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Enjoy your last moments of July with your comment of the week!

“Well, right now they’re in Current Affairs. Because I’m an idiot. I can’t tell any type of reading material apart. A big fat novel looks like a magazine or a newspaper to me. It’s no accident these books don’t have anything on their covers. I order them that way, because I become confused and enraged when I have to see words. I named my bookstore ‘Books.’ God, I’m dumb.” –made of wince

And get ready for August with your hilarious runners up!

“Norway doesn’t get all that hot, even in mid-summer. So Hagar and Eddie aren’t sweating because of the temperature — they’re just very, very serious alcoholics.” –BigTed

“I feel that we’ve really bitten into the idea that this elderly woman is Melissa Claridge to our detriment. What if we’re not wiping out that part of the Rex Morgan, M.D. continuity, but instead revealing that Rex has long been harangued by a near-constant stream of elderly white women?” –Corynaut

“Well at least Madi is getting a head start on learning that she can’t rely on any of the men in her family! Who wants to bet she won’t be nearly as torn up inside when her dad eventually dies?” –Lionheart

“Out of every expression in that last panel, it’s Cookie’s that concerns me the most: the voice bubble says ‘Yay!’ but her face looks haunted, as if she just remembered the bag of shit-stained guest towels she has to discretely dispose of under cover of darkness.” –pugfuggly

“Look, conservation of mass implies that whatever goes into Dagwood eventually has to come out of Dagwood. Toilet paper is serious business in that household, is what I’m getting at.” –Dmsilev

“Sorry about this, Catfox, but you can’t go home until you decide which species you want to be.” –jroggs

“I believe they meant 1952’s Zombies of the Stratosphere in which Nimoy did appear. As Crankshaft himself might say, ‘They mixed their movie-phors.’” –Sir Bagsby

“I’m proud of you, son, for showing your baby a weird and irrelevant movie that he is far too young to enjoy or even remember! My standards are exceptionally low.” –Mr. A

“Aging, his vitality running low, the healer seeks a younger man to perform the ritual mating so the practice may continue. The mysterious village elder has already spoken to him about it. With any luck, this ends with some sort of large structure with Rex inside it being set on fire.” –matt w

“Let’s see, six suits. Business suit, casual suit, white suit for the summer, hazmat suit, lawsuit for hiding in that lady’s closet, and fursuit (just because he’s a bear doesn’t mean his fursona is a bear).” –Voshkod

“Is Dennis holding a carton of cigarettes? Gotta start ’em young!” –Lord Flatulence

“Today’s Crankshaft strip informs us that portions of the 1935 movie serial The Phantom Empire were filmed in the Bronson Canyon section of Griffith Park (as were a host of other movies and TV shows over the years, on account of its proximity to Hollywood). It should also be noted that Bronson Canyon got its name from the Bronson Caves contained within it, and they in turn were named for the nearby Bronson Avenue, which also gave its name to the Bronson Gate entrance to Paramount Studios, which was the source of the name that Charles Buchinsky chose when he became actor Charles Bronson. I point this story out because it is just as boring and pointless as today’s episode of Crankshaft.” –seismic-2

“Look at the Perfesser in that second panel. Look how he’s staring directly at us, the readers. That’s not the goggle-eyed gaze of someone reacting to a bad joke. No, that’s the horrified look of someone who has finally seen through the fourth wall. He thought he was just looking out a window, but he has looked out of his own existence to our greater reality. His eyes have widened in existential horror as he realized that he is just a character in a legacy comic strip. He has no objective reality. He can never truly die, just as he has never truly lived, and the shock of that realization is drawn in every line on his face. Or maybe he’s pooping his pants.” –RichterCa

“Grimm is an Uber executive so it just doesn’t feel right to him if he’s not crapping all over a driver.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Maybe it’s me, but it seems a bad idea to play cute with the shelving of a book that’s getting a profile-raising miniseries on CBS All Access.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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It’s your top comment, of the week, everybody!

“Rex understands that common courtesy dictates that you end conversations with ‘Nice meeting you,’ even if it’s insincere, but he has yet to grasp that at some point you’re allowed if not expected to ask ‘What’s your name’ or ‘What do you do around here.’” –Jenna

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Just remember, you’re playing someone who knows every single one of my warts and flaws. Think of what you already know about me, and then imagine someone who knows all that and much, much more, yet can still say ‘I love you’ without retching.” –Morgan Wick

“Olive oil can falls on woman’s toe and only causes a bruise! Bruise looks vaguely like France! Darkest part of the bruise is in the general location of Rennes-le-Château! Woman dies of blood poisoning while researching the Merovingian dynasty!” –Voshkod

“Remember how excited Rusty got when he was just talking about Jeremy Cartwright? Remember how Mark chastised him for getting too excited? Can you imagine what their respective reactions will be if Jeremy actually stays at their house? What I’m saying is, Mark may have to put Rusty down.” –Mr. A

“I like how nothing in today’s Rex Morgan indicates that it’s a flashback, Rex isn’t even notably de-aged, so it just looks like some deranged old woman is berating him for not cheating on his wife.” –Dan

“‘Two Leses cannot meet each other!’ ‘Does it put the time-space continuum in jeopardy?’ ‘No, it would just be extremely annoying.'” –Ettore_Costa, on Twitter

“Has Hi and Lois acknowledged the COVID lockdown? From Lois’ exasperation, it seems like yes, which makes Hi’s actions (i.e., getting dressed up in a suit to wander around in the rain just to feel normal and escape his horrible family) darkly hilarious.” –pugfuggly

“No thanks, Cherry! We will be eating lunch at A Local Restaurant.” –GeoGreg

“How dare Cartwright interrupt my explanations of every plant and animal on the table to complain that the meat was ‘so dangerously undercooked a well-trained vet could have brought it back to life.’ I tell you Cherry, the nerve of these coastal elites to demand their food be safe for human consumption!” –Corynaut

“A plugger’s version of ‘sweet afternoon delight’ is fighting cognitive decline by making it to the last letter of the alphabet without having to stop.” –grsblvnyk

“‘Say, Nick — do you know who that woman was?‘ ‘What woman? I didn’t see anyone. Unless you mean Melissa Claridge, the ghost who was murdered here 40 years ago, and who now wanders the halls, trying to entice lonely doctors into sexual-harassment suits.’” –BigTed

“Who says Jeremy Cartwright is a discourteous jerk? When someone brags about how their dad ‘takes them’ to their own backyard ‘all the time,’ promptly changing the subject is far kinder than anything I’d have to say in response.” –jroggs

“‘I need a drink!’ ‘What luck! There’s a whole lake of fresh, clean, cool water right behind you, Mr. Cartwright! [begins expounding on geological history of the Lost Forest watershed starting with the Carboniferous period as if he were describing the action-packed plot of a Jeremy Cartwright movie]” –Effluvius Erratus

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Folks, your comment of the week momentarily, BUT FIRST: tonight, at 6 pm Pacific/9 pm Eastern/other times in other time zones, I trust you to do the math, it’s the first edition of the Internet Read Aloud … over the internet!

If you’ve already contacted me to get on the list, I’ll be sending out the Zoom URL in a few hours … but if you haven’t, email me at jfruh@jfruh.com in order to get on the list! Hope to “see” you all there!

But first, you’ll be seeing this week’s comment of the week!

“I hope Mark’s movie announcement is being picketed. He’s punched enough people that they might assemble to protest anything and everything that might bring him joy or prosperity, right?” –DevOpsDad

And your hilarious runners up!

“Look, I hate to do this, but ‘wedding tackle’ was in Austin Powers. And by ‘do this,’ I mean ‘admit that I have a clear memory of the euphemisms Austin Powers uses for his junk,’ not ‘nitpick.’” –Anonymous

“This doctor abused his position of power not to extract sexual favours from a nurse, but to solve some mild annoyance. Truly, Rex has always been Rex.” –Ettorre

“Just in case you were wondering if Marianne might be a character you could like, here’s a strip where she encourages Les Moore to talk.” –jroggs

“Wow Dick Tracy is actually kind of blowing my mind here. You got Howdy Doody (real boy version), a meth head, 30s era gangster, and a fat gourmond whose villainous power is fueled by hipster ice cream. They are mashing so many different genres of crap together that it’s making my sinuses ache.” –ArtistFKAtoxic

“It’s a little weird to point out how illegal what you’re doing is whilst you’re in the middle of commiting a crime, but this is still the most natural dialogue I’ve ever seen in Mark Trail.” –Rosstifer

“The worst thing about a plugger’s ‘accident’ in the kitchen is that it’s huge, because he’s a bear. Also, it smells like cooked cole slaw.” –BigTed

“Les is thinking it’s not the wig color that’s wrong but the wig itself. His dead wife Lisa died of cancer and she was BALD when she passed. Les needs to memorialize his dead wife the way she died, much like Christians depict Christ on the cross.” –jeltranksss

“Wow, Rex Morgan giving Mark Trail some competition for Least Convincing Affect by a Semi-Sentient Automation.” –ArtOfWargames, on Twitter

“I am rather concerned about the presence within the cafeteria of the orange-haired woman seen over Rex’s shoulder, since she has no face. Perhaps she is at the hospital because she is being treated for invisibility, but I fear it is more likely that her hospital gown is actually … empty. She is the Red Death, and she has come to claim the lives of everyone there. Now, I realize that Rex and June did not in fact die during their cute-meet, but remember that June is telling this story, and this is how she wishes it had turned out.” –seismic-2

“Mock Rocky’s outfit all you want, I’m glad that Beetle Bailey is giving us a peek into his pre-army life as a member of an ethnically-diverse 1980s Hollywood street gang.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Sarge is looking extremely shocked that the guy he’s known for over 60 years is acting true to his one-dimensional character traits. Brace yourself pal, I think Beetle might get lazy later, and it’s all fresh and terrifying to you every time, isn’t it.” –Dan

“Saul has experienced the death of his wife. He grieved the death of Greta’s predecessor. Recently his nameless cousin, who he apparently loved like a sister, died. Saul should understand the effects of grief but he abandoned Madi to Mary, who has never experienced an emotion.” –N.L. Urker, the Phillips screwdriver of the gods

“I always thought that Loweezy was a real large woman, given how she towers over her husband, but look at those giant dollar bills in her hand: she must be pretty damn small, and Snuffy must be absolutely miniscule! I guess the joke here is ‘severe malnutrition.’” –pugfuggly

“Putting the money in a bank is, of course, out of the question. The last bank in the Holler failed in 1933, when both depositors tried to withdraw their funds at the same time.” –Mr. A

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!