan

“Fer feck’s sake Dawn, that’s not a snooty opinion it’s just a fact: the bouillabaisse is probably going to be better in the region that inspired, invented and perfected it! You don’t hear him complaining about the American grape soda you apparently ordered for the table.” –pugfuggly

“So to recap: Meeting + Slide Show + Guest Speaker = Saving America’s Farms, but Meeting – Slide Show – Guest Speaker = Hoedown? I’m sure this goes without saying, but the world of Gasoline Alley was never meant for logic puzzles.” –Mighty Sean Young

“What stage of cyberpunk is ‘willingly living in a panopticon for self-erotic purposes?’” –Ettorre

“I’ll get copies to all the flop houses. I can just tuck them into their regular copies of Flop House Weekly.” –Peanut Gallery

“No, Elviney, you will never top the Barlows, because they apparently have something that puts them at the top of this barter economy: hard currency. They have cleverly stockpiled everything, knowing that their infusion of cash is about to spark runaway inflation in the Hootin’ Holler. What will you trade then, Elviney, for a sack of flour or that fishin’ lure? Only then will you truly see the value of your husband’s chicken thievery.” –Lawyerbob

“I love Hugo’s expression of alarm: ‘I am ze fwenssh hunk. If I look at les guerres d’etoiles, I weel become ze nerd. Mon dieux, zees cannot happen!’” –richardf8

“Look at the little smile on Hugo’s face, as if he’s quietly enjoying that he just stopped his girlfriend from doing something she was excited about. Is he enacting a plan to make her dump him so she saves him the trouble of dumping her? Making someone miss Jared is such an impossibly difficult task that honestly hats off to him for even attempting it.” –Jenna